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I hope you find my letter when you already feel warm and it warms you more. I want you to know that i love you so much you would never understand and when we met about a decade ago i befriended you first cuz i liked your personality alot. ill always be your twin :3 #twinssincedayone #myunc #iloveyou #neverevergettingridofme #loveumorethantheworld

Happy father's day dad, I am deeply sorry I can't seem to call or even have the courage to talk to you. part of me can't seem to allow me to approach you. Maybe is because of everything you had done to me, I don't mean any disrespect but I am truly hurt and every time I try to tell you, part of me says its pointless trying to tell you because you will never listen, therefore you will never understand you never did and never will. I swear I am trying to call you I am trying my best to reach out but I don't know why I can't. I am not sure if it is fear or hatred all I can say is that I am not ready to talk. But i do love you dad, I always did and always did and always will. I hope your proud of me.

My dearest, I long for your comfort, especially on the days when I need it most. Sometimes I wonder whether, if I had tried a little harder to hold on to you, we might still be together now. But I also realized that I couldn’t uphold a promise on my own—especially when you no longer felt the same way about me. I love you, but I could see that you were unhappy. My heart couldn’t bear to keep you in a place where you no longer wanted to be. I gave you my word that I would grow with you in every way, just as I wanted to grow myself. However, I came to understand that we could no longer grow in the same place. Your journey was taking you somewhere I couldn’t go. You knew that. The difference between us is that I would have still chosen you, while you chose not to choose me. Maybe you were uncertain, or maybe you didn’t want to feel guilty. Whatever the reason, I want you to know that I genuinely wanted the best for you—even if it meant I would no longer be part of it. Still, this foolish heart of mine carries so much love for you—perhaps too much. Sometimes I wonder whether I will ever truly move on. But I hope that, with time, I will learn to remember what we shared without wishing I could change the ending. I will always care for you, but I am slowly learning that loving you also means accepting that you are no longer mine to hold.

Hello Idkr y I'm sending u something "anonymously" again, and I doubt you'll see this. Tbf this is wrong in so many levels lol. I just also want to have that breakthrough, to not care and just focus on what matters now, on what's in my life currently, not the what ifs and the things that alr happened in the past. Yk, recently, I've encountered a tiktok post tapos part nung conversation is this "I don't care about her anymore and tell her to stop watching my life because I'm not interested to whatever's going on to hers", and that hit hard. I want to stop being curious of ur life because I'm not part of it anymore. Most of the time I do hope that you'll say that to me too, to end this toxic attachment of mine to the past. Because I know u don't care whatever the fuck is happening in my life anymore. Minsan din iniisip ko na what if we talked again, and eventually end up being friends, but that doesn't really sit well with me, and maybe it wont to u also—given of how much I've hurt u in the past. I want to say sorry for being a self centred bitch and a pathetic loser. I know it's my responsibility and choice to fully let go, so i guess I'll deal with this. belated happy anniv pala lovebirds. I am happy that ure happy /*genuinely. Goodbye, Aki. Thank you for everything. Goodbye to all the nicknames we had for each other HAHAHA. Goodbye sa handshake natin na i cant remember anymore lol. Goodbye to all the emails/letters. Goodbye to the guy i started loving 4 years ago. Goodbye to the love u had for me. Goodbye to the love i had for u. Goodbye to all the good memories and experiences we shared together. Goodbye to the silent resentment i/we had for each other. Goodbye to the shortcomings that we had for each other. Goodbye to the what ifs and what couldve been. Goodbye to our promise. Goodbye to the future we onced hoped for. Goodbye to everything that reminds me of u. Goodbye to the person who was once my sure thing. Goodbye, mon soleil. No more to the moon and back. sana last na to.

Hey.. How are you doing?.. YEP... no matter what,, just keep fighting. in the end, its worth fighting for...... - Laya..

u and that prada cc bs. let em know ur gay. come back

hello sir, how are you? Hope you are doing best in your life. tmhare dad nahi rahe . i am so sorry for that . mene tmse kabhi 12th k baad baat ni ki kyuki m sure ni thi. mere paas emotions share krne ki samjh ni t...m ni kahungi himmat ni thi. lekin m khud ni samjh paayi ki ho kya raha h mere dil k saath . u were smart to know that u love me but i was a little dumbo. mujhe pata h mene tmhe kai baar hurt kia but i was not ready for the amount of love u want me to give and the relationship u wanted . m aur tm ab alag dunia k log h ..m ni chahungi ki tm ab kabhi vapas mere paas aao kyuki m ab tmko deserve shyd ni krti..tm ab ek best life jeena khush rehna aur mujhe b maaf kr dena .

Hey Barnie, This project was hella good with you innit mate, I really hope to see you again, you are AMAZING and Caring person, tbh I have a Huge Crush on you, it doesn't matter who am I bc Im kinda closeted and it was uncomfortable to me to tell you in person, bc of u knew that I am gay idk how you would have reacted Soo I kept quiet, ik u had crush on some other boy but it doesn't matter maybe u didn't, either way.... Hope to see you soon XCX Anonymous

Eu te amo. Eu te amo muito. Mas eu sei que você não vai me aceitar, eu sei que caso aceite nossa amizade nunca mais será a mesma. Eu gostaria que você fosse menos extremo. Sei que a única coisa que posso fazer é continuar tendo sua amizade e esperando que você me veja como eu te vejo, ou pelo menos que isso morra dentro de mim. Octavia.

Hiieee babyyy, There are so many things I never say out loud, so I'm writing them here instead. One thing I've realized is that talking to you always makes me feel better. It doesn't matter if my day has been exhausting, if I'm stressed, overthinking, annoyed, or just feeling weird for no reason. Somehow, after talking to you, everything feels a little less heavy. It's like my mind finally decides to calm down. Sometimes you don't even have to say anything special, you'll just be there, talking about random things, making dumb jokes, or telling me something completely unnecessary, and somehow it still works. I don't know how you do it, but you do. Let me remind you that you also manage to piss me off more than almost anyone else. You f*ck up. A lot. Like...*a lot*. There are moments where I genuinely wonder how one person can be so adorable and so unbelievably annoying at the exact same time. You overthink the wrong things, forget obvious things, say the dumbest stuff with a straight face, and somehow still expect me not to roll my eyes -_- It's honestly unfair. No matter how irritated I get, somehow I still find myself wanting to tell you about my day, hear about yours, laugh with you, or just exist with you. I guess that's what happens when someone slowly becomes your comfort without even realizing it. There's another thing I've never really admitted. I really like it when you say my name. For the longest time, it was just...my name. Nothing more. I never really thought much about it. But lately, whenever you say it, it sounds different. It feels special in a way I can't explain. I don't think it's the name itself that changed. I think it's who's saying it. When you call me by my name, it doesn't sound ordinary anymore. It sounds like home. It sounds like someone is genuinely happy to have me there. And I know this might sound dramatic, but I genuinely don't think I like hearing my name from anyone else as much as I like hearing it from you. Out of everyone in this world, you're my favorite person to hear it from. It's weird how one person can change something you've heard your entire life. Sometimes I even replay the way you've said my name in my head. And you somehow manage to become both the reason I smile the hardest and the reason I sigh the loudest. So yes, you mess up. You drive me crazy. You make me question your brain cells every now and then. AND, don't let this get to your head too much, okay ? You're still a certified idiot. Just my favorite one

I miss the past. Those times we laughed for hours, talking until midnight. It’s stupid of me, but I want it back. We were never a thing. Never had some fantastical love story, and I’m not even sure you were into me. But you were my light. You listened to my dumb stories, what I ate for lunch, the people who pissed me off that day. I loved that, that time where I could talk to you forever, and you would tell me what was wrong. It shouldn’t have changed. I can’t love you that way anymore. And you can’t know. I was never a choice, was I? I was the one you would talk to about girls and I would hype you up, because I loved seeing you happy. Your smile made my day. I don’t see you smile a lot anymore. At least, not really. I know the difference. I know when you didn’t sleep well, or you had a rough day with your family. I know when those girls got to you and when something good happened. I knew more than you told me, and I never let you catch on. I know what your favorite candy is, your siblings middle names and your closest friends. I know your favorite movie characters and your hobbies. And yet it doesn’t matter. My best friend. My love. It feels so strange to say that. I never intended it to go this way. But it did. And yet you’re not mine. And you don’t need to be. I know that. It still hurts.

I often wonder where love goes after it is no longer welcome. Perhaps it lingers inside forgotten playlists, waiting for someone to press play one more time. Perhaps it hides between photographs that neither heart has found the courage to erase. Or perhaps it simply learns to live inside silence. Sometimes I catch myself believing that somewhere, without even realizing it, you're listening to the songs we once shared. That maybe, for the length of a single melody, my name still exists somewhere between the lyrics. It's a comforting lie. The kind the heart tells itself when the truth is too quiet to bear. Your photographs still rest where I left them. Not because I refuse to let go, but because they are the last proof that, for a brief moment in this lifetime, you were real. I searched for you once. Only once. Only to find that even the place where our story began had quietly forgotten your name. Perhaps that's what goodbye truly is. Not when someone walks away, but when every road that once led to them slowly disappears. Still, there are nights when I almost reach for our conversation, forgetting that the door between us was closed long ago. Some absences never ask to be remembered. They simply become part of the air you breathe, quietly follow you wherever you go. Maybe one day the songs will lose your voice. Maybe the photographs will become nothing more than ordinary pixels. Maybe your name will arrive in my mind without breaking anything inside me. But until that gentle day finds me, I'll keep these fragments where they are. Not as a promise to wait, but as a quiet thank you to a love that once existed, even if only for a little while. I hope life has been kind to you. And I hope, wherever you are, you've found the peace we couldn't find together. To the person who became my favorite memory ⁠♡.

I really miss you.. Lately I have been thinking about what happened between us and how I must have confused and offended you. I was confused and scared and just a mess of emotions. I am really sorry. Please, can we talk this out? When you feel like it, of course. You were one of my best friends for a while and I must be honest, losing you broke me in ways I never thought I could be broken.

mas, entah bakal gimana perasaanmu baca ini. yang aku pikirin mungkin kamu emang udah tau rasa yang aku pendem sendirian dari lama. mas salah satu orang yang paling kukagumi, walau candaannya kasar ataupun jorok... itu nyebelin sih, juga stiker2 wajahku heummm hahaha. selama iniakuselalu nyangkal kalo akucuman penasaran ke mas. atau mungkin aku cuman anak yang ngerasa sendirian, anak yang ngarepin seseorang yang mau ngurus sifat bocah yang jelek ini. aku gak pernah tau baik dan buruknya tentang mas secara mendalam. tapi kenapa bisa selama ini aku nungguin mas, masih terus merhatiin mas terlalu lama. entah mas bakal terlalu baik atau buruk buat aku, rasanya sedih. memang aku ga bakal pernah cukup buat mas. satu hari nanti... aku mau ketemu sama orang sebaik mas, buat yang pertama kalinya. setelah pertemuan itu hari-hari kemudian kuhabiskan sisanya nggak sendirian lagi, tapi dengan orang terkkasih itu.

𝑊𝑒 𝑛𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑔𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑢𝑠 𝑎 𝑛𝑎𝑚𝑒. 𝑀𝑎𝑦𝑏𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑞𝑢𝑖𝑒𝑡 𝑎𝑛𝑠𝑤𝑒𝑟 𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑎𝑙𝑜𝑛𝑔. 𝑊ℎ𝑖𝑙𝑒 𝐼 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑙𝑙𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑡𝑙𝑒 𝑚𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑠 𝑎𝑠 𝑖𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑦 𝑤𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑚𝑖𝑠𝑒𝑠, 𝑝𝑒𝑟ℎ𝑎𝑝𝑠 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑤𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑜𝑛𝑙𝑦 𝑝𝑎𝑠𝑠𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡𝑖𝑚𝑒 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑠𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑤ℎ𝑜 ℎ𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑒𝑛𝑒𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝑏𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑤ℎ𝑒𝑛𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑠𝑖𝑙𝑒𝑛𝑐𝑒 𝑓𝑒𝑙𝑡 𝑡𝑜𝑜 𝑙𝑜𝑢𝑑. from: 76 Apel girl

Hi again. This is the first time I disrespect myself and become a weirdo. I think it's just an obsession--a feeling that don't go away when you can't see them or just talk to them. I always have the urge to just go fuck myself and call you, message you, call your name in public like we know each other so much. And, it's so disrespecting for myself for liking someone who already gave me the sign that he doesn't like me. I hate myself for loving the little bread crumbs you always gave me. The attention that you almost wanted me to notice that you're giving me. The fuck with that? It's like you're saying to me that it's a privilege already, when it's not. However, no matter how many times I notice every signs, I always find myself being comfortable of whatever this is between us.

I’ve always believed it’s better to risk rejection than spend a lifetime wondering, “What if?” That’s why I’ve never been afraid to tell someone I love them, even if it meant losing them. But not with you. You are the one person I’m too afraid to lose. I’d rather carry a love you’ll never know than wake up to a life where you’re no longer in it. So I keep my heart quiet. It hurts to love you in silence, pretending everything is the same while every moment beside you means more to me than you’ll ever realize. I never meant for this to happen. Somewhere between the ordinary conversations, the laughter, and simply being around you, I fell in love. I thought distance would make it easier. Instead, it only made me miss you more. It only convinced me that what I feel is real. Maybe one day these feelings will gently fade. I hope they do, because loving you this way is both the sweetest thing I’ve ever felt and the most painful thing I’ve ever had to keep to myself. Until then, I’ll quietly love you from where I am, grateful that you’re in my life—even if that’s the closest I’ll ever get.

Only you can live your life, so don't make decisions solely to please others. Take care of yourself and prioritize your own happiness too. You matter

Dear Jess Okay. Not only are the chances that you ever see this low, but it’s also a good bet that I delete this the minute I finish writing it. So I’ll try to get to the point. I love you. Hmmmm. When it’s written like that you realize why classic songwriters and poets often relate the word “fool” to that phrase. “I love you.” It really feels….foolish. I met you at work in 2018. Almost 8 years ago as of this writing. First thought? “She’s cute.” My first memory is of talking to you at that island in the kitchen. I think you were wearing jeans. Standing upright, hands on the island counter. Feet together. Smiling. Yes, dimples. I’m sure this memory is an amalgam of many kitchen meetings. But it’s been condensed into one memory. Love at first sight? No. Just “She’s cute”. My next memory? The Christmas party. I call this our second meeting. Though again I’m sure we’d met & talked numerous times before that. Before that night you were just the “She’s cute” girl from Philly who lived in Australia for a while. My memory of the Christmas party is us talking about movies. It seemed like hours even though it also seemed to pass in seconds, corny as that sounds. Was I leaning on some sort of structural beam at that bar? I know I was trying to look casual. You were talking and listening and smiling. And most of all, looking right at me. Which bought up a question. Why? Why is this lovely woman, co-worker, American but a world traveler, who is clearly smart and a movie fan, but also just so beautiful, spending so much time and focus on me? It really didn’t make sense to me. Even if you don’t have any romantic feelings for me I still don’t understand your clearly real, and caring friendship for me. Not that I don’t have friends or people who enjoy my company. I have my moments. But I’m annoying. I’m old (compared to you as you found out a few years later at that magical bluegrass show). I don’t think I’m an ogre but I’m also not someone whose physical charms command a room. I think I make a good first impression. But it usually tapers off after that. Romantic or not. People get get fed up with me. I get fed up with myself. It didn’t taper off. Is she a saint? Is this some gracious act of charity? Movie Club, Yoga, then Covid. Zoom Movie Club, Zoom Yoga and best of all the texts. “Wanna meet up at for a bagel?” Me? Meet you? Jess? For a bagel? During a pandemic? Uh….yeah. The rest is a blur. A six year blur. Movies. Cocktails. Candy shop. Silent disco. Pier 17. Live Music. The roof top. The talk on the roof. 2024? If you stole my heart at the 2018 Christmas party, you stole my soul on the roof of your building that night. You shared your darker side. Your vulnerability. Maybe you thought it would scare me away. It had the opposite effect. I have many feelings for you. Romantic. Paternal. Sibling. I’m also very attracted to you so it’s all confusing. But that night I both fell in love with you more deeply AND I got terrified. Because of my family’s history your dark side fills me with a bit of dread. Let me I interrupt this love letter to say clearly. Please do not hurt yourself. Please. Not just because it would make it hard for me to go on. But because as someone who’s at the very least seen how painful life can be. You must know that it really does change. It always does. The pain goes away. The pain goes away. Eventually. Okay. Back to my fools song. Did I say I love you? I really think I do. I hope it’s not a burden. I wanna be clear again. You owe me NOTHING. Falling in love with someone should really have little or no bearing on the beloved in my opinion. Of course it does. But it shouldn’t. You owe me nothing. I’m in YOUR debt. Even if this letter ends our friendship (hope not!) I need you to know that in many ways our relationship has sort of saved my life. As you know my younger daughter Ruby died in 2016. I buried myself in work. My wife sort of stopped working. Her & I dealt with the grief in differnt ways. I wrote some songs about it which also helps. But here’s my thing. I’ve had people die in my life. The ONLY way I’ve moved on is forward. Not forgetting the passed loved one but having something else to focus on beside their death. Basketball was that for me. I think it’s why this Knicks run feels really special to me. When my Dad died at 50 I was just 20 and living at home. Still a teenager in many ways. A kid. After he died, for at least the next year or so, I got up every morning and went down to the basketball courts at Riverside Park and shot baskets for almost two hours every day. I had played basketball with my dad a bit. He wasn’t a huge fan. But he liked it enough to excite my younger brother and I about it. But after he died it became the way for me to physically grieve. To put the energy of my grief (that may sound strange but I view grief as an energy) into something physical. Something positive. Something to look forward to. I looked forward to playing basketball. It both reminded me of my Dad but it was also something new I could concentrate on. You Jess, or at least my fascination with you, was something for me to look forward to. Something new and life affirming to get my mind moving forward again. And then, as I got to know you more and we became true friends, your ambition and love of music & movies along with your insecurities and dark thoughts that you felt safe enough to share with me reminded me of my lovely daughter. I hope it’s not too weird to put that connection into words in the context of a letter confessing my romantic love for you. I compartmentalize the different feelings I have for you. As a work colleague. As a friend. As a muse. And as an object of my desire. They are all sort of separate. So when I found you might have some (hopefully just SOME) traits that remind me of Ruby I hope you know that these separate images I have of you are indeed that. Separate. They only overlap in the sense that you seem to embody so many conflicting places in my life. You also remind me of my Mom a bit too if that makes it any better. (Doubtful. Ha!) You simply contain multitudes! Or I project multitudes onto you? Like onto a Cloud. (Ha!) What I’m trying to say is that I care about you in so many ways now. And I hope I don’t let my attraction to you cloud (again!) my true and real concern for your well being. I’m babbling. Which is fine. Since I’ll never show this to you. But if I drop dead and my wife or someone finds this letter in my data and shows it to you. Just know this. For close to a decade you’ve been a shinning light in my life. You’ve truly helped heal me, as much as I can be healed. You’re beautiful, both inside and out. You’re a caring and trusting friend. You’re a talented and loving creative person. You’re a focused and sensitive film fan. I would love to endlessly stare into everything from fire to end credits with you for eternity. But just talking to you and hanging out with you will have to suffice if that’s the best we’ll ever have to offer each other. That’s it. There’s more I want to say but I also want to learn to shut up and listen more. So I’m gonna shut up and listen to your imaginary responses to the letter. Which I’m sure will contain multitudes. Love, B

You were my everything. I made gifts for you with my art, I bought gifts for you for when we would meet one day. I loved you in the way I knew how to express it best. By giving someone something I knew they loved. That calander, that necklace, that drawing was a piece of my heart I let you hold, that you tore apart so easily without a care in the world. Only to be told you never loved me. The truth is, I have always loved you, but I stayed back since you kept making it clear you were not interested. And I will make it stay that way because I don't want to do something if someone else doesn't want to do it. What was the point of telling me you thought of getting married? Was it just all a big game to you for nudes, or something to jerk off to? Was I just a replacement for something you needed but didn't get? I often wonder if you were cheating on me the entire time, with how much you talked about her, but never hung out with me. It drove me nuts, and I had enough. Just to hear you tell me it was never real in the first place for you. You never loved me, I think you loved the idea of me. And that's what hurts the most. I'm not something to constantly toss away, or ignore, or keep hidden. I'm an actual human being with my own feelings, life, etc. I can't bare to be around you again cause you made it very clear what you would do if it happened. You said you'd make a good teen father, but why should I trust that if you leave every few months? I would be a fool to trust that, ever in my life. I don't want to love you, but I probably will for a while, until I finally decide to put myself before you who barely ever showed up. Don't come back into my life, especially if you are just going to leave again. I tried to show you in everyway I could that I cherished our relationship so much, but clearly it never mattered to you. Have a good life. Sincerely, H, formerly, S.