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The more time that goes past, the more time I wonder. My life is everything I ever imagined, everything I dreamed of. So why does it feel you're missing? Two years it's been since i've seen you. The biggest heartbreak of my life having to let you go. Fly across the world to filful your dreams. I never thought that loving you would've made me lose myself in the process, who would've thought that loving you more than myself was only hurting me. Without you I have grown, I am the best version of myself emotionally and mentally. I thrive in my life, but why do I wish you were still in it? I want to know about yours and how you are doing. I want to reach out and tell you I miss you. Not our relationship, I miss you. I miss my best friend, who understood me when I didn't even get myself. On the same wavelength when it came to our opinions on stuff, but also on completely opposite ends too. I miss arguing with you. Isn't that crazy? I don't argue with anyone in my life now. Do I just miss someone fighting for me enough? I miss your laugh and the way you looked at me. I always wonder what you would do if you saw me today. I wonder how you feel and most of all I wonder how I would feel. Two years has passed, I thought about you every month, became every week to now everyday. Is this just my karma for how I left things? All the resentment and anger I held towards you and leaving me here alone, I was broken. You were the love of my life and still my boyfriend, but across the world for ten months. It was the hardest thing in my life I have ever had to deal with and I wonder if it was the same for you. One thing I know, if you came back for Christmas, we would have made it through. I wonder about that from time to time and maybe you do too. My mind wanders, it always wanders back to you, I do still love you, what I have come to realise in the last couple of months but dropping my whole life for you would never be an option again. I have built myself from the bottom, I have a stable job, friendships which I've never had before and a stable/ healthy relationship. I miss you and I love you, if I could go back in time to our relationship I would, but I wish we had the personalities and attitudes towards life that we do now. Maybe growing separately was the thing we needed. I hope you are happy in your current life and reaching all your goals. I hope your relationship is happy, hopefully she loves you even just a quarter of the amount I did. I've never loved anybody in my life like I did you, never will I again. One thing I know for sure, in every other life. You are my soulmate. But in this one, I had to choose myself.

I will be all yours, but my schedule will never be yours to control. My time remains my own—my freedom, my Friday nights, my health breaks, the clothes I wear, my solitary moments, my dates with friends, and my deepest struggles. I love you, but you are not the sun around which I must revolve. I have a life of my own to live, and I fully intend to live it. - Ms. Ambitious

My dearest grandma, thank you for everything, and for being the most funny and lovable grandma there is. I love you so much with all your imperfections, and I'm so lucky to have you. I cannot imagine a life without you la, I know time will come that you will leave me, but I hope you'll be here when I reach my dreams. Let me give the life you deserve, let me experience a time where you lean on me not other way around. Let me take you and lolo to different places around the world, I know you have already gone to beautiful places but still. I love you lola, with all the love that I could offer stay with me please.

i like you.(a lot)

I'm so stupidly in love with you, but there's nothing I can do about it. I'm not in a position where I can just blow up my life as it is and ask you out. That's not possible for me, and I don't know that it ever will be. I desperately want to ruin our friendship, and I wonder if you know it. Every look we share secretly kills me, but I don't know if it does anything to you. I search for you in every room we're in together. You make me laugh so damn much. You're so beautiful, talented, caring and brilliant. I don't know if I'll ever say these words out loud, and I don't know that if I did that you would be receptive to my feelings, but writing them down here feels good. If I never get to love you, I hope that the person who does gives you everything you could possibly ask for and more. You deserve the world.

oh teddy, i don't even know how to start this. you were my everything. you still are, you're still my baby and the only one i want in my future, the only one i want forever. every song reminds me of you, of your beautiful voice, you're my angel, my siren. you saved my life, i thought about giving up before you but you brightened every day, you are my sun and all my stars, i'm your moon trying to reflect your brightness back to you. even though we've been driven apart now, even though it feels like the whole world is in our way, i hope our paths intertwine again, that we eclipse someday. i'll still dream of our pretty house, our children, our cats. everything you've ever done for me, every word you've ever said, has filled my heart with so much joy. you completed me, you filled what was missing in me, and i'll always love that about you. you made me smile and laugh when i cried, you made me cry from joy and how much i loved you, and i still do. teddy, if you decide to come back, whenever it is, i'm waiting with open arms. i'm so sorry i can't say this to you directly, i just don't want to hurt you or make you feel guilty while you're taking time for yourself. of course i want to know how you are, how you feel, i want to do things for you and love you and bask in the glow of your presence. but because i can't right now, because i'm giving you the space you need, i'm putting it here. i hope you see this one day and read it and see what you mean to me. i hope you read back my letter from our 6 months. i hope you still love your sock monkey and t-shirts and hoodie and leather bracelet. i hope you don't have to push me out of your life completely and forever, because i can't do that with you. i still smell your aftershave, wear your shirts. do you remember when i missed you when you went away and i cuddled your sweatshirt on my pillow every night? it's the only thing that's been helping me sleep knowing you're not mine right now. i hope that you do still love me. i hope i wasn't just sex. i hope one day, as soon as possible, you come back and confide in me and let me help you. until you do that, i'll keep trying to cope. i'll keep writing anonymous messages online, pining after you every waking hour, and dreaming of us every time i go to sleep. please remember the times we were happy, i beg you. don't remember me with the malice you carried that i didn't know about. i'm so sorry i pushed you away, made you feel like you had to isolate yourself from me. you really didn't, and you don't, but i respect that that's what you want. just don't forget me completely, don't forget the love in my eyes or the feeling of my kisses or the softness of my words when describing you. i won't forget that about you, ted. i won't forget how much you made me laugh, my sweet love. i know i'm rambling and repeating myself, but it's such a fresh wound. it's so hard, but i need to give you what you want. i just need you to know i'm always here for you. i always want to know how you are, hear your problems. whatever you need, my baby, i'm here. don't be afraid of who i used to be, i'm changing for you. i know i've shrunken away, i've hidden, but i promise you i'm ready whenever you need me. i love you so, so much. i love your soft hair, your beautiful blue eyes, your bright smile, your strong arms, your warm body. i love the way you smell and how you held me like i'd break without you and your singing will forever haunt me, the ghost of your love whispering in my ears along with every song. you're still my hero, teddy, you always will be. i'll always love you, everlong.

I don’t really know why I’m writing this. Maybe because there are still so many things I never got to say, or maybe because sometimes I just wish I could go back to a time when talking to you was the easiest thing in the world. It also because I hope you would see this and want me back. I think i’m feeling super emotional right now because our what would have been 1 year anniversary is coming up. There was a time when you were my normal. You were the person I could text about the smallest things. If something happened with my mom, if something made me laugh, if I was upset, if I just had a random thought, you were someone I wanted to tell. I didn’t have to think about whether I should reach out. I just did. And now it’s strange knowing that I can’t do that anymore. Sometimes I’ll see an old picture or video of you on my phone and think, “There really was a time when this was my life.”Tiktok’s on this day is really killing me. There was a time when your name was at the top of my phone. There was a time when I thought we’d have so many more memories together. I don’t think I’ll ever forget what you meant to me. You were my first serious love, and you were there for so many of my first experiences with loving somebody and letting somebody love me. Whatever happens in both of our lives, that will always be a part of my story. I know I wasn’t perfect. I know there were things I could have handled differently, things I wish I had understood sooner, and moments where I wish I had been a better version of myself. I’ve grown since then, and sometimes I wish you could see the person I’m becoming. I wish I could know what the breakup was like for you. Did you miss me? Did you ever think about me afterward? Did you ever hear me laughing or see me in class and remember what we used to be? I wish I could read your mind just once. Maybe you don’t feel those things anymore. Maybe you processed everything differently than I did. I don’t know. What I do know is that I loved you. I loved having you in my life. I loved knowing that I had somebody who knew me in a way that other people didn’t. And even though things didn’t work out, I don’t want to pretend that what we had wasn’t important just because it ended. A part of me still wishes you would come back. I wish we could start over not necessarily go back to exactly what we were, but meet each other again as the people we’ve become and see if we could do things differently. But I also know that wanting that doesn’t mean I can make it happen. You mattered to me. I wish things had turned out differently. And I genuinely hope life is good to you, wherever it takes you because you are a great person who deserves great things. I can’t believe you never say what I say in you. You are genuinely one of the sweetest people I have ever meet you are so talented and an amazing signer. I hope you do everything you want in life, and find someone who you love (I guess 😒). I want to move on from you but it’s only because I know I have to. I’m almost there but I have my moments like now, but I hoped i’m released from this yearning soon. Thank you for being such an important part of my life. I hope someday, when you look back on us, you remember the good things too, I think I will always love you and I hope you feel the same about me -Angel

Hi, baby. I miss you so much. I wish I could turn back time to fix my mistakes—to fix everything. I love you. I love you so much, lablab ko. I hope you're okay. I'm silently rooting for you, and I will always be your number one fan! Agi, I miss you so much. I still can't move on. I know two years have passed, but two years is nothing if waiting and yearning means you're coming back. I'm more than happy to spend my whole lifetime waiting for you. If an alternate universe is real, I hope there's a place for me and Shana there. I hope there's a train that arrives on time so Shana and I can have the best time of our lives. I love you—Shanalaire. I will live in Switzerland, for us. I will live in Switzerland, for us.

I'm confused. I'm not very crushable but I 𝘢𝘮 getting mixed signals. Do you like me? 𝘐 don't like you originally but I have wondered about this a lot and so have thought a lot about you. A one- or two-day crush sometime.

I sometimes wish you weren’t so easy for me to get to know, because maybe then I wouldn’t have gotten scared by how much I was starting to feel. I’m sorry if I suddenly got turned off or pulled away. I think I was just afraid of what being with you would be like, so I chose to protect myself and take good care of my heart. And yet, it’s already September, and somehow, I still find myself wondering about you—still thinking of you as one of my biggest “what ifs,” maybe even one of the greatest ones. So, I don’t know. If you’re okay with it, you can always message me anytime. Or maybe we can just leave it up to the universe and see where life takes us—whether we’re meant to rekindle something or whether things are simply better this way. Anyway, I’m genuinely proud of how much you’ve grown. I’ll always be rooting for you from wherever I am, and I’m praying that you find the success and happiness you deserve. - Z

I'll never look at Nottinghamshire the same again.

hey red, let me tell you my birthday wish; its you, you are my bday wish, sounds impossible, right? idk too, i just want to be with you on the day of my bday, and ill always wish and wish for you even its not my bday.

I miss u aloottt

I'm sorry i never got the guts to apologize and to talk to you. I never really wanted to not talk but it just happened and its mainly my fault, I just wish I could be braver to speak my feelings. If I'm being honest I've always been incredibly jealous of you and your family but I'm embarrassed about it. When we were younger and I saw you with a cool phone, wearing what you wanted and having boyfriends it was so cool to me but you and the others always ingored me and I grew to be mad at you but I didn't mean it. I still think you're so cool and pretty and a little jealous of you still but I'm older and I realize now that thats just how it is for me and I notice the little commentsyour mom's says(she's upset that she's close to my sister and not to me and keeps trying to win me over with things but she already won me over and I try to show it), I'm not close to you guys but its okay. I still love and think about you guys. One day, I'm going to tell this to you in person and I'm going to apologize.

sadly feels empty these days after the day we see each other, she`s now forget about me... it hurts but im trying to talk to her but suddenly i badly felt guilty bc she`s busy and im bothering her. i just wanted to feel her presence even we`re both busy at school these days.. i know im oa but can`t stop thinking of our communication problem..am i wrong?? of thinking this or bothering myself about this?? pano ako hahah i know it sounds weird bakit pinoproblema ko to syempre priority ko rin tong relasyon nato kaya nga ako nag commit hindi para maging unfair.. kalungkot fvck :(( sawa kana ba?? sobrang unimportant koba??

did you ever rlly treat me as ur best friend, or even a friend? when i fell, u laughed and told the others. when i wasnt in the room, u complained abt my voice. when someone took a joke too far, u didnt stand up for me and instead told me how innocent u were... come to think of it u never wanted me when we had grp projects hahah, thanks for the fun, yet painful memories goodbye

I love you but sometimes I can't help wonder if you're truly willing to wait that long for us, And I can't help wonder if these feelings will last. I want a successful future with you and I pray and hope we end up together till the end.

Dear S, I am closing the book on this chapter today, not out of lingering anger or resentment, but out of absolute clarity. For months, I carried the weight of what happened: the sudden silence, the broken trust, the gaslighting, and the pain of realizing how easily a deep connection could be discarded for shallow validation. I spent countless hours trying to make sense of the loop, searching for answers, and wondering how two people who clicked so effortlessly could end up on opposite sides of a divide. I used to think I was the one who was left behind or not chosen. But looking at the facts with a calm mind, the reality is much simpler: we were two fundamentally incompatible people operating on vastly different core values. I valued depth, loyalty, and genuine emotional honesty. You operated in a world of digital smoke and mirrors, surface-level validation, and shifting alliances. A bridge built on thin ice could never hold us for long. I acknowledge my own mistakes...the anxious loops, the defensiveness, and the ways I let my boundaries collapse to keep a fragile dynamic alive. But those mistakes were lessons, not a life sentence. The intensity and depth I brought to our friendship didn't come from you; it came from my own soul. I am taking all of that energy, creativity, and capacity for loyalty back. It belongs to me. I no longer feel the sharp sting of betrayal, nor do I feel the need to look for unsent words on quiet screens. The emotional charge has cleared. What you do, who you talk to, and how you live your life is no longer my narrative to trace or decode. This is the last time your name takes up space in my thoughts or my journals. The door is closed, the gates are locked, and your memory is finally laid to rest. I wish you well on whatever path you choose, but our shared story ends right here. From Someone You Used To Know

When someone asks me why do you think so much? Is there even a use to sit up late at night and overthink about the things there's absolutely no control over? What the purpose of even letting go when you know that there was nothing to hold onto anyways? What do you think of when you close your eyes. Do you sometimes think of a person who is probably available in the blink of an eye? Is there even a person like that? What do you do when you have a million unanswered questions and you have nobody to turn to? How does it feels when you're the unchosen one yet again? How does it feel like when you're not chosen in the end anyways even when there's a choice to be chosen, but people opt out because although you are total comfort, you're not worth the end, you're not worth the effort, not worth the journey to take you there? I blink in the darkness at night because I feel there's nowhere I belong at the end of the day, not chosen by any person, I take risks for the whole world innocently tricking my brain knowing very well i'll be hurt in the end, that this person is worth taking the risk. What when it comes to me about the risk is question? Well people take the risk once and then fear creeps in and no matter how hard I try, every little thing I do sits on the bench while their fear, their cowardice comes forth, they want me, they want what I have, it's useful to trick me into using me for what I am, and then it's easy because battling my fragile short lived ego fueled temper is easier than faithfully holding my hand. My anxiety spirals my heartbeat into a frenzy. My anxiety's name is Michael, sometimes through my blurry vision, my hazy thoughts I see Michael and I want to ask him to go, I want to ask him to leave, I tell him now is not a good time, my conversations with Michael aren't easy because he's the only imagination that refuses to leave me, I want to hurl something at him because he provokes me beyond what I gave him credit for and sometimes he just sits there by my side on the bathroom floor coping wth me in my silence. I appreciate that, it's healthy to have Michael with me instead of rotting internally alone. Michael tells me how unworthy I am of their choosing and how easy it was to just shake off my presence, and I agree with him. Michael and I have an exercise but he disappears amidst it never staying through it, till the very end, these exercises include counting random numbers, putting together lyrics from different songs and trying to make a tune, listing all the colors coming to my vision. Michael leaves because I do these exercises that might make him disappear. I'm trying I'm trying very hard to throw Michael out of the window. Sometimes it scares me to think how I within the flap of a bird wing, I'm ready to throw my life because of my affection related reactions, I'm willing to throw everything I do for work just let my fate sit on the cold winter window sill waiting to see if someone out there also wants to return the affection I give. This is why I pray to Lord Shiva himself because he let's you connect with yourself and most importanly he teaches you pain before you let go something you wanted desperately but someone who didn't have the guts to want you. I've failed many a times to keep a human and then people say yes it's because they didn't know your worth? Well even if they did, I was not worth taking that risk and this is what Michael reminds me everyday, you're useless, you're unworthy and you weren't chosen, you weren't even an option, you were a passing cloud. I wanted to be the sky, I wanted to be the sunrise and the sunset, I wanted to be the comforting breeze just before the rain, I wanted to be the shade of the umbrella, I wanted to be the aroma when you enter the house, I wanted to be the warmth of the blanket just before waking up, I want to be the first sip of coffee, I wanted to be the ending of the story that'll make you smile, I want to be home.

I miss you. So much. But I don't miss the person you can be. I don't miss the SA. I don't miss you forcing me to get drunk. I don't miss the abuse. But the good times make me miss you. When we were baking together at midnight. When we would lay on the couch and watch movies or blast the tv so loud playing something stupid that made us laugh that your parents would yell at us. The time we painted matching jeans even though I hated wearing jeans your smile was worth it. But everytime I miss those times I remember you grabbing my chest while I tried to sleep. The fear of what you did when you got me to overdose into sleep. The countless times you convinced me I was unlovable. The times you stole my phone and blocked the only people who could convince me to leave you. The pictures you forced me to take. I can never forget the feeling of your hands around my throat while you held a pillow over my face. It keeps me up at night. But I wonder if there is a version of you that some people only get to see the good side. Was I the only one who saw the bad side? I know no one will believe me if I tell them about the abuse. Maybe it doesn't matter if they believe me. I hate you. But I miss you. You made me so dependent on you I don't know what to do now that I left you.