Confession

You’ve been my friend for most of my life yet you treated me as an afterthought. I did so much for you. I begged and fought to be seen by you and you never cared for me. I tried to get over it but you’re just a selfish person deep down..

I know we're friends and I'm super happy we are. But I love you more than just a friend. I'm sorry, I never wanted to feel this way about you but I can't help it. You mean so much to me and I can't risk losing our friendship if I ever confess. It hurts my heart when you talk about other boys all the time and I know you won't ever love me back since your straight and I'm a just girl and I'd never be your chosen one. I can't get you out of my head at all, you appear in my dreams too. I sometimes even feel my heart aching, my body feeling numb, and even nauseous sometimes. My mind keeps drifting towards memories of us, every compliment you gave me, your happy smile, when I make you laugh, and so much more. I even still have the hoodie and every little thing/ gift you gave me and I cherish it deeply for some reason even if it’s tiny. I care about you but I can’t help but feel jealous when you’re talking to other friends or people other than me. It’s horrible I know and I don’t want to feel this way. I hate how my feelings keep growing for you and building up as time passes, and I can’t do anything about it. Maybe one day in the near future I’ll realize this is was all just a phase and my feelings will fade eventually. But for now I love you so much sweetheart and in the end you deserve to end up with a person that will make you happy.

I'm so stupidly in love with you, but there's nothing I can do about it. I'm not in a position where I can just blow up my life as it is and ask you out. That's not possible for me, and I don't know that it ever will be. I desperately want to ruin our friendship, and I wonder if you know it. Every look we share secretly kills me, but I don't know if it does anything to you. I search for you in every room we're in together. You make me laugh so damn much. You're so beautiful, talented, caring and brilliant. I don't know if I'll ever say these words out loud, and I don't know that if I did that you would be receptive to my feelings, but writing them down here feels good. If I never get to love you, I hope that the person who does gives you everything you could possibly ask for and more. You deserve the world.

to r, who came into my life in that september. perhaps becoming close and being friends with you felt like a given to me at some point, and precisely because i took it for granted, i cherished this beautiful friendship all the more. yet, i failed to understand your true feelings. you didn't want to remain just friends; you wanted the small title of "lovers" throughout those five years. i knew it, yet i turned a blind eye simply because i was terrified of losing our friendship (sounds like a flimsy excuse just to brush things off, doesn't it?). i wasn't sure if i could offer you a love that was truly worthy, and back then, we were still far too young. i was afraid that a fleeting romance would tear our friendship apart. i didn't dare believe i could bring you happiness. and now, as our feelings gradually faded and we drifted together—protecting each other like two friends simply out of habit—i inadvertently lost you, letting you fall into someone else's arms while i stood there in utter bewilderment. i don't understand my own emotions. clearly, i had rejected you; clearly, i had never given any signals. yet now, seeing you find a second happiness that isn't with me, i feel this sudden, stabbing heartache. we stood by each other in our foolish youth, and now that we are mature, you use that very affection to shelter someone else. i know my feelings have arrived far too late. i am happy for you, but at the same time, a quiet sorrow and regret are flickering inside for not having reached out to hold you back. right now, the two of us are walking a tightrope between friendship, looking both pitiful and blameworthy. i know these thoughts shouldn't exist, but please, let me be selfish just this once. i wish i could turn back time. i wish i had been more sincere in accepting your feelings instead of relying on the trust of a mere friend. i wish i had been confident enough to finally say, "i've fallen for you." this confession cannot be delivered to you, but i will try my best to nurture our friendship. and i know that one day, we will see those beautiful years of friendship bloom once again. (thank you for the love you gave me.)

I still love you

I wish I could really show you how much I love you, yet I am a nobody compared to her. I am so sorry that I don't have the talent to make it to you. You would never know anyways. But I hope you're happy with her.

this is wrong. what i feel for you is wrong. i cant stop myself from looking at your face, and i keep checking if you’re stealing glances of me too. sometimes i do catch you staring, but what does that mean? are you also having a hard time hiding? do you feel sick pag di ka nakakaharapit haak?masakit ba liwat ha dughan? or coincidence la adto? did you mean it han ginyakan mo nga maupay nak kaarot or han nagpakiana ak kun pogi ak tas nagyakan ka nga pogi na pogi after mo ak buligan pag belt? or were you just being friendly? gintry ko na tak best nga ig erase ka everywhere kay i know it’s wrong, pero i feel so sick and nauseous kay a lot of things remind me of you. singing reminds me of you, and its my favorite thing to do so ano man tak hihimuon? i don’t even know what this is for kay it’s useless. u love him and i think i love my gf too (at this point idk anymore), and i’m very much sure you don’t feel the same way if u happen to read this and if you’re sure kun hino ako, im really really sorry.

I sometimes wish you weren’t so easy for me to get to know, because maybe then I wouldn’t have gotten scared by how much I was starting to feel. I’m sorry if I suddenly got turned off or pulled away. I think I was just afraid of what being with you would be like, so I chose to protect myself and take good care of my heart. And yet, it’s already September, and somehow, I still find myself wondering about you—still thinking of you as one of my biggest “what ifs,” maybe even one of the greatest ones. So, I don’t know. If you’re okay with it, you can always message me anytime. Or maybe we can just leave it up to the universe and see where life takes us—whether we’re meant to rekindle something or whether things are simply better this way. Anyway, I’m genuinely proud of how much you’ve grown. I’ll always be rooting for you from wherever I am, and I’m praying that you find the success and happiness you deserve. - Z

good morning, nicz: ) it's been three weeks and somehow, i still find myself thinking about everything that happened between us. i still miss you. i don't think that's something i need to be ashamed of. u became such a big part of my life, and getting used to not having you around isn't something that happens overnight. there are still moments when i want to tell you something about my day or when something reminds me of you. i don't regret loving you or giving us a chance. what we had was real, and you made me feel understood, cared for, and safe to be myself. maybe we just weren't ready to make enough space for each other while chasing our own dreams. i wanted you to be my last, but sometimes loving someone means knowing when to let go. three weeks later, i still miss you, but i'm learning to move forward while being grateful that i got to love you. take care always, nico. i love you baby.

I'm sorry i never got the guts to apologize and to talk to you. I never really wanted to not talk but it just happened and its mainly my fault, I just wish I could be braver to speak my feelings. If I'm being honest I've always been incredibly jealous of you and your family but I'm embarrassed about it. When we were younger and I saw you with a cool phone, wearing what you wanted and having boyfriends it was so cool to me but you and the others always ingored me and I grew to be mad at you but I didn't mean it. I still think you're so cool and pretty and a little jealous of you still but I'm older and I realize now that thats just how it is for me and I notice the little commentsyour mom's says(she's upset that she's close to my sister and not to me and keeps trying to win me over with things but she already won me over and I try to show it), I'm not close to you guys but its okay. I still love and think about you guys. One day, I'm going to tell this to you in person and I'm going to apologize.

There’s something I don’t think I’ve ever properly told you, and I want you to know it now. I love you. And I know I say those three words a lot, but I honestly don’t think you understand just how much I mean them. I don’t think I’ve ever really sat down and explained what loving you feels like for me. It’s more than being happy when I hear from you or wanting to spend time with you. You’ve become someone whose presence genuinely matters to me. Your happiness matters to me. Your feelings matter to me. Even the little things about you stay in my head more than you probably realise. I love the way you’re you. Your personality, your little habits, the way you talk, the way you can annoy me and make me smile at the same time 😭. I love the soft parts of you and even the parts I’m still learning to understand. And after everything we’ve been through, I appreciate you even more. You gave me another chance to love you after we lost each other the first time, and I don’t take that lightly. Out of everything that could have happened, somehow we found our way back to each other. That means something to me. I don’t want you to ever think that I love you because I need somebody to love. I love you because I chose you. And I keep choosing you. I know I can be a lot sometimes. I know I feel things deeply. I know I can want reassurance, attention, affection and closeness, and sometimes I probably don’t know how to ask for those things without making them sound like demands. But underneath all of that is just somebody who genuinely loves her girl and wants to feel loved by her too. And despite all the things we’ve had to figure out, I still see so much good in us. I see the love. I see the connection. I see the person I fell for, and I see the person I’m still falling for. Maybe I don’t always say it properly. Maybe sometimes my frustration speaks louder than my affection. But please never mistake that for a lack of love. I want to know you deeper. I want to understand you better. I want us to be able to talk about the beautiful things and the uncomfortable things without feeling like we’re fighting each other. I want to grow with you, not just be in love with you. And I don’t know what the future holds for us. But I know that right now, sitting here writing this, I love you more than I’ve ever properly been able to put into words. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for choosing me again. Thank you for giving us another chance. And thank you for being my girl. ❤️

BAGAMIAS PULA CA AM TERMINAT SA SCRIU SI AM DAT REFRESH LA PAGINA DIN GRESEALA =)))) toppp Revenind! :) Iubita mea minunata, stiu ca nu iti e usor nici cu asta si ca poate nu aveai nevoie, insa din toate cacaturile si greutatile astea vei creste si vei invata. Esti pe un drum pe care eu din pacate il cunosc pentru ca am fost si eu acolo, dar te vei bucura la un moment dat ca au existat si momente rele si grele. Ce vreau sa spun din nou e ca esti un om mai mult decat minunat… si ca din nou vocabularul sau DEXul nu imi permite sa iti atribui oricum ceva suficient de bun. Pentru ca esti mai mult decat atat! Si meriti mai mult decat atat! Decat orice ti se ofera cu portia. Oamenii vin si pleaca, dar tu ramai. Si stii cum ramai? O persoana care continua sa creasca din ce in ce mai mult. Care invata si accepta lucruri la ea, la oamenii din jur. O persoana careia nu ii plac conflictele, o persoana corecta, o persoana care chiar si cand lumea e de cacat e acolo… cum ai fost si pentru mine cand am fost de cacat. Dar tocmai pentru ca esti, pentru ca existi, pentru ca inspiri, am ajuns sa te ador mai intai in tacere, apoi direct. Pentru ca asta meriti. Sa fii adorata din toate punctele de vedere. Sa se teama oricine ca te pierde. Sincer ma supar si frustrez foarte tare in momente de genul pentru ca STIU CE MERITI. Pentru ca stiu cum si cine esti, pentru ca nu vreau sa fii franta si descurajata de nimeni si nimic, chiar daca stiu ca e, din pacate, normal sa se intample si asta… as reinvia-o pe cea de la 16 ani si as bate pe oricine indrazneste sa te faca sa te simti mai putin si care iti sporeste overthinkingul si scade stima de sine… dar stiu ca nu pot si ca nu trebuie, si ca ce trebuie sa fac e sa iti fiu alaturi! Asa ca sper sa reusesc si cu cel mai mic procent sa iti fiu alaturi, sa te distrag si consolez mereu la nevoie. Te iubesc mult de tot si te rog sa nu suferi niciodata in tacere daca eu sunt aici!!!!!!

i never stopped loving u

I like you alot :)

TAKE CARE, BEANER BABIE. LOVE YOU, AND THANK YOU FOR CROSSING MY PATH, MAKING ME LAUGH, AND NOT JUDGING TOO HARSHLY. BUT I FEAR THERE IS A CYCLE HERE. I DIDN'T MEAN TO BREAK YOUR HEART OR LEAD YOU ON, I JUST THINK YOU'RE COOL. THANKS FOR ALLOWING ME INTO YOUR VILLAGE.LOVE, SHANNON HARLEY SERENITY STAR TANKA.THANK YOU SINCERELY, AND THANK YOU TO YOUR FAMILY—MAY THEY CONTINUE TO BE BLESSED FOR GENERATIONS TO COME. REMEMBER: LOVE LIKE JESUS, AND STAND UP FOR WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN LIKE THE MORNING STAR, BECAUSE SOME SACRIFICES REQUIRE A FALL FROM GRACE. BUT THAT'S THE PART—TO FALL FROM GRACE AND LAND ON YOUR FEET, WAS IT REALLY A FALL OR A MISTAKE?144 MAKE THE WORLD SHAKE, BABY!† ------------------------------------ †If you need any changes to the layout or want me to tweak the word art style, just let me know.

I wasn't in the headspace at the time to be in a relationship. You came so unexpectedly. Thank you, mutual friend. I never knew I wanted a real family until I met you. Isn't it crazy how, after you meet someone, you start thinking abt it all? I know we both were so far away from each other. 20-24 hrs. But that didn't stop us. It was your first question after I confessed I liked you on the call. It didn't take me long to like you, even off text. You were very dry on text when I met you, but you really changed. I almost lost you for a mere moment. But something kept me going. I still was trying. You would send pictures of yourself often, face selfies, voice memos as well. And you wanted to have a call. You were the most extroverted person I've ever met in my life on call. I guess you can't judge somebody off text. One call grew to many, and a couple hours grew to seven. You made me love calling so much. I didn't even want to text you because I wanted to hear your voice in the moment. I was so close-minded, but you opened me to so many more possibilities. Even online, I pushed myself for you. I would mimic what you did unto me. We were so alike and very mature for our age. We had the same morals and beliefs. I never knew that after only a few months, you feel like they're the person that you can marry. And we tried—we tried really hard, everything that we could, to get married. We both loved each other so much. If there was only one thing that we disagreed on, it was the God that we believed in. I even tried converting for you, after I turned that one down the first time around, I still wanted interfaith, I wanted to make it work. You know, I thought that was the whole reason alone why we couldn't work, but I guess not everything's so one-sided. I figured out I never even would have had a chance because your family was the source of the decision, I wasnt muslim. You both confirmed that on our hour and a half call. I needed to know, so I didn't have any regrets from when I turned it down the first time. Thinking if I was prepared, would the yes at the start change anything? No. It wouldn't. The truth is, I knew all along the answer was a no for us, but I still tried. I felt such a heavy weight on my chest, and I knew that it wouldn't sit right with me if we proceeded. 6 people mutually agreed. That doesn't means a lot. I know we were saved from much trouble. Your religion is so strict and different. What are the odds that nothing would go wrong. We knew. I know the first no was the smartest thing from me. But when you're so deeply attached to a person, you want to try to do anything, even if it means risking it all for them. I wish we started through your dad, not you. I didn't know that you both were so intertwined. Your dad would help you with this guidance, much needed. He was the wisest of us all. This experience told me that it's very important, especially for someone from a vastly different culture, to really go through parents first. We would have saved ourselves some time and It wouldn't hurt so much. It also tells me that even though you were so smart, knowledgeable, aligned, and disciplined, you didn't even know what you were doing because you were in love as well. I can't blame you, but you told us that we had a chance. The truth is, we never did because I wasn't Muslim. You told me it's preferable, not impossible. And I am Christian, I know your dad previously mentioned that, if everything aligns, we could end up with each other. But distance was also a very huge factor. Guess not everything aligned. I feel a little bit conflicted because your dad got in the way of a lot of your own decisions, but I know he saved you, too. That doesn't go discounted. We talked about a life with no rules. We wanted to escape into this fantasy, we loved each other so much. Even after the first time around, the decision was made. We still kept in touch for four weeks, but it was a very strange dynamic. We both were still processing everything, and we still loved each other. It's like we didn't want it to end. But it was all wrong for us to keep in touch because there were mixed feelings and hope still left, and I feel like we would have done something very unholy with each other if we met up. When we were texting, it didn't feel like we were actually healing and moving on. It's like we kept each other apart from that. I didn't feel right about it, and I knew that we should stop what we were doing. But how could we if we were so addicted to each other, and we had fun doing it, and I couldn't say no to you? I wanted everything to be without any boundaries. There's no fun in that. After the second decision came around and your dad actually got involved again, silence has been the only thing I've been most familiar with. I don't think we'll ever return to even that stage again, because that has passed and it just didn't work for us. We were in a very gray area. I've been thinking to myself. It's not that I don't regret not being grateful, but I kind of wish I was still texting you. Because I miss you so much, and I don't wake up to any of your texts anymore, and it's like we're strangers again. I don't have much going in my life without you. You're the one doing all the work, studying and all. But I know we had to go through this again to really smack us back into a sense of reality. You see, there was never just friends. It was always mixed. And at this point, I don't think we have anything to gain being friends because once you get married, we're not gonna even call anymore. It's gonna be over forever. I know there's still time between, and it makes you think it would be best to keep them along for the ride before all of that. But I just don't know if I could trust myself with you and say no to you. Your dad told you to limit contact with me, and it's best. Prefer to never talk again. I see you were really listening this time. It's been three days since I've heard from you. I don't think I'm gonna initiate anything, but I did mention on the call that I at least wanted to keep the weekly calls because they were very special. I still wish that we texted during the week, but I feel like texting is a lot more concentrated, and we could get caught up a little bit easier. As the days go by, I'm even contemplating weekly calls. It's like I want everything at once. I know if you texted me, I would follow your lead and I would be open to it, but I just don't know if I could take that first initiative. I think I'm secretly waiting for you. Your dad and you have come to an agreement that it's up to me what I want to do with us at the end. But isn't that just a polite way of letting go? Saying goodbye? I think it's best if we both put effort into it, and we all know when a girl leads, nothing goes forward. Has to be mutual. If you don't initiate this week's call, then that's it forever. Nothing will come from me. I would take it as a sign to move on. You always initiated every call. I know you said it's not like we'll never text, but what is the fun of limiting messages with each other if we can't have it fully in a way where we can do what we want and text at any given time? Sometimes I hate how you're such a little puppy with your father. But I wish you actually followed your potential wife's lead. Maybe if you weren't so brainwashed by your father, things would be different. That's just a little bit of my anger speaking out. I find myself still waiting for your text messages, but I don't know if I'm delusional. Remember when you said that it would be our little sandbox, and that we would be against the world? Well, it doesn't seem like that anymore. Actually, never, because it was always your father in the background, lurking, and whatever we did had to be bypassed from him. He would have to make the decision if I get a yes or no for approval regarding being a wife. I hope he's happy with keeping his son tucked away. You went to an all-boys school. You never had a girl like you before. You never even had a friend that was a girl so close like me. I hope your father's happy now, and I hope you're as happy as him. For continuing to be secluded, I only came into your life for a little bit, I guess. But I hope you learned a lot from it, and I hope that this was the best decision for us. Look at you now, secluded again. No excitement, but the strict life you were raised up in. What's the fun in that? You weren't such a goody-two-shoes. We both did things behind your father's back, and that felt good, rebelling against him, because it was my space now, It was my domain, my lead. As of now, I don't necessarily know where we stand in the way of friendship. We may do weekly calls. We may text here and there, but I just don't know if we should end it. Overall, I can't be trusted with that decision that was given unto me. At this point, I wish you both made it. Both, because you guys are so equally aligned. It's like I want to text and call you, but then I don't at the same time, because I know that I will never be that wife in your life, like I get nothing out of it, just a temporal friend. Before you go on a search for a mate. It's like, am I that lonely and desperate? Yeah, the truth is, I am. Or maybe I just love you so much. Having you as a friend is as close as I can get. Even for the short time we have. The time before you create a new family. I think, in a way, it'll be easier for us to bridge the gap if we stay in touch. I knew you didn't want me to sacrifice anything. You told me. But that wasn't the only element. Everything is so grey with you. No black and white. I want to be careful before regretting anything. I know that the dynamic we had, had to end. But I feel like this was the only way that we both could really follow, if another person said it for us. But it's like now I lost you forever, though, because of that. Like I don't even have my best friend anymore. I guess it always bites you later when you don't stand up for yourself. You love talking sexual things. I never restricted you from that. I didn't want to be the one to put us back into place. So, your dad is. I swear I didn't do this on purpose. I was walking at the park with my mom, and she asked me a question: If I knew how everything would end, would I only want to be friends? It's too complicated. You don't know what you don't know. It was eating me alive in the beginning. I wanted to know if he was gonna be my future husband. The way I feel right now, I feel like I want to be just friends. We have history tho. I guess we were another case of romance ruined friendship. You were always a romantic partner to me, rather than just a friend. So, to be friends, I don't know if we can necessarily do that. It was so good, though, being in the gray area, because I knew we got everything we wanted. Our hopes with each other kept us alive, even though you didn't announce it to your dad fully yet. We wanted to do everything together before you brought it up to him, because it was extremely serious. But the truth is, we still took too long. And even your dad said that. The only wise one in the whole thing was your dad all along. We knew the truth, but we didn't want to admit it.Now it's so easy to be distant, just because it was left on your dad once again. And, of course, you're a little puppy, so you're gonna follow him. Only when Dad says it now, you listen. Now, you go silent. It's like, who are you choosing here, buddy? I don't know if you prioritized me as much as I wanted, but I don't know if I can argue with that either. Sometimes I think, if you really, really loved me, would you? But I knew you loved me. And I thought if I wasn't good enough, but you told me you're just so, so beautiful, you know? So that wasn't the issue. The truth is, I know we both said no to save ourselves from trouble. You went with it all along, and I made like five proposals. I wouldn't say it's that you don't trust me, but it's just probably going to happen again if we still keep in touch. So it's like more truth than trust. But you gave me false hope. You told me that you would come to my state, my country, and we would just do whatever we wanted. Because sometimes thinking so much prevents us from what we actually want. Too much logical thinking isn't good, either. You agreed with quite a few things I've mentioned, but I don't know if you actually did all the way. Maybe you were just too horny. We said we would just do it if we met up, without thinking. That way, a baby could hold us together. Anything to escape reality, I guess. But you're too logical. You even mentioned it yourself that some thinking will have to be required. Just then, I didn't have a chance.It's like good thing distance kept us apart, because we're kind of dangerous together. I don't know what could happen if we were both alone. I just know if one touch would ruin it all, and it would start everything, I don't think I could restrain from that. I actually never wanted to have kids. I never told you that. Even now, I'm still contemplating on it with somebody else, but with you, I feel like if we met up, I would do it for the sake of keeping you. I would grow to love these children, because you would be such an amazing father that it's hard not to, and you have such amazing traits. With you, I would have a kid. It makes me think now that it's not impossible, and I don't not want kids. It just has to probably be the right person. I know. We even hypothetically spoke about it in games we were playing. You would teach me how to be an incredible mother. It would come naturally, I believe. These plushies are still on your bed and your pillow, I'd hope. And this big box that I sent you all the way from America is still in your closet. And these chocolates that you eat daily, I know it reminds me of you of me, and your kitty, and your plane models / aviation related things. I remember you telling me that you will never get rid of them because it reminds you of how much loved you were. It's true, but I can't seem to keep the pictures on my night table. These pictures of things that resonate with you, because I feel like it's only gonna hurt me. You are so strong. I wish I was yours, and I wish we could be in love like that once again. It feels so amazing. You told us that we should end it before we get more attached, but I'm afraid it's too late for that. I found it amazing being loved by you. That's only one side that I got to see. It was addicting, but also annoying to the point where I was turning away. I think it was just too much. I've never felt loved like that before. We would text all day, every day. Never a dull moment. I never knew we would potentially drift away like this. You even told me we would still be in touch after your wife, but it would be limited and no more phone calls. I understood that, but not to this extent. I didn't think we would leave this early. I still wonder what's going to happen between us.I feel like I want to initiate, but I'm praying if I should do that. Scared. We both were 19 when we met. I will never forget all the emotions I felt with you. This experience has taught me so much about everything, and because of you, I got so much closer to my God. I can't thank you enough for that. And I drink a lot of water, too. And I know nobody ever will send you this big of a box like I did in your lifetime. The whole thing cost around $900 to send. No, you'll never forget anything, and I wonder how you feel about us now.I know you're a guy, so you're probably gonna move on so much faster. You're already rubbing it in my face about your future wife. And I know you're not perfect. I know you feel it, too. It's hard to live without you in my life. I literally want to die. And I know the answer is right, but you don't feel relieved like you wanted to feel. I know that God and your father and yourself saved me from everything. But what if I didn't want to be saved? What if I wanted to go through all the dirt with you? Every time I hear a plane, it reminds me of you. Every time I see it, it's you. You love playing so much, and you're gonna do amazing. You're so obsessed with it, and I hope your family loves you so much—even more than I do.I can't imagine you having little kids run around and a wife.Thinking about it too much hurts me. I fell in love with a Muslim man. And Islam is great, like I have no shade against it, but some of the things I do believe are wrong.I wish you were closer in my denomination, at least. I wish it didn't even have a denomination, so it could be easier, ironically.But the more that we stay in touch, I feel like there's a potential for something to change. I just don't know why, but I still have hope.I miss you so, so much. It hurts. I don't have anybody else in my life as practical as you, and I don't think I ever will.Well, that's not too true, but I like to think it. There's billions of people, I know. There's so much more of you: your traits, your personality. You incarnated. Haha im only kidding. I wonder what's going to happen from here on out. It's been three days.Longest we've ever went without communication.It's like now I'm only healing. But it's like talking to you prevented that from healing—the feelings, anyway. I just didn't know how much it would hurt. Trying to comfort myself with words like, "You aren't even a good texter. Why should I stay in touch with you?" but it's still you. Behind that phone call, it's still you. You also taught me how to become more extroverted. Even your dad thought I was outgoing, which is crazy to even think about. Taught me that it's okay to say anything, without asking so many questions.Because they're talking, things do get answered.It's interesting, because you were never the one to ask questions also. But I still knew everything about you. Oh my love, how life has to be very difficult! How parents have to get in the way!How religion is extremely important—more than I realized—because of this experience.How distance is actually a very important factor, and I bypassed that as well. My mom told me distance alone is enough for it not to even work.But I know we could have made it work. It's just sometimes when you try too hard, it's also not good.If you keep forcing everything and keep going against it, what good will come out? We weren't blessed. It's just so gray. How could I lose you forever?How could you give me the decision to take it in my hands how we end? You told me that we would still stay in touch.I can't go by you. I just can't.That decision alone makes it easier than looking at the past. Sometimes we can't keep looking at the past; we have to look at the present, and see what happens, where we are. To avoid all this, don't even end up with somebody of a vastly different religion. Because now I've brought this upon myself, and I have to deal with all the consequences that are entailed. It's not a fun process, but you've got to go through it. I still had lots of fun, even though I knew I would get nothing out of it. Just like sending that box, I did it for the experience. I miss you. I love you so much, and I wish you the best in your life. I thought I could convert you, but I hope SDA finds you in some way. I just can't guarantee that I'll be available.

To my dearest, my tofu, my panda, my cediebee, I always love you. Love; but in such ways that even I couldn't fathom. I love you in a way that I don't know how to express because I'm too scared of being too much. I love you as a friend, as someone much more than that, and I love you most as just another human being. I see the goodness in you and I know you might be a little dense but I also know that you're all genuine. I apologize for all the confusion taht I may have caused you. Perhaps I don't really know what love is; perhaps I know what it is but I just don't know how to. It pains me a lot to carry the guilt of lying to you just to keep you around. I know you don't deserve any of those bullcrap. Cedie, I mostly think you deserve someone better but I also really wish I could be that someone. My insecurities are eating me alive and even the bugs could taste how bitter it is. I couldn't even get myself to meet you and have lunch together because I'm afraid you'd never see me the way you did in your phone. Just know, I may not have the same face, but I still have the same heart, the same soul, and the same person that loves you, accepts you, and is willing to take you in. Thank you for being a good friend, or maybe something more than that... But thank you still for being a good person. I still don't know where this will take us but I'll gladly accept it even when it leads me to my grave. I love you. Probably not your dearest, but someone who loves you best, Clara.

I miss your so much. I will miss you for the rest of my life. BROOKLYN

Damn ... I knew this was gonna be sooo cringe (ew). I really knew it. But let me to get this off my chest, huft. Honestly, I never expected to feel this way again. We only met for a short time, but somehow I ended up being amazed by the kind of person you are. Then, little by little, I found myself getting interested in you. I became so curious about you and wanted to know more about who you are. I guess that's how my little crush started. Because of you, I learned so many things, and they genuinely helped me grow. I know ... everything you did was probably just the bare minimum for you. You were simply doing your job. But I can't lie, I was still amazed by it. It made me go, "wow..." more times than I'd like to admit. When we first met, I honestly felt nothing. But after I started liking you, I caught myself looking for you without even realizing it. Lol. I truly hope you're always happy. I hope you stay healthy, find success in everything you do, and keep becoming an even better person. You're genuinely amazing. To be honest ... you're adorable too (imo). Thank you for becoming a small but meaningful part of my life. Thanks for being my mentor, bang.

Hi zhyy, i just want u to know na, i still like u to this day. Even though we stopped talking way way before, dito ko lang masasabi sayo to kasi, nahihiya ako sabihin sayo dahil alam kong may kausap ka na. I will still admire u and be ur silent supporter, alam kong di ganito mag type si Eros pero. Iniba mo ung point of view ko sa mundong to, you became my inspiration to push through even on the toughest day ever. And gusto lang kita pasalamatan dahil don, cause i wouldnt see the world the same if i never met you. "iwasy" -ErosPogi