First love

💗 To My Favorite Person — Happy Birthday, My Love 🎂 _Happy birthday 🎁🎂🎈 to the most special person in my life ❤️. Today is all about you, and I honestly wish I could put every feeling I have for you into words. I don't even know where to begin because there are so many things I want to say, so many memories I want to talk about, and so many little things about you that I appreciate. But I'll try my best because you deserve to know just how special you are to me. First of all, Happy Birthday! 🎂🎉🥳 I hope your day is filled with happiness, laughter, love, peace, and all the beautiful things you deserve. I hope you smile a lot today and make memories that you'll always remember. Most importantly, I hope you know that there is someone who is genuinely happy that you were born and that you came into their life — me ❤️. Sometimes I think about how one person can become such an important part of another person's life. Somehow, you became that person for me. You became someone I look forward to talking to, someone whose messages can instantly make my day better, someone I can share random things with, and someone who has a very special place in my heart. I don't know if I say it enough, but thank you for being in my life 🤍. Thank you for being someone I can talk to. Thank you for listening to my random stories, my silly thoughts, my unnecessary conversations, and all the little things I want to share 😂. Thank you for making me feel heard and understood. Sometimes the smallest conversations become my favorite memories simply because they are with you ❤️. You are not only someone special to me; you are also someone I consider my best friend. You're someone I can talk to without having to think too much about what I should say. I can be myself around you, and that means more to me than I can explain. I don't have to pretend to be someone I'm not. I can be silly, emotional, excited, dramatic, quiet, happy, or completely random 😂, and somehow you still make me feel comfortable being myself. That's something I truly appreciate about you. I love how we can talk about serious things one moment and then suddenly start talking about something completely stupid the next 😂❤️. I love the random conversations, the jokes, the little moments, and all the memories we've created together. They might seem like ordinary moments to other people, but to me, they are special because you are a part of them 🥺💗. Sometimes I don't need anything big or extraordinary. Even a simple conversation with you can make an ordinary day feel special. That's one of the things I love about having you in my life. You have given me so many reasons to smile. There are moments when I remember something you said or something we talked about, and I automatically smile ❤️. It's funny how someone can become such a big part of your thoughts without even realizing it. And today, on your birthday, I want you to know that I appreciate you, not just the things you do for me. I appreciate your heart. I appreciate your kindness. I appreciate your patience. I appreciate your understanding. I appreciate your support. I appreciate your presence. And most of all, I appreciate the person you are. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH ❤️♾️ There are so many things I could say about why I love you, but I don't think one birthday message would ever be enough to explain everything. It's not just one particular thing that makes you special to me. It's all the little things together — the way you talk, the way you care, the way you listen, the way you make me laugh, and the way you make me feel like I can be myself around you 🥺💗. I am genuinely grateful that our paths crossed. Out of all the people in the world, somehow we found each other, and that feels really special to me ❤️. I hope you know that you can always be proud of yourself. You have so many dreams, goals, and things you want to achieve, and I sincerely hope you accomplish everything you've been working towards 🌟🤍. I hope you never stop believing in yourself. Even when things don't go exactly according to plan, I hope you remember that one difficult moment doesn't define your entire journey. I want to see you happy. I want to see you succeed. I want to see you achieve the things you've always dreamed about. And whenever you accomplish something you've been working hard for, I hope you remember that there will always be someone genuinely happy for you and cheering for you from the heart❤️. Your happiness matters to me. Your dreams matter to me. Your peace matters to me. And you matter to me. 🤍 On your birthday, I don't just want to wish you a happy day. I want to wish you a beautiful year ahead. I hope this year brings you new opportunities, wonderful memories, good people, success, peace, laughter, and countless reasons to smile 🎂✨. I hope you get closer to all your dreams. I hope you discover new things about yourself. I hope you become even more confident in who you are. I hope you experience moments that make you genuinely proud and happy. And I hope whenever life feels difficult, you remember that you don't have to handle everything alone ❤️. I will always appreciate the beautiful bond we share. I don't want it to be about perfection because no relationship or friendship needs to be perfect to be meaningful. What matters is understanding, honesty, respect, care, and being able to enjoy each other's company. And that's what makes our connection special to me. I love that we can laugh together 😂💗. I love that we can talk about random things. I love that we can share our thoughts. I love that we can be comfortable around each other. I love that we can make ordinary moments memorable. And I love having you as a special part of my life ❤️. Sometimes I wish I could save every beautiful memory we've made and keep it somewhere forever. The conversations, the jokes, the little moments, the things only we understand, and all the times you've made me smile. Maybe someday we'll look back at these moments and laugh about how simple everything was. But right now, these moments mean so much to me. You are someone I can genuinely count on, and I hope you always know that you can count on me too 🤝🏻❤️. I want to be someone who celebrates your happiness with you, supports your dreams, listens when you need someone to talk to, and reminds you of your worth when you forget it. I don't need everything to be perfect. I just want us to continue understanding each other, respecting each other, supporting each other, and creating beautiful memories together. There is something really beautiful about having a person who knows your personality, understands your little habits, listens to your random thoughts, and still chooses to stay close to you. And I'm thankful that person is you. You have become one of those people whose presence makes a difference in my life. Even on an ordinary day, knowing that you're there makes things feel a little more special 🥺❤️. I hope this birthday reminds you of how loved and appreciated you are. Not only by me, but by everyone who genuinely cares about you. I hope you take a moment today to realize how far you've come and how many beautiful things are still waiting for you in the future 🌟🎂. Please never think that you aren't enough. Please never forget how valuable you are. Please keep chasing your dreams. Please keep smiling. Please keep being yourself. Because the person you are is already incredibly special to me. ❤️ And now I want to say something that I probably don't say enough: Thank you. 🤍 Thank you for coming into my life. Thank you for giving me memories I'll always treasure. Thank you for making me smile. Thank you for listening to me. Thank you for understanding me. Thank you for caring about me. Thank you for being patient with me. Thank you for being someone I can trust. Thank you for being my favorite person to talk to. Thank you for simply being you. I don't know what the future will look like, and I don't want to make promises about things that are impossible to predict. But I do know that the memories and moments we have right now are precious to me, and I hope we continue making many more beautiful memories together 🤍♾️. I hope there are countless more birthdays to celebrate, countless more conversations to have, countless more laughs to share, and countless more moments where we can simply enjoy being around each other 🎂🥰. Today, I hope you feel extra special because you are. So eat your favorite food 🍕🍰, enjoy your cake 🎂, smile as much as possible 🥰, spend time with the people who love you, and enjoy your day to the fullest 🎉❤️. And whenever you look back at this birthday, I hope you remember that someone was sitting somewhere writing a ridiculously long birthday message because she had way too many things to say about you 😂💗. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH 🥹🤍♾️ I hope you know that my love for you isn't only about saying “I love you.” It's also about caring about your happiness, respecting you, supporting your dreams, appreciating your presence, and being grateful for every moment we get to share 🫂❤️. You are one of the most beautiful parts of my life, and I will always be grateful for the memories you've given me. I hope we continue growing together, learning from each other, laughing together, supporting each other, and making memories that we'll remember for years to come. I hope your future is full of beautiful surprises. I hope your heart is always peaceful. I hope your smile never disappears. I hope your dreams become reality. I hope you achieve everything you work for. I hope you are surrounded by genuine people. I hope you always have reasons to be happy. And most importantly, I hope you always remember how special you are. 🤍✨ Happy birthday once again to my favorite person 🎂🎁❤️. Happy Birthday, my love. May this new year of your life bring you happiness, success, peace, good health, wonderful opportunities, unforgettable memories, and everything your heart wishes for 🙏🏻🤍✨. Thank you for being such an important part of my life. Thank you for being someone I can laugh with, talk to, trust, and share my little world with 🫂❤️. No matter how many words I write, they still won't be enough to explain exactly how much you mean to me. But if I had to put everything into one sentence, I'd say: I'm simply grateful that you are in my life. ❤️♾️ So here's to you, your birthday, your dreams, your future, and all the beautiful moments waiting for you 🎂🥳✨. Keep smiling. Keep dreaming. Keep being you. And never forget that you are deeply appreciated and very special to me. Happy Birthday once again, my favorite person, my best friend, and someone who holds a very special place in my heart. 🎂❤️ I LOVE YOU SO, SO MUCH ♾️ Happy Birthday! 🎂🎁🎈🥳❤️

I love you so much it hurts

Ashtyn, if only you truly knew just how much I love you. It’s bigger than I can ever put into words and it hasn’t faded even a little bit. I miss you every single day and every moment, more than you will ever fully understand. I’m so deeply sorry I hurt you when I was still broken and unhealed inside. I know that pain made me act wrong and I didn’t treat you with the kindness, care and love you deserved every single day. I will always regret that more than anything. I miss your laugh that could light up every room, your beautiful smile that meant everything to me, your terrible silly jokes that I’d pretend to hate but actually loved so much. I miss every little thing about you and every part of who you are. I want to reach out and I want to be close to you again more than anything. But I need to know you still want me there too and that there’s still a place for me in your heart. Because no matter what happened, I still love you fully, truly and completely and I always will.

Or am I just a dumbass? I let you use me, my body, my love, my care, my time, my money, my efforts, my trust. And that’s on me. I never used to like you, I never had an interest in you, never looked at you in that way, never wanted you, never nothing, I only seen you just a friend. Then you told me and then you asked me.. and then I had officially been labelled as a girlfriend. Which was weird, I didn’t like it, I didn’t like you, I didn’t understand why and I didn’t understand how. But I did it. I did it for one reason. For one thing that I couldn’t believe in.. love. I couldn’t believe that someone had actually liked me, that someone loved me, that someone cared about me, thought about me and wanted to be with me. I was shocked, excited, nervous and clueless. I had no clue what I was doing and I didn’t like it at all to begin with. But then once I got comfortable with being a gf I started treating you as a princess. Gifts - and multiple of them, money, dates, cards, paragraphs, photos, food, snacks, anything and everything to make you feel loved, but to also make myself feel that if I had given you all that you wanted you wouldn’t leave me. But little did I know in the long run that’s the worst thing to do. It’s now been a year and 2 months into this relationship and, I’ve been wanting to leave this situation for months, but I can’t bring myself to it. Tbh I sort of wished I never said yes in the first place. Or I wish that I would’ve waited a little longer to see what you would do within a relationship with me before I went ahead and said yes. Throughout this past year and couple of months I’ve come to realise a lot within love, and how love feels and what it’s like to feel stuck, unloved, and feel like you’re the only one trying. I’ve tried to tell you multiple, and multiple times what I care about, how you can love me and that I’m truly struggling so you know how urgent this situation is to fix the ‘problem’. But as well as that, I feel like I’m just used.. for literally anything if it’s for money or sexual desires I’m used. I feel no matter how hard I try your never satisfied or you expect more. Expects me to buy you things, beg me to please you, expect me to cook for you. But yet all I ask in return is a cuddle, a kiss, a shower tg but yet it’s always too much. I’ve always told you that it’s never about money, it’s never about big gifts or anything to do with that, but the little things are what matter most to me. Remembering small details about me, cuddling me out of nowhere, wanting to play/fight/shower/talk, bond, spend quality time tg. But instead I’m comforted with ‘ceebs’ or ‘I don’t want too’ or ‘yep..’ Or I’m laughed at or talked about with your friends, or little comments are made on my insecurities. The many things I’ve seen and heard you, my bf say, you’ve belittled me to make your friends laugh, you don’t stick up for my name if it’s used in convos. Which tbh I’ve gotten used to, I know how to look after myself, protect myself, stick up for myself, but I won’t marry a man who wouldn’t want too do that for me. We’re two completely different minds where you’re just fixated on the complete opposite of mine and I’m the complete opposite of yours. I’ve tried so hard to keep going, but since a while back I feel like I’m the only one holding up this relationship. And tbh I think my life would go pretty good without you, I mean I know it would be really hard for me, and ik you think I won’t with how much I complain, but this just shows you how many times I’ve mentioned this problem and it hasn’t been fixed I’ve been left with “I’m trying”, “just give me time”, etc. But how long do I have to wait? Will you actually try to love me, or will you just leave it again? Should I leave? Or am I just a dumbass?

The more time that goes past, the more time I wonder. My life is everything I ever imagined, everything I dreamed of. So why does it feel you're missing? Two years it's been since i've seen you. The biggest heartbreak of my life having to let you go. Fly across the world to filful your dreams. I never thought that loving you would've made me lose myself in the process, who would've thought that loving you more than myself was only hurting me. Without you I have grown, I am the best version of myself emotionally and mentally. I thrive in my life, but why do I wish you were still in it? I want to know about yours and how you are doing. I want to reach out and tell you I miss you. Not our relationship, I miss you. I miss my best friend, who understood me when I didn't even get myself. On the same wavelength when it came to our opinions on stuff, but also on completely opposite ends too. I miss arguing with you. Isn't that crazy? I don't argue with anyone in my life now. Do I just miss someone fighting for me enough? I miss your laugh and the way you looked at me. I always wonder what you would do if you saw me today. I wonder how you feel and most of all I wonder how I would feel. Two years has passed, I thought about you every month, became every week to now everyday. Is this just my karma for how I left things? All the resentment and anger I held towards you and leaving me here alone, I was broken. You were the love of my life and still my boyfriend, but across the world for ten months. It was the hardest thing in my life I have ever had to deal with and I wonder if it was the same for you. One thing I know, if you came back for Christmas, we would have made it through. I wonder about that from time to time and maybe you do too. My mind wanders, it always wanders back to you, I do still love you, what I have come to realise in the last couple of months but dropping my whole life for you would never be an option again. I have built myself from the bottom, I have a stable job, friendships which I've never had before and a stable/ healthy relationship. I miss you and I love you, if I could go back in time to our relationship I would, but I wish we had the personalities and attitudes towards life that we do now. Maybe growing separately was the thing we needed. I hope you are happy in your current life and reaching all your goals. I hope your relationship is happy, hopefully she loves you even just a quarter of the amount I did. I've never loved anybody in my life like I did you, never will I again. One thing I know for sure, in every other life. You are my soulmate. But in this one, I had to choose myself.

To my dearest, happy birthday! Even in silence, I hope you can always feel the warmth of every prayer I send your way. Wishing you the gentlest, happiest, and most comforting year ahead. Seeing one of your biggest dreams finally come true... stepping into that new world and braving all the tough steps makes me so endlessly proud of you. I hope every other dream you carry will gradually unfold and come true, too. The days might be intense and tiring, but I know how strong you are. May God always protect your steps, wrap you in strength, and keep you safe. :) Even from 294 km away, and even with everything that has changed between us, please know that I will always keep wishing you godspeed from afar. Thank you for being such a meaningful part of my life. Happy birthday to my absolute favorite person, always.

when someone asks "what if u crossed paths again, would u want to try again?" why do I still want to? why do I still want u back? us back?

hi pingu, I hope ure doing well, I miss u a lot...

oh teddy, i don't even know how to start this. you were my everything. you still are, you're still my baby and the only one i want in my future, the only one i want forever. every song reminds me of you, of your beautiful voice, you're my angel, my siren. you saved my life, i thought about giving up before you but you brightened every day, you are my sun and all my stars, i'm your moon trying to reflect your brightness back to you. even though we've been driven apart now, even though it feels like the whole world is in our way, i hope our paths intertwine again, that we eclipse someday. i'll still dream of our pretty house, our children, our cats. everything you've ever done for me, every word you've ever said, has filled my heart with so much joy. you completed me, you filled what was missing in me, and i'll always love that about you. you made me smile and laugh when i cried, you made me cry from joy and how much i loved you, and i still do. teddy, if you decide to come back, whenever it is, i'm waiting with open arms. i'm so sorry i can't say this to you directly, i just don't want to hurt you or make you feel guilty while you're taking time for yourself. of course i want to know how you are, how you feel, i want to do things for you and love you and bask in the glow of your presence. but because i can't right now, because i'm giving you the space you need, i'm putting it here. i hope you see this one day and read it and see what you mean to me. i hope you read back my letter from our 6 months. i hope you still love your sock monkey and t-shirts and hoodie and leather bracelet. i hope you don't have to push me out of your life completely and forever, because i can't do that with you. i still smell your aftershave, wear your shirts. do you remember when i missed you when you went away and i cuddled your sweatshirt on my pillow every night? it's the only thing that's been helping me sleep knowing you're not mine right now. i hope that you do still love me. i hope i wasn't just sex. i hope one day, as soon as possible, you come back and confide in me and let me help you. until you do that, i'll keep trying to cope. i'll keep writing anonymous messages online, pining after you every waking hour, and dreaming of us every time i go to sleep. please remember the times we were happy, i beg you. don't remember me with the malice you carried that i didn't know about. i'm so sorry i pushed you away, made you feel like you had to isolate yourself from me. you really didn't, and you don't, but i respect that that's what you want. just don't forget me completely, don't forget the love in my eyes or the feeling of my kisses or the softness of my words when describing you. i won't forget that about you, ted. i won't forget how much you made me laugh, my sweet love. i know i'm rambling and repeating myself, but it's such a fresh wound. it's so hard, but i need to give you what you want. i just need you to know i'm always here for you. i always want to know how you are, hear your problems. whatever you need, my baby, i'm here. don't be afraid of who i used to be, i'm changing for you. i know i've shrunken away, i've hidden, but i promise you i'm ready whenever you need me. i love you so, so much. i love your soft hair, your beautiful blue eyes, your bright smile, your strong arms, your warm body. i love the way you smell and how you held me like i'd break without you and your singing will forever haunt me, the ghost of your love whispering in my ears along with every song. you're still my hero, teddy, you always will be. i'll always love you, everlong.

to r, who came into my life in that september. perhaps becoming close and being friends with you felt like a given to me at some point, and precisely because i took it for granted, i cherished this beautiful friendship all the more. yet, i failed to understand your true feelings. you didn't want to remain just friends; you wanted the small title of "lovers" throughout those five years. i knew it, yet i turned a blind eye simply because i was terrified of losing our friendship (sounds like a flimsy excuse just to brush things off, doesn't it?). i wasn't sure if i could offer you a love that was truly worthy, and back then, we were still far too young. i was afraid that a fleeting romance would tear our friendship apart. i didn't dare believe i could bring you happiness. and now, as our feelings gradually faded and we drifted together—protecting each other like two friends simply out of habit—i inadvertently lost you, letting you fall into someone else's arms while i stood there in utter bewilderment. i don't understand my own emotions. clearly, i had rejected you; clearly, i had never given any signals. yet now, seeing you find a second happiness that isn't with me, i feel this sudden, stabbing heartache. we stood by each other in our foolish youth, and now that we are mature, you use that very affection to shelter someone else. i know my feelings have arrived far too late. i am happy for you, but at the same time, a quiet sorrow and regret are flickering inside for not having reached out to hold you back. right now, the two of us are walking a tightrope between friendship, looking both pitiful and blameworthy. i know these thoughts shouldn't exist, but please, let me be selfish just this once. i wish i could turn back time. i wish i had been more sincere in accepting your feelings instead of relying on the trust of a mere friend. i wish i had been confident enough to finally say, "i've fallen for you." this confession cannot be delivered to you, but i will try my best to nurture our friendship. and i know that one day, we will see those beautiful years of friendship bloom once again. (thank you for the love you gave me.)

gửi đến cô bạn tên R đến với đời tôi vào tháng 9 năm ấy. có lẽ việc thân và được làm bạn với cậu đã là điều tôi cho là dĩ nhiên từ lúc nào, và vì cho là dĩ nhiên ấy nên tôi lại càng trân quý cái tình bạn đẹp đẽ này hơn. ấy thế mà, tôi lại không hiểu được tâm tư tình cảm của cậu, cậu đâu muốn chỉ là bạn, cậu muốn có một danh xưng bé nhỏ mang tên lovers suốt quãng thời gian 5 năm kia, tôi biết chứ, ấy thế mà tôi lại làm ngơ đi chỉ vì bản thân tôi sợ mình sẽ đánh mất tình bạn(nghe giống như những lời nói láo để cho qua chuyện nhỉ?) tôi không dám chắc bản thân có thể trao cho cậu tình yêu đủ xứng, và khi ấy chúng ta vẫn còn quá non trẻ, tôi sợ tình yêu nhất thời sẽ khiến tình bạn của 2 ta chia cách. tôi không dám tin bản thân mang lại cho cậu hạnh phúc, và giờ đây, khi tình cảm dần nhạt phai và ta đến với nhau, che chở nhau như 2 người bạn chỉ vì quá quen sự hiện diện của đối phương, tôi vô tình đánh mất cậu, để cậu rơi vào vòng tay khác trong sự ngỡ ngàng của tôi. tôi không hiểu cảm xúc chính mình, rõ ràng là từ chối, rõ ràng là chưa hề đưa ra tín hiệu nào, vậy mà bây giờ khi thấy cậu có thêm hạnh phúc thứ 2 mà không phải tôi, tôi lại thấy đau lòng như thế, ta bên nhau khi còn dại khờ, và khi chín chắn, cậu dùng tình cảm ấy để che chở cho người thương. tôi biết cảm xúc của tôi đến quá muộn, tôi vừa mừng cho cậu, những cũng vừa nhen nhóm sự buồn bã, tiếc nuối vì đã không giang tay giữ cậu lại. giờ đây, 2 ta chênh vênh giữa ranh giới bạn thân, vừa đáng thương lại vừa đáng trách. tôi biết những điều này là không nên, nhưng xin hãy cho tôi được ích kỉ lần này, tôi mong được quay về lại quá khứ, tôi mong mình sẽ chân thành hơn đón nhận tình cảm của cậu chứ không phải những sự tin tưởng dành cho người bạn, tôi mong bản thân sẽ tự tin hơn để có thể nói rằng tôi đã thích cậu mất rồi. và lời bộc bạch này thì lại không thể gửi đến cậu, nhưng tôi sẽ cố gắng, vun đắp tình bạn chúng ta, và tôi biết rằng, một ngày nào đó ta sẽ lại được thấy những tháng năm tình bạn đẹp đẽ này(cảm ơn tình yêu cậu dành cho tôi)

gửi đến cô bạn tên R đến với đời tôi vào tháng 9 năm ấy. có lẽ việc thân và được làm bạn với cậu đã là điều tôi cho là dĩ nhiên từ lúc nào, và vì cho là dĩ nhiên ấy nên tôi lại càng trân quý cái tình bạn đẹp đẽ này hơn. ấy thế mà, tôi lại không hiểu được tâm tư tình cảm của cậu, cậu đâu muốn chỉ là bạn, cậu muốn có một danh xưng bé nhỏ mang tên lovers suốt quãng thời gian 5 năm kia, tôi biết chứ, ấy thế mà tôi lại làm ngơ đi chỉ vì bản thân tôi sợ mình sẽ đánh mất tình bạn(nghe giống như những lời nói láo để cho qua chuyện nhỉ?) tôi không dám chắc bản thân có thể trao cho cậu tình yêu đủ xứng, và khi ấy chúng ta vẫn còn quá non trẻ, tôi sợ tình yêu nhất thời sẽ khiến tình bạn của 2 ta chia cách. tôi không dám tin bản thân mang lại cho cậu hạnh phúc, và giờ đây, khi tình cảm dần nhạt phai và ta đến với nhau, che chở nhau như 2 người bạn chỉ vì quá quen sự hiện diện của đối phương, tôi vô tình đánh mất cậu, để cậu rơi vào vòng tay khác trong sự ngỡ ngàng của tôi. tôi không hiểu cảm xúc chính mình, rõ ràng là từ chối, rõ ràng là chưa hề đưa ra tín hiệu nào, vậy mà bây giờ khi thấy cậu có thêm hạnh phúc thứ 2 mà không phải tôi, tôi lại thấy đau lòng như thế, ta bên nhau khi còn dại khờ, và khi chín chắn, cậu dùng tình cảm ấy để che chở cho người thương. tôi biết cảm xúc của tôi đến quá muộn, tôi vừa mừng cho cậu, những cũng vừa nhen nhóm sự buồn bã, tiếc nuối vì đã không giang tay giữ cậu lại. giờ đây, 2 ta chênh vênh giữa ranh giới bạn thân, vừa đáng thương lại vừa đáng trách. tôi biết những điều này là không nên, nhưng xin hãy cho tôi được ích kỉ lần này, tôi mong được quay về lại quá khứ, tôi mong mình sẽ chân thành hơn đón nhận tình cảm của cậu chứ không phải những sự tin tưởng dành cho người bạn, tôi mong bản thân sẽ tự tin hơn để có thể nói rằng tôi đã thích cậu mất rồi. và lời bộc bạch này thì lại không thể gửi đến cậu, nhưng tôi sẽ cố gắng, vun đắp tình bạn chúng ta, và tôi biết rằng, một ngày nào đó ta sẽ lại được thấy những tháng năm tình bạn đẹp đẽ này(cảm ơn tình yêu cậu dành cho tôi)

Hello Beautiful

I don’t really know why I’m writing this. Maybe because there are still so many things I never got to say, or maybe because sometimes I just wish I could go back to a time when talking to you was the easiest thing in the world. It also because I hope you would see this and want me back. I think i’m feeling super emotional right now because our what would have been 1 year anniversary is coming up. There was a time when you were my normal. You were the person I could text about the smallest things. If something happened with my mom, if something made me laugh, if I was upset, if I just had a random thought, you were someone I wanted to tell. I didn’t have to think about whether I should reach out. I just did. And now it’s strange knowing that I can’t do that anymore. Sometimes I’ll see an old picture or video of you on my phone and think, “There really was a time when this was my life.”Tiktok’s on this day is really killing me. There was a time when your name was at the top of my phone. There was a time when I thought we’d have so many more memories together. I don’t think I’ll ever forget what you meant to me. You were my first serious love, and you were there for so many of my first experiences with loving somebody and letting somebody love me. Whatever happens in both of our lives, that will always be a part of my story. I know I wasn’t perfect. I know there were things I could have handled differently, things I wish I had understood sooner, and moments where I wish I had been a better version of myself. I’ve grown since then, and sometimes I wish you could see the person I’m becoming. I wish I could know what the breakup was like for you. Did you miss me? Did you ever think about me afterward? Did you ever hear me laughing or see me in class and remember what we used to be? I wish I could read your mind just once. Maybe you don’t feel those things anymore. Maybe you processed everything differently than I did. I don’t know. What I do know is that I loved you. I loved having you in my life. I loved knowing that I had somebody who knew me in a way that other people didn’t. And even though things didn’t work out, I don’t want to pretend that what we had wasn’t important just because it ended. A part of me still wishes you would come back. I wish we could start over not necessarily go back to exactly what we were, but meet each other again as the people we’ve become and see if we could do things differently. But I also know that wanting that doesn’t mean I can make it happen. You mattered to me. I wish things had turned out differently. And I genuinely hope life is good to you, wherever it takes you because you are a great person who deserves great things. I can’t believe you never say what I say in you. You are genuinely one of the sweetest people I have ever meet you are so talented and an amazing signer. I hope you do everything you want in life, and find someone who you love (I guess 😒). I want to move on from you but it’s only because I know I have to. I’m almost there but I have my moments like now, but I hoped i’m released from this yearning soon. Thank you for being such an important part of my life. I hope someday, when you look back on us, you remember the good things too, I think I will always love you and I hope you feel the same about me -Angel

I really thought I'd forget about you, but that's not how it is. It's been months and I still miss and think about you. Deep down I really wish you still have the picture and that you're still thinking about me as well, but at the same time I hope that's not the case. I hope you're not as despaired as me and that you've already moved on. Everyday, I still can't help but wonder what you're up to. How are your cats? How is school going for you? Is it different now that I'm gone? I miss telling you about my day and watching you play your games. I miss sending stupid reels and I KNOW its childish but it's true; in my mind there are still traces of you. Please forgive me if I ever made you uncomfortable. Please forgive me if I was boring to talk to. Please forgive me if it ever felt like I was too busy to talk to you. Please forgive me if I ever confused you because of my indecisiveness. Please forgive me because I still love you. When I see you again, will you have a different hairstyle? Will you be a bit taller? Will you be dressing differently? My heart aches just thinking about it. Will it be awkward when our eyes meet once more? Or will it be sad? Whatever it may be, I'll give you a smile, and hopefully in return I'll be able to see that charming grin that I fell in love with. I wish this is what I could've said that night. I'm sorry I'm really sorry Remember to take care of yourself and focus on school, okay? Lol I have so much to tell you about mine

Hi, baby. I miss you so much. I wish I could turn back time to fix my mistakes—to fix everything. I love you. I love you so much, lablab ko. I hope you're okay. I'm silently rooting for you, and I will always be your number one fan! Agi, I miss you so much. I still can't move on. I know two years have passed, but two years is nothing if waiting and yearning means you're coming back. I'm more than happy to spend my whole lifetime waiting for you. If an alternate universe is real, I hope there's a place for me and Shana there. I hope there's a train that arrives on time so Shana and I can have the best time of our lives. I love you—Shanalaire. I will live in Switzerland, for us. I will live in Switzerland, for us.

I still love you

I wish I could really show you how much I love you, yet I am a nobody compared to her. I am so sorry that I don't have the talent to make it to you. You would never know anyways. But I hope you're happy with her.

Hi. I know you won't see this, or at least I hope. I don't want to look like a fool in front of you after all of this time. We broke up in early August, and to say my feelings have been mixed is an understatement. You were there for me when I cried, but at times you were the reason why I shed those tears. I laughed with you, we called for hours on end, and we shared vulnerable moments. I'm sorry. I know I was an asshole at the end of our relationship, and you didn't deserve that. You aren't a bad person, despite you constantly telling yourself that. I tried to help you when you vented to me; I wanted to get you help, desperately. But you didn't take my advice, and it was starting to drain me too. I loved you, Sam. I really, really did. But I just couldn't deal with it anymore. You deserve someone better, someone who can handle your feelings, vocalize and set proper boundaries. I am not that person, though I wish I was. We were supposed to get married and have kids together. Do you remember how happy we were? Just thinking about it makes my throat close and my heart clench. It might not look too serious to others, but this is to me. We were supposed to stay together until we grew old. What happiness once spread in my chest when hearing that has now blossomed into a feeling of sorrow and slow acceptance: that despite how desperately we wanted to be, we aren't made for each other. One day, you'll find a pretty girl that your mom will love, a girl that can treat you as if your negative emotions aren't some extra baggage and a girl that can please you whenever you want. I hope you end up going into Nuclear Physics. You always loved talking about it with me, and even got a little embarrassed when you mentioned that no one had ever listened to you as I did. I could listen to you talk for hours. I mourn the first few months of our relationship. It was so, so healthy compared to the first time we started dating. I didn't feel annoyed when talking to you, and could sit in comfortable silence with you for as long as I needed. It hurts to think that I can never have that back. I don't know what happened near the end. You started to do things that upset me, like finding that image of an AI girl on your phone that looked nothing like me. You have no idea what I felt. I remember when you ended up crying, and it left off with me comforting you over something you did. I felt so terrible about myself that I ended up having a panic attack with you on a call because of how strong the emotions I felt were. I don't blame you for how you reacted. I remember the silence from your end while I cried quietly to myself. I didn't need you to say anything; your mere presence brought me comfort. I don't know what happened to you, but you got too possessive, too obsessed. I thought you were my person, Sam. I really thought that. You told me you changed for hell's sake. I feel like such an idiot crying over you. I tried so, so hard to be perfect for you, while you always made mistakes. I don't know how I'll look you in the eye when school starts, Sam. We're paired together in the Music Council. I now dread one of the things we were so excited for. I hate change so much; it's a leech, and an ugly, disgusting leech that always clings to me. I don't know why people keep on leaving. You told me I didn't deserve it, and we promised to always stay together. Look at us now. Cut contact and exes.

Прошло почти год с половиной, как расстались и ты кинула меня в ЧС....ноч в самом деле, я скучаю по тебя. Иногда прям тоскую по тебя, у меня даже есть аккаунт твоей подруги, могла бы написать тебе через нее, но я не отпушусь настолько низко и беспокоить твою подругу. Я пытаюсь жить дальше, правда, пытаюсь, но что-то постоянно происходит какой-то абсурд. Я даже познакомилась с одной девушкой, но...стыдно признаться, я постоянно сравнивала ее с тобой, и я вела себя точно так, как ты со мной в последнее время, игнор, нежелание общаться. Но хорошо, что она поняла это, и перестали общаться, где-то месяц назад. Я скучаю по тебе, Машуля