i miss you, leo. i miss hearing your voice, hearing the smile in it when you were happy, when you were being silly with me. i miss knowing that even with everything you’ve been through, there were still moments where you felt safe enough with me to smile and laugh. i miss being there for those moments. i miss how gentle you were with me, how safe you made me feel, and how happy i was just getting to know you. i know you’ve been hurting, too. i know there are things you struggle with that i can’t fix for you, no matter how much i wish i could. i just wanted to be someone you could feel safe with, someone you could laugh with when things were hard, someone who cared about you even on the days you couldn’t see anything good in yourself. i saw all of it. i don’t just miss being loved by you. i miss you as a person. i miss the little things about you that probably seemed insignificant to you at the time, but mean everything to me. i wish i could hear your voice one more time, hear you smile, and know that you’re okay. i don’t think you understand how much this hurts. i’m trying to make sense of losing someone who meant so much to me, without even getting to understand what happened or say goodbye properly. i miss you in all the little moments, and it feels like everything i was looking forward to has disappeared overnight. i wish i knew how to make this hurt less. i wish missing you didn’t feel so heavy, especially knowing that all i want is to hear your voice and know that you’re okay. i still care about you so much, leo. i don’t know what happens from here, and i know i can’t make you come back. i just wish things had been different. i wish we could have talked through everything instead of losing each other like this. i miss you, and i hope that somewhere, even if i’m not there to hear it anymore, you’re still finding reasons to smile. i’ll wait for you. —mae.