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angel, this loss hurts so deeply because you didn’t just make me fall /you/. you helped me fall in love with my life again too. i started looking forward to things, making plans, getting excited about the future. i felt like there was so much waiting for me when you were around, and i wanted to be here for all of it. i know it wasn’t something only i noticed, either. people told me they could see the difference in me, in /us/, in how happy we made each other... that’s why it hurts so much to look back now. i miss you, of course i do. i always do… but i also miss the girl i was becoming when you were in my life. i hope i find my way back to her someday. i'm still trying to understand how something that made me so unbelievably happy could leave me feeling so lost. i’ll figure it out one day. —mae.

Idk what to say I know I’ll never have you again.. but I honestly can’t get you out of my head I’ve tried I’ve tried so hard but I genuinely don’t understand why you have effected me so much .. maybe bc you truly loved me and I never realized till now.. fuck man I miss you I really do Vero I wish things were different I wish you gave me a chance to prove to you my love I wish I can go back in time and just hear your voice,laugh just be in your presence one more time I’ll do anything for that.. but it’s in the past I really hope you get to see this ugh Vero I wish you were mine you genuinely don’t understand how badly I miss you🫠 and i genuinely don’t understand why why can’t I get over you man… yk I still have those 2 bracelets I was supposed to give you the day you were supposed to become mine.. fuck man I just wish I can talk to you be in your presence again Veronica you don’t understand how much I miss you genuinely…. Anyways I know you’re building a life with someone else but I just want you to know that no matter how much time passes no matter what happens I’ll always have love for you and appreciate that you were once apart of my life. Thank you Veroni/pepperoni for everything if you ever read this I just want you to know that I love you Veronica I’ll always will and I’ll do anything for you.. I’m sorry for always bothering you with all these messages.. I hope you’re happy and enjoying everything I’ll always pray for your happiness and for you to always be ok… I love you Veronica I’ll always will.

ml, i think i’ve been looking at blips all wrong. i thought the sad moments were the “blips”, but now i wonder if it was the time i got to spend with you. maybe you don’t feel that way, and maybe i’m the only one wondering if we’re destined to be sad without each other. maybe i didn’t deserve to feel so happy with you. i just know i wanted to make your life easier and give you more reasons to smile. and i wish i’d had the chance to show you that. i hope your story has a happier ending. —mae.

we just spoke. probably for the last time. you said you didn’t know what you were thinking, or why you chose her, or why you can’t choose me. you expressed your struggles. your mental health. everything. i don’t think you ever know what you meant to me. not because i never showed it, but because i don’t think you ever realised how /serious/ it was. i wasn’t looking for something for a fairytale ending. i wasn’t expecting everything to be perfect between us. i just remember listening to your voice and thinking, “i can do this.” “i can choose this person.” for the first time, i wasn’t scared of the difficult days. i wanted to stay through them. i wanted to figure things out. i wanted to grow together. i wasn’t scared. you made me brave. i don’t think you’ll ever know that i already started imagining a future where you were in it. not because i was rushing anything. but because loving you, and falling in love with you, felt so natural. maybe that’s the part that hurts the most. maybe you think that by choosing her, you’ve lost me. but you haven’t. i already decided to keep choosing you. even on the days when love would have been hard. i’m sorry i couldn’t change your mind, my love. —mae.

my sweet boy, i just can’t stop thinking about everything you’ve told me about your history with her, and i struggle to understand how you could go back to something that hurt you so much. i just can’t get that part figured out. sure, /i/ wasn’t good enough to be with you. but her? she broke you. i saw that in you. i noticed it every day. with the things you said, the things you did, how you reacted to things. i saw the pieces she took from you that were missing, and i wanted to badly to bring them back to you, angel. with kindness, and gentleness, and care. i cared for you. :/ i know i can’t make that decision for you to leave her, but it scares me to think you might be returning to the same pain you worked so hard to leave behind. please do what is best for you and your heart. protect it, because it’s so precious. i wish you’d chosen differently, —mae.

you've become too dear to me in the few days we've been together.. i want you to like me so much and i want my love to be mutual. you are very dear to me, i am so afraid of spoiling everything...

hi again, my love. i’m hurting. i had started letting myself imagine a future again. when you said you’d try to come back for me over the weekend. i thought we’d be okay. not anything perfect or unrealistic, just the possibility of having someone to love and someone who wanted to love me back. i was excited about the chance to discover what that could look like with you, finally. i still can’t sleep without you and i wish i could. i miss you, my angel, mae.

fuck, leo. sometimes i wonder if you’ll look back on this and question whether you made the right choice. not because i expect you to come running back to me, but because i worry that you made a shitty decision during a time when everything felt impossible to understand. i’m worried that your sadness was taken advantage of. i hope you give yourself permission to reconsider it if you ever realise you might be sad. or that you might want something else. i can’t sleep anymore, mae.

i keep thinking about all the little things i wanted to do for you. remembering the things you liked, finding things that would make you smile, and making sure you knew how loved you were. none of it was meant to be a grand gesture. i just wanted to make your life a little softer. i hope i get that opportunity someday. you deserve all the love i have to give. and i’ll keep it all right here, waiting for you. your girl, mae.

good morning, my sweet boy. i hope you know that you never had to hide that side of yourself that you were so scared to show. i wanted to understand you. even when you couldn’t find the words to explain what was happening inside of your heads. you never had to be perfectly okay for me to still want to love you. with so much tenderness, mae.

i hope that one day, when things feel less overwhelming, you can look back at everything with a clearer head and understand what you wanted for yourself. whatever you decide, i hope it’s something you choose because it makes you genuinely happy, rather than because you’re frightened of what might happen otherwise or because you’re too vulnerable to make a choice for yourself. yours, mae.

sweetheart. i can’t shake the feeling that everything happened when you were at your most vulnerable. you were struggling, you were overwhelmed, and you weren’t sure what you wanted, and suddenly you were back in a situation with someone you already had so much awful history with. maybe i’m wrong about some things, and i know i can’t know everything that’s going on between you two. but i worry that being in such a dark place influenced a decision that you might have made differently if you’d had more time. i can’t help feeling like she’s come back into your life at a time when you’re especially vulnerable, and that worries me more than i can explain. i remember what you’ve told me about your history together, and i know your friends have their own concerns, too. i’m scared that you’re going to get hurt again while you’re already struggling. i don’t want to see you back in that dark place. i don’t want to see you in a hospital room. i wish i could make you understand that my concern comes from caring about you, not wanting to control you. i wanted to give you room to breathe because i cared more about you feeling better than getting an immediate answer about us. i didn’t want you to feel trapped or pressured into anything. i just wish that, somewhere in all of this, there had been room for us to talk honestly about what we meant to each other. i still wish we’d had that chance. and i can’t help but feel like she rushed into this with you to take advantage of the fact that you were hurting and scared. and keeping you scared so you’ll stay with her. and that isn’t right. please give yourself time to think. still yours, mae.

my sweet boy. it’s getting bad. i worry about you so much. i can’t stop thinking about how she treated you, and how you chose that over the love i have for you. i just want you to make safe choices. i want you to protect your heart— and i still want to give you mine. always yours, mae.

hi my love. i miss you. i’m trying to respect your decision but it’s so hard. i miss you so badly. the days don’t feel right when you’re not in them. yours, mae.

Hai, udah hampir dua tahun pas kita pertama ketemu dan rasa itu tetap sama. Aku naksir banget sama kamu, tapi ya aku sadar diri sih kan kamu tuh hitz banget ya, banyak fansnya, jadi aku jadi secrect admirer aja. Loving you was like riding rollescoster, many ups and downs. Kadang dibikin happy pas ada kamu dan segala interaksi yang ada, kadang juga dibikin down pas aku tau kalo kamu stecy banget sama aku. Setelah hampir dua tahun ini apa aku udahin aja ya? Aku capek tapi aku masih sayang.

Hello world! This place is crazy nowadays, isn’t it? To think that this would be happening… I just heard the news that my city of birth - Saint-Petersburg, Russia - was attacked by Ukrainian drones. I always knew that Ukraine was attacking Russian deep territories, but once it happens to your city it just hits differently, doesn’t it? This war was started by one elderly idiot, trying to gain social status(?), power(!), and stability(???). Because of him I had to leave the country, leave my friends and homeland behind, learn multiple new languages, and acclimate to the ‘brave new world’ of today. My home was left to rot and crumble under the sheer weight of time… My friends turned on me because I did not support genocide of civilians… My life was broken because of one man’s wish to rule forever!.. I never talked to anybody about the weight of these feelings, let alone cried to anyone about them. Man don’t cry, they said. They do… Some just lie about that… And now I am in the USA - a progressive and liberal country of limitless opportunities, one made for the American Dream! - sitting in the corner of my apartment afraid that ICE would one day come and break the small, fragile world of safety and peace I built from ground up. Sorry for dumping all that on you, reader caring enough to read this to the end. I really wish I could get your response, but staying unknown is probably for the best. I wish you never have to endure this hollow, empty feeling in your chest. I… And here I am again, rumbling nonsense about myself… Just want to really thank you, random no one, who read my feelings and did not let them be carried away by the winds of time… Thank you, thank you, thank you… :) - TomCat

I'm sorry I was a bad person but I'm different and I just wish I was different with you. It hurts my heart knowing how terrible I was. I truly miss you. I hope you are happy now and i hope shadys doing good. I also hope you found your cat Gucci I think his name was. He was a Orange Tabby. I hope you see this even though i know you probly wont. Im so sorry i couldnt be your person but im glad we arent together sometimes because i realised how missriable we both were. I wish we could be just friends but that wont ever work. I know if we get back incontact it will probly ruin both of our lives. I want to talk to you so bad though and see what you are doing and how you are and if you found your person yet. Its not fair what happend but it had to happen. I hope you are well Kaleb B. Truly, K

I’m sorry for how things ended, I still love you I always will, I hope you find the right person for you and wish nothing but good things for you. With much Love ~ A

i kvoeu bebebaba

And perhaps that is what frightens me most about you: how effortlessly you have become a part of me. How I find myself saving little things throughout the day just to tell you about them, as though every passing thought becomes a little less ordinary if I can share it with you. I catch myself wondering what you'd say, what your face would look like, whether you'd laugh at the same ridiculous things I do. It's embarrassing, really, how much of my world has begun to make room for you. I think if you were here, I wouldn't even need anything extraordinary. I'd want the sleepy mornings, the tangled limbs, the quiet laughter against your shoulder. I'd want to watch you exist without feeling the need to fill every silence. I'd want to learn the language of your little habits, memorise the expressions you make when you're concentrating, and discover all the different ways your voice sounds when you're tired, excited, or trying not to laugh. I'd want to know you in the ways that don't fit into words. Because I don't just want the beautiful parts of you. I want the strange, inconvenient, wonderfully human parts, too. The overthinking, the rambling, the moods you cannot explain, the thoughts you hesitate to share because you're afraid they might be too much. I want you to feel as though you never have to make yourself smaller for me. You can be as peculiar, as vulnerable, as gloriously yourself as you wish. I would rather know the unfiltered truth of you than fall in love with some polished version you think I might prefer. And God, I think I'm already falling for the things you haven't even realised are lovable about you. Sometimes I wonder whether you understand what you've done. You came into my life, and suddenly there are mornings I look forward to, songs that sound different, and little moments that make me wish you were there to witness them. You have somehow made the world feel like a place I want to stay in a little longer. Not because everything is suddenly perfect, but because somewhere in the middle of all its imperfections, there is you. I don't know what the future has written for us, and I won't pretend that love can promise us an easy road. But I know that if I get to keep discovering you, slowly and sincerely, through all the ordinary days and unexpected turns, I will consider myself terribly lucky. So, if you wake up tomorrow and wonder whether you crossed someone's mind before the sun rose, let it be enough to know that you did. You were there in the quiet, in the first thought I couldn't quite shake, in the little ache of wishing distance were a thing we could simply laugh away. And if the universe ever grows tired of granting me wishes, I think I'd ask it for just one more morning with you. No grand declarations. No elaborate plans. Just you, beside me. Your hand finding mine beneath the blankets, your sleepy voice breaking the silence, and the whole world waiting patiently outside our little corner of it. Because, darling, I think I could spend a lifetime learning the extraordinary art of being ordinary with you. And somehow, I think that would be the most extraordinary thing of all