Long distance

To my dearest, happy birthday! Even in silence, I hope you can always feel the warmth of every prayer I send your way. Wishing you the gentlest, happiest, and most comforting year ahead. Seeing one of your biggest dreams finally come true... stepping into that new world and braving all the tough steps makes me so endlessly proud of you. I hope every other dream you carry will gradually unfold and come true, too. The days might be intense and tiring, but I know how strong you are. May God always protect your steps, wrap you in strength, and keep you safe. :) Even from 294 km away, and even with everything that has changed between us, please know that I will always keep wishing you godspeed from afar. Thank you for being such a meaningful part of my life. Happy birthday to my absolute favorite person, always.

Hello! There you are! My best frienddd hiiiiiiiiii how you've been?? i know you are busy these days but i also know that you think about me so it's okay! I just wanted to let you know that i am so great full to have you in my life .I wanted you to know that talking to you has been very helpful to me as a very confused and stressed girl you are someone who makes my smile when i am sad [ that's something no one can do] You are some one who unknowingly stops me from taking the wrong path. You are someone who i will choose to love and be with in a heart beat. Always and forever Yours Zoye

I'll never look at Nottinghamshire the same again.

I miss u aloottt

I wish u didn’t think I don’t care, I’ll always love you

sadly feels empty these days after the day we see each other, she`s now forget about me... it hurts but im trying to talk to her but suddenly i badly felt guilty bc she`s busy and im bothering her. i just wanted to feel her presence even we`re both busy at school these days.. i know im oa but can`t stop thinking of our communication problem..am i wrong?? of thinking this or bothering myself about this?? pano ako hahah i know it sounds weird bakit pinoproblema ko to syempre priority ko rin tong relasyon nato kaya nga ako nag commit hindi para maging unfair.. kalungkot fvck :(( sawa kana ba?? sobrang unimportant koba??

Зөндөө санаж байна өө🥺 уулзах өдрөө хуруу даран хүлээж сууна😌🥰 ажлаа сайн хийгээд ирэхээр нь шагнанаа залуугаа мундаг шүү🙆‍♀️❤️

hello bbg , lifes ....messed up isnt it? ...sometimes it feels that u cant even sleep from some stupid anxiety from a stupid ahh thing and sometimes you remember u are loved by a certain chocolate brown haired ,lovely ,sweet as Aaron warner might be -capricorn??? surely one of the greatest goals feels achieved when I remember this ,am pathetically sorry for not being online...insta lowkey depresses me ...lifes honestly a lil messed up for me nowadays ...i cant even read the way i used to...but dw i will fix it all , I promise to try to be more online T-T . YOURE MY SAFE PLACE ZOYE MOYE. passionate kisses (yes am a freak) -YOURS MOST ARDENTLY MAHEEN or heen or whatever .

I wasn't in the headspace at the time to be in a relationship. You came so unexpectedly. Thank you, mutual friend. I never knew I wanted a real family until I met you. Isn't it crazy how, after you meet someone, you start thinking abt it all? I know we both were so far away from each other. 20-24 hrs. But that didn't stop us. It was your first question after I confessed I liked you on the call. It didn't take me long to like you, even off text. You were very dry on text when I met you, but you really changed. I almost lost you for a mere moment. But something kept me going. I still was trying. You would send pictures of yourself often, face selfies, voice memos as well. And you wanted to have a call. You were the most extroverted person I've ever met in my life on call. I guess you can't judge somebody off text. One call grew to many, and a couple hours grew to seven. You made me love calling so much. I didn't even want to text you because I wanted to hear your voice in the moment. I was so close-minded, but you opened me to so many more possibilities. Even online, I pushed myself for you. I would mimic what you did unto me. We were so alike and very mature for our age. We had the same morals and beliefs. I never knew that after only a few months, you feel like they're the person that you can marry. And we tried—we tried really hard, everything that we could, to get married. We both loved each other so much. If there was only one thing that we disagreed on, it was the God that we believed in. I even tried converting for you, after I turned that one down the first time around, I still wanted interfaith, I wanted to make it work. You know, I thought that was the whole reason alone why we couldn't work, but I guess not everything's so one-sided. I figured out I never even would have had a chance because your family was the source of the decision, I wasnt muslim. You both confirmed that on our hour and a half call. I needed to know, so I didn't have any regrets from when I turned it down the first time. Thinking if I was prepared, would the yes at the start change anything? No. It wouldn't. The truth is, I knew all along the answer was a no for us, but I still tried. I felt such a heavy weight on my chest, and I knew that it wouldn't sit right with me if we proceeded. 6 people mutually agreed. That doesn't means a lot. I know we were saved from much trouble. Your religion is so strict and different. What are the odds that nothing would go wrong. We knew. I know the first no was the smartest thing from me. But when you're so deeply attached to a person, you want to try to do anything, even if it means risking it all for them. I wish we started through your dad, not you. I didn't know that you both were so intertwined. Your dad would help you with this guidance, much needed. He was the wisest of us all. This experience told me that it's very important, especially for someone from a vastly different culture, to really go through parents first. We would have saved ourselves some time and It wouldn't hurt so much. It also tells me that even though you were so smart, knowledgeable, aligned, and disciplined, you didn't even know what you were doing because you were in love as well. I can't blame you, but you told us that we had a chance. The truth is, we never did because I wasn't Muslim. You told me it's preferable, not impossible. And I am Christian, I know your dad previously mentioned that, if everything aligns, we could end up with each other. But distance was also a very huge factor. Guess not everything aligned. I feel a little bit conflicted because your dad got in the way of a lot of your own decisions, but I know he saved you, too. That doesn't go discounted. We talked about a life with no rules. We wanted to escape into this fantasy, we loved each other so much. Even after the first time around, the decision was made. We still kept in touch for four weeks, but it was a very strange dynamic. We both were still processing everything, and we still loved each other. It's like we didn't want it to end. But it was all wrong for us to keep in touch because there were mixed feelings and hope still left, and I feel like we would have done something very unholy with each other if we met up. When we were texting, it didn't feel like we were actually healing and moving on. It's like we kept each other apart from that. I didn't feel right about it, and I knew that we should stop what we were doing. But how could we if we were so addicted to each other, and we had fun doing it, and I couldn't say no to you? I wanted everything to be without any boundaries. There's no fun in that. After the second decision came around and your dad actually got involved again, silence has been the only thing I've been most familiar with. I don't think we'll ever return to even that stage again, because that has passed and it just didn't work for us. We were in a very gray area. I've been thinking to myself. It's not that I don't regret not being grateful, but I kind of wish I was still texting you. Because I miss you so much, and I don't wake up to any of your texts anymore, and it's like we're strangers again. I don't have much going in my life without you. You're the one doing all the work, studying and all. But I know we had to go through this again to really smack us back into a sense of reality. You see, there was never just friends. It was always mixed. And at this point, I don't think we have anything to gain being friends because once you get married, we're not gonna even call anymore. It's gonna be over forever. I know there's still time between, and it makes you think it would be best to keep them along for the ride before all of that. But I just don't know if I could trust myself with you and say no to you. Your dad told you to limit contact with me, and it's best. Prefer to never talk again. I see you were really listening this time. It's been three days since I've heard from you. I don't think I'm gonna initiate anything, but I did mention on the call that I at least wanted to keep the weekly calls because they were very special. I still wish that we texted during the week, but I feel like texting is a lot more concentrated, and we could get caught up a little bit easier. As the days go by, I'm even contemplating weekly calls. It's like I want everything at once. I know if you texted me, I would follow your lead and I would be open to it, but I just don't know if I could take that first initiative. I think I'm secretly waiting for you. Your dad and you have come to an agreement that it's up to me what I want to do with us at the end. But isn't that just a polite way of letting go? Saying goodbye? I think it's best if we both put effort into it, and we all know when a girl leads, nothing goes forward. Has to be mutual. If you don't initiate this week's call, then that's it forever. Nothing will come from me. I would take it as a sign to move on. You always initiated every call. I know you said it's not like we'll never text, but what is the fun of limiting messages with each other if we can't have it fully in a way where we can do what we want and text at any given time? Sometimes I hate how you're such a little puppy with your father. But I wish you actually followed your potential wife's lead. Maybe if you weren't so brainwashed by your father, things would be different. That's just a little bit of my anger speaking out. I find myself still waiting for your text messages, but I don't know if I'm delusional. Remember when you said that it would be our little sandbox, and that we would be against the world? Well, it doesn't seem like that anymore. Actually, never, because it was always your father in the background, lurking, and whatever we did had to be bypassed from him. He would have to make the decision if I get a yes or no for approval regarding being a wife. I hope he's happy with keeping his son tucked away. You went to an all-boys school. You never had a girl like you before. You never even had a friend that was a girl so close like me. I hope your father's happy now, and I hope you're as happy as him. For continuing to be secluded, I only came into your life for a little bit, I guess. But I hope you learned a lot from it, and I hope that this was the best decision for us. Look at you now, secluded again. No excitement, but the strict life you were raised up in. What's the fun in that? You weren't such a goody-two-shoes. We both did things behind your father's back, and that felt good, rebelling against him, because it was my space now, It was my domain, my lead. As of now, I don't necessarily know where we stand in the way of friendship. We may do weekly calls. We may text here and there, but I just don't know if we should end it. Overall, I can't be trusted with that decision that was given unto me. At this point, I wish you both made it. Both, because you guys are so equally aligned. It's like I want to text and call you, but then I don't at the same time, because I know that I will never be that wife in your life, like I get nothing out of it, just a temporal friend. Before you go on a search for a mate. It's like, am I that lonely and desperate? Yeah, the truth is, I am. Or maybe I just love you so much. Having you as a friend is as close as I can get. Even for the short time we have. The time before you create a new family. I think, in a way, it'll be easier for us to bridge the gap if we stay in touch. I knew you didn't want me to sacrifice anything. You told me. But that wasn't the only element. Everything is so grey with you. No black and white. I want to be careful before regretting anything. I know that the dynamic we had, had to end. But I feel like this was the only way that we both could really follow, if another person said it for us. But it's like now I lost you forever, though, because of that. Like I don't even have my best friend anymore. I guess it always bites you later when you don't stand up for yourself. You love talking sexual things. I never restricted you from that. I didn't want to be the one to put us back into place. So, your dad is. I swear I didn't do this on purpose. I was walking at the park with my mom, and she asked me a question: If I knew how everything would end, would I only want to be friends? It's too complicated. You don't know what you don't know. It was eating me alive in the beginning. I wanted to know if he was gonna be my future husband. The way I feel right now, I feel like I want to be just friends. We have history tho. I guess we were another case of romance ruined friendship. You were always a romantic partner to me, rather than just a friend. So, to be friends, I don't know if we can necessarily do that. It was so good, though, being in the gray area, because I knew we got everything we wanted. Our hopes with each other kept us alive, even though you didn't announce it to your dad fully yet. We wanted to do everything together before you brought it up to him, because it was extremely serious. But the truth is, we still took too long. And even your dad said that. The only wise one in the whole thing was your dad all along. We knew the truth, but we didn't want to admit it.Now it's so easy to be distant, just because it was left on your dad once again. And, of course, you're a little puppy, so you're gonna follow him. Only when Dad says it now, you listen. Now, you go silent. It's like, who are you choosing here, buddy? I don't know if you prioritized me as much as I wanted, but I don't know if I can argue with that either. Sometimes I think, if you really, really loved me, would you? But I knew you loved me. And I thought if I wasn't good enough, but you told me you're just so, so beautiful, you know? So that wasn't the issue. The truth is, I know we both said no to save ourselves from trouble. You went with it all along, and I made like five proposals. I wouldn't say it's that you don't trust me, but it's just probably going to happen again if we still keep in touch. So it's like more truth than trust. But you gave me false hope. You told me that you would come to my state, my country, and we would just do whatever we wanted. Because sometimes thinking so much prevents us from what we actually want. Too much logical thinking isn't good, either. You agreed with quite a few things I've mentioned, but I don't know if you actually did all the way. Maybe you were just too horny. We said we would just do it if we met up, without thinking. That way, a baby could hold us together. Anything to escape reality, I guess. But you're too logical. You even mentioned it yourself that some thinking will have to be required. Just then, I didn't have a chance.It's like good thing distance kept us apart, because we're kind of dangerous together. I don't know what could happen if we were both alone. I just know if one touch would ruin it all, and it would start everything, I don't think I could restrain from that. I actually never wanted to have kids. I never told you that. Even now, I'm still contemplating on it with somebody else, but with you, I feel like if we met up, I would do it for the sake of keeping you. I would grow to love these children, because you would be such an amazing father that it's hard not to, and you have such amazing traits. With you, I would have a kid. It makes me think now that it's not impossible, and I don't not want kids. It just has to probably be the right person. I know. We even hypothetically spoke about it in games we were playing. You would teach me how to be an incredible mother. It would come naturally, I believe. These plushies are still on your bed and your pillow, I'd hope. And this big box that I sent you all the way from America is still in your closet. And these chocolates that you eat daily, I know it reminds me of you of me, and your kitty, and your plane models / aviation related things. I remember you telling me that you will never get rid of them because it reminds you of how much loved you were. It's true, but I can't seem to keep the pictures on my night table. These pictures of things that resonate with you, because I feel like it's only gonna hurt me. You are so strong. I wish I was yours, and I wish we could be in love like that once again. It feels so amazing. You told us that we should end it before we get more attached, but I'm afraid it's too late for that. I found it amazing being loved by you. That's only one side that I got to see. It was addicting, but also annoying to the point where I was turning away. I think it was just too much. I've never felt loved like that before. We would text all day, every day. Never a dull moment. I never knew we would potentially drift away like this. You even told me we would still be in touch after your wife, but it would be limited and no more phone calls. I understood that, but not to this extent. I didn't think we would leave this early. I still wonder what's going to happen between us.I feel like I want to initiate, but I'm praying if I should do that. Scared. We both were 19 when we met. I will never forget all the emotions I felt with you. This experience has taught me so much about everything, and because of you, I got so much closer to my God. I can't thank you enough for that. And I drink a lot of water, too. And I know nobody ever will send you this big of a box like I did in your lifetime. The whole thing cost around $900 to send. No, you'll never forget anything, and I wonder how you feel about us now.I know you're a guy, so you're probably gonna move on so much faster. You're already rubbing it in my face about your future wife. And I know you're not perfect. I know you feel it, too. It's hard to live without you in my life. I literally want to die. And I know the answer is right, but you don't feel relieved like you wanted to feel. I know that God and your father and yourself saved me from everything. But what if I didn't want to be saved? What if I wanted to go through all the dirt with you? Every time I hear a plane, it reminds me of you. Every time I see it, it's you. You love playing so much, and you're gonna do amazing. You're so obsessed with it, and I hope your family loves you so much—even more than I do.I can't imagine you having little kids run around and a wife.Thinking about it too much hurts me. I fell in love with a Muslim man. And Islam is great, like I have no shade against it, but some of the things I do believe are wrong.I wish you were closer in my denomination, at least. I wish it didn't even have a denomination, so it could be easier, ironically.But the more that we stay in touch, I feel like there's a potential for something to change. I just don't know why, but I still have hope.I miss you so, so much. It hurts. I don't have anybody else in my life as practical as you, and I don't think I ever will.Well, that's not too true, but I like to think it. There's billions of people, I know. There's so much more of you: your traits, your personality. You incarnated. Haha im only kidding. I wonder what's going to happen from here on out. It's been three days.Longest we've ever went without communication.It's like now I'm only healing. But it's like talking to you prevented that from healing—the feelings, anyway. I just didn't know how much it would hurt. Trying to comfort myself with words like, "You aren't even a good texter. Why should I stay in touch with you?" but it's still you. Behind that phone call, it's still you. You also taught me how to become more extroverted. Even your dad thought I was outgoing, which is crazy to even think about. Taught me that it's okay to say anything, without asking so many questions.Because they're talking, things do get answered.It's interesting, because you were never the one to ask questions also. But I still knew everything about you. Oh my love, how life has to be very difficult! How parents have to get in the way!How religion is extremely important—more than I realized—because of this experience.How distance is actually a very important factor, and I bypassed that as well. My mom told me distance alone is enough for it not to even work.But I know we could have made it work. It's just sometimes when you try too hard, it's also not good.If you keep forcing everything and keep going against it, what good will come out? We weren't blessed. It's just so gray. How could I lose you forever?How could you give me the decision to take it in my hands how we end? You told me that we would still stay in touch.I can't go by you. I just can't.That decision alone makes it easier than looking at the past. Sometimes we can't keep looking at the past; we have to look at the present, and see what happens, where we are. To avoid all this, don't even end up with somebody of a vastly different religion. Because now I've brought this upon myself, and I have to deal with all the consequences that are entailed. It's not a fun process, but you've got to go through it. I still had lots of fun, even though I knew I would get nothing out of it. Just like sending that box, I did it for the experience. I miss you. I love you so much, and I wish you the best in your life. I thought I could convert you, but I hope SDA finds you in some way. I just can't guarantee that I'll be available.

I don’t know. I think I might always love you. I miss you. Often think about what we coulda been. Today especially you’ve been on my mind. It’s been about four yrs since we last spoke. You had a baby moved on and I thought I did too. But here I am writing this letter to you. Which you’ll never see. I love you all the way from your hometown to NY

Hellowwwwww m'loveeee how are youuuuuuuu how is life treating you latelyyyy whats going onnnnnn howssssss ma babayyyyyyyyyyyyy ily smmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm u mean a lot to me how does it feal to be my everthing???? why u not online very much lately?? me miss u vey much:(

I hope you find my letter when you already feel warm and it warms you more. I want you to know that i love you so much you would never understand and when we met about a decade ago i befriended you first cuz i liked your personality alot. ill always be your twin :3 #twinssincedayone #myunc #iloveyou #neverevergettingridofme #loveumorethantheworld

I have the most sweetest dream. He unblocked me and then we talk for an hour, funny right? cuz joke aside he would never unblock me. I still have no idea why did he need to end our relationship and go play his games like nothing happened after. Is it creepy if someone stalk their ex's whole game account's profile just becuasr they miss them? and learned how to play game that they dont even know how to play or like before (asking for a friend) i really miss you tho dear yuma, i dont even think i will forgot you cuz you keep appearing in my mind telling me you love me all over again... sighh seriously is it normal if someone do that? i haven't done it yet.... yeaahhhh heh -Your K 💐

I'm feeling low rn. I need u ig... I wanna sleep peacefully in ur arms #sukoon #nofikar ~Akku

Happy18mothsary too youpo loviee ko thankful po ako loviee kasi nanjan kapo palagi sa tabi ko while nahihirapan po ako sa mga problema ko and andito langdinpo ako palagi💌💐 loviee ko iwell never laeve youpo loviee pangako kopo sayo na hangang dulo po ako hanggang dulo po kitang mamahalin loviee ko. mag iingat kapo palagi loviee ko komaen kapo sa tamang oras im veryy happy loviee ko kasipo omabot tayo ganto ka tagal 💌💐loviee ihope madagdagan papo loviee ko and mag stay kalangpo loviee ko mamahalin kita nang subra subra loviee Palagi mopo tatandaan na mahal na mahal po kita loviee hindi po ako susuko nang madalian loviee ko mahal kita and wala akong oras na makipag hiwalay sayo loviee kapag sinabi💌💐 konapo na ikaw na yong last ko ikaw napo talaga maniwala kapo mahal kita at mahalin natin ang relasyon nato alam kopo na sabik kanapo sa hug loviee but soon loviee mayayakap natin ang isat isa loviee ko pangako kopo sayo loviee btw im veryy happy po talaga loviee ko wagkanapo sana mawala sa buhay ko loviee sayo kolangnaranasan ang ganto ka saya na buhay kasama ka loviee happy18mothsary loviee ko 💌💐

Hellowwwwww Maheen,I wanted to let u know that you have been helping me a lot more than you would ever be capable of thinking, i never in my life have felt so loved by anyone. You make me feal like i am loved and you give me a purpose to live and i am really greatful to have u. Your a spark in the dark,and i love you smmmmmmm<33333 Yoursss Zoye

hey zoye , Ik things are so hard. I know it all hurts but do remember zoya , youre a person with the heart that wont even feel hatred at full force ,youre so pure that u always give a person the doubt in their wrong doings even if u dont express it .You were born with the softness of a gentle breeze yet the strength of graphene .YOU HAVE NEVER LOST IT .YOU ARE NOT LOSING IT AND YOU WILL NOT LOSE IT I believe in you ,and even though it sounds an understatement when it comes to you.I LOVE YOU .I love u with all the depths of my heart ,with all the ways my heart is able to love with, so i want you to know my dearest buddy , that: 'If you have a million lovers ,am one of them.If you have one lover , am the one, and if you have no lover , then am dead'. ill love you enough that no ones absence of love makes u feel empty , this heart of mine can carry the weight -actually warmth- of loving u equal to all loves combined. . your craziest friend -MAHEEN

I’ve been in a relationship for 6 months on Wednesday and it’s been the happiest and shittiest relationship I’ve been in. We’ve both one through a lot, especially him. He’s been in and out of rehab in the passed 2 months, his mental health is horrible and I’ve put him before myself. Not caring to express myself or my mental health. We have barely talked during these 6 months. I love him to bits but I also want to yell at him, go off and tell him how shit he makes me feel some days. We missed our first big days, we missed our first valentines cause he was going through things, he missed my birthday due to rehab, he hasn’t messaged me today even though I messaged him as it’s his birthday and I’m terrified he’s going to miss our 6 months. I don’t like opening up, it makes me feel vulnerable and small even if my emotions are loud and rage on like a storm. Im so emotional and mentally drained, I put everyone before me, even struggling to focus on my last few months of school. I hate my life most days but I can’t blame anyone, i dont know why i hate it. I just can’t stand it, I never have any energy or motivation and I feel so alone even when I have people around, I feel like I burden everyone including my family and friends, even strangers. I feel like such a failure in life, I try every day. Some days I wonder if im better off single even if it’s not what I want, even if my heart belongs to this man. We’re long distance and he still feels like a second home. Hes my safe space even if he doesn’t know it but I’m so scared of opening up to him not because I don’t love him but because I’m scared of how it’ll make him feel if I get everything off my chest, if I be honest and tell him that sometimes our silence makes me wish we never got together but this was never once what I thought our relationship would be like. Im always the one to message, I always check in. Even when I know I won’t hear from him, when he was in rehab I messaged him knowing he wouldn’t answer just so when he got out he knew I was thinking of him. He hasn’t told me he missed me or loves me in so long and I haven’t heard him call me any nickname that im now scared to do it back to him because what if it’s awkward. What if it makes him feel weird. I can’t even cry anymore cause I feel like I have no tears to cry even when my throat closes up and burns with emotions. Im so fucking scared. So broken, so mentally tired. Some days im ready to give up Everything. Breath. Six months. On Wednesday it'll be six months together, and somehow it's been both the happiest and the hardest relationship I've ever been in. I love you more than I know how to explain. You're my safe place, my second home, even from a distance. But I'm also carrying so much hurt that I've buried because you've been going through so much yourself. You've been in and out of rehab, your mental health has been a constant battle, and somewhere along the way I stopped making space for my own. I've spent months putting you first. I've swallowed my feelings because I didn't want to add to everything you were already carrying. I kept telling myself there would be a better time to talk, but that time never came. We've missed so many moments together. We missed our first Valentine's Day. You missed my birthday because you were in rehab. Today is your birthday, and I messaged you because I wanted you to know I was thinking about you, even if you couldn't always answer. Now I'm terrified you're going to miss our six months too. I don't even know if you realize how much silence can hurt. I'm always the one reaching out. I'm always checking in. Even when I knew you couldn't reply, I still sent messages so you'd know I never stopped thinking about you. But I can't remember the last time you told me you missed me. I can't remember the last time you said you loved me. I can't remember the last time you called me by one of the nicknames that used to make me smile. I've become so afraid of saying them myself because I don't know if they'll still feel welcome. I hate opening up because it makes me feel vulnerable, small, and exposed. My emotions are loud inside me, but I don't know how to let anyone hear them. I've been so focused on protecting your feelings that I've ignored my own. The truth is, I'm exhausted. I'm emotionally drained. I'm struggling to focus on my last few months of school because my mind is constantly somewhere else. I put everyone before myself until there's nothing left for me. I feel alone even when I'm surrounded by people. I feel like a burden to my friends, my family, even strangers. I wake up every day trying my best, but somehow I still feel like I'm failing. Some days I hate my life, and I don't even know why. I just feel empty, tired, and stuck. I have no energy, no motivation, and sometimes I can't even cry anymore. The tears won't come, even though my chest aches and my throat burns from holding everything in. Sometimes I wonder if I'd be better off single. Not because I want to leave you. I don't. My heart still belongs to you. But because I never imagined our relationship would feel this lonely. I never imagined loving someone so much while feeling so unseen. I want to support you. I want to be there for you. But I need you to know that I need support too. I need to feel loved. I need to feel remembered. I need to feel chosen. I need to know that this relationship matters to both of us, not just me. I'm not angry because you've struggled. I'm hurting because I've been struggling too, and I don't think you've seen it. I'm scared. Scared that if I tell you all of this, it'll hurt you. Scared you'll feel guilty. Scared you'll pull away. But I'm also scared that if I keep pretending I'm okay, I'll lose myself completely. I love you. I really do. But I can't keep carrying both of us by myself. I need you to know how broken, tired, and overwhelmed I've become. I need you to know that I've been silently begging to be heard, to be seen, to be Loved. Breath. I've loved this man for three years. This isn't just a six-month relationship to me, I've been emotionally invested in him for so long. When he struggles, I struggle. When he disappears, a part of me is always waiting for him. When he doesn't say "I love you," it's not just the words I miss, it feels like I'm losing the connection I've been holding onto for years. But lately, I've found myself wondering who's been loving me with that same consistency. I feel like I've been the one checking in, sending the messages, waiting, trying to understand, and making excuses because I know he's hurting. I don't regret loving him, but I know that doesn't mean my own needs aren't important. I've realised something that's really hard to admit: I can love him deeply and still be unhappy in the relationship. Those two things can exist at the same time. Loving him doesn't make the loneliness disappear. It doesn't stop the hurt when I wonder if he'll remember our anniversary, or when I realise I haven't heard "I love you" in such a long time. Wanting those things doesn't make me needy, it just means I want to feel loved, valued, and connected to the person I'm with. The truth is, this relationship isn't the only thing weighing on me. I'm in the last months of school, things at home have been difficult, I've lost my motivation, I feel alone even when I'm around other people, and sometimes I feel like I'm a burden. I've been carrying all of this by myself for a long time. I think what scares me the most isn't just talking about how I feel, it's what happens after I do. I'm scared that I'll finally tell him everything I've been holding in and he'll be hurt. I'm scared he might leave. But I think what scares me most is the possibility that nothing will change, and I'll still feel just as alone as I do now. If you read this, im slowly breaking and im sorry.

Hi bestieeeee i just wanted to let you know that ily smmmmmm i miss you i wish you were here with me,i wish that we could meet and go out for a cute little date, i wish we could talk to each other physically about the books we read.I know fs that we will meet some day..... well that day is not very close but still till then i've goy your back from right here! hhehhhehehehehehehh lysmmmmm XOXO~

Winter greeted us first. January twenty-fifth. A day like any other— cold skies, quiet streets, the sort of day that slips unnoticed into yesterday. Until your request appeared, and somehow an ordinary afternoon became the beginning of everything. I remember wondering how someone with such bright eyes, an infectious laugh, and seeing monkeys frame her radiant smile could ever be interested in me. Then, almost before I understood what was happening, you joked that if you ever came to Spain, "I'd have to teach you how to cook". I don't think you'll ever know how quickly you made me blush. Spring arrived before the seasons ever changed. Late-night conversations became our sunsets, goodnight messages became our stars, and every notification carried the hope that it might be you. I'd count the hours through school, through training and dance lessons, through ordinary days and naps, just to hear your voice again. I'd never known excitement could feel so much like home. Then came summer. Love grew deeper, but so did the storms. We both carried battles the other couldn't always see. We wanted to heal each other, yet sometimes we only knew how to hold on tighter, accidentally pushing each other further away. Back then, I thought loving someone meant never letting go. Now I know sometimes love also means learning, growing, and finding a gentler way back. When we drifted apart, I tried convincing myself that we'd simply been a first love, a beautiful story that wasn't meant to last. It was easier to believe that than admit how much I missed you. Until I heard your voice again. In a single moment, every feeling I thought I'd buried returned like spring after the longest winter. Slowly, naturally, we found each other again. No rushing. No pretending. Just two people choosing to learn one another once more. Autumn has always been my favourite season. Not because the leaves fall, but because they remind me that change doesn't have to mean endings. Some things become more beautiful because they survive them. I'd replay your voice messages on the days the world felt heavy. You became warmth after rain, the first sunrise breaking through a storm, the quiet comfort of the moon when everything else had fallen silent. You inspire me to become someone better than I was yesterday. You remind me to keep moving forward when standing still feels easier. You make ordinary days extraordinary without ever trying. You're strong You're kind I know it's not always been easy, but I'm so proud of you Mi hogar siempre ha sido donde estás tú. The future is still uncertain. None of us can promise what tomorrow holds. But if these seasons have taught me anything, it's that love isn't measured by perfect days or cloudless skies. It's measured by choosing each other, again and again, through every season we are given. Some people spend a lifetime searching for a love that feels like home. Others never quite find it. I only know one thing for certain. Feliz cumpleaños, mi amor. You'll always be my forever fall.