Closure

Cher Arturo de París, I thought about sending this to your email for a couple of days, and after sitting with it, I decided not to do that, because I do not want to affect your life and your relationship with your wife. The truth is that I could not figure any other way for telling you this, so I just posted this here.  For the past seven years I have missed you, very much. Somehow, from time to time, I kept on seeing things that reminded me of you. As I wrote this letter, tears were falling from my eyes because I know that some feelings are still somewhere in me because I never got the chance to tell you how much you meant to me. Even though now you’re a total stranger to me.  Two weeks ago, I did a trip to Paris and obviously I couldn’t be in your city and not think of you… While I was there, I imagined what it would be like to actually see you again, even though the possibilities were really low. I wondered what would I do. Would I have the courage to say hello to you? “Maybe that would be wrong, I don’t know if he doesn’t want to talk to me” — I thought. I wondered that if you saw me, you would ignore me and I would’ve ignored you too? Or smile to you from afar? Thankfully, we didn’t cross paths, because I wouldn’t know what I would’ve done.  Some years ago, after our exchange semester in Warsaw, we were supposed to see each other but COVID and life happened, and then I decided not to risk going there to see you. There are few things I regret in my life and one of them was not taking that plane to Paris, but I am sure everything happens for a reason. I had many dreams of seeing you again, hugging you and just catching up on how were we living our lives and achieving our goals, because the truth is, I really wanted you to stay in my life… In that sense, and given the fact that we have not seen each other nor spoken in so many years, I wanted to let you know that I am very proud of you for becoming a sport coach. I always thought that you would be a fantastic teacher, and now you are! Applying philosophy into body and health. I am very happy for you and all that you’ve achieved with your Hyrox! Probably you don’t know anything about me. But in case you’re interested, here is the summary what I have been up to for the past years: I graduated with honors and after having so many ugly jobs, I (finally) worked where I wanted for three years, learnt a bit more of French and now I recently moved to Switzerland to do a Masters Degree specializing in Human Rights and Humanitarian Action. I still have not decided if I want to become Ambassador or not, but what I am sure is that my purpose is defend and promote minorities' rights. I remember all too well of what we lived in Warsaw. For me it was like a dreamy movie with some pain and sadness, but when I remember you in it, it also has a tint of happiness and a good feeling. I just wanted you to know that in many ways, you saved me. You also taught me so much about life and philosophy. I still carry that with me. Definitely meeting you was a way of discovering new things about life and about myself. I don’t know how to explain this, but I really felt seen with you, like you saw me for who I was. I don’t know if you ever felt it, but I must assure you that I felt something really intense and passionate towards you, something you can only experience once in your life. You were kind, intelligent, curious, funny, wise, and overall, a great human being. You’re a memory of a person that I will always remember fondly, and I hope you feel the same way about me, but if you don’t, that’s okay. With you, and after these past years, I’ve learnt that not everything in life has to last forever in order for it to be special. Some of the greatest persons in our lives don’t stay forever, and that is the case with you. Anyways, my final words to you are that I am glad and happy you that exist, because we got to know each other and coincide for a very short amount of time in our lives. You were transcendental in my life and will always be.  So go on and live a fulfilling life, help others and may all your goals and desires come true. I wish you the best for you and for all your family. If we ever cross paths again, I’ll smile at you, but that’s all. After this letter, there’s simply nothing left to say. So with this, I release you from my heart and I let you go forever Arthur,  Love you always, your María.

Even though we’re no longer by each other’s side, every year, I’ll still hope that you have a wonderful birthday. I hope you’ll always be happy. Thank you for being my “orange cat.” I wish you had realized just how much you once meant to me. I wish you had known that, back then, all it would have taken was a single word from you for me to stay. Then I wouldn’t have had to cry and write those words, these lines, or all the things I would say afterward. I wish you had realized that. It’s still inside me. I want to tell you everything, but I just keep crying whenever I think about those memories. I can't tell you. Maybe we can be bestfriend in another lifetime. I’m sorry I can’t be there to see you succeed and be happy. But I hope that you will always be the best person in the world. Love you from far away. H

I am sorry for everything. I am sorry I couldn't be better for you and I am sorry that I keep pulling you down. Maybe in another life, Krsna's mercy, you will soar high and maybe you will be fine. I don't know if you will make it out, but I hope you feel every aspect of that process. I am sorry for being the worst person you could have ever known. I hope you will find it in you to forget me. I don't deserve your forgiveness and you deserve to smile at least once a day. Happy belated birthday. I sorry I couldn't be more.

I wrote poems about you, I spoke to about you to people who wanted me. I was so blind thinking I could actually be loved. Though you did say the words I love you what are words without actions. You fell for another girl Im not angry at her though, I'm upset with you that u finally made me have hope and u crushed it. I was crying in those vms, I didn't want to confess that I was upset that u could move on so quick. Why where u so distant and rude to me before we stopped talking? Though we never dated you were the lines of poetry that filled my heart with pure joy. I never felt any kind of love like this. And I know you've moved on from me but I think about you every day. I loved everything about u that u didn't love about urself, those late night talks Mason when u would cry and you would reach out to me for reassurance and help was that all to fill in the empty void in ur heart. I never meant anything to you, I just hope you know my love for you will never go. I don't think I can actually ever hate you since I loved u more then life itself. Ur fav color is purple and it's now my least favorite color. I rmbr ur bday my now least favorite date on the calendar.

So often my heart hurts. Too often I wish I could tell you I’m fine. Too often I wish i didn’t feel the way I do. But I can no longer pretend. I’ve been dying from my own mind, succumbing to my trauma. I’ve never been ok since we first met back on May 2013. You were the only hope I had left in life. You saved me that day by the fountain but i would never tell you. I’d rather you believe I am strong. Believe that I can handle my life. But I can’t. I can’t pretend to be happy with my life. Can’t pretend that I don’t believe you when you say I’m your friend. A friendship where I’m constantly isolated from you yet everyone always with you and are closer than I’ll ever be with you. The truth of the matter is I constantly feel you only pretend that I’m your friend because i don’t leave your side. I’ve been here through your good and through your bad but yet you’re never there when I need you. Never there while I’m silently being swallowed up next to you. Despite all that. Despite my dad constantly raping me, despite getting multiple abortions, despite dating men to have a place to live even though they constantly drive me to suicide because they don’t actually love me, despite the fact that every little time you got angry at me or had one of your characters break up with me that led me to attempting to drink bleach. I can’t kill myself. Can’t let you be hurt because you didn’t do something to save me. Didn’t notice my pain and the feeling of isolation that would snap and crumble the moment you let me go as a friend. I could never hate you. I’m incapable of hating you. For you are the only thing keeping me alive. You have always been my rock and the reason I live. Even the years we never talked i stayed in hopes of you reaching out. So I’ll keep living an unhappy life, a stable toxic life, a life where I can still see you live and be happy. I’ll stay living and breaking my body for a stable life that isn’t on the streets. I know it isn’t healthy to put my happiness and hope all on you but I honestly don’t have anything else to look forward to. I should have died when I was born with my umbilical cord wrapped around my neck and a hole in my right lung, i should have died at 10 when my mom fed herself and me sleeping pills and hit my head with a fireplace log. I should have died at 11 when my dad took all the pills in the medicine cabinet. I should have died at 16 when the first boyfriend to get me pregnant shot me and the friend I kept my son at so my father wouldn’t find out and kill me. I should have died the 5 pregnancies from my dad that he wouldn’t let me go to a hospital to have that resulted them to be stillbirths. I should have died when I was ready to give up my life unable to bare being a sex doll to my dad anymore. But I never did. Life kept pushing me unhappily forward and while I keep finding brief moments of happiness it’s constantly taken away. Taken by friends leaving me, taken by men tired of my used up body. Taken by fake friends who talk behind my back. I know you’ll never discover this unless i ever show you and I hope you never do find this. I wish Jewel could just be make believe. I wish I could just separate the character of you guys from real life but I can’t. This is all real to me. The feeling of isolation from Fenrir and Ivarr, the hatred from Nate and him calling me a whore who should die, the unfriending of my character. but i can’t this is all my reality because it’s Jewel’s reality. I’m sorry as I let the blood flow down my arms again just like I had after azure left Jewel, again as Fenrir scolded for the hair dye when I did it to my own hair in real life, and finally again now seeing Nate unfriended Jewel and Sapphire from where winds meet. If I still survive this yet again it’ll just be one more unhappy day watching you have the best life. If I don’t make it finally I’ll be happy to be free of my earthly body and watch you from the afterlife to make sure you never know pain again

Dear Ki, Hello, Dear! I would like to say that I apologize again if I have ever hurt or offended you. I have never intended to hurt you or your family and if you feel as though I have, I am sorry. Everything I did was out of either love, confusion, or authenticity. I felt a true, spiritual connection with you that I still do. Whatever occurred truly brought great things for everyone, we make the best pair. I understood or felt like I understood parts of you and you did for me. I do still have love for you and am willing to forget everything and act like it never happened. I am willing to move on as I am 100% professional and do not need monetary compensation as hush money or anything. I have no ill will or hatred and now seek to carry on my vision for the purpose of these women who need leadership. I will stay out of your way and won't be a bother. I hope that I helped you in the time that we connected. I am afraid that I am made to being set up which I worked too hard to have happen which is why I am hesitant in moving forward. I am professional and am focused on the work and betterment of the communities. I cannot move in ill environments, I cannot continue to play the games. I am grateful to everyone and hope that everyone can see my true heart now just as much as they did back then, I am just stronger now. I love you! I am embarrassed at the mistake that I made but I have already repented for doing so. It still crosses my mind from time to time. I may not ever get to talk to you, as I actually want to live and am not risking my life anymore. You know what I am, and I thank you for not judging me. Please do not tell anyone about my intimate life. I am a professional first. I am whole. I thank you for everything! I am looking to help people and use the gifts for healing just as much as this matter was able to create. Distance may be best between us for professional matters. Thank you again to everyone! Continuing to work and walk in my calling. Best, Tianna

ამ ყველაფრის შემდეგ, შეხედე, სადამდე მოვედით… ათასობით კითხვა გვაქვს, მაგრამ არც ერთი პასუხი… სათქმელიც აღარაფერი დაგვრჩა. და როგორ მოხდა, რომ სულით მონათესავეები უბრალოდ ორ უცხო ადამიანად ვიქეცით? მინდა, კიდევ ერთხელ დავლიოთ ერთი ბოთლი ღვინო, გავიხსენოთ… როგორ ვცეკვავდით ოდესღაც ვარსკვლავებთან ერთად… როგორ გვჯეროდა თითოეული ჩვენი ოცნების… მოგონებები მკლავს… და მითხარი, რა არის კარგი ამ „მშვიდობითში“?.. დღეს შენ მტოვებ მე, მე კი — შენ… სხვადასხვა გზით მივდივართ — სულები, კომპასის გარეშე დარჩენილნი… ამ ყველაფრის შემდეგ ორივე შევიცვალეთ. მე უკვე სხვა ქალი ვარ, შენ კი — ახლა უკვე სხვა კაცი… რა მოხდა? და როგორ? როგორ დაგროვდა ეს მანძილი იმ პატარა, ერთი შეხედვით უმნიშვნელო ამბებისგან? იქნებ უბრალო „გამარჯობა, როგორ ხარ?“ ჩვენი გადარჩენა ყოფილიყო… მე ხომ ჯერ კიდევ აქ ვარ!… რა არის კარგი იმაში, როცა მეუბნები: „კიდევ მომატყუე…“ როცა სიმართლე ასე მტკივნეულია?.. მარტოები, სხვადასხვა გზით მიმავალნი, ალბათ, უკვე აღარც ვიცით, საით მივდივართ… ჩვენ ორს, ერთმანეთისგან დაშორებულებს, თითქოს აღარც კი დაგვრჩა მიზანი…

Hola Alex, pupuchito, bobo, tonto... Gracias por todo, otro pequeño lugar donde dejar una huella del gran amor que te tuve 🫶 No te guardo resentimiento, te guardo gratitud y amor Creo que lo que más espero haberte enseñado y dejado es mi maravillosa forma de amar <3 Con cada día que pasa yo te he dejado ir más y más, creo que es natural dejar ir las cosas, aunque sinceramente nunca creí que te empezaría a superar tan pronto...quizá es porque hice todo en mis manos para que te llegara mi amor y con eso me quedo, di todo de mi, di mi alma y corazón y te los entregué las veces que pude antes de irme cansando y entendiendo que hay cosas más allá de nosotros. Soy una romántica eso es algo que me di cuenta, quizá idealista incluso jajaja Quizá nunca encuentre lo que mi corazón necesita, no lo sé Te amo mucho y como no tienes idea

how are you? how's work? i miss you so much :(( i never should have said those words to you; i was wrong and now, i'm miserable. i miss the way you care for me; you were the only person who truly knows me. -C

Even though I hate the thought of you getting drunk, thinking of you holding her while being sober is way worse. Gosh, and I thought we were on the same level of understanding. This is why communication is so important to me, Marwan. Can you see it now? Can you understand now? After it is too late?

Idk what to say I know I’ll never have you again.. but I honestly can’t get you out of my head I’ve tried I’ve tried so hard but I genuinely don’t understand why you have effected me so much .. maybe bc you truly loved me and I never realized till now.. fuck man I miss you I really do Vero I wish things were different I wish you gave me a chance to prove to you my love I wish I can go back in time and just hear your voice,laugh just be in your presence one more time I’ll do anything for that.. but it’s in the past I really hope you get to see this ugh Vero I wish you were mine you genuinely don’t understand how badly I miss you🫠 and i genuinely don’t understand why why can’t I get over you man… yk I still have those 2 bracelets I was supposed to give you the day you were supposed to become mine.. fuck man I just wish I can talk to you be in your presence again Veronica you don’t understand how much I miss you genuinely…. Anyways I know you’re building a life with someone else but I just want you to know that no matter how much time passes no matter what happens I’ll always have love for you and appreciate that you were once apart of my life. Thank you Veroni/pepperoni for everything if you ever read this I just want you to know that I love you Veronica I’ll always will and I’ll do anything for you.. I’m sorry for always bothering you with all these messages.. I hope you’re happy and enjoying everything I’ll always pray for your happiness and for you to always be ok… I love you Veronica I’ll always will.

I'm sorry I was a bad person but I'm different and I just wish I was different with you. It hurts my heart knowing how terrible I was. I truly miss you. I hope you are happy now and i hope shadys doing good. I also hope you found your cat Gucci I think his name was. He was a Orange Tabby. I hope you see this even though i know you probly wont. Im so sorry i couldnt be your person but im glad we arent together sometimes because i realised how missriable we both were. I wish we could be just friends but that wont ever work. I know if we get back incontact it will probly ruin both of our lives. I want to talk to you so bad though and see what you are doing and how you are and if you found your person yet. Its not fair what happend but it had to happen. I hope you are well Kaleb B. Truly, K

I am sorry, I pushed you away again and again and when its turn to finally let you go it has become really difficult to do so, you have probably moved on which is a good thing but I can't, even with the distance between us I felt we could work it out, but it did not. I felt really bad to not wish you on your birthday, it has been several months and I feel like I don't even know you anymore. I wish the best for you, I really do. I don't even know if we will talk again but I am sorry for everything, I gave a thought to our relationship and how it went over the course of these several past years and I feel majority of the times I ran away from the conversation which could have easily been solved if i simply communicated, I am sorry I ruined what we had, I don't feel we should be together even if we get another chance I don't think I will change. I really do not know what to say to you or even see you anymore, I can't seem to remember your face, your voice and it feels really empty, but I hope you have moved onto better things in life, I am sorry to not wish you again on your birthday as well but happy belated birthday I guess, wish you nothing but the best.

მიყვარს გულწრფელობა და იმის პირდაპირ თქმა, რასაც ვფიქრობ… როცა შენს თვალებში ვიყურები, ჭკუიდან ვიშლები… წარმოვიდგენ, რომ ჩემს გვერდით ხარ — სწორედ ეს მინდა. ზოგჯერ კი ისეთი სურვილი მიჩნდება, რომ გითხრა, როგორ მიყვარხარ… შენ ჩემს ფოტოს იღებ, მაშინ როცა ჩემი ხმა დინამიკიდან ისმის. თუ შენ ჩემი პირადი ნარკოტიკი ხარ, მაშინ სასწრაფოდ მჭირდება შენი სიყვარულის ზედოზირება… ჩვენ ორივე ვგრძნობთ, რომ ბევრი სიტყვის თქმა საჭირო არ არის. თვალებით საუბარი ნებისმიერ არსებულ სიტყვაზე ძლიერია… და ჰო… იმედი მაქვს, უარს არ მეტყვი, როცა გკითხავ, გინდა თუ არა ჩემთან სექსი. დრო გადის, აწმყო კი უკვდავია… წარსული უკან მოვიტოვეთ და მომავალი ერთად შევქმენით… ბევრი მეუბნება, რომ უცნაურად ვიქცევი… მაგრამ შენი სურნელი ისე მათრობს, რომ, ჯანდაბა, თავბრუ მეხვევა… და მე მხოლოდ ერთი სურვილი მაქვს… თუ რეინკარნაცია არსებობს, მინდა, შემდეგ ცხოვრებაშიც ჩემი მამაკაცი იყო… ჩვენს შორის მომხდარი აშკარად უბრალო დამთხვევა არ ყოფილა… ჩვენს შორის არც ერთი მანძილი არ არის ზედმეტად დიდი. ყველაფერი, რაც მინდა, შენი მკლავების სითბოში ყოფნაა… ნება მომეცი, შენი კანის სურნელში გავეხვიო…

You have no idea what it's taken me to stay as long as I have. I can't be your side piece forever, though I know we both love this electric secrecy, talking in a language only we know. Say something, or I'm gone.

i need closure asap, text me on november 29

Idk if you will receive this message one day or not. I just want to say that I wish I had never met you , though I still miss everything we had. I still miss us i miss everything kiss , every laugh , and I still remember how you used to kiss my forehead . I have one question . Why ? Why her not me ? If she was your first love and couldn't move on , Why did you choose me ? And when you couldn't move on you went back to her . I mean it's your choice , but what the hurting for? Why saying that I'm the bad person for texting her and telling her that we are dating? Like tf ! And why telling every friend you have about our sexual life ? Be for real tho YOU ARE THE WORST PERSON TO EVER EXIST IN MY LIFE EVEN WORST THEN MY DAD . I hate you , but I still love the person you used to be , I miss my baby 7moudy , but I hate Mohamed . funny cuz they're all the same person , but different personalities At the end I truly loved you and I don't think that I'll ever trust anyone the way i trusted you cuz look at how it ended . I still listen to every song you gave me , but yk what I'll be over you one day and that will be the most painful thing to ever happen to me cuz I had to get over the only person I loved the most . Bye my sweet angel and btw I'll never forget your beautiful brown eyes . I prayed so much to have a child that has your eyes but that's fine not everything we want we get .

I never told you this, but on your birthday I rented a car and had intended to surprise you… drive us around the city, hoping to get a bite at your favorite restaurant. I’d hoped we’d somehow end up at the beach where we’d talk about our biggest dreams and fears, as we comforted each other, wrapped in blankets. I wanted to be the one that made you feel better, especially with what you were going through at the time. I think that’s why it hurt when you texted a mutual for comfort that night, rather than me. You scared me because your reputation proceeded you, but I still gave it a chance. I didn’t want to break it off. I brought you books I thought you’d like when you were moving out of state. I checked in on you during tumultuous natural disasters to make sure you and your family were okay. I kissed you like I meant it when I saw you again. I told you that if I made you feel better, even for a second while you were going through hard times, I’m glad it was me. I meant that. I deserve someone that wants to do all of those things for me. I think I’ve run out of anything left to give you. I’m leaving room for a courageous love that takes a chance, even when things are hard. - El

to any rita out there, i just want to let you know, you'll get through it. trust me. just focused to make yourself grow. ignore anything that has no corellation for your growth for it may only waste your wise time. you're as strong as many rita out there.

You keep giving me excuses to break my heart. I forgave you so many times and I know I’m not a great person but still. Why? Why does it hurt to love you? Why do you hurt me? -W