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A valley of sorrow flourishes deep within the confines of my heart. And in that valley, bound to a deprived, dark, and dingy corner, stands a mournful-looking cottage that reeks of rot. This cottage is so nihilistically grey that it’s hard to believe it’s made of muscle and blood. It’s grey like my memory of you—pale and venomous. Yet, it reminds me of a time when life was idyllic—first loves are like that, aren’t they? It was my love that brought us together. It was my love that broke us apart. You vehemently denied feeling that feeling for me while I unravelled—because what’s worse than love that’s unrequited? LOVE. Falling is so easy. But getting out, well… a thousand years might not be enough when you’re trapped. For the longest time, I believed I must bear the punishment for falling in love with you. It’s the least I deserved for bringing this unrequited curse upon myself. I was the one who chased you after all. And so for me, it was bliss while it lasted and torture ever since. But what is love if not fleeting? But you know what else is fleeting? Sanity! When you alluded to the “touch of insanity” in an email aeons ago, I assumed it was the writer in you waxing poetic. I let my reasons be back then, swept away whatever was left of you from my mind. So imagine learning—eight years later nonetheless—that you might have actually gone mad in the years since we parted ways. Over a girl that you worked with! HAA! Like Alanis once said, "Isn’t it ironic?" LOVE. Fleeting love… And finally, you know what it costs. To feel something for someone who discards you like yesterday’s news. I hope that stings. Eleven years, Shrey. For eleven years I have carried you within me, like a penance that must be paid. You’re like a wound that never heals, and I am beside myself trying to stop the bleeding. I had this firm belief that at least you got out unscathed, your life now a blank canvas that you would have painted with colours of joy and prosperity. A wife perhaps. Lovely children. A car. Luxurious holidays to the beach. A thriving career where you satisfied your creative cravings. I hoped the best for you. The more I struggled with the trauma of how you left, the happier I imagined you. Because at least then, this festering, rotting hole in my heart would have been worth it. And then today, in a random stroke of eff-all luck, my penance was over. Because someone told me about your last days at that office. For thirty minutes I heard the harrowing tale of how you allegedly sent love notes in Morse code to a girl you liked, how your efforts to woo her resulted in a formal complaint, and you had to leave. I was kinder, wasn’t I? Even when you asked me if I still thought you were a good person, moments after breaking up with me, using my vulnerabilities against me, I was kind to you. I had no reason not to be. Love, for people like me, never fades. It morphs into something almost divine—like a prayer for your lover’s good fortune. Even if they are not yours anymore. For how could love be anything but pure? How could it bow down to the false illusions of ego and pride? That’s not how you saw it. Nope, you made a mockery of it. It was a weakness for you. An inconvenience, manifested as a needy, clingy girlfriend you were attracted to but couldn’t handle. When I was told today about this unexpected spot of madness that took over the otherwise brilliant Shrey, experiencing a meteoric rise in his career, the narrator was quick to allude to the timing of it all upon discovering our relationship. “I am not sure whether he broke up with you because of her or whether he took the break-up so hard that he was looking for a rebound which ended poorly for him.” Hell, something about the bitter realisation of you having lost your one-true love in me was thrown in the ring. ME? Did this have something to do with me? Is that why you reached out back then with your apologies, demanding my anger? Requesting a walk around CP like every other date we had been on? What a messed-up thing to do. Years of trying to expel you from every fibre of my being. Breaking down into a sopping, weeping mess on the streets, at work, at home because I didn’t know what I had done wrong to push you away. How you went from doting on me one day to acting like a cold stranger the very next. You know what that does to a person? How it shapes the trajectory of every relationship they have from there on? You know what all I had to do to heal in the following years? To move on, to pause this endless loop of despair I was stuck in? Until I finally learned to absolve myself of any wrongdoing. Until I learnt to separate my love from longing. Until you knocked on my door again. Why did you do that? To make a fool out of me? To feel better because someone else trampled over your heart? What should I believe? What will hurt less? That you left me for someone else and were looking for absolution? Or that I was your undoing, like you were mine? Perhaps, unlike my unreliable narrator, I shouldn’t credit your descent into madness to me. I would like to believe I wasn’t that important in your story. To paraphrase you in one of your haunting emails that lives rent-free in my mind, “I am doing my penance, keeping you for last because I have hurt you the most. I never loved you, but everyone was entering a relationship for fun. I thought I could too. ” LOVE. That dastardly word again. MY LOVE, now a monster raging against the injustice of putting you on a pedestal when you couldn’t even be honest about why you left the way you did. So here’s my anger, Shrey. A decade too late because I finally see through you. Because apparently you didn’t find peace either. The happy ending. The love you thought you could feel for someone else, because with me, you just couldn’t tell. Because how dare you fall apart? How dare you choose this ending for us, throwing me out of the equation for the sake of your happiness, and then be miserable yourself? How dare you hide behind weed and destroy your career for unrequited love, while I had to face my colleagues every day sober and had to hide my grief from my family, drenching my pillow with bitter tears every night for years. How dare you disappear, you coward, when you should have lived your life in the open like the rest of us, with your pain a gaping wound for everyone to see. I wish I had cursed you instead, wished you the very worst, because then at least I could have taken credit for your downfall. But now I am just the emotional fool who fell in love with the poor, quiet, brilliant boy who couldn’t handle rejection from another girl without breaking into a million pieces of fragile glass. Don’t bother responding. Don't worry yourself with the why-nows and the hows of it. There’s nothing left for me to hear. Because my love is now an apology to myself.

There’s something I don’t think I’ve ever properly told you, and I want you to know it now. I love you. And I know I say those three words a lot, but I honestly don’t think you understand just how much I mean them. I don’t think I’ve ever really sat down and explained what loving you feels like for me. It’s more than being happy when I hear from you or wanting to spend time with you. You’ve become someone whose presence genuinely matters to me. Your happiness matters to me. Your feelings matter to me. Even the little things about you stay in my head more than you probably realise. I love the way you’re you. Your personality, your little habits, the way you talk, the way you can annoy me and make me smile at the same time 😭. I love the soft parts of you and even the parts I’m still learning to understand. And after everything we’ve been through, I appreciate you even more. You gave me another chance to love you after we lost each other the first time, and I don’t take that lightly. Out of everything that could have happened, somehow we found our way back to each other. That means something to me. I don’t want you to ever think that I love you because I need somebody to love. I love you because I chose you. And I keep choosing you. I know I can be a lot sometimes. I know I feel things deeply. I know I can want reassurance, attention, affection and closeness, and sometimes I probably don’t know how to ask for those things without making them sound like demands. But underneath all of that is just somebody who genuinely loves her girl and wants to feel loved by her too. And despite all the things we’ve had to figure out, I still see so much good in us. I see the love. I see the connection. I see the person I fell for, and I see the person I’m still falling for. Maybe I don’t always say it properly. Maybe sometimes my frustration speaks louder than my affection. But please never mistake that for a lack of love. I want to know you deeper. I want to understand you better. I want us to be able to talk about the beautiful things and the uncomfortable things without feeling like we’re fighting each other. I want to grow with you, not just be in love with you. And I don’t know what the future holds for us. But I know that right now, sitting here writing this, I love you more than I’ve ever properly been able to put into words. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for choosing me again. Thank you for giving us another chance. And thank you for being my girl. ❤️

There’s something I don’t think I’ve ever properly told you, and I want you to know it now. I love you. And I know I say those three words a lot, but I honestly don’t think you understand just how much I mean them. I don’t think I’ve ever really sat down and explained what loving you feels like for me. It’s more than being happy when I hear from you or wanting to spend time with you. You’ve become someone whose presence genuinely matters to me. Your happiness matters to me. Your feelings matter to me. Even the little things about you stay in my head more than you probably realise. I love the way you’re you. Your personality, your little habits, the way you talk, the way you can annoy me and make me smile at the same time 😭. I love the soft parts of you and even the parts I’m still learning to understand. And after everything we’ve been through, I appreciate you even more. You gave me another chance to love you after we lost each other the first time, and I don’t take that lightly. Out of everything that could have happened, somehow we found our way back to each other. That means something to me. I don’t want you to ever think that I love you because I need somebody to love. I love you because I chose you. And I keep choosing you. I know I can be a lot sometimes. I know I feel things deeply. I know I can want reassurance, attention, affection and closeness, and sometimes I probably don’t know how to ask for those things without making them sound like demands. But underneath all of that is just somebody who genuinely loves her girl and wants to feel loved by her too. And despite all the things we’ve had to figure out, I still see so much good in us. I see the love. I see the connection. I see the person I fell for, and I see the person I’m still falling for. Maybe I don’t always say it properly. Maybe sometimes my frustration speaks louder than my affection. But please never mistake that for a lack of love. I want to know you deeper. I want to understand you better. I want us to be able to talk about the beautiful things and the uncomfortable things without feeling like we’re fighting each other. I want to grow with you, not just be in love with you. And I don’t know what the future holds for us. But I know that right now, sitting here writing this, I love you more than I’ve ever properly been able to put into words. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for choosing me again. Thank you for giving us another chance. And thank you for being my girl. ❤️

Ryooo, happy third monthsary yaaa. im really grateful we made this far, even tho we ended things at a bad term. aku sebenarnya ga benci kamu kok, i miss you everyday, i wonder how youre doing, i look at our old chats and think, lucu banget ya kita dulu begini. sebenarnya aku sayang banget sama kamu, kamu tetap ada di hati aku, because youre one of the most precious person in my life. im really grateful i met you, i know i wont be able to call you sayang again, but just know im here cheering for you from afar, seeing you be succsesful in life with me, be happy and healthy always ya ryo, im here if you need me. youve been the best person in my life, always supportive, always making time for me, even tho i know you wony be able to do the same thing to me now. there were a lot of obvious signs that i deeply miss you, but you probably didnt noticed wkwk. semangat ya ryo sayangg. that will be the last time ill ever call you that. haru selalu cinta ryoo.

dear bebi, i think i finally figured out what i hate most about us. i hate us when we're fighting. i hate how one small misunderstanding can make us feel so far away from each other. i hate seeing you hurt. i hate knowing that sometimes my words can be the reason you're crying. and honestly, i hate myself a little whenever i realize i've made you feel like you aren't loved. but i don't hate you. not even close. if there's anything i want to get rid of, it's not you. it's the version of us that forgets we're on the same team.

here i am felt guilty about bothering her while she`s busy...while me needed her presence... i suddenly felt sad and hurt of her replies last night :(( my tears dropped literally.. we just see each other the day before we we`re happy it turns out to forget me na she literally dont know me anymore sakit.. sawa kanaba?? am i unimportant?? am i forgettable? i know it sound weird and oa i know we`re busy in school these days pero priority ko parin relasyon namin kaya nga ako nag commit e i don`t just keep my love for you in my heart. it lives externally in how i care for you.. mahal ko siya as in she`s the best when we`re together laughing together, having time together, eating,walking, she`s the reason why im living my life, i learned everything from her..... i love her lord god wag mo siya ilayo saken please :(( i love you endlessly sorry for everything i did wrong to u everytime i annoy u im sorry i just want your presence e i can`t force u naman and please u or beg u u hate it.. i now didn`t do anything that u hate.. i love youuuu be safe ingat lagii dito lang ako pag malungkot ka pagkailangan mo ng iiyakan, pag kailangan mo ng sandalan dito ako pahinga mo ikaw kasi pahinga ko e takbuhan ko sumbungan ko :(( lovenalove kita pooo i understand your school era now study first priority mo yan supporter lang ako just dont forget your mental health take care of yourself haa

sadly feels empty these days after the day we see each other, she`s now forget about me... it hurts but im trying to talk to her but suddenly i badly felt guilty bc she`s busy and im bothering her. i just wanted to feel her presence even we`re both busy at school these days.. i know im oa but can`t stop thinking of our communication problem..am i wrong?? of thinking this or bothering myself about this?? pano ako hahah i know it sounds weird bakit pinoproblema ko to syempre priority ko rin tong relasyon nato kaya nga ako nag commit hindi para maging unfair.. kalungkot fvck :(( sawa kana ba?? sobrang unimportant koba??

I want to talk to you every day. This past year has been so hard for me, I've grown and changed in so many ways... The only person I want to share that with is you. And you're gone... I regret how things ended, and I know you painted me that way to cope... but... I know you loved me. I know you loved me, too. Maybe that's enough. I love you, bug. Ewan

I dont know

It’s been almost two years and i still think about you almost every day. I still dream about you. I dreamt about you last night. I miss you so much. I watch your old YouTube videos so that I can hear the sound of your voice. I wish you could’ve told me before you disappeared. I’m not sure if it was something i did, if you didn’t like me anymore, but just something would’ve been nice. I was so sad after. I saw that you had a girlfriend recently, and I’m happy for you. Whereas i still feel like i haven’t moved on even though we were never actually dating. I feel like it really could’ve gone somewhere. You were the first and only person to make me feel truly understood. I felt like I could be weird around you, and you’d match my energy and be even weirder. I miss you so much. I used to listen to ‘I’m low on gas and you need a jacket’ when we talked and I remember thinking, one day if we stop talking i wonder if he’ll forget the colour of my eyes. Have you? I remember yours. The most gorgeous honey brown.

Can’t sit alone by yourself and would rather put yourself in danger and disrespect the person you love and the relationship that you apparently cared for deeply. Don’t ever want to see you again.

BAGAMIAS PULA CA AM TERMINAT SA SCRIU SI AM DAT REFRESH LA PAGINA DIN GRESEALA =)))) toppp Revenind! :) Iubita mea minunata, stiu ca nu iti e usor nici cu asta si ca poate nu aveai nevoie, insa din toate cacaturile si greutatile astea vei creste si vei invata. Esti pe un drum pe care eu din pacate il cunosc pentru ca am fost si eu acolo, dar te vei bucura la un moment dat ca au existat si momente rele si grele. Ce vreau sa spun din nou e ca esti un om mai mult decat minunat… si ca din nou vocabularul sau DEXul nu imi permite sa iti atribui oricum ceva suficient de bun. Pentru ca esti mai mult decat atat! Si meriti mai mult decat atat! Decat orice ti se ofera cu portia. Oamenii vin si pleaca, dar tu ramai. Si stii cum ramai? O persoana care continua sa creasca din ce in ce mai mult. Care invata si accepta lucruri la ea, la oamenii din jur. O persoana careia nu ii plac conflictele, o persoana corecta, o persoana care chiar si cand lumea e de cacat e acolo… cum ai fost si pentru mine cand am fost de cacat. Dar tocmai pentru ca esti, pentru ca existi, pentru ca inspiri, am ajuns sa te ador mai intai in tacere, apoi direct. Pentru ca asta meriti. Sa fii adorata din toate punctele de vedere. Sa se teama oricine ca te pierde. Sincer ma supar si frustrez foarte tare in momente de genul pentru ca STIU CE MERITI. Pentru ca stiu cum si cine esti, pentru ca nu vreau sa fii franta si descurajata de nimeni si nimic, chiar daca stiu ca e, din pacate, normal sa se intample si asta… as reinvia-o pe cea de la 16 ani si as bate pe oricine indrazneste sa te faca sa te simti mai putin si care iti sporeste overthinkingul si scade stima de sine… dar stiu ca nu pot si ca nu trebuie, si ca ce trebuie sa fac e sa iti fiu alaturi! Asa ca sper sa reusesc si cu cel mai mic procent sa iti fiu alaturi, sa te distrag si consolez mereu la nevoie. Te iubesc mult de tot si te rog sa nu suferi niciodata in tacere daca eu sunt aici!!!!!!

Зөндөө санаж байна өө🥺 уулзах өдрөө хуруу даран хүлээж сууна😌🥰 ажлаа сайн хийгээд ирэхээр нь шагнанаа залуугаа мундаг шүү🙆‍♀️❤️

Felipe, te conocí en un momento que no esperaba. La verdad es que me interesaste. Me preguntabas cosas de mí, la forma en que decías mi nombre o cómo me hablaste con tanta confianza, me generaste mucha curiosidad. Yo sé que es raro, que en solo unas horas lograste engancharme pero es la realidad JAJAAJ, es lo que siento, me caíste bien. Me gustó tu forma de ser y de joderme diciendo “¿estás segura que no tomás?” cuando ni siquiera me gusta hacerlo. Cuando pienso en todo eso me da mucha curiosidad y una sensación de que todo terminó muy rápido. Te conocí una noche y ya te vas. Literalmente, desde que hablamos pensaba en que si te ibas, no te iba a volver a ver. Parecía muy relajada, pero pensaba muchas cosas mientras hablábamos o mientras yo jodía. Cosas como que sé que si te vas no te voy a volver a ver porque sos de Mendoza, y que me daba vergüenza pedirte el número solo porque no quería que pensaras que lo hago con todos los chicos. Pero literalmente solo con vos pensé en pedirte el número, y es raro justamente por eso. Solo te conocí unas horas, pero fueron las mejores horas que pasé en toda la noche. Me quedó tu linda sonrisa y tus hoyuelos en la mente, tu forma de mirarme y la forma en que eras conmigo. No sabés cómo pensaba todo el tiempo: Felipe se va a ir a Mendoza y no lo voy a ver más. Y cuando te bajaste del auto y dejaste abierta la puerta, pensé que vos me ibas a decir algo. Algo que esperaba tanto. Pero solo te quedaste ahí, como pensando, se cerró la puerta del auto y arrancó. Y ahí supe que ya no te iba a ver más. Porque aunque te quedes dos días más en San Juan, no sé cómo encontrarte o contactarte. Quería quedarme y hablar más con vos. Me hubiera gustado conocerte más.Ahora te vas a Mendoza y yo me quedo acá pensando en una noche que duró unas horas, pero que por alguna razón a mí se me hizo más grande que eso.No sé si vos te acordarás de mí en alguna momento. No sé si después de irte pensarás en mí.Pero yo sí pienso en vos, más de lo que esperaba.Y bueno, esta carta no tiene ningún destinatario ya que no tengo como contactarte. Capaz nunca la leas. Pero necesitaba decir lo que pienso en algún lugar.

“I don’t know when you became the most beautiful part of my life, or when I started falling for you this deeply. I just want to ask you one thing from my heart— Will you be mine, and stay by my side forever? ❤️”

i never stopped loving u

Dear you, I honestly don’t know how to start this letter because there are so many things I want to say, but I’ll just say them the way I feel them. 🥺 First of all, I want to thank you for coming into my life and for making an effort to get to know me. I really appreciate everything you do, even the little things that you probably think are not that important. I notice them, and they honestly mean a lot to me. When you started courting me, I didn’t really know what to expect. I was a little shy and confused at first because I’m not always good at expressing what I feel. Sometimes I might not know what to reply, sometimes I might act quiet, and sometimes I might not show it, but please don’t think that I don’t appreciate you. I actually do. I just need time to understand my feelings and to get comfortable with everything. I like how you make an effort to talk to me and how you try to make me feel special. I appreciate the way you care, the way you check on me, and even the random conversations we have. Sometimes it’s the simplest conversations that make me smile without you even knowing it. 🥺 I also want you to know that I’m happy that I’m getting to know you. I don’t want to judge you only by the things you show me at first. I want to know the real you—your personality, your dreams, the things you like, the things that make you happy, and even the little things that you don’t usually tell people. I want us to take our time and not rush anything. I know that we are still in the process of getting to know each other, so I don’t want to promise things that I’m not completely sure about yet. But I can promise that I’ll be honest with you about how I feel. I hope you can also be honest with me, because I think honesty and respect are really important if we want to build something meaningful. There might be times when I’m quiet or when I don’t know how to express myself, but I hope you’ll understand that it doesn’t always mean something is wrong. Sometimes I just need a little time. I also hope that you won’t feel like you have to be perfect around me. You can just be yourself. I would rather know the real you than someone who is only trying to impress me. Thank you for being patient with me. Thank you for choosing to stay and for continuing to make an effort. I know courting someone isn’t always easy, and I really appreciate the effort and sincerity you’re showing me. I may not say “thank you” every time, but please know that I’m grateful. Honestly, I’m not sure where this will lead us, but I’m willing to take things one step at a time. I want to enjoy this stage of getting to know each other without putting too much pressure on ourselves. I want our conversations, memories, and moments together to happen naturally. And if someday things become more serious between us, I hope it will be because we both genuinely want it, not because we felt pressured or rushed. I want something that feels real, comfortable, and honest. For now, I just want you to know that I appreciate you more than you probably realize. You’ve already become someone I’m happy to talk to and someone I’m glad I got the chance to meet. So, thank you for courting me. Thank you for your patience, your effort, and your sincerity. I may be shy about saying these things directly, but writing them down somehow makes it easier. 🥺 I hope you continue to be yourself, and I hope you never feel like your efforts go unnoticed. I see them. I appreciate them. And little by little, I’m also learning to appreciate you more. I don’t know exactly what the future holds for us, but for now, I’m happy that you’re here. Let’s just take our time, get to know each other more, make good memories, and see where this journey takes us. Thankyou for being you🥺

I like you alot :)

did you ever rlly treat me as ur best friend, or even a friend? when i fell, u laughed and told the others. when i wasnt in the room, u complained abt my voice. when someone took a joke too far, u didnt stand up for me and instead told me how innocent u were... come to think of it u never wanted me when we had grp projects hahah, thanks for the fun, yet painful memories goodbye

For whenever you forget how precious you are. I hope that, at least when you are with me, you can feel enough. I hope you can slowly see yourself from my perspective and realise how precious you truly are. You deserve to be loved and cared for. You deserve to be fought for, understood, and chosen. I hope you can be a little gentler with yourself. I hope you stop being too hard on yourself and stop demanding so much from yourself. I hope you can slowly let go of the feeling that you always have to be a certain way, achieve certain things, or become someone better just so the people you love can be proud of you, or just so you can feel useful and worthy to them. Because the truth is, you do not have to be that hard on yourself. At least not with me. You do not have to try so hard to always please me or prove that you are enough. You do not have to constantly do more just so i can love you more. I already do. More than anything, I hope that, little by little, you can allow yourself to open up to me. I want to know more of you. Not only the good, the beautiful, and the happy sides of you, but also the parts of yourself that you have kept hidden from others for so long. I want to learn about the parts of you that perhaps you have always protected, whether it is from your family, people you loved before, or anyone who made you feel like you had to hide certain pieces of yourself. I want to understand your fears, your worries, your thoughts, and the parts of you that you rarely show. I want you to feel safe with me. I want you to feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable with me and let me see all sides of you, because i want to understand you and love you more completely. And I know this will not be easy. I do not expect you to suddenly open every part of yourself overnight, and I will never ask you to. I hope we can take our time and slowly learn how to choose each other, understand each other, and love each other a little better every day. No matter what you think about yourself, you will always be the most gentle, understanding, sweet, and handsome boy in my eyes. I love seeing your smile, especially the way your eyes smile along with it. You will always be my sweet sweet boy. I hope that with me, you can smile more and laugh more. i hope we can create more memories that make your heart feel lighter. I hope you know that you are allowed to rest, to have difficult days, and to simply exist without feeling like you always have to prove yourself. It is okay to start again from zero. Focus on your goals. Focus on yourself and the person you want to become. I will be right beside you, supporting you and believing in you through every step. I told you, through ups and downs, through thick and thin, i will always be right beside you. If there are days where you feel so tired, where you lose sight of the light, i promise i will hold your hand a little tighter. I will remind you that you are not alone. I will support you, encourage you, and walk through every part of your journey with you. Whatever happens, i will always be proud of you. You do not have to always be in a good state. You do not have to always perform or be at your best in order to be loved and feel enough. I love you because i want to, and i choose to love you. You are always going to be loved by me, even on the days you feel hard to love. Because for me, you have always been worth it, in every version of who you are. I love you through and through. love,
lil pinut’s :3