Unsent

I guard my heart off from you. I still see you everyday, wishing I wouldn't have to because it would make moving on so much easier. you keep talking to me and its so confusing, I just want my peace and you can't even give me that. YOU were the one that messed everything up. YOU ended the relationship and now you're crawling back. you constantly hurt me for 5 months and everyday I still chose you. you chose everything before me, yet for some reason you still keep coming back. I can't trust that this time is going to be different. I tried moving on and I actually liked this guy but it just didn't work out because of personal things going on in his life and now it's just you constantly everywhere. I tried and tried for you and all you did is push me away and now you're begging to come back. why should I let you back in? after everything, you want full access to me and my life again? you told me you noticed the way I've become cold towards you and how it makes you feel, and how every time you see me with him you feel like shit. well welcome to the club because that's how I felt for the longest time when I was always just an option to you and never a choice. you said everything is hitting you now and you know what I think? I hope it hits you so hard that you actually realize what a piece of shit you were to me. you said I'd never forgive you, but the truth is, I do forgive you. but I don't forget. I don't forget the way I felt, the way I cried, the way I begged god for some relief because all you gave me was anxiety. I do miss the good times, the memories, how you made me feel when we weren't fighting, but why would I go back when you hurt me that much? I have to protect myself and unless you show change, why would I ever give you another chance at my trust again? I never stopped loving you, but that love is given at a very long, cold distance now and I'm not sure it'll ever be close and warm again. I'm not giving my everything to a person if they aren't willing to do the same, I've learned my lesson. I love you, but I'll never love you the way I did again. sorry, not sorry. I have to worry about myself and my well-being first for once.

Cher Arturo de París, I thought about sending this to your email for a couple of days, and after sitting with it, I decided not to do that, because I do not want to affect your life and your relationship with your wife. The truth is that I could not figure any other way for telling you this, so I just posted this here.  For the past seven years I have missed you, very much. Somehow, from time to time, I kept on seeing things that reminded me of you. As I wrote this letter, tears were falling from my eyes because I know that some feelings are still somewhere in me because I never got the chance to tell you how much you meant to me. Even though now you’re a total stranger to me.  Two weeks ago, I did a trip to Paris and obviously I couldn’t be in your city and not think of you… While I was there, I imagined what it would be like to actually see you again, even though the possibilities were really low. I wondered what would I do. Would I have the courage to say hello to you? “Maybe that would be wrong, I don’t know if he doesn’t want to talk to me” — I thought. I wondered that if you saw me, you would ignore me and I would’ve ignored you too? Or smile to you from afar? Thankfully, we didn’t cross paths, because I wouldn’t know what I would’ve done.  Some years ago, after our exchange semester in Warsaw, we were supposed to see each other but COVID and life happened, and then I decided not to risk going there to see you. There are few things I regret in my life and one of them was not taking that plane to Paris, but I am sure everything happens for a reason. I had many dreams of seeing you again, hugging you and just catching up on how were we living our lives and achieving our goals, because the truth is, I really wanted you to stay in my life… In that sense, and given the fact that we have not seen each other nor spoken in so many years, I wanted to let you know that I am very proud of you for becoming a sport coach. I always thought that you would be a fantastic teacher, and now you are! Applying philosophy into body and health. I am very happy for you and all that you’ve achieved with your Hyrox! Probably you don’t know anything about me. But in case you’re interested, here is the summary what I have been up to for the past years: I graduated with honors and after having so many ugly jobs, I (finally) worked where I wanted for three years, learnt a bit more of French and now I recently moved to Switzerland to do a Masters Degree specializing in Human Rights and Humanitarian Action. I still have not decided if I want to become Ambassador or not, but what I am sure is that my purpose is defend and promote minorities' rights. I remember all too well of what we lived in Warsaw. For me it was like a dreamy movie with some pain and sadness, but when I remember you in it, it also has a tint of happiness and a good feeling. I just wanted you to know that in many ways, you saved me. You also taught me so much about life and philosophy. I still carry that with me. Definitely meeting you was a way of discovering new things about life and about myself. I don’t know how to explain this, but I really felt seen with you, like you saw me for who I was. I don’t know if you ever felt it, but I must assure you that I felt something really intense and passionate towards you, something you can only experience once in your life. You were kind, intelligent, curious, funny, wise, and overall, a great human being. You’re a memory of a person that I will always remember fondly, and I hope you feel the same way about me, but if you don’t, that’s okay. With you, and after these past years, I’ve learnt that not everything in life has to last forever in order for it to be special. Some of the greatest persons in our lives don’t stay forever, and that is the case with you. Anyways, my final words to you are that I am glad and happy you that exist, because we got to know each other and coincide for a very short amount of time in our lives. You were transcendental in my life and will always be.  So go on and live a fulfilling life, help others and may all your goals and desires come true. I wish you the best for you and for all your family. If we ever cross paths again, I’ll smile at you, but that’s all. After this letter, there’s simply nothing left to say. So with this, I release you from my heart and I let you go forever Arthur,  Love you always, your María.

I love u so much kenja pls come back ill be better this time I wont annoy u pls js come back ur everything and all i want ken i dont want better u told me to forget it but i can never forget u n i will always love u bc u were sm i truly loved u will always have a space in my heart i love u soooo much ken i hope u change ur mind n realise how much my heart truly yearns for u j love u kenja pls come back ur all i ever wanted i miss the times we had the memories we made the long calls we had thank u for everything ken I love u pls come back ur all i ever want u will always stay on my mind 24/7 i love u ken i rlly do pls i hope u change ur mind i rlly hope🤍

Hey, I’m really sorry I always think about you. It’s hard because it’s not like we cut contact, I have your socials and it’s just so hard sometimes to not text you. I’m still mad at the stupid reason we left off, I don’t know if it was really sincere or not. I wish we could restart and see how it goes, although when we broke up I cried. And cried and cried. For 5 months every night I would cry and write you a letter. I would say the things I miss the things I realized. You were so sweet, I loved your laugh your kindness, your humour and your hugs and caringness. I really loved you, now u don’t know, u don’t know whether it’s the love of our memories or my original heart felt emotion from when we were together. You hurt me and I will never get over that, I hust hate that I still feel I need you in my life. I wish there was a 2nd chance for us, but obviously not, you moved on and I know that.

Even though we’re no longer by each other’s side, every year, I’ll still hope that you have a wonderful birthday. I hope you’ll always be happy. Thank you for being my “orange cat.” I wish you had realized just how much you once meant to me. I wish you had known that, back then, all it would have taken was a single word from you for me to stay. Then I wouldn’t have had to cry and write those words, these lines, or all the things I would say afterward. I wish you had realized that. It’s still inside me. I want to tell you everything, but I just keep crying whenever I think about those memories. I can't tell you. Maybe we can be bestfriend in another lifetime. I’m sorry I can’t be there to see you succeed and be happy. But I hope that you will always be the best person in the world. Love you from far away. H

Hi, how's life? I just wanna say thank you for being a reason why i am so happy at that time, with all your presence, your words, your laugh, and everything you've done (to me especially). I'm sorry if my words are make u feel bothered, this is the only thing i can do to write this letters, because i'm too afraid to say it in person. thank you, once again. see you when i see you.

I won’t say my name but you’ll know who it is. I don’t understand that. How I can move on from the relationship we had, but not from the friendship. I think about you all the time. It turns into dreams and extreme urges to see how you are. I miss our friendship so much it hurts. I don’t understand this. It’s never happened before. I Pray you’re doing well. As always, I’m proud of you.

It’s okay. Really, it is okay and I fully understand. Please stop blaming yourself. Please stop beating yourself up. You weren’t in a good place. I know things were so hard for you and I apologize for not being more mindful of how you felt. I expected too much from you during such a hard time. I know you weren’t feeling well and I sprung so much on you. I know you said you are sorry but it was not your fault and I hate that you blame yourself for everything. We both said and did things wrong. I’m not mad at you, at all. Thank you so much for reaching out. I love you and that will never change.

You saved my life. You made the past few years bearable. And now we are apart. I miss you. I love you.

i love you. U can grow and U can change. I believe in u.

I am sorry for everything. I am sorry I couldn't be better for you and I am sorry that I keep pulling you down. Maybe in another life, Krsna's mercy, you will soar high and maybe you will be fine. I don't know if you will make it out, but I hope you feel every aspect of that process. I am sorry for being the worst person you could have ever known. I hope you will find it in you to forget me. I don't deserve your forgiveness and you deserve to smile at least once a day. Happy belated birthday. I sorry I couldn't be more.

So often my heart hurts. Too often I wish I could tell you I’m fine. Too often I wish i didn’t feel the way I do. But I can no longer pretend. I’ve been dying from my own mind, succumbing to my trauma. I’ve never been ok since we first met back on May 2013. You were the only hope I had left in life. You saved me that day by the fountain but i would never tell you. I’d rather you believe I am strong. Believe that I can handle my life. But I can’t. I can’t pretend to be happy with my life. Can’t pretend that I don’t believe you when you say I’m your friend. A friendship where I’m constantly isolated from you yet everyone always with you and are closer than I’ll ever be with you. The truth of the matter is I constantly feel you only pretend that I’m your friend because i don’t leave your side. I’ve been here through your good and through your bad but yet you’re never there when I need you. Never there while I’m silently being swallowed up next to you. Despite all that. Despite my dad constantly raping me, despite getting multiple abortions, despite dating men to have a place to live even though they constantly drive me to suicide because they don’t actually love me, despite the fact that every little time you got angry at me or had one of your characters break up with me that led me to attempting to drink bleach. I can’t kill myself. Can’t let you be hurt because you didn’t do something to save me. Didn’t notice my pain and the feeling of isolation that would snap and crumble the moment you let me go as a friend. I could never hate you. I’m incapable of hating you. For you are the only thing keeping me alive. You have always been my rock and the reason I live. Even the years we never talked i stayed in hopes of you reaching out. So I’ll keep living an unhappy life, a stable toxic life, a life where I can still see you live and be happy. I’ll stay living and breaking my body for a stable life that isn’t on the streets. I know it isn’t healthy to put my happiness and hope all on you but I honestly don’t have anything else to look forward to. I should have died when I was born with my umbilical cord wrapped around my neck and a hole in my right lung, i should have died at 10 when my mom fed herself and me sleeping pills and hit my head with a fireplace log. I should have died at 11 when my dad took all the pills in the medicine cabinet. I should have died at 16 when the first boyfriend to get me pregnant shot me and the friend I kept my son at so my father wouldn’t find out and kill me. I should have died the 5 pregnancies from my dad that he wouldn’t let me go to a hospital to have that resulted them to be stillbirths. I should have died when I was ready to give up my life unable to bare being a sex doll to my dad anymore. But I never did. Life kept pushing me unhappily forward and while I keep finding brief moments of happiness it’s constantly taken away. Taken by friends leaving me, taken by men tired of my used up body. Taken by fake friends who talk behind my back. I know you’ll never discover this unless i ever show you and I hope you never do find this. I wish Jewel could just be make believe. I wish I could just separate the character of you guys from real life but I can’t. This is all real to me. The feeling of isolation from Fenrir and Ivarr, the hatred from Nate and him calling me a whore who should die, the unfriending of my character. but i can’t this is all my reality because it’s Jewel’s reality. I’m sorry as I let the blood flow down my arms again just like I had after azure left Jewel, again as Fenrir scolded for the hair dye when I did it to my own hair in real life, and finally again now seeing Nate unfriended Jewel and Sapphire from where winds meet. If I still survive this yet again it’ll just be one more unhappy day watching you have the best life. If I don’t make it finally I’ll be happy to be free of my earthly body and watch you from the afterlife to make sure you never know pain again

I’ll keep this short. You’re wonderful, you really are. You were oddly everything I was looking for at the moment. I just wished I met you at a different time rather than keeping you a secret for far too long. I hope you enjoy working at Six Flags. I hope you being a train conductor someday. I felt like I learned so much about you in 4 hours for only knowing you for 6 days…and I didn’t share much about me. It’s funny because what you taught me I’ve applied in my daily life so far…I took off with knowing you but you were left with my body. I’m still in love with my 3.5 years, I couldn’t let them go yet, I just don’t know. You deserved an explanation, and I regret that I didn’t give one to you. You were like a sweet cigarette.

You built like a tank x Fatty

ol they'd never write about you, online or off and it bothers you that greatly you think that huh? You aren't even a thought to them except a bad nightmare of a friend and ex. I bet that fucking stings. THEY DUMPED YOU. You're a creepy fuck. You think everything is about you and it's sad and pathetic. What, you think you're special? Because you did things partners are suppose to do? Or the fact your controlling behavior is the reason why you were dumped and how they were so fearful of you. You'll NEVER be someone they'll ever be disgruntled or write about. You think everything is about you, so self-absorbed and self-centered it's embarrassing. You know how bad it is for someone to say they'd rather deepthroat a knife than be around you? Jump head first into a shark? Torn apart by piranhas that they'd never have to see you ever again? Sad as fuck that you're that emotionally inept and dense that you can't self-reflect. You should have left them alone you psychotic delusional asshole. Like fuck they'd ever be on some website writing about you, or anyone else you know. Nothing about you is even worth writing about anyway. Your abuse was the fucking closure and so was kicking their dog because they loved it over you. lol. You were a shitty partner and a shitty fucking friend. I know every "kind" thing you did for them and it's sad you really think you can buy someone's love. Or how that somehow excuses the abuse you put someone through. I'm embarrassing for you. Lemme take you to kindergarten for a bit. Break something down so it's super easy for you to understand numbnuts. Psychological abuse, often known as emotional abuse or mental abuse, is a form of abuse characterized by a person knowingly or intentionally exposing another person to a behavior that results in psychological trauma, including anxiety, chronic depression, clinical depression or post-traumatic stress disorder amongst other psychological reactions. It is often associated with situations of controlling behavior in abusive relationships, and may include bullying, gaslighting, abuse in the workplace, amongst other behaviors that may cause an individual to feel unsafe. "We could have talked it out." Darvoing someone to the point they gave up sure is the same as someone being defensive or not wanting to communicate huh? You're a piece of shit along with anyone else that knows you and no one ever wanted you back you piece of shit. You don't get to apologize nor do you get a second chance. Time's up! No one owes you a goddamn THING and you aren't entitled to anything, not clarity, not an explanation, nothing. You're a spiteful and vengeful person all because you cant get over the fact you were the one DUMPED and someone didn't want to continue being friends with you because of your own emotional emptiness and psychological abuse. Why would someone EVER mourn bullies and abusers like the rest of your pathetic terminally online asshole friends lmao? Those are the ONLY "friends" you have. You're dense as fuck and can't self-reflect, and it's SO embarrassing. I'm going to make DAMN sure they never have to deal with you again so thank you for pushing them to the brink because you can't let it the fuck go like the spiteful immature loser asshole you are. You're a nobody to them. They don't want you. They don't like you. They don't love you. We absolutely hate everything about you and want nothing to do with you. So much of what you've said was just sheer projection as always. YOU need therapy and so does the rest of your creepy as fuck gaslighting asshole friends. You can't fathom someone dumped you because of your abuse and wants nothing to do with you. You'll never get it because you and the rest of your friends are THAT far up your own assholes to never admit fault and I genuinely don't pity people that are so pathetic because that requires energy I never want to put into such disgusting people. but hey, that just means anyone attached to you cosigns the abuse you put someone through so it's good to know who to avoid and so do a bunch of other people. Because you'll all just excuse each other's shitty behavior. Gross. No one would ever tolerate being friends with any of you. Maybe one day you all can deal with your psychosis and grow the fuck up. Once I find out the therapist that can cosign the shit you put them through, I hope you get fined to hell and back for the abuse you put someone through because of your own insecurities and identity issues. BTW, you're going bald because you're a hateful and angry loser along with the rest of your dumbass friends. Sucks to suck!

ol they'd never write about you, online or off and it bothers you that greatly you think that huh? You aren't even a thought to them except a bad nightmare of a friend and ex. I bet that fucking stings. THEY DUMPED YOU. You're a creepy fuck. You think everything is about you and it's sad and pathetic. What, you think you're special? Because you did things partners are suppose to do? Or the fact your controlling behavior is the reason why you were dumped and how they were so fearful of you. You'll NEVER be someone they'll ever be disgruntled or write about. You think everything is about you, so self-absorbed and self-centered it's embarrassing. You know how bad it is for someone to say they'd rather deepthroat a knife than be around you? Jump head first into a shark? Torn apart by piranhas that they'd never have to see you ever again? Sad as fuck that you're that emotionally inept and dense that you can't self-reflect. You should have left them alone you psychotic delusional asshole. Like fuck they'd ever be on some website writing about you, or anyone else you know. Nothing about you is even worth writing about anyway. Your abuse was the fucking closure and so was kicking their dog because they loved it over you. lol. You were a shitty partner and a shitty fucking friend. I know every "kind" thing you did for them and it's sad you really think you can buy someone's love. Or how that somehow excuses the abuse you put someone through. I'm embarrassing for you. Lemme take you to kindergarten for a bit. Break something down so it's super easy for you to understand numbnuts. Psychological abuse, often known as emotional abuse or mental abuse, is a form of abuse characterized by a person knowingly or intentionally exposing another person to a behavior that results in psychological trauma, including anxiety, chronic depression, clinical depression or post-traumatic stress disorder amongst other psychological reactions. It is often associated with situations of controlling behavior in abusive relationships, and may include bullying, gaslighting, abuse in the workplace, amongst other behaviors that may cause an individual to feel unsafe. "We could have talked it out." Darvoing someone to the point they gave up sure is the same as someone being defensive or not wanting to communicate huh? You're a piece of shit along with anyone else that knows you and no one ever wanted you back you piece of shit. You don't get to apologize nor do you get a second chance. Time's up! No one owes you a goddamn THING and you aren't entitled to anything, not clarity, not an explanation, nothing. You're a spiteful and vengeful person all because you cant get over the fact you were the one DUMPED and someone didn't want to continue being friends with you because of your own emotional emptiness and psychological abuse. Why would someone EVER mourn bullies and abusers like the rest of your pathetic terminally online asshole friends lmao? Those are the ONLY "friends" you have. You're dense as fuck and can't self-reflect, and it's SO embarrassing. I'm going to make DAMN sure they never have to deal with you again so thank you for pushing them to the brink because you can't let it the fuck go like the spiteful immature loser asshole you are. You're a nobody to them. They don't want you. They don't like you. They don't love you. We absolutely hate everything about you and want nothing to do with you. So much of what you've said was just sheer projection as always. YOU need therapy and so does the rest of your creepy as fuck gaslighting asshole friends. You can't fathom someone dumped you because of your abuse and wants nothing to do with you. You'll never get it because you and the rest of your friends are THAT far up your own assholes to never admit fault and I genuinely don't pity people that are so pathetic because that requires energy I never want to put into such disgusting people. but hey, that just means anyone attached to you cosigns the abuse you put someone through so it's good to know who to avoid and so do a bunch of other people. Because you'll all just excuse each other's shitty behavior. Gross. No one would ever tolerate being friends with any of you. Maybe one day you all can deal with your psychosis and grow the fuck up. Once I find out the therapist that can cosign the shit you put them through, I hope you get fined to hell and back for the abuse you put someone through because of your own insecurities and identity issues. BTW, you're going bald because you're a hateful and angry loser along with the rest of your dumbass friends. Sucks to suck!

Dear Ki, Hello, Dear! I would like to say that I apologize again if I have ever hurt or offended you. I have never intended to hurt you or your family and if you feel as though I have, I am sorry. Everything I did was out of either love, confusion, or authenticity. I felt a true, spiritual connection with you that I still do. Whatever occurred truly brought great things for everyone, we make the best pair. I understood or felt like I understood parts of you and you did for me. I do still have love for you and am willing to forget everything and act like it never happened. I am willing to move on as I am 100% professional and do not need monetary compensation as hush money or anything. I have no ill will or hatred and now seek to carry on my vision for the purpose of these women who need leadership. I will stay out of your way and won't be a bother. I hope that I helped you in the time that we connected. I am afraid that I am made to being set up which I worked too hard to have happen which is why I am hesitant in moving forward. I am professional and am focused on the work and betterment of the communities. I cannot move in ill environments, I cannot continue to play the games. I am grateful to everyone and hope that everyone can see my true heart now just as much as they did back then, I am just stronger now. I love you! I am embarrassed at the mistake that I made but I have already repented for doing so. It still crosses my mind from time to time. I may not ever get to talk to you, as I actually want to live and am not risking my life anymore. You know what I am, and I thank you for not judging me. Please do not tell anyone about my intimate life. I am a professional first. I am whole. I thank you for everything! I am looking to help people and use the gifts for healing just as much as this matter was able to create. Distance may be best between us for professional matters. Thank you again to everyone! Continuing to work and walk in my calling. Best, Tianna

Hey. I was thinking about you again, wondering if you too think about me. I’m going through a lot right now, it feels like life is just slapping me left and right, but when I see you, when I talk to you, life reminds me that there are moments like that, that gets me going. As much as I want to know the answer to my question, I am quite content with the pace of this… friendship? Although, I want it to be more, but I am afraid that I would ruin this connection. I’d rather have you as a friend than to lose you from my life. This might be a one-sided connection, but I swear I feel it! The way you glance at me, the way we speak, the way we move, but I also feel that we have the same fear or maybe I just deluded. But for now, I won’t burden you with my feelings. I just realized through this awakening that shook my life, I love you and I don’t have to do anything about it. I can simply love you from afar, and that’s okay. I don’t have to have you… like a beautiful flower, you don’t pick it, you water it and let it grow. But I am letting you go, if you find your person and that’s not me, it’s okay. You were never mine to lose anyway. I love you and I hope you find what you’re looking for, even if it’s not me. 😭 but lowkey I wish it was me! 🫠 I will be the person I am meant to be, and if you were for me, I will meet you there. 😌 With much love, ~J

I miss you to be honest, I dont like admiting it because its painful. I am still your friend, I see you everyday, but I know that you dont like me anymore. You did though, you did like me and from one friday to another u decided that we werent meant for each other, that we were not alike and that you just didnt like me anymore and that you didnt want any drama from it. We didnt even date, I know that, its just that for me even though we didnt date, it was real for me. Whatever we had was the best thing and realist thing that has ever heppened and I pussed u to hard on trying to make you ask me out that I dont know, I got a bit annoying, but I just wanted to see if someone cared enough for me to actually do the firtd step, because I have always been the one doing the most effort. I do miss you but I know that we wot have anything anymore so I shouldnt care that much anymore. Well I guess I will see u tomorrow friend.

I'm grateful that you were my first. My first kiss, my first boyfriend, the one I learned new things with. I don't regret ending it, ending us but I don't regret our time either. And I'm sorry if how I ended it made you not feel the same. I'm writing this because I'm realizing how good of a boyfriend you were. I always knew that but it's been made more clear by my friends' experiences with their now exes how bad people can be. All that to say I hope you can still be a good boyfriend with whoever you end up with. Don't let hurt and bitterness change you. Please still be kind and respectful even when you've been hurt. -bee