The more time that goes past, the more time I wonder. My life is everything I ever imagined, everything I dreamed of. So why does it feel you're missing? Two years it's been since i've seen you. The biggest heartbreak of my life having to let you go. Fly across the world to filful your dreams. I never thought that loving you would've made me lose myself in the process, who would've thought that loving you more than myself was only hurting me. Without you I have grown, I am the best version of myself emotionally and mentally. I thrive in my life, but why do I wish you were still in it? I want to know about yours and how you are doing. I want to reach out and tell you I miss you. Not our relationship, I miss you. I miss my best friend, who understood me when I didn't even get myself. On the same wavelength when it came to our opinions on stuff, but also on completely opposite ends too. I miss arguing with you. Isn't that crazy? I don't argue with anyone in my life now. Do I just miss someone fighting for me enough? I miss your laugh and the way you looked at me. I always wonder what you would do if you saw me today. I wonder how you feel and most of all I wonder how I would feel. Two years has passed, I thought about you every month, became every week to now everyday. Is this just my karma for how I left things? All the resentment and anger I held towards you and leaving me here alone, I was broken. You were the love of my life and still my boyfriend, but across the world for ten months. It was the hardest thing in my life I have ever had to deal with and I wonder if it was the same for you. One thing I know, if you came back for Christmas, we would have made it through. I wonder about that from time to time and maybe you do too. My mind wanders, it always wanders back to you, I do still love you, what I have come to realise in the last couple of months but dropping my whole life for you would never be an option again. I have built myself from the bottom, I have a stable job, friendships which I've never had before and a stable/ healthy relationship. I miss you and I love you, if I could go back in time to our relationship I would, but I wish we had the personalities and attitudes towards life that we do now. Maybe growing separately was the thing we needed. I hope you are happy in your current life and reaching all your goals. I hope your relationship is happy, hopefully she loves you even just a quarter of the amount I did. I've never loved anybody in my life like I did you, never will I again. One thing I know for sure, in every other life. You are my soulmate. But in this one, I had to choose myself.