Hi. I know you won't see this, or at least I hope. I don't want to look like a fool in front of you after all of this time. We broke up in early August, and to say my feelings have been mixed is an understatement. You were there for me when I cried, but at times you were the reason why I shed those tears. I laughed with you, we called for hours on end, and we shared vulnerable moments. I'm sorry. I know I was an asshole at the end of our relationship, and you didn't deserve that. You aren't a bad person, despite you constantly telling yourself that. I tried to help you when you vented to me; I wanted to get you help, desperately. But you didn't take my advice, and it was starting to drain me too. I loved you, Sam. I really, really did. But I just couldn't deal with it anymore. You deserve someone better, someone who can handle your feelings, vocalize and set proper boundaries. I am not that person, though I wish I was. We were supposed to get married and have kids together. Do you remember how happy we were? Just thinking about it makes my throat close and my heart clench. It might not look too serious to others, but this is to me. We were supposed to stay together until we grew old. What happiness once spread in my chest when hearing that has now blossomed into a feeling of sorrow and slow acceptance: that despite how desperately we wanted to be, we aren't made for each other. One day, you'll find a pretty girl that your mom will love, a girl that can treat you as if your negative emotions aren't some extra baggage and a girl that can please you whenever you want. I hope you end up going into Nuclear Physics. You always loved talking about it with me, and even got a little embarrassed when you mentioned that no one had ever listened to you as I did. I could listen to you talk for hours. I mourn the first few months of our relationship. It was so, so healthy compared to the first time we started dating. I didn't feel annoyed when talking to you, and could sit in comfortable silence with you for as long as I needed. It hurts to think that I can never have that back. I don't know what happened near the end. You started to do things that upset me, like finding that image of an AI girl on your phone that looked nothing like me. You have no idea what I felt. I remember when you ended up crying, and it left off with me comforting you over something you did. I felt so terrible about myself that I ended up having a panic attack with you on a call because of how strong the emotions I felt were. I don't blame you for how you reacted. I remember the silence from your end while I cried quietly to myself. I didn't need you to say anything; your mere presence brought me comfort. I don't know what happened to you, but you got too possessive, too obsessed. I thought you were my person, Sam. I really thought that. You told me you changed for hell's sake. I feel like such an idiot crying over you. I tried so, so hard to be perfect for you, while you always made mistakes. I don't know how I'll look you in the eye when school starts, Sam. We're paired together in the Music Council. I now dread one of the things we were so excited for. I hate change so much; it's a leech, and an ugly, disgusting leech that always clings to me. I don't know why people keep on leaving. You told me I didn't deserve it, and we promised to always stay together. Look at us now. Cut contact and exes.