I still love you with every piece of me. You know those times Id tell u ppl can make me easily stop liking or loving them if they make me cry or hurt me a lot? well with you I realized that wasn't true, maybe for them but all those times you hurt me and made me cry my mind, heart and soul still longed for you. That time back then when u disappeared, I had written to you almost every day though I knew u wouldn't see my messages either cuz id be unadded from ur life forever or cuz u followed through with u plan u said I couldn't save u from. Also after that time we had broken up y'know how I started talking to new people? well during that time with every new interaction, I felt sick to my stomach and just wanted my sweet boy (you) back but I tried to find new and better like u said tho i knew it was impossible cuz u were perfect in my eyes.I tried to find new so I could look tough, as if I didn't care and as if nothing such as a guy bothered me, but it so badly did. I remember the number of times I tried committing because of it, I thought "what was the point of living if i couldn't have u...my reason to live, now gone...unwanting of me.. what am i doing here? I don't matter surely? who am I supposed to be now?" I remember only finding purpose through you. but as time passed Idek and Im not sure why I'm still here but I think its cuz I still have hope...hope for us, even though ik u don't ever want me again like u said. I'm still willing to go through hell and back for you even If u don't want me to. I still love you so much, there was never a day I didn't love or think of u. Theres so much I left unsaid because I was scared, you'd stop loving me..but hey it happened anyway so idk why i was so terrified, I should've spoke my mind to you, straight forward. I still think of the hibachi baby videos and truly when i seen them back then i thought maybe once we settled down and were living right we'd have a kid or 2 and once they were 1 or 2yo we'd take them to the hibachi grill place and record their reactions. hahaha. I still think of it at times. I noticed myself thinking, saying and doing stuff id never do when I was with you, and alot of it helped me. I learned to love parts of myself i use to hate and learn to like and know about other things cuz of u. I still want to give you everything u want and deserve but I feel even tho its right at your door u want it to be another person to give it all to u I hope I could be that person in the future. when I see mangos, I still think of u, my handsome mango :) I wish u could see how I see you. I still have sm gifts I still need to give you!!!I hope I can someday, but face to face. You're perfect and idc if u say ur not because u are so dam perfect in my eyes i fricken love you so fricken much it aches me knowing I cant tell u this burning passion for u I still have hidden within. I try to keep my mind and distance to myself so u won't push me further away but i tend to ignore myself n yap then i beat myself for it cuz youd start distancing urself seemingly. I hate it whenever ur gone. It kills me so much, sometimes I wish u felt this pain i felt for u whenever u was gone and during all the other things. I YEARN SO BAD FOR YOU BUT YOU JUST DONT SEE IT OR DONT CARE... Im sorry for the ways I am. Please know I keep my promises,every single one i ever made to u (that's if U want me to still follow throug with them) and I will love u till the day that I die, even in the after life.