Or am I just a dumbass? I let you use me, my body, my love, my care, my time, my money, my efforts, my trust. And that’s on me. I never used to like you, I never had an interest in you, never looked at you in that way, never wanted you, never nothing, I only seen you just a friend. Then you told me and then you asked me.. and then I had officially been labelled as a girlfriend. Which was weird, I didn’t like it, I didn’t like you, I didn’t understand why and I didn’t understand how. But I did it. I did it for one reason. For one thing that I couldn’t believe in.. love. I couldn’t believe that someone had actually liked me, that someone loved me, that someone cared about me, thought about me and wanted to be with me. I was shocked, excited, nervous and clueless. I had no clue what I was doing and I didn’t like it at all to begin with. But then once I got comfortable with being a gf I started treating you as a princess. Gifts - and multiple of them, money, dates, cards, paragraphs, photos, food, snacks, anything and everything to make you feel loved, but to also make myself feel that if I had given you all that you wanted you wouldn’t leave me. But little did I know in the long run that’s the worst thing to do. It’s now been a year and 2 months into this relationship and, I’ve been wanting to leave this situation for months, but I can’t bring myself to it. Tbh I sort of wished I never said yes in the first place. Or I wish that I would’ve waited a little longer to see what you would do within a relationship with me before I went ahead and said yes. Throughout this past year and couple of months I’ve come to realise a lot within love, and how love feels and what it’s like to feel stuck, unloved, and feel like you’re the only one trying. I’ve tried to tell you multiple, and multiple times what I care about, how you can love me and that I’m truly struggling so you know how urgent this situation is to fix the ‘problem’. But as well as that, I feel like I’m just used.. for literally anything if it’s for money or sexual desires I’m used. I feel no matter how hard I try your never satisfied or you expect more. Expects me to buy you things, beg me to please you, expect me to cook for you. But yet all I ask in return is a cuddle, a kiss, a shower tg but yet it’s always too much. I’ve always told you that it’s never about money, it’s never about big gifts or anything to do with that, but the little things are what matter most to me. Remembering small details about me, cuddling me out of nowhere, wanting to play/fight/shower/talk, bond, spend quality time tg. But instead I’m comforted with ‘ceebs’ or ‘I don’t want too’ or ‘yep..’ Or I’m laughed at or talked about with your friends, or little comments are made on my insecurities. The many things I’ve seen and heard you, my bf say, you’ve belittled me to make your friends laugh, you don’t stick up for my name if it’s used in convos. Which tbh I’ve gotten used to, I know how to look after myself, protect myself, stick up for myself, but I won’t marry a man who wouldn’t want too do that for me. We’re two completely different minds where you’re just fixated on the complete opposite of mine and I’m the complete opposite of yours. I’ve tried so hard to keep going, but since a while back I feel like I’m the only one holding up this relationship. And tbh I think my life would go pretty good without you, I mean I know it would be really hard for me, and ik you think I won’t with how much I complain, but this just shows you how many times I’ve mentioned this problem and it hasn’t been fixed I’ve been left with “I’m trying”, “just give me time”, etc. But how long do I have to wait? Will you actually try to love me, or will you just leave it again? Should I leave? Or am I just a dumbass?