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ამ ყველაფრის შემდეგ, შეხედე, სადამდე მოვედით… ათასობით კითხვა გვაქვს, მაგრამ არც ერთი პასუხი… სათქმელიც აღარაფერი დაგვრჩა. და როგორ მოხდა, რომ სულით მონათესავეები უბრალოდ ორ უცხო ადამიანად ვიქეცით? მინდა, კიდევ ერთხელ დავლიოთ ერთი ბოთლი ღვინო, გავიხსენოთ… როგორ ვცეკვავდით ოდესღაც ვარსკვლავებთან ერთად… როგორ გვჯეროდა თითოეული ჩვენი ოცნების… მოგონებები მკლავს… და მითხარი, რა არის კარგი ამ „მშვიდობითში“?.. დღეს შენ მტოვებ მე, მე კი — შენ… სხვადასხვა გზით მივდივართ — სულები, კომპასის გარეშე დარჩენილნი… ამ ყველაფრის შემდეგ ორივე შევიცვალეთ. მე უკვე სხვა ქალი ვარ, შენ კი — ახლა უკვე სხვა კაცი… რა მოხდა? და როგორ? როგორ დაგროვდა ეს მანძილი იმ პატარა, ერთი შეხედვით უმნიშვნელო ამბებისგან? იქნებ უბრალო „გამარჯობა, როგორ ხარ?“ ჩვენი გადარჩენა ყოფილიყო… მე ხომ ჯერ კიდევ აქ ვარ!… რა არის კარგი იმაში, როცა მეუბნები: „კიდევ მომატყუე…“ როცა სიმართლე ასე მტკივნეულია?.. მარტოები, სხვადასხვა გზით მიმავალნი, ალბათ, უკვე აღარც ვიცით, საით მივდივართ… ჩვენ ორს, ერთმანეთისგან დაშორებულებს, თითქოს აღარც კი დაგვრჩა მიზანი…

I still love you with every piece of me. You know those times Id tell u ppl can make me easily stop liking or loving them if they make me cry or hurt me a lot? well with you I realized that wasn't true, maybe for them but all those times you hurt me and made me cry my mind, heart and soul still longed for you. That time back then when u disappeared, I had written to you almost every day though I knew u wouldn't see my messages either cuz id be unadded from ur life forever or cuz u followed through with u plan u said I couldn't save u from. Also after that time we had broken up y'know how I started talking to new people? well during that time with every new interaction, I felt sick to my stomach and just wanted my sweet boy (you) back but I tried to find new and better like u said tho i knew it was impossible cuz u were perfect in my eyes.I tried to find new so I could look tough, as if I didn't care and as if nothing such as a guy bothered me, but it so badly did. I remember the number of times I tried committing because of it, I thought "what was the point of living if i couldn't have u...my reason to live, now gone...unwanting of me.. what am i doing here? I don't matter surely? who am I supposed to be now?" I remember only finding purpose through you. but as time passed Idek and Im not sure why I'm still here but I think its cuz I still have hope...hope for us, even though ik u don't ever want me again like u said. I'm still willing to go through hell and back for you even If u don't want me to. I still love you so much, there was never a day I didn't love or think of u. Theres so much I left unsaid because I was scared, you'd stop loving me..but hey it happened anyway so idk why i was so terrified, I should've spoke my mind to you, straight forward. I still think of the hibachi baby videos and truly when i seen them back then i thought maybe once we settled down and were living right we'd have a kid or 2 and once they were 1 or 2yo we'd take them to the hibachi grill place and record their reactions. hahaha. I still think of it at times. I noticed myself thinking, saying and doing stuff id never do when I was with you, and alot of it helped me. I learned to love parts of myself i use to hate and learn to like and know about other things cuz of u. I still want to give you everything u want and deserve but I feel even tho its right at your door u want it to be another person to give it all to u I hope I could be that person in the future. when I see mangos, I still think of u, my handsome mango :) I wish u could see how I see you. I still have sm gifts I still need to give you!!!I hope I can someday, but face to face. You're perfect and idc if u say ur not because u are so dam perfect in my eyes i fricken love you so fricken much it aches me knowing I cant tell u this burning passion for u I still have hidden within. I try to keep my mind and distance to myself so u won't push me further away but i tend to ignore myself n yap then i beat myself for it cuz youd start distancing urself seemingly. I hate it whenever ur gone. It kills me so much, sometimes I wish u felt this pain i felt for u whenever u was gone and during all the other things. I YEARN SO BAD FOR YOU BUT YOU JUST DONT SEE IT OR DONT CARE... Im sorry for the ways I am. Please know I keep my promises,every single one i ever made to u (that's if U want me to still follow throug with them) and I will love u till the day that I die, even in the after life.

you've become too dear to me in the few days we've been together.. i want you to like me so much and i want my love to be mutual. you are very dear to me, i am so afraid of spoiling everything...

Jesus Loves you

I wish I knew what you were thinking. We barely talk, and maybe all the little things I notice mean nothing to you, but sometimes you make me wonder if you feel something too. And I hate how much I’ve started thinking about it, because somewhere between all the confusion and wondering, I think I’ve started liking you. Maybe I’m completely wrong. Maybe you’ll never even see this. But if there really is something between us, I wish you’d be brave enough to find out. You don’t need some perfect confession or a big romantic moment. Just talk to me. Come up to me when you see me, message me, give me something real instead of leaving me to wonder. I promise I’m probably just as nervous as you are. And if I’ve imagined all of this, that’s okay. I’d rather know and finally let it go than keep searching for meaning in every little thing you do. But if you do like me, please don’t wait forever. I’m right here.

მიყვარს გულწრფელობა და იმის პირდაპირ თქმა, რასაც ვფიქრობ… როცა შენს თვალებში ვიყურები, ჭკუიდან ვიშლები… წარმოვიდგენ, რომ ჩემს გვერდით ხარ — სწორედ ეს მინდა. ზოგჯერ კი ისეთი სურვილი მიჩნდება, რომ გითხრა, როგორ მიყვარხარ… შენ ჩემს ფოტოს იღებ, მაშინ როცა ჩემი ხმა დინამიკიდან ისმის. თუ შენ ჩემი პირადი ნარკოტიკი ხარ, მაშინ სასწრაფოდ მჭირდება შენი სიყვარულის ზედოზირება… ჩვენ ორივე ვგრძნობთ, რომ ბევრი სიტყვის თქმა საჭირო არ არის. თვალებით საუბარი ნებისმიერ არსებულ სიტყვაზე ძლიერია… და ჰო… იმედი მაქვს, უარს არ მეტყვი, როცა გკითხავ, გინდა თუ არა ჩემთან სექსი. დრო გადის, აწმყო კი უკვდავია… წარსული უკან მოვიტოვეთ და მომავალი ერთად შევქმენით… ბევრი მეუბნება, რომ უცნაურად ვიქცევი… მაგრამ შენი სურნელი ისე მათრობს, რომ, ჯანდაბა, თავბრუ მეხვევა… და მე მხოლოდ ერთი სურვილი მაქვს… თუ რეინკარნაცია არსებობს, მინდა, შემდეგ ცხოვრებაშიც ჩემი მამაკაცი იყო… ჩვენს შორის მომხდარი აშკარად უბრალო დამთხვევა არ ყოფილა… ჩვენს შორის არც ერთი მანძილი არ არის ზედმეტად დიდი. ყველაფერი, რაც მინდა, შენი მკლავების სითბოში ყოფნაა… ნება მომეცი, შენი კანის სურნელში გავეხვიო…

The first guy I’ve ever truly liked. We’re in our last year of college now, and likely will never see each other again afterwards due to distance. Our time together has been short. Although we were classmates before college, we never really spoke, a regret that weighs heavy on my heart. I wish I had longer to talk to you. I really admire you; your hobbies, the way you use your hands to express yourself whilst talking, the way you try your hardest, your dreams and passions, your slightly wonky nose, your smile, your laugh even when you don’t find something funny, your kindness, humour, your awkwardness, our similar music, your acting and singing on stage. Everything. I want to know more about you, I feel like I’ve just grazed your surface. I wish I made the most of the time I had with you before, but I didn’t recognise my feelings until it was too late. I now have to try and make the most of these last few bittersweet months. Though the added pressure of it being our last year brings stress. And when Im stressed I become the worst of myself. You’ve seen me anxious, overthinking, rambling, quiet, angry. You’ve almost seen me all. You’ve seen me embarrassed and insecure. To which our interactions just turned out awkward because of my own lack of self esteem. But that isn’t me as a whole. Im rambling now, and I don’t even know if you think of me the same way I think of you. Im not the prettiest, the skinniest, or the best. You’re a deeply admirable person, both looks and personality- the complete opposite of me. You may think of yourself differently but you’re just being humble. I deeply respect you. Last year we spoke when we had class, I hated the way I portrayed myself. When I overthink, I ramble, i get embarrassed, anxious, and the cycle repeats itself. You were giving me mixed signals, which I know for my own sake that I should take as a no, but I can’t stop thinking about you. Sometimes I also think you like her, which I can understand as she is so lovely, but I could never be her. Cliche, sorry. But it’s true. Why pick me when you could have her? Why ruin your chances with her when you can practice your conversations with me and then use it with her? I wish you didn’t do that. But then you used to do the same to me- were you playing it safe? Seeing if it would work to then use on her? I’ve tried to stop thinking about you but I just can’t. In my last year of college I have priorities, and for some reason, you’ve always been and are first. Im kicking myself over the fact I spent most of my summer checking your socials instead of focusing on myself. I couldn’t help it- I missed you, as cringe as that sounds. Your future is bright, and one day you will look back at these days and realise how pitiful of a classmate i was. Im going to change, but this version of me will be remembered by you- not the newer version. Maybe that’s the beauty of it. I give so much of myself to you. I know it’s unfair to expect reciprocity, and there’s also a difference between your intention and capability. You’re an awkward guy, i get it, but if you really do like me give me a sign. Don’t just stare at me. Show interest, talk to me, give me what I give you. I know I sound selfish, but I just wish he felt the same. I say this knowing damn well I wouldn’t want a relationship, especially because it’s the last year there’s no point and because of the distance etc. but for the last year, can we not feel something? If not together? It doesn’t have to be serious- it can be fun? I sound desperate, but I really am. Maybe it’s the PMS😭 I know that our moments are fleeting, and I know that I need to make the most of my time left here. Authentically. I just wish you had more confidence to talk to me. It’s confusing. I want to be able to look back at my time here and think about good memories- they don’t have to be big. I want to remember the first guy I liked, although I may laugh at my current self in the future. That’s in the future though, right now in the present i don’t care what I feel or act- I just know that time goes by quickly. And if I don’t make the most of it I’ll regret it. I know you won’t see this, so this is my confession: I like you, very much so.

Although I was never entirely demonstrative about my affection for you, I want you to know that you've always been there, that I always appreciated you for all you did, I want you to know that i'm really sorry for making you feel so bad, for leaving like nothing ever happened, I was afraid of messing things up and felt like I've never deserved your love. Yet tonight I'm here to finally tell you that I really love you, I love your hair, I love those shiny eyes, I love your voice, I love your humour, I love how kind you are to everyone, I love the way you sing, I love just the woman you are. I wish you could read this, I hope you do.

I don't know where to start but i just want you to know how grateful i am to meet you for such a brief of time. We're not close neither we are friends but in spite of our distances i could still feel the kindness and respect you've shown me. To be honest life's been rough for me lately and crying accompanied me a lot these days well, i have a lot of friends to rely on and burst my heart out to them but i prefer to be alone instead. When you wrote "Panagdait" in your notes after i reacted sad emoji at my notes i didn't realize it immediately because i was to busy singing while cryingHAHA! Anyways, i later on realized that maybe..just maybe it is for me to cheer me up? i don't know, i might be just be being delusional but even if it doesn't really mean anything for you or it is for someone else it did still made my day.Though i am still sad because of everything that has happened to my family but you unknowingly did somehow cheered me up . Maybe, i may sound a bit weird but only if you knew how grateful i am for you even if we never talked before for like atleast once or even just smile for each other. Knowing you are happy and in the great place and environment is enough for me especially as to what we are right now even from the very beginning. I thought at first you were like anybody out there who'll just take their admirers for granted or even ignore them otherwise, you are completely different from them. You are more than worthy of admiring. And perhaps that's what makes you different in my eyes. You don't have to do something extraordinary or go out of your way just to make someone feel seen. Sometimes, even the smallest gestures can mean so much to someone who has been going through a difficult time. I don't know if you realize the impact of your kindness, and I don't expect you to, but I hope you never lose that part of yourself. I hope the world remains gentle with you, just as you have been gentle with the people who admire you. Maybe someday, when I look back on this part of my life, I'll remember you with a smile and laugh at how a simple note, a song, or even the smallest possibility of being noticed could make my dayHAHA! Perhaps you'll never know how much that little moment meant to me, and that's okay. Not every meaningful moment needs an explanation, and not every feeling needs to be returned to be worth having. I'm still figuring things out in my own life, and there are days when everything feels heavier than I know how to explain. But I'm grateful for the little things that remind me that there is still kindness around me, even when life gets difficult. Your kindness became one of those little things, whether you intended it or not. So, thank you. Thank you for being someone I can admire, someone whose kindness has left a good impression on me, and someone who reminded me that admiration doesn't always have to be about wanting to be loved back. Sometimes, it can simply be about appreciating a person for who they are and hoping that life continues to be good to them. I hope you continue to grow into the person you want to become. I hope you achieve the dreams you've been working toward, find peace in the difficult days, and always have people around you who appreciate you beyond what they see on the surface. And if life ever gets difficult for you, I hope you receive the same kindness and consideration that you've shown to others. I don't know how long this admiration will stay with me, and I don't think I need to know. For now, I'm just grateful that our paths crossed, even if only briefly and from a distance. You may be just another person going about your life, unaware of the little things you do that leave an impression on someone else. But to me, you're someone worth remembering fondly. Please take care of yourself, and continue being the person you are. I wish you nothing but happiness, success, and peace in everything that lies ahead of you. And also I'll continue cheering and praying for you quietly from my little corner of the world. "I wish you nothing but the best" Thank you! And always keep safe!

You have no idea what it's taken me to stay as long as I have. I can't be your side piece forever, though I know we both love this electric secrecy, talking in a language only we know. Say something, or I'm gone.

dearest Lord ive prayed the prayer to remove him from my life if he's not from You and ive received the signs. i like him. a lot. and i think this is going to end well. please. bless me with him. kidus, i think about you. all the time. youre so cuteeee i squeal looking at pictures of that smile ughhhhhh. im head over heels. i thought i got over you when you were (maybe?) dating that girl but apparently not. i cant stop checking your accounts :,) please God work your will in this!!! -h

Have you ever liked me,even just once?I've always hoped you did.

to any rita out there, i just want to let you know, you'll get through it. trust me. just focused to make yourself grow. ignore anything that has no corellation for your growth for it may only waste your wise time. you're as strong as many rita out there.

my dearest, words can only do so much and so little at the same time when you feel like the world falls upon you, I have so much to say yet no words come out right. thousands of syllables I have in my mind yet nothing comes close to how I want to describe my feelings right now. so here it is. here's my nothing for you. that night, after our call. I cried. because what else could I do about it? walking home with you was the best walk I've ever had. we didn't get to go for hundreds of miles but it was more than enough. enough that I got to feel seen and understood and enough that I got to know you and how you see your world. when I first met you, it was not the kind of "fall in love at first sight" state of affairs. it was a gentle and quiet spark. a soft fitting that somehow grew into feelings so immense. my feelings for you, dare I say my dear. they were real. as real as my longing for your presence; my admiration for your soul; my respect for your efforts; my awe of your mind; my gratitude for your wellbeing; my craving for your warmth; my feeling of your weariness as my own; my adoration of your tenderness; my fondness of the time we spent together; and lastly my profound sense of deep affection, care, and devotion towards you. and if I had to put it into an equation. it all came down to "I love you". the kind that made me feel of "all ways" and "always". the kind that made me think of "this life or any other". but now what? I have to remember you longer than I've ever loved you. my love, isn't it sad that my eyes won't catch the reflections of you anymore? it's all just fading hues in my mind now. one day, I would forget how you smile when you look up. how you pause when you feel like you've been saying too much. I would forget the lines on your forehead or the crease around your eyes when you smile. those are the images I would never see again. and what saddens me the most is one day I would forget your beautiful voice. the way my name rolls off your tongue. the way you call me with such care and tenderness. down to the sound of your blinkings. how my heart aches with all of these thoughts. but all in all, who's there to blame? it's nobody's fault. perhaps it's the wind's or maybe we can just blame it on the air. there's always something in the air, right? love, they say. but not this time. at least not from you. it's sort of a revelation. an enlightening disclosure how you show me that it's all just in my head. I even almost said sorry for falling for you. but dear, I wish it were different for you. I wish you didn't have to carry your past this way. for how you're still haunted by your feelings or rather by the absence of them and for how you can't cross the threshold you set for yourself. I was willing to hold my hands out to reach you, hell I was even thinking of stepping into your parallel and carrying you out myself. but then I realised, I could run to catch your train in the rain for blocks but when you saw me standing on the platform you wouldn't even take one step out of the train. so there we are. looking into each other's eyes until the door closed and I walked home alone. my dearest, I've seen so many haunting scenes in my nightmares but you with your gentleness; your warmth; your kindness; your sweet disposition are worse than any bad dreams I've ever had. until never. with all due nothings, m.

I wish you would think less about the past, especially our parents’ past, because there’s nothing we can do to change it. I wish you would stop worrying so much about how other people feel about it, because at the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter. You don’t have to carry the weight of something that happened before you could even understand it. I wish you could confidently fall in love. I want you to experience the emotions that come with love—to love someone without being afraid of what might happen, without constantly questioning whether you deserve it, and without holding yourself back. I want you to know what it feels like to be loved and to let yourself be happy because of it. I wish you would stop doubting yourself and start loving yourself. Get to know yourself, understand what you want, what makes you happy, and what kind of person you want to become. Be a better person, but not for anybody else. Do it for yourself. You don’t have to prove your worth to anyone. I wish you knew that there is a future waiting for you, no matter what it looks like. You don’t have to have everything figured out right now. It’s okay to make mistakes, to change your mind, to take your time, and to start over. Your past doesn’t decide who you’re going to be. Most of all, I wish you would allow yourself to be happy without feeling guilty about it. You deserve to live your own life, to make your own choices, and to find your own happiness. And no matter what happens, no matter where life takes you or what you choose, I will always support you. I’ll always want the best for you, and I’ll always be proud of the person you’re becoming.

How do I tell you you're my first love? You've been my best friend since childhood, so how could I possibly tell you that our friendship has most definitely always been one sided? I've always known im gay, it's not something I've always been in terms with, I always hid it, kind of ashamed of what it could mean for my family. We went to school together but we never spoke, so when i saw you at my cousin's wedding, you came up to me and my cousin and spoke to us, i was nervous for no absolute reason, but we became close and we ran around, we had fun, but that was it. I moved away, miles away and I thought of you all the time, but eventually I got back to the real world and buried you deep in my heart. and just like that fate brought us back to each other. i met you again in my dugsi (quran school), i recognized you in an instant but we didn't talk, we made eye contant a lot of times, you always kept staring, but then again you looked at everyone, i wasn't special. We met again, but in school this time. We were in different classes, but same year. I was new to town and to the school, everyone already knew each other and I felt so out of place, I cried every day in the bathroom, I missed my old place, where I knew everyone for years and was well loved, i missed it. my loneliness didnt last long, thankfully. i sat alone, in the corridors, everyone was at lunch and i was an*rexic at the time, being new and no friends made it even worse. but you approached me, i tried pretending i didnt see you, i looked down at my phone, my heart was at my throat and i felt nauseous because of how nervous i was, but you came up to me, smiling so brightly i felt the world stopping, everything i always saw in my silly kdramas. you said "aren't you the girl in my dugsi?" I didn't stutter, if there's one thing I'm good at, it's pretending. i smiled and said "yeah, i have seen you", we smiled and chuckled and she asked if i wanted to take a walk, we walked and then sat down and talked the whole lunch break. I was screaming inside, I couldn't believe you were talking to me. we became friends instantly after that, there was no way i was letting you go after the universe gave you back to me. you introduced me to your other friends, and through you I reunited with my childhood best friends (still my best friend till today). she was the first person I came out to, using another girl's name, like I always did back then. I used different kids in our school to try and get over you, boys and girls, anyone, but nothing worked. I could never fall in love with anyone else (even till today). I love you so incredibly much, I am willing to wait till you can see me as a potential, I believe we are the right choice for each other, I truly do. I know your type, I know I'm not it, but I believe I could be, I’m gonna do everything I can, I will do everything I can to be the one for you. The universe would not give you to me time and time again just for us to not be each other’s soulmates. And if we are not, if you find someone who you love and loves you, I will always be your best friend, I will support you full heartedly, I mean it. i know im your number one, im your best friend after all but when you look at me, hug me or simply touch me, I don't see you as a friend, I never did. I try hard to meet new people, I go out on dates, I go from talking stage to talking stage, but none feels real. I pull away the moment someone shows any real interest in me, I always thought I was avoidant, or just scared of intimacy, until I realised that I’ve just always wanted you. Knowing you is and will forever be the greatest thing to have happened to me. I don't even want to imagine a life without you, I don't ever want to lose you, just the thought of it brings me to tears. Every part of my life is touched by you, this city, my heart, my future and thoughts, mind, everything I am is because of you. I was so ready to give up and give in and you held my hand through it all, you didn’t question, you were you, your kind, thoughtful, mindful, and beautiful self, I am forever thankful and grateful to you. I am so thankful to have grown up beside you. 13 years of us. Fifi and Safi. two peas in a pod. Whether it is us as an end game or us as bridesmaids for each other, I still do, and will always want you in my life. i love you.

sometimes I love you and sometimes I ask myself how I manage to love you, when I feel like you dislike me. Actually, I think I even forgot the meaning of “loving”. I wouldn’t “love” someone who yells. I wouldn’t love someone who makes my day worse. You hate my looks. I love my short hair. Why don’t you? You always make sure to bring up my teeth in every argument. Or maybe the way I hide in my room. Or when I recut my bangs. Yes, it sounds stupid, but it means a lot. I hope, mama, one day, you’ll find the beauty my friends found in me years ago.

thank you.........

“A Girl Made for the Sky” You dreamed of skies so vast and blue, While I dreamed of a life with you. You wished for wings to take you high, I wished you’d never say goodbye. Someday, you’ll fly where stars reside, With distant worlds on either side. And I’ll be here, beneath the same sky, Loving the girl who learned to fly. I hope the clouds will treat you kind, And bring you peace you couldn’t find. Though I was never your final view, I’ll always wish the skies for you. You were born to fly, my dear, I just wished you’d stayed a little here. With love, from the girl you left beneath the same sky. .- .-.. . -..- . ..

hey you, by this time im sure you already achieved. but if not, then continue