Heartbreak

I guard my heart off from you. I still see you everyday, wishing I wouldn't have to because it would make moving on so much easier. you keep talking to me and its so confusing, I just want my peace and you can't even give me that. YOU were the one that messed everything up. YOU ended the relationship and now you're crawling back. you constantly hurt me for 5 months and everyday I still chose you. you chose everything before me, yet for some reason you still keep coming back. I can't trust that this time is going to be different. I tried moving on and I actually liked this guy but it just didn't work out because of personal things going on in his life and now it's just you constantly everywhere. I tried and tried for you and all you did is push me away and now you're begging to come back. why should I let you back in? after everything, you want full access to me and my life again? you told me you noticed the way I've become cold towards you and how it makes you feel, and how every time you see me with him you feel like shit. well welcome to the club because that's how I felt for the longest time when I was always just an option to you and never a choice. you said everything is hitting you now and you know what I think? I hope it hits you so hard that you actually realize what a piece of shit you were to me. you said I'd never forgive you, but the truth is, I do forgive you. but I don't forget. I don't forget the way I felt, the way I cried, the way I begged god for some relief because all you gave me was anxiety. I do miss the good times, the memories, how you made me feel when we weren't fighting, but why would I go back when you hurt me that much? I have to protect myself and unless you show change, why would I ever give you another chance at my trust again? I never stopped loving you, but that love is given at a very long, cold distance now and I'm not sure it'll ever be close and warm again. I'm not giving my everything to a person if they aren't willing to do the same, I've learned my lesson. I love you, but I'll never love you the way I did again. sorry, not sorry. I have to worry about myself and my well-being first for once.

I love u so much kenja pls come back ill be better this time I wont annoy u pls js come back ur everything and all i want ken i dont want better u told me to forget it but i can never forget u n i will always love u bc u were sm i truly loved u will always have a space in my heart i love u soooo much ken i hope u change ur mind n realise how much my heart truly yearns for u j love u kenja pls come back ur all i ever wanted i miss the times we had the memories we made the long calls we had thank u for everything ken I love u pls come back ur all i ever want u will always stay on my mind 24/7 i love u ken i rlly do pls i hope u change ur mind i rlly hope🤍

Hey, I’m really sorry I always think about you. It’s hard because it’s not like we cut contact, I have your socials and it’s just so hard sometimes to not text you. I’m still mad at the stupid reason we left off, I don’t know if it was really sincere or not. I wish we could restart and see how it goes, although when we broke up I cried. And cried and cried. For 5 months every night I would cry and write you a letter. I would say the things I miss the things I realized. You were so sweet, I loved your laugh your kindness, your humour and your hugs and caringness. I really loved you, now u don’t know, u don’t know whether it’s the love of our memories or my original heart felt emotion from when we were together. You hurt me and I will never get over that, I hust hate that I still feel I need you in my life. I wish there was a 2nd chance for us, but obviously not, you moved on and I know that.

I won’t say my name but you’ll know who it is. I don’t understand that. How I can move on from the relationship we had, but not from the friendship. I think about you all the time. It turns into dreams and extreme urges to see how you are. I miss our friendship so much it hurts. I don’t understand this. It’s never happened before. I Pray you’re doing well. As always, I’m proud of you.

hi,its been a long time since we spoken or text each other normally,the last time it was harsh,but what i wanna say is that im sorry for everything that i put u through when we were still close,i really wish i knew i was a asshole for the way i treated u in such i let my jealousy n watever stupidness of me takeover.i read the whole paragraph u sent,it hurts but i accept it becos wat ever u said is true,im a coward .im a loser ,a nobody.but wanna know the reason i felt confident and not a loser last year,it was becos i had some courage to message u but i destroyed it i ruin everything.i really miss u,i know its wrong n u dont like it but i cant help it becos ever since we stopped talkin,i felt lonely,the worst ever loneliness feeling ive ever felt.n i realised that im a really nobody n just a loser.i just hope uk im proud of u for ur achievements,be it big or small im always cheerin for u in my heart.youll always mean a lot to me ,i can never hate u .i just hope one day youll be able to forgive me .

it’s almost been a year since we broke up. i still think about you sometimes and tbh i will never love someone the same after you. you were genuinely my first love and our bond was so special and unique i thought you were my soulmate. why did you have to ruin it? what did i do to deserve this because all i did was love you so much and supported you through everything. you genuinely ruined me and broke my heart. why did you do this to us. why did you throw me away so easily like i meant nothing to you, like we had nothing. i hate you and and im glad you got into that crash, and i believe karma got you for hurting me and treating me the way you did. i wish i never met you and you never meet anyone as great as i was, because i know deep down i actually was special to you at some point.

i wanna be ur girl (please)

Lina, what the hell happened to us? I tried so hard to be friends with you after that whole thing went down, but it was like a one person effort. You didn’t try at all, so I decided to try even less than you did. And now you told him that “im acting weird towards you” you think? You [really] think, mate, when all I ever wanted was to forgive and forget, and I couldn’t get through to you to just tell me the truth. I dont know if this is goodbye. I don’t know if I want it to be goodbye. But I can’t do this anymore. Not like this. I’m going to be stubborn, and passive aggressive, and a little rude until you can get your [stuff] together and just talk to me maturely. Because all I want is to be friends with you, but I won’t if you can’t be mature about this and just talk to me. I’m sorry. (This is a version of my original draft because I didn’t know if I was allowed to swear!)

I wrote poems about you, I spoke to about you to people who wanted me. I was so blind thinking I could actually be loved. Though you did say the words I love you what are words without actions. You fell for another girl Im not angry at her though, I'm upset with you that u finally made me have hope and u crushed it. I was crying in those vms, I didn't want to confess that I was upset that u could move on so quick. Why where u so distant and rude to me before we stopped talking? Though we never dated you were the lines of poetry that filled my heart with pure joy. I never felt any kind of love like this. And I know you've moved on from me but I think about you every day. I loved everything about u that u didn't love about urself, those late night talks Mason when u would cry and you would reach out to me for reassurance and help was that all to fill in the empty void in ur heart. I never meant anything to you, I just hope you know my love for you will never go. I don't think I can actually ever hate you since I loved u more then life itself. Ur fav color is purple and it's now my least favorite color. I rmbr ur bday my now least favorite date on the calendar.

Though we lived across the world from eachother it's as if our hearts were beating right next to eachother, I loved u before I knew what u looked like and when I did ur looks were only a small fraction of the reason I loved you. Then we stopped talking and when I messaged first you had found someone else, how cud I be upset at you finding happiness elsewhere. But I still remember you told me I had a beautiful voice and that you loved me. Thank you for making me love myself I still love you. I'm always gonna be waiting for you.

So often my heart hurts. Too often I wish I could tell you I’m fine. Too often I wish i didn’t feel the way I do. But I can no longer pretend. I’ve been dying from my own mind, succumbing to my trauma. I’ve never been ok since we first met back on May 2013. You were the only hope I had left in life. You saved me that day by the fountain but i would never tell you. I’d rather you believe I am strong. Believe that I can handle my life. But I can’t. I can’t pretend to be happy with my life. Can’t pretend that I don’t believe you when you say I’m your friend. A friendship where I’m constantly isolated from you yet everyone always with you and are closer than I’ll ever be with you. The truth of the matter is I constantly feel you only pretend that I’m your friend because i don’t leave your side. I’ve been here through your good and through your bad but yet you’re never there when I need you. Never there while I’m silently being swallowed up next to you. Despite all that. Despite my dad constantly raping me, despite getting multiple abortions, despite dating men to have a place to live even though they constantly drive me to suicide because they don’t actually love me, despite the fact that every little time you got angry at me or had one of your characters break up with me that led me to attempting to drink bleach. I can’t kill myself. Can’t let you be hurt because you didn’t do something to save me. Didn’t notice my pain and the feeling of isolation that would snap and crumble the moment you let me go as a friend. I could never hate you. I’m incapable of hating you. For you are the only thing keeping me alive. You have always been my rock and the reason I live. Even the years we never talked i stayed in hopes of you reaching out. So I’ll keep living an unhappy life, a stable toxic life, a life where I can still see you live and be happy. I’ll stay living and breaking my body for a stable life that isn’t on the streets. I know it isn’t healthy to put my happiness and hope all on you but I honestly don’t have anything else to look forward to. I should have died when I was born with my umbilical cord wrapped around my neck and a hole in my right lung, i should have died at 10 when my mom fed herself and me sleeping pills and hit my head with a fireplace log. I should have died at 11 when my dad took all the pills in the medicine cabinet. I should have died at 16 when the first boyfriend to get me pregnant shot me and the friend I kept my son at so my father wouldn’t find out and kill me. I should have died the 5 pregnancies from my dad that he wouldn’t let me go to a hospital to have that resulted them to be stillbirths. I should have died when I was ready to give up my life unable to bare being a sex doll to my dad anymore. But I never did. Life kept pushing me unhappily forward and while I keep finding brief moments of happiness it’s constantly taken away. Taken by friends leaving me, taken by men tired of my used up body. Taken by fake friends who talk behind my back. I know you’ll never discover this unless i ever show you and I hope you never do find this. I wish Jewel could just be make believe. I wish I could just separate the character of you guys from real life but I can’t. This is all real to me. The feeling of isolation from Fenrir and Ivarr, the hatred from Nate and him calling me a whore who should die, the unfriending of my character. but i can’t this is all my reality because it’s Jewel’s reality. I’m sorry as I let the blood flow down my arms again just like I had after azure left Jewel, again as Fenrir scolded for the hair dye when I did it to my own hair in real life, and finally again now seeing Nate unfriended Jewel and Sapphire from where winds meet. If I still survive this yet again it’ll just be one more unhappy day watching you have the best life. If I don’t make it finally I’ll be happy to be free of my earthly body and watch you from the afterlife to make sure you never know pain again

ამ ყველაფრის შემდეგ, შეხედე, სადამდე მოვედით… ათასობით კითხვა გვაქვს, მაგრამ არც ერთი პასუხი… სათქმელიც აღარაფერი დაგვრჩა. და როგორ მოხდა, რომ სულით მონათესავეები უბრალოდ ორ უცხო ადამიანად ვიქეცით? მინდა, კიდევ ერთხელ დავლიოთ ერთი ბოთლი ღვინო, გავიხსენოთ… როგორ ვცეკვავდით ოდესღაც ვარსკვლავებთან ერთად… როგორ გვჯეროდა თითოეული ჩვენი ოცნების… მოგონებები მკლავს… და მითხარი, რა არის კარგი ამ „მშვიდობითში“?.. დღეს შენ მტოვებ მე, მე კი — შენ… სხვადასხვა გზით მივდივართ — სულები, კომპასის გარეშე დარჩენილნი… ამ ყველაფრის შემდეგ ორივე შევიცვალეთ. მე უკვე სხვა ქალი ვარ, შენ კი — ახლა უკვე სხვა კაცი… რა მოხდა? და როგორ? როგორ დაგროვდა ეს მანძილი იმ პატარა, ერთი შეხედვით უმნიშვნელო ამბებისგან? იქნებ უბრალო „გამარჯობა, როგორ ხარ?“ ჩვენი გადარჩენა ყოფილიყო… მე ხომ ჯერ კიდევ აქ ვარ!… რა არის კარგი იმაში, როცა მეუბნები: „კიდევ მომატყუე…“ როცა სიმართლე ასე მტკივნეულია?.. მარტოები, სხვადასხვა გზით მიმავალნი, ალბათ, უკვე აღარც ვიცით, საით მივდივართ… ჩვენ ორს, ერთმანეთისგან დაშორებულებს, თითქოს აღარც კი დაგვრჩა მიზანი…

ik I was a b*tch to ur mom but I'm sorry now and I js wish we could hang out and be 2 regular teenagers who are stupid in love with each other like we used to

my sugar daddy scammed me

how are you? how's work? i miss you so much :(( i never should have said those words to you; i was wrong and now, i'm miserable. i miss the way you care for me; you were the only person who truly knows me. -C

I met this guy through a friend we both broke of bc of toxic reasons; he kept sharing his feelings about me, and I started liking his company, even started to wait for the next time we would talk. Today he un-added me and then left the gc. We are both in; I'm confused about what to do. Why do I care? Why? I feel like I shouldn't care, but I think I do. I hope I get some advice or a message from the universe.

მიყვარს გულწრფელობა და იმის პირდაპირ თქმა, რასაც ვფიქრობ… როცა შენს თვალებში ვიყურები, ჭკუიდან ვიშლები… წარმოვიდგენ, რომ ჩემს გვერდით ხარ — სწორედ ეს მინდა. ზოგჯერ კი ისეთი სურვილი მიჩნდება, რომ გითხრა, როგორ მიყვარხარ… შენ ჩემს ფოტოს იღებ, მაშინ როცა ჩემი ხმა დინამიკიდან ისმის. თუ შენ ჩემი პირადი ნარკოტიკი ხარ, მაშინ სასწრაფოდ მჭირდება შენი სიყვარულის ზედოზირება… ჩვენ ორივე ვგრძნობთ, რომ ბევრი სიტყვის თქმა საჭირო არ არის. თვალებით საუბარი ნებისმიერ არსებულ სიტყვაზე ძლიერია… და ჰო… იმედი მაქვს, უარს არ მეტყვი, როცა გკითხავ, გინდა თუ არა ჩემთან სექსი. დრო გადის, აწმყო კი უკვდავია… წარსული უკან მოვიტოვეთ და მომავალი ერთად შევქმენით… ბევრი მეუბნება, რომ უცნაურად ვიქცევი… მაგრამ შენი სურნელი ისე მათრობს, რომ, ჯანდაბა, თავბრუ მეხვევა… და მე მხოლოდ ერთი სურვილი მაქვს… თუ რეინკარნაცია არსებობს, მინდა, შემდეგ ცხოვრებაშიც ჩემი მამაკაცი იყო… ჩვენს შორის მომხდარი აშკარად უბრალო დამთხვევა არ ყოფილა… ჩვენს შორის არც ერთი მანძილი არ არის ზედმეტად დიდი. ყველაფერი, რაც მინდა, შენი მკლავების სითბოში ყოფნაა… ნება მომეცი, შენი კანის სურნელში გავეხვიო…

Knp ga ngomong. Knp ga chat langsung knp kasih kode hah apa nunggu aku gilaa buat terjemahin semua kode darimu hah. Setiap aku dengar suaramu di saat itu juga aku gagal buat lupain kamu. Klau emng ga suka sama aku tolong toleransinya pelanin suara mu dan usahain jgn muncul di depan aku. Aku capeek keluar pagi pulang malam dari rumah buat berusaha ga ingat kamu. Tolong kalau emng ga suka aku gpp tpi jgn benci aku dengan cara mu itu yg berisik itu

Knp ga ngomong. Knp ga chat langsung knp kasih kode hah apa nunggu aku gilaa buat terjemahin semua kode darimu hah. Setiap aku dengar suaramu di saat itu juga aku gagal buat lupain kamu. Klau emng ga suka sama aku tolong toleransinya pelanin suara mu dan usahain jgn muncul di depan aku. Aku capeek keluar pagi pulang malam dari rumah buat berusaha ga ingat kamu. Tolong kalau emng ga suka aku gpp tpi jgn benci aku dengan cara mu itu yg berisik itu. Jgn buat aku gilaaa

Ngomong atau chat lngsng jgn pakai kode bngsad. Apa nunggu aku gila buat terjemahin kode darimu. Ku chat pun kau ga ada ampun kau blok semua akun wa ku lebih dari satu. Mau mu apa hahh tiap hari suaramu ku dengar apa km ga tau saat aku berjuang buat lupaiinn kmu di saat itu suara mu muncul udh 1 bulan aku berjuang dan hampir berhasil buat lupa. Sampe sekarang semuanya di ulng dari awal lagi. Mau mu apa kalau jelas kamu ga suka sama aku tolong toleransinya. kalau aku ada di sekitar mu tolong jgn muncul dulu tolong pelanin suaramu hargain aku yg mencoba buat lupaa