“I was insane with horrible spells of sanity” is an Edgar Allen Poe quote that I fear I understand too well. I can feel myself instead of feeling sad just not, and feeling really funny like laughing. Like everything is a joke and I’m the punchline. I can feel it like a thin thread slipping through my hands, slick with oil and thinner than spider silk. I have a bad day and felt really bad and wanted to hurt myself, I had a bad reencounter with a bad person. Something inside me broke and I just started laughing, like a lot. I wanted to kill myself but I was just laughing like I had heard the funniest joke. I couldn’t stop either, I heaved laughter until cramps stoped and I still felt ungodly happy, even for a normal day let alone a day like poop. Am I crazy? I don’t know. The hallucinations are back too. I keep seeing people way too clearly who aren’t there, not like Roxy and Earl but more solid, more like they exist but they don’t. I thought someone tapped me and called my name but it was from the direction of a Wall. I fear I may be close to an edge, one much higher than any I’ve faced before.