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Wow, I wrote a lot of messages here today, I just found out about it. I hope you see this one day, my love.

Hey babe - ik you didn't sleep at all last night because of my snoring and I feel so bad about it. I just wanted to say that I was awake when you pulled me closer to you when it got colder, and you held me there until the morning. I don't even have words to describe how caring you are. I'm so fucking grateful for you. And I know that I would risk my life to protect you. So don't act like you're fine all the time, I know you're not and I'm here for you - every single second of the day. It doesn't matter how far away I am, I would drop everything in a heartbeat for you. I love you, ちゅき. 내꺼 forever and always, - R

To Rikki, I can’t believe I’m standing here without you. Thirteen years old, and you already carried a heart bigger than most people ever will. You dreamed of traveling the world, helping people in danger, being brave - more courage than most adults. And yet… this time, no one could save you. Not me. Not anyone. You laughed like the world was yours to discover. You had energy and kindness that made people feel seen, safe, and alive. Even in your struggles, you made room for others. It’s not fair. You were too bright, too alive, too full of dreams. And I was here. I would’ve stayed up all night. I would’ve carried your weight if you’d let me. Even though you’re gone, I carry you. Every laugh, every glance, every memory we shared - it’s with me. Always. You mattered. You still matter. You will never, ever be forgotten. - your favourite cousin, Nethy

To my best girl, You really left me with the impossible task of making a speech at your funeral, didn’t you? Classic you. Even now, you’re bossing me from wherever you are. We were close in a way that words almost can’t capture. The kind of friendship where one look meant everything. The kind where silence wasn’t awkward - it was safe. You knew me. Really knew me. And somehow still chose to stick around. I’ll miss the little things: our inside jokes no one else would get, the way we laughed at things too ridiculous to explain, the comfort of just sitting together and knowing we weren’t alone. You were kind, funny, brave, and soft in ways people don’t always notice right away. You cared so fiercely for your friends, even when life wasn’t easy. We were supposed to have more time. That hurts. But even in the time we had, you made me stronger, happier, and more aware of how important it is to cherish every laugh, every hug, every ridiculous moment. And just so you know - you succeeded. Everyone here is emotional. Not just because we’re hurting. Because we loved you. Because you mattered. And because you’ll always matter. I’ll carry you with me. In every quiet moment. In every laugh that reminds me of you. In every part of my life that’s better because you were in it. My best girl. Always.

I love you so much it hurts

You're so fucking gorgeous.

My favourite secret, Two years. Two whole years of us being us. Which is kind of crazy considering you still act like you’re in some undercover spy mission every time your friends get remotely close to finding out about me. You’ve almost been exposed more times than a badly written plot twist, and yet somehow you still manage to pretend you’re single. Oscar-worthy performance, honestly. If there were awards for “Girlfriend Who Acts Single But Is Actually Obsessed,” you’d win. Repeatedly. I know you say you want to keep me all to yourself. And I won’t lie - there’s something ridiculously cute about that. Like I’m your little treasure you hide away from the world. But just so you know… I’m not going anywhere. You don’t have to guard me like the last slice of cake at a party. You love so loudly in the quietest ways. You’re the one who holds me together when everything feels heavy. When the world has taken too much from us. When we’ve had to say goodbye to people we weren’t ready to lose. You sit there, pretending you’re fine, making sure I’m okay first - like your heart doesn’t ache too. But I see you. I see the parts you try to hide behind your smile. You’re brave in a way you don’t give yourself credit for. And can we talk about the fact that you genuinely don’t realise how beautiful you are? It’s almost offensive. The way you laugh when you forget to hold it in. The way your eyes do that soft thing when you’re comforting me. The way you frown when you’re concentrating. You are unfairly gorgeous. Unnecessarily cute. Disrespectfully pretty. The way you get shy when I look at you for too long. The way your cheeks warm up when I lean in close. The way you pretend you’re not affected when I whisper something just for you. But I know you are. I love the way you melt a little when I pull you closer. The way your fingers tighten in my shirt like you’re trying to keep me right there. The soft way you say my name when it’s just us. The look in your eyes when the world disappears for a second and it’s only me and you. Those moments? They’re mine. Ours. us being from different cultures… me being half Japanese and Korean, you being Sri Lankan. I know it makes you nervous sometimes. I know you overthink what people might say. What families might expect. But I don’t see “different.” I see beautiful. I see the way our worlds blend in the softest way. The way your traditions, your food, your language, your stories feel like something I want to learn, not something that scares me. You’re not something that needs explaining. You’re something I’m proud of. We’re not complicated. We’re just… us. You don’t have to hide me because of fear. You don’t have to shrink yourself because of what anyone might think. I’m not embarrassed. I’m not hesitant. I’m not going anywhere. You are cute. You are breathtaking. You are unfairly pretty when you think no one’s looking. You are soft and strong and stubborn and possessive in the sweetest way. And when you get nervous introducing me one day? I’ll squeeze your hand and remind you - I’m yours. Not a secret. Not a risk. Not a mistake. Yours. Forever your very patient, very in love boyfriend - R🤍

Hi! I hope this message reach you, and i hope you take some of your time to read this with an open mind and heart. I know that this may sound cringe and corny since we are not high school students anymore, so please bare with me because i'm not used in communicating my emotions well. I'll be straight forward, i am one of those people who admires you from afar—yes, i like you, and if you're asking why? the answer is just because i do, and don't worry i don't expect anything back, no need to reply or anything. Just a question, why are you so cute? haha. anyway, i just did this to release my feelings, because i can't keep this bottled up any longer and by doing this i can now peacefully breathe. don't share this with your friends, ok?! pleeeaaassee!!:((( Good luck on your journey and take care of your life! and always remember that i am here supporting you everyday, also be gentle with your self, ok? never ever doubt your existence and be proud of yourself. no need to know who i am, just so u know i am a man, so if u ever tell this to yourself, they're gonna tease you "may nagkagusto na bading" well, i'm not gay tho hehe. Bye, hope to see u in school! HAHAHA not your block mate, not the same year, and not the same course, thats the only thing i can tell you! thank you, good luck on your studies, congratulations and take care! Yours Truly, Sigmund Freud HAHAHAHAHA

I never thought I would send something like this to you again , especially after what you said to me at the end of 2024. After that day I just isolated myself for some time I'll take about it at end But here I am. Let's look one after one . "Nee frnds yadavalu ani nenu ante naatho orgue chesav naatho matladadam maanesav " Did I Stop talking to you for that reason? Funny Evaro L ante nen accept chesa , chats enjoy chesa , question cheledhu ? I have to mention this..! Valu chats lo natho eppudu aa word use cheyyaledhu. More over, they used code names in front of me. If you don’t want to believe, ask your friends. Ni name ae use cheyyanappudu, how can I even ask them? Appatiki vaditho antha bond kuda ledhu. Only okasari bike lo velinappudu indirect ga cheppa — “Mana intlo kuda ammayilu unnaru ga man… what if someone treats them like this? Will you accept it?” ani. “And you started blaming me.” Blaming you? Apatki nenu em cheppanu ante — “Just jagrathaga ra… it’s better to stop. Inka matladaku. Valu ninu normal ga chudatledhu…” ani. Anthe. Exactly idhe cheppa. I can still remember — water plant daggara nilchuni cheppa. "Nannu vadhilinchukovadaaniki oka pedda story cheppi nannu VP chesav 🙌🏻" Aa story endhuku create chesano… I already explained with those 2 screenshots.(First time explain chesnapudu) In those chats, you were just whispering one thing — to break this bond. You wanted it to end. Appudu naku vere option kanipinchaledhu. If breaking it is what gives you peace… then what else could I do? Naaku nee happiness kanna important inkem ledhu. Yes… I did it. "Nenu correct anadam ley , Nedhi thappu antunna" Yes macha… ippudu nee current version lo chusthe, nadhe thappu. Chala sarlu anukunna — ila cheyakunda undalsindhi ani. Andaru ammayilaki jarigedhi niku avvakudadhu anukunna. Life ni experience tho nerchukovali ani telusu… but na friend life lo bad experience undakudadhu ani protect cheyadaniki try chesi… thappu chesa. "Kavalane vadhilinchukunnav ga ??" Exactly same thing okaroju ninnu nenu adiga macha — “Vadhilinchukodaniki godavapaduthunava?” ani. Appudu nuvvu, “Na friend naku adhi inka nerpinchaledhu ra” annav. Ippudu nenu adugutunna… Did you ever think, ade friend wanted ga idhi chesadu just because he didn’t want to be with you? "Or nee frnds annattu nenu L ani feel ayyi vadhilinchukunnavaa ??" If I really felt for you like this so called “L”… chepthuna ga, ni face kuda chuse vadini kadhu anthe kani… “So and so people tho undaku, they’re not treating you well… stop it” ani cheppe vadini kadhu. I wouldn’t have tried to control you. I would’ve just walked away silently. "I think Creating stories to blame someone is also easy" Did I create a story to blame ? I created it for my favorite persons happiness. To give her what she wished for. If you still feel it was just to vadhilinchukodanike… then you already have your answer. I think yaa i have covered everything 🩷 As I mentioned let's talk about it at end Maybe you’re only looking at your side of the coin the part that feels clear and justified to you. But what about the grey areas? What about the other side… the part you never tried to see? I have Even tried till the end to save this , even i have tried after stating this will be the last time . I have tried till that day in 2024 ( i exactly don't remember that date) after that I felt like... Hoo so to listen this im here? Maybe. Then i stopped there After that, I went through a lot, macha — things you never knew about . Some of them are still nightmares for me. And honestly, I don’t want you to know them either. If I decide to question, there are many things I can bring up. But I stayed silent. Not because I was wrong, because I didn’t want to hurt you more.

My beautiful girl, I hate that we haven’t had all the time in the world to just be us lately. But here’s the truth, not seeing you every day doesn’t make me love you any less it actually makes me appreciate you so much more. You’re the one who makes my heart feel full, even from afar. Your laugh, your kindness, the way you make ordinary things feel special… I carry all of that with me. Thank you for being patient, for understanding, and for loving me back. I can’t wait to make up for every missed moment and create a million more memories together. You mean everything to me. I love you endlessly. 🌹 Fola 💕

I saw that my message last night is still on delivered. I feel like you restricted me. Thinking about that actually hurts, but what can I do? If that’s the only right thing for you to not feel me again, then I should accept it. I know it’s my fault. I was actually lying cy☹️even if I say it’s fine, deep down it makes me sad. I really wanted to talk to you, but I know that will probably never happen. Gosh, I wish I never let my thoughts stop me from showing my affection to you. If only I could break this wall I built between us, maybe I could feel you again. But if I did that, where would my self-respect be? Am I too selfish for choosing to stay silent instead of telling you that I want you here with me? I just can’t explain how much you matter to me. Believe me, I made the right decision to let you go. But the consequences made me realize that letting others love the woman I want didn’t make it easier to unlove you. I really thought it would. But as time goes by, I hate thinking of you with someone else, and those thoughts feel like they’re poisoning my mind. I can’t find the strength to send this message directly to you, so I’m leaving it here instead. I believe in God’s timing— for us to work things out at the right time and with the right decisions. I still believe in us, in everything about us. I’m walking away, but I still believe that maybe, at the right time and in the right place, our eyes will meet again-full of unspoken thoughts. I hope you’ll look at me the same way again.. If this year is still not meant for me to have you, then I’ll choose myself for now. But if our paths never cross again and God doesn’t give me another chance, then I hope I can see you one last time before I learn to love someone else.

And if the world ever asks me where my heart belongs, I will not answer — because it has already chosen you.

i love you

hi bes cant even sleep this time bc i've been thinking siguro this is the right time to tell u i know this might be sounds crazy but here it is, way back when we we're high school i haven't show u what my real feeling goes for u comes to the point that i keep pushing my feelings for u because i was totally scared back then u know me i was too soft and happy but the real is i just act that way like im just pretending it. what i talking about is the feelings i kept back then was im into u i fall for u but im scared to tell u because i might get rejected by my bestfriend so i everyday back then i pushed my feelings away so that our friendship was safe and protected. i did really kept this for so many years i just had the courage to tell u about this and sorry for not telling u as early as possible.

I wanted to forget you. I tried my best, but how can I deny what my soul craves? At first, I was drawn to your dark, your deep soul. I wanted to know more. I thought I could help you, make you feel better. But all I ended up doing was damaging your mental health. I was too much and maybe I still am. I tried to hide my anxiety, but all I did was chase you, because I felt doomed and too weak to let go. I kept apologizing… but for what? For repeating the same mistakes in the end? Maybe what you did was the best option for both of us to find peace, and for you to go back to what you truly wanted.

hi love happy retreat!

Chechi, I usually can write a lot. But for once words have failed me. I tried to write you a letter many times. But I couldn’t complete it. There’s a lot I want to say, but I don’t know where to start. I was thinking about what you will do, how you will manage, all of those. But maybe for once, I think I will tell you about me. No amount of ideas and advice can help right now. So I will sit with you in the darkness. I will sit with you in the pain. I will sit with you through the tears, I will be there until we figure it out. I will stay. I will see you. And I will let myself be seen. Magdeburg will never be the same ever again. Because I know what this place looks like with you in it. I will miss you a lot. I will miss making the bath for you, I will miss taking the tram to come see you. I will miss putting on the tea and waiting for you to reach. I will miss colouring your hair. I will miss going to shops with you. I will miss teasing you about that “accidental” kiss. I will miss the way you laugh when I say evil things. Going to Kaufland or DM or Rossmann will never be the same. I think I will look for your beanie over the shelves. I will think of a joke and turn around to tell you. But you are in India. I will miss you because, I will. Not because we are related by blood, not because you are useful, not because of any reasons. But just because. I see how brave you are being. Thank you. I am not as brave I think. When I think of you walking into the airport, into a place where I can't see you every other day - it scares me. But you are so brave. We will fix this together I have no doubt. But I won’t like it when you aren’t here. And I will try to be brave like you. I am stopping here because the more I write the more I realise the little girl who watched her parents leave at the airport still lives inside me. I mustn't wake her up.

I miss you. I miss the sound of your voice. I swear if you called I’d answer so quickly. If we bumped into each other in the store in fall to pieces. I have no other way to reach you. I am grieving. I lied. I lied when I said it wouldn’t bother me if you moved on, I lied when I said I’d be happy for you. We vowed to each other in the aisle of our store. My heart my soul. It will never forget. I don’t think I will ever be able to swallow this ache, this sadness. I dream of you often, I think of you every single day. Every day I ache for you. You should’ve trusted me, you should’ve gave me time. I miss you. I just gods I miss you. I love you so much. God I want you to be back in my life. I wanted you. I will always want you. I’m devastated. I miss hearing you play guitar, I miss driving around with you, I miss listening to music, I can’t finish the last season of our show. You will always be the Jamie to my Claire. I love you. I love you so much. I cry for you almost every single day. I cling to your memories. I look back at photos. I miss you. I love you. Call me. Text me. Something.

I’d marry you in a grocery all over again. My heart aches and grieves and I think I’ll carry that with me for the rest of my life. You got married for real to someone else and buried us in the darkness. I miss you all the time, your hugs, the safety and comfort. You just didn’t trust me and you didn’t give me the time. I told you I’d serve you what you wanted on a silver platter but you like everyone else turned it away. My third and final great love, my heart shattered. I lost so much with you that I’ll never have again. I love you deeply in my soul. But I think this is what you wanted. Destroy me to gain her. You look happy, but I only see photos. I found out yesterday you married her in four short months. Engaged for a month. It felt like my nerves were being torn out of my body. I’ve cried but felt selfish. You deserve happiness. I love you I always will. Always. Even the pumpkin misses you.

I miss you. i miss you terribly. It’s only been 2 weeks. i just want you to be okay. You had so much going on in your life and i wanted to be there for you so badly. but instead. you pushed me away. I can’t hate you for that. I know i can be overwhelming. but i know you still care. i know neither of us really want this. Or at least i hope. I know i don’t want this. You say it’s because you can’t give me what i need. but you were everything and more to me… you still are. you could never do any wrong in my eyes. I can’t eat, i can’t sleep. i can’t focus on anything. it always comes back to you. I understand i invested too much time into you. i lost myself. in you. I get that. i’m just asking for another chance. the space we built together. the routine. I think the routine broke us. it became predictable. but there is something that soothes in routine. I crave the spontaneity… at times. but i mostly crave your time. your presence. your kind looks. that is what is making this so hard. You welcomed me into your life, your world, your culture. When you left. i didn’t just lose you. i lost my hope. my spark. you took that all with you. you say it’s for the best for both of us. but you are the only one gaining in this. I love you. deeply. I don’t want to beg. i don’t want to chase. i’m not going to. you need time. you need space. i could have given you this. if only you had spoken to me. you don’t have to make these decisions alone. you don’t have to walk through life alone. I was there for you. you were there for me. and now you’re gone. you’ve pruned the branches of my heart until it feels like it can grow no more. I know that when you cut hedges the leaves grow back stronger and full of life. But you didn’t have to cut me out. this is destroying me. mentally and physically. i’m exhausted. and call me selfish call me mean. but i resent you for being fine. i speak to our mutuals. they told me you’re already out with other people. taking your life back from this grip i seemed to have on you. it wasn’t on purpose. if i made you feel smothered. if i made you uncomfortable. it’s the only love i know. i’m takin this time to work on myself. We both need time. and space. i’m just hoping that when you get to that point. you look for the possibility that i can be the one to support you again. Please don’t be a stranger.