Goodbye

I’m really sorry for deceiving you but I love you, I wanted to keep you & I know it wasn’t an excuse but I couldn’t afford to loose you yet in the end I lost you anyway

I guard my heart off from you. I still see you everyday, wishing I wouldn't have to because it would make moving on so much easier. you keep talking to me and its so confusing, I just want my peace and you can't even give me that. YOU were the one that messed everything up. YOU ended the relationship and now you're crawling back. you constantly hurt me for 5 months and everyday I still chose you. you chose everything before me, yet for some reason you still keep coming back. I can't trust that this time is going to be different. I tried moving on and I actually liked this guy but it just didn't work out because of personal things going on in his life and now it's just you constantly everywhere. I tried and tried for you and all you did is push me away and now you're begging to come back. why should I let you back in? after everything, you want full access to me and my life again? you told me you noticed the way I've become cold towards you and how it makes you feel, and how every time you see me with him you feel like shit. well welcome to the club because that's how I felt for the longest time when I was always just an option to you and never a choice. you said everything is hitting you now and you know what I think? I hope it hits you so hard that you actually realize what a piece of shit you were to me. you said I'd never forgive you, but the truth is, I do forgive you. but I don't forget. I don't forget the way I felt, the way I cried, the way I begged god for some relief because all you gave me was anxiety. I do miss the good times, the memories, how you made me feel when we weren't fighting, but why would I go back when you hurt me that much? I have to protect myself and unless you show change, why would I ever give you another chance at my trust again? I never stopped loving you, but that love is given at a very long, cold distance now and I'm not sure it'll ever be close and warm again. I'm not giving my everything to a person if they aren't willing to do the same, I've learned my lesson. I love you, but I'll never love you the way I did again. sorry, not sorry. I have to worry about myself and my well-being first for once.

Cher Arturo de París, I thought about sending this to your email for a couple of days, and after sitting with it, I decided not to do that, because I do not want to affect your life and your relationship with your wife. The truth is that I could not figure any other way for telling you this, so I just posted this here.  For the past seven years I have missed you, very much. Somehow, from time to time, I kept on seeing things that reminded me of you. As I wrote this letter, tears were falling from my eyes because I know that some feelings are still somewhere in me because I never got the chance to tell you how much you meant to me. Even though now you’re a total stranger to me.  Two weeks ago, I did a trip to Paris and obviously I couldn’t be in your city and not think of you… While I was there, I imagined what it would be like to actually see you again, even though the possibilities were really low. I wondered what would I do. Would I have the courage to say hello to you? “Maybe that would be wrong, I don’t know if he doesn’t want to talk to me” — I thought. I wondered that if you saw me, you would ignore me and I would’ve ignored you too? Or smile to you from afar? Thankfully, we didn’t cross paths, because I wouldn’t know what I would’ve done.  Some years ago, after our exchange semester in Warsaw, we were supposed to see each other but COVID and life happened, and then I decided not to risk going there to see you. There are few things I regret in my life and one of them was not taking that plane to Paris, but I am sure everything happens for a reason. I had many dreams of seeing you again, hugging you and just catching up on how were we living our lives and achieving our goals, because the truth is, I really wanted you to stay in my life… In that sense, and given the fact that we have not seen each other nor spoken in so many years, I wanted to let you know that I am very proud of you for becoming a sport coach. I always thought that you would be a fantastic teacher, and now you are! Applying philosophy into body and health. I am very happy for you and all that you’ve achieved with your Hyrox! Probably you don’t know anything about me. But in case you’re interested, here is the summary what I have been up to for the past years: I graduated with honors and after having so many ugly jobs, I (finally) worked where I wanted for three years, learnt a bit more of French and now I recently moved to Switzerland to do a Masters Degree specializing in Human Rights and Humanitarian Action. I still have not decided if I want to become Ambassador or not, but what I am sure is that my purpose is defend and promote minorities' rights. I remember all too well of what we lived in Warsaw. For me it was like a dreamy movie with some pain and sadness, but when I remember you in it, it also has a tint of happiness and a good feeling. I just wanted you to know that in many ways, you saved me. You also taught me so much about life and philosophy. I still carry that with me. Definitely meeting you was a way of discovering new things about life and about myself. I don’t know how to explain this, but I really felt seen with you, like you saw me for who I was. I don’t know if you ever felt it, but I must assure you that I felt something really intense and passionate towards you, something you can only experience once in your life. You were kind, intelligent, curious, funny, wise, and overall, a great human being. You’re a memory of a person that I will always remember fondly, and I hope you feel the same way about me, but if you don’t, that’s okay. With you, and after these past years, I’ve learnt that not everything in life has to last forever in order for it to be special. Some of the greatest persons in our lives don’t stay forever, and that is the case with you. Anyways, my final words to you are that I am glad and happy you that exist, because we got to know each other and coincide for a very short amount of time in our lives. You were transcendental in my life and will always be.  So go on and live a fulfilling life, help others and may all your goals and desires come true. I wish you the best for you and for all your family. If we ever cross paths again, I’ll smile at you, but that’s all. After this letter, there’s simply nothing left to say. So with this, I release you from my heart and I let you go forever Arthur,  Love you always, your María.

Even though we’re no longer by each other’s side, every year, I’ll still hope that you have a wonderful birthday. I hope you’ll always be happy. Thank you for being my “orange cat.” I wish you had realized just how much you once meant to me. I wish you had known that, back then, all it would have taken was a single word from you for me to stay. Then I wouldn’t have had to cry and write those words, these lines, or all the things I would say afterward. I wish you had realized that. It’s still inside me. I want to tell you everything, but I just keep crying whenever I think about those memories. I can't tell you. Maybe we can be bestfriend in another lifetime. I’m sorry I can’t be there to see you succeed and be happy. But I hope that you will always be the best person in the world. Love you from far away. H

Mace, this will be the last time I message you. Thank you for coming into my life; short as it was, I was truly the happiest. Don’t worry—maybe not today, next week, or next month, but I will surely be okay and move on, even if part of me doubts I ever fully will. Like I said, you’ll be the last one I love in this lifetime. I will carry this silent yearning until the pain fades—though I think I will just slowly learn to accept it while my heart is still beating. For the last time in this lifetime of mine, to my greatest love: I love you to the moon and back, Mace.

I’ll keep this short. You’re wonderful, you really are. You were oddly everything I was looking for at the moment. I just wished I met you at a different time rather than keeping you a secret for far too long. I hope you enjoy working at Six Flags. I hope you being a train conductor someday. I felt like I learned so much about you in 4 hours for only knowing you for 6 days…and I didn’t share much about me. It’s funny because what you taught me I’ve applied in my daily life so far…I took off with knowing you but you were left with my body. I’m still in love with my 3.5 years, I couldn’t let them go yet, I just don’t know. You deserved an explanation, and I regret that I didn’t give one to you. You were like a sweet cigarette.

I miss you my beautiful girl. I’ve been thinking about the choice i made and i’ve been regretting it ever since, i was a fool to leave you. You mean so much to me i just hope you knew that before our break up. If you ever need anything know i’ll always be here for you baba -999

Hey my love, i dont know if your ever going to see this. I just wanted to say that im sorry for the way i treated you, you meant everything to me and i wish i couldve done better my sweet girl. Ill always be here for you just shoot me a text. I miss you baba... -L -12411/999

Sorry, my teacher. But I'm not too smart or hard-working like you think. i like playing video games and drawing. But I never want to study english like that... I'm so sorry... My english teacher. Thank you for helping me, now I have to do better in the next school.

ამ ყველაფრის შემდეგ, შეხედე, სადამდე მოვედით… ათასობით კითხვა გვაქვს, მაგრამ არც ერთი პასუხი… სათქმელიც აღარაფერი დაგვრჩა. და როგორ მოხდა, რომ სულით მონათესავეები უბრალოდ ორ უცხო ადამიანად ვიქეცით? მინდა, კიდევ ერთხელ დავლიოთ ერთი ბოთლი ღვინო, გავიხსენოთ… როგორ ვცეკვავდით ოდესღაც ვარსკვლავებთან ერთად… როგორ გვჯეროდა თითოეული ჩვენი ოცნების… მოგონებები მკლავს… და მითხარი, რა არის კარგი ამ „მშვიდობითში“?.. დღეს შენ მტოვებ მე, მე კი — შენ… სხვადასხვა გზით მივდივართ — სულები, კომპასის გარეშე დარჩენილნი… ამ ყველაფრის შემდეგ ორივე შევიცვალეთ. მე უკვე სხვა ქალი ვარ, შენ კი — ახლა უკვე სხვა კაცი… რა მოხდა? და როგორ? როგორ დაგროვდა ეს მანძილი იმ პატარა, ერთი შეხედვით უმნიშვნელო ამბებისგან? იქნებ უბრალო „გამარჯობა, როგორ ხარ?“ ჩვენი გადარჩენა ყოფილიყო… მე ხომ ჯერ კიდევ აქ ვარ!… რა არის კარგი იმაში, როცა მეუბნები: „კიდევ მომატყუე…“ როცა სიმართლე ასე მტკივნეულია?.. მარტოები, სხვადასხვა გზით მიმავალნი, ალბათ, უკვე აღარც ვიცით, საით მივდივართ… ჩვენ ორს, ერთმანეთისგან დაშორებულებს, თითქოს აღარც კი დაგვრჩა მიზანი…

I'm sorry I was a bad person but I'm different and I just wish I was different with you. It hurts my heart knowing how terrible I was. I truly miss you. I hope you are happy now and i hope shadys doing good. I also hope you found your cat Gucci I think his name was. He was a Orange Tabby. I hope you see this even though i know you probly wont. Im so sorry i couldnt be your person but im glad we arent together sometimes because i realised how missriable we both were. I wish we could be just friends but that wont ever work. I know if we get back incontact it will probly ruin both of our lives. I want to talk to you so bad though and see what you are doing and how you are and if you found your person yet. Its not fair what happend but it had to happen. I hope you are well Kaleb B. Truly, K

I met this guy through a friend we both broke of bc of toxic reasons; he kept sharing his feelings about me, and I started liking his company, even started to wait for the next time we would talk. Today he un-added me and then left the gc. We are both in; I'm confused about what to do. Why do I care? Why? I feel like I shouldn't care, but I think I do. I hope I get some advice or a message from the universe.

I am sorry. I never meant for this to happen. I am so sorry. I hated myself for doing what we did to us, I couldn't look myself in the eyes for what I was to tell you -what i told you that day- I am sorry. I still feel home with you. It cut me to write you didn't feel home. I have my own reasons. I am sorry I did it at such a crucial time in your life, no amount of 'sorry' will ever ease the guilt I feel. I miss you, god i miss you so much. I hated doing it. I am helpless, my hand being forced into someone elses. It would have hurt you more to like me and think I had to go to someone else when I told you I would be yours. I think it would hurt you less and enrage you more to think I did not understand your point of view. Love tears you apart but rage keeps you breathing. Rage makes you feel alive and I want you to be alive. I want you to go around and experience everything. The sunsets and the sunrise and everything in between. I hope you go long way. Hope your find a family of your own in someone, and when you do, I hope it works in your favour for you deserve all the happiness in the world. Had it been in my hands, I would have fought tooth and nail to be with you, but it's not. I miss you with each breathing gulp of air and I... I think this is how love feels. -rawr

I am sorry, I pushed you away again and again and when its turn to finally let you go it has become really difficult to do so, you have probably moved on which is a good thing but I can't, even with the distance between us I felt we could work it out, but it did not. I felt really bad to not wish you on your birthday, it has been several months and I feel like I don't even know you anymore. I wish the best for you, I really do. I don't even know if we will talk again but I am sorry for everything, I gave a thought to our relationship and how it went over the course of these several past years and I feel majority of the times I ran away from the conversation which could have easily been solved if i simply communicated, I am sorry I ruined what we had, I don't feel we should be together even if we get another chance I don't think I will change. I really do not know what to say to you or even see you anymore, I can't seem to remember your face, your voice and it feels really empty, but I hope you have moved onto better things in life, I am sorry to not wish you again on your birthday as well but happy belated birthday I guess, wish you nothing but the best.

The first guy I’ve ever truly liked. We’re in our last year of college now, and likely will never see each other again afterwards due to distance. Our time together has been short. Although we were classmates before college, we never really spoke, a regret that weighs heavy on my heart. I wish I had longer to talk to you. I really admire you; your hobbies, the way you use your hands to express yourself whilst talking, the way you try your hardest, your dreams and passions, your slightly wonky nose, your smile, your laugh even when you don’t find something funny, your kindness, humour, your awkwardness, our similar music, your acting and singing on stage. Everything. I want to know more about you, I feel like I’ve just grazed your surface. I wish I made the most of the time I had with you before, but I didn’t recognise my feelings until it was too late. I now have to try and make the most of these last few bittersweet months. Though the added pressure of it being our last year brings stress. And when Im stressed I become the worst of myself. You’ve seen me anxious, overthinking, rambling, quiet, angry. You’ve almost seen me all. You’ve seen me embarrassed and insecure. To which our interactions just turned out awkward because of my own lack of self esteem. But that isn’t me as a whole. Im rambling now, and I don’t even know if you think of me the same way I think of you. Im not the prettiest, the skinniest, or the best. You’re a deeply admirable person, both looks and personality- the complete opposite of me. You may think of yourself differently but you’re just being humble. I deeply respect you. Last year we spoke when we had class, I hated the way I portrayed myself. When I overthink, I ramble, i get embarrassed, anxious, and the cycle repeats itself. You were giving me mixed signals, which I know for my own sake that I should take as a no, but I can’t stop thinking about you. Sometimes I also think you like her, which I can understand as she is so lovely, but I could never be her. Cliche, sorry. But it’s true. Why pick me when you could have her? Why ruin your chances with her when you can practice your conversations with me and then use it with her? I wish you didn’t do that. But then you used to do the same to me- were you playing it safe? Seeing if it would work to then use on her? I’ve tried to stop thinking about you but I just can’t. In my last year of college I have priorities, and for some reason, you’ve always been and are first. Im kicking myself over the fact I spent most of my summer checking your socials instead of focusing on myself. I couldn’t help it- I missed you, as cringe as that sounds. Your future is bright, and one day you will look back at these days and realise how pitiful of a classmate i was. Im going to change, but this version of me will be remembered by you- not the newer version. Maybe that’s the beauty of it. I give so much of myself to you. I know it’s unfair to expect reciprocity, and there’s also a difference between your intention and capability. You’re an awkward guy, i get it, but if you really do like me give me a sign. Don’t just stare at me. Show interest, talk to me, give me what I give you. I know I sound selfish, but I just wish he felt the same. I say this knowing damn well I wouldn’t want a relationship, especially because it’s the last year there’s no point and because of the distance etc. but for the last year, can we not feel something? If not together? It doesn’t have to be serious- it can be fun? I sound desperate, but I really am. Maybe it’s the PMS😭 I know that our moments are fleeting, and I know that I need to make the most of my time left here. Authentically. I just wish you had more confidence to talk to me. It’s confusing. I want to be able to look back at my time here and think about good memories- they don’t have to be big. I want to remember the first guy I liked, although I may laugh at my current self in the future. That’s in the future though, right now in the present i don’t care what I feel or act- I just know that time goes by quickly. And if I don’t make the most of it I’ll regret it. I know you won’t see this, so this is my confession: I like you, very much so.

i miss you so much and you did me so dirty but i still want you and it hurts that i look like a bird i don't even know if you even liked me or wanted me in the slightest way but it was your desition that wasn't the same as mine.

Please don't make me leave you.

You have no idea what it's taken me to stay as long as I have. I can't be your side piece forever, though I know we both love this electric secrecy, talking in a language only we know. Say something, or I'm gone.

The one who's the most funniest person I've ever met ( No I'm not saying you're a clown😂) You have a charming, lighthearted, easygoing personality... anyone would be happy to have you around. In fact they would be lucky like who wouldn't want free doses of laughter and your unlimited joke sessions to survive this busy hectic hospital life 😭 yrr bs bht mazy k bandy ho ap not just that, you were kind and respectful too (Aura++). you were the best part about my ER rotation. Although we just did 4 calls together and that too in separate wards but jo b time hum ne sath guzara it's worth remembering. I wonder ap kesa feel karty hongy i feel like you must be everyone's favourite ( a wanted person😂) jo b apky sath time spend karta hoga they would always want more of your company. celebrity feeling ati he?👀😂 Anyways Wish you best of luck for your future. I hope you become an amazing doctor and achieve everything you're working towards. I'm sure you'll do great wherever you go. Keep that charming personality of yours alive and never let anyone dim the light in you 💫 Best wishes, always 🌼

Hi matt, it's been one month since our last conversation. andami kong mga hindi nasabi sayo, di ko din kase alam kung saan ko uumpisahan, siguro mag umpisa muna tayo dun sa part na naging sobrang saya ko kase nakilala kita. God know how I want you to be my last, kase habang kinekwento mo yung mga ginawa sayo ng ex mo dun pumasok sa isip ko na mas mahalin ka pa lalo, naaalala mo yung gabi kila jules? that night. i promised to love you even better, i promised to hold you like a fragile glass. gusto kong patunayan sayo na hindi ako katulad nila. pero ayon pala yung magiging pinaka maling ginawa ko sa buhay ko, kase hindi mo pala nararamdaman yon. hindi mo pala ramdam kung gaano kita gustong ingatan, the first time that i found out that you cheated. my world came crashing down. pero i didnt give up. inisip ko nalang na baka may pagkukulang ako, so i still forgive you.but then you destroyed my trust again and again. naubos lang yung pasensya ko nung nakipagkita ka sa babae na yon. at oo aaminin ko naimplwesyahan ako ng mga friends ko. hindi ko naman dapat gagawin yon e at alam kong hindi ko dapat ginawa yon. but then naisip ko na baka pag nagcheat ako makita mo na yung mga mali mo, and i wasn't wrong kase dun mo lang din nakita yung halaga ko... nagsorry ako sayo non and thankyou for forgiving me that time. pero hindi ko alam na dun din pala ako masisira. kase oo nga pinatawad moko but I suffered from all your hurtful words, accusations, and manipulation i guess? that time iniisip ko na dapat ko lang tanggapin yon kase may kasalanan ako sayo at nasaktan kita. dahil don nakalimutan ko na kaya lang din pala kita nasaktan kase sinira mo yung tiwala ko. tbh you ruined my perspective of love, and thats the saddest thing kase sayo ko naranasan yung mga happy memories ko... all that night rides, tambay, meet up after class and meeting your mom. hahahhahaha nonsense din siguro toh kase di mo din naman mababasa taena tama na nga fuck this.