Confession

I’ve always believed it’s better to risk rejection than spend a lifetime wondering, “What if?” That’s why I’ve never been afraid to tell someone I love them, even if it meant losing them. But not with you. You are the one person I’m too afraid to lose. I’d rather carry a love you’ll never know than wake up to a life where you’re no longer in it. So I keep my heart quiet. It hurts to love you in silence, pretending everything is the same while every moment beside you means more to me than you’ll ever realize. I never meant for this to happen. Somewhere between the ordinary conversations, the laughter, and simply being around you, I fell in love. I thought distance would make it easier. Instead, it only made me miss you more. It only convinced me that what I feel is real. Maybe one day these feelings will gently fade. I hope they do, because loving you this way is both the sweetest thing I’ve ever felt and the most painful thing I’ve ever had to keep to myself. Until then, I’ll quietly love you from where I am, grateful that you’re in my life—even if that’s the closest I’ll ever get.

I had a huge crush on u. U almost guessed it. Idk if u know or not now. I'm using "had" Cuz u piss me off all the time, u have broken my heart and disappointed me sm times and I have cried over u multiple times for God fucking knows why I did that cringe shit. Gosh. U stupid hoe. I'm trying to get over u. It's been 2 years since I have a crush on your stupid ass. U only pass time with me every time but when u go back, it's like I don't even exist for u. I fucking hate u, ugh. But your soft eyes, your awkward smile, your fuckass laugh. I miss it. I miss ur face. But!!! I'm trying to get over u so I'm not gonna hold on to this forever. It's okay, I only like people from far anyways so I would have never even told u anyways cuz I can never imagine someone dating me. Idk what's wrong with me haha. I never have dirty thought about people I obsess over, I just think how they would look under the sun, ifykwim? Why do u never think deep? U always tell me I'm thinking too much. Ugh, fuck you.

hi besprend, hope you know how hard for me not to ruin the friendship, but fuckkkk!! I really like you and i cant stop myself, kev:( I want to talk to you. always. Pero hindi pwede eh, feel ko kase ayaw mo. I understand naman kase you still love your ex. Mahal na mahal mo siya eh. I yearn for you while you yearn for someone else, and it hurts me alot. I hate it how i love you. I like you since 2024, i regret how i reject and chose someone else than you. I should've chose you and not that asshole. I'll regret it my whole life.

Hi and hello —I know this is awkward but I have something to tell you. June 29, 2026, at that day I slowly notices that I gained feelings for you —not basically a "crush" , it's a "happy crush". I don't even know why .. I'm writing this letter to express the feelings buried inside me. You become my motivation and hope sa school lalo na kapag madaming gawain, So in-short motivation kita. I don't need you to like me back, and I'm not forcing you. Hindi na 'ko na nag hintay sa ending of the S.Y para mag confess, gusto ko lang mawala 'to kasi it feels wrong eh. And I know at the end of the story, who's gonna be hurt? Ako diba? So makes no sense at all. And I'm sorry kung maingay o madaldal ako sa chat, Kasi wala makausap sa bahay, wala din makausap online — I'm really sorry. Don't worry hindi naman ako katulad nila Amiel at Allyson na sobra sa pagiging obssesed sa crush / happy crush nila, tapos sasabihin "hulaan mo crush ko" I'm not like that don't worry. I just admire you, and no other further feelings Also I'm not a delulu person, to expect you to like me back, and writing your name to the side of my hand, back of the notebook, I hate that kind of person eihh — it creeps me out:)) And sorry again kung tanong ng tanong ako sa'yo ng assignments and activities, Just tell me kung I'm getting annoying I will stop:) And if may mga actions or words akong nasasabi o nagagawa na hindi mo gusto — just let me know haa. Can you promise me den na sa'tin lang 'tong dalawa? Kasi kapag kumalat gagawan nanaman nila ng issue. And I'm sorry kung na send ko na 'to ng 12 ng gabi:)) Sinadya ko naman talaga para pag ka send ko tulog ka, MWHEHEEHEHHE. Again, thank you for reading my letter and I hope you repect it, And if you're getting uncomfortable I'll make sure na these feelings will vanish.

There's so much I want to say but I just don't know how to say it, I dont want to just make this me saying I'm sorry over and over again but I feel like that what it's gonna end up being.. the biggest regret I have is not ever making clear enough how I truly felt and not staying for when it got too hard, I should've done so much more to prove I loved you, I should've done more to fight for the relationship and just tell you regardless of how much I was going through that I never wanted to shut you out, I just got scared and didn't want to hurt you anymore than I thought I did, only that inevitably just ended up having the complete opposite affect.. I left everytime because I couldn't handle being your friend loving you the way I did.. I tried so hard to suppress and essentially kill the emotions I had for you to be there for you, but when you wanted me to help you with your current relationship.. it destroyed me, I never wanted to ever be in the position where I was anything other than yours, it hurt so badly to know I couldn't love you the way I truly wanted to and I felt selfish knowing my own love for you was in the way of being there for you, I never truly felt like I was able to be there for you the way I was before and now I'm left so lost knowing I can't love you or help you, but the feelings have always stayed, they never faded, I still wake up wanting to text you good morning and that I love you, I still want to spend my life with you regardless of everything, but I know things are far too gone to ever expect any kind of future together, and I'm sorry. I don't know what to do to move on, I don't feel attraction to women like I do with you, I don't feel the love or the spark we had, when I saw you for the first time, something in me felt like you were the one for me, and now I'm stuck trying to reassemble the pieces to a puzzle that simply can't be completed. I'm so scared Vanessa..I'm so alone and terrified I'm losing myself in the grief.. I used to be a sweet person..I just don't care anymore..this love is killing my soul..I don't know how to live without loving you..I don't want to live in a reality where I have to "love" someone else. I tried and it just doesn't work, I gave it so much time and it just never feels right. It just feels like I've been in the wrong timeline since we broke up..I need help so badly..I beg the universe everyday to just make it make sense. Regardless of anything I will always love you, you have always be my first and only love, I may be a goldfish but our love will stick with me forever regardless if I want it or not, and I refuse to "love" someone else when I don't, even if that means being single until death, I can at least know I at one point felt true love, and that almost makes it okay..It just kills me to know I can't love you the way I truly want to. I want to say I love you so badly and for you to know I really mean it, I want to hug and kiss you and never let go, I wish I wasn't just so young and stupid and maybe I could've seen it all more clearly.. I went on a trip and took some acid and it's reopened everything Ive been suppressing for years..a part of it's made me remember how much I miss human contact..a big part of it made me remember how much i loved yours.. I tried dating after you.. it just didn't work..I never felt even a slight amount of love towards them..and that only made me feel worse..so I'm just gonna stick to myself until hopefully maybe one day I'll be ready to love again..you told me I was your first love.. you will always be my first and only love, I love you so much Vanessa, I really truly do..

I love you so so so much. Why why do you hate me? Please you were always my John doe and you were always so cool and mysterious so please please please dont leave me to the wolves. It hurts being alone i cant stand it please i need you to love me. You are all that I care about you are all I need so dont hate me. Dont you ever hate me.

I know we're still in fourth grade, and we're both boys, but I feel like I might have a crush on you. I'm being serious. I know it might be weird, but I think I do. I hope this doesn't make things weird. -Ivy

Only you can live your life, so don't make decisions solely to please others. Take care of yourself and prioritize your own happiness too. You matter

Dear Jess Okay. Not only are the chances that you ever see this low, but it’s also a good bet that I delete this the minute I finish writing it. So I’ll try to get to the point. I love you. Hmmmm. When it’s written like that you realize why classic songwriters and poets often relate the word “fool” to that phrase. “I love you.” It really feels….foolish. I met you at work in 2018. Almost 8 years ago as of this writing. First thought? “She’s cute.” My first memory is of talking to you at that island in the kitchen. I think you were wearing jeans. Standing upright, hands on the island counter. Feet together. Smiling. Yes, dimples. I’m sure this memory is an amalgam of many kitchen meetings. But it’s been condensed into one memory. Love at first sight? No. Just “She’s cute”. My next memory? The Christmas party. I call this our second meeting. Though again I’m sure we’d met & talked numerous times before that. Before that night you were just the “She’s cute” girl from Philly who lived in Australia for a while. My memory of the Christmas party is us talking about movies. It seemed like hours even though it also seemed to pass in seconds, corny as that sounds. Was I leaning on some sort of structural beam at that bar? I know I was trying to look casual. You were talking and listening and smiling. And most of all, looking right at me. Which bought up a question. Why? Why is this lovely woman, co-worker, American but a world traveler, who is clearly smart and a movie fan, but also just so beautiful, spending so much time and focus on me? It really didn’t make sense to me. Even if you don’t have any romantic feelings for me I still don’t understand your clearly real, and caring friendship for me. Not that I don’t have friends or people who enjoy my company. I have my moments. But I’m annoying. I’m old (compared to you as you found out a few years later at that magical bluegrass show). I don’t think I’m an ogre but I’m also not someone whose physical charms command a room. I think I make a good first impression. But it usually tapers off after that. Romantic or not. People get get fed up with me. I get fed up with myself. It didn’t taper off. Is she a saint? Is this some gracious act of charity? Movie Club, Yoga, then Covid. Zoom Movie Club, Zoom Yoga and best of all the texts. “Wanna meet up at for a bagel?” Me? Meet you? Jess? For a bagel? During a pandemic? Uh….yeah. The rest is a blur. A six year blur. Movies. Cocktails. Candy shop. Silent disco. Pier 17. Live Music. The roof top. The talk on the roof. 2024? If you stole my heart at the 2018 Christmas party, you stole my soul on the roof of your building that night. You shared your darker side. Your vulnerability. Maybe you thought it would scare me away. It had the opposite effect. I have many feelings for you. Romantic. Paternal. Sibling. I’m also very attracted to you so it’s all confusing. But that night I both fell in love with you more deeply AND I got terrified. Because of my family’s history your dark side fills me with a bit of dread. Let me I interrupt this love letter to say clearly. Please do not hurt yourself. Please. Not just because it would make it hard for me to go on. But because as someone who’s at the very least seen how painful life can be. You must know that it really does change. It always does. The pain goes away. The pain goes away. Eventually. Okay. Back to my fools song. Did I say I love you? I really think I do. I hope it’s not a burden. I wanna be clear again. You owe me NOTHING. Falling in love with someone should really have little or no bearing on the beloved in my opinion. Of course it does. But it shouldn’t. You owe me nothing. I’m in YOUR debt. Even if this letter ends our friendship (hope not!) I need you to know that in many ways our relationship has sort of saved my life. As you know my younger daughter Ruby died in 2016. I buried myself in work. My wife sort of stopped working. Her & I dealt with the grief in differnt ways. I wrote some songs about it which also helps. But here’s my thing. I’ve had people die in my life. The ONLY way I’ve moved on is forward. Not forgetting the passed loved one but having something else to focus on beside their death. Basketball was that for me. I think it’s why this Knicks run feels really special to me. When my Dad died at 50 I was just 20 and living at home. Still a teenager in many ways. A kid. After he died, for at least the next year or so, I got up every morning and went down to the basketball courts at Riverside Park and shot baskets for almost two hours every day. I had played basketball with my dad a bit. He wasn’t a huge fan. But he liked it enough to excite my younger brother and I about it. But after he died it became the way for me to physically grieve. To put the energy of my grief (that may sound strange but I view grief as an energy) into something physical. Something positive. Something to look forward to. I looked forward to playing basketball. It both reminded me of my Dad but it was also something new I could concentrate on. You Jess, or at least my fascination with you, was something for me to look forward to. Something new and life affirming to get my mind moving forward again. And then, as I got to know you more and we became true friends, your ambition and love of music & movies along with your insecurities and dark thoughts that you felt safe enough to share with me reminded me of my lovely daughter. I hope it’s not too weird to put that connection into words in the context of a letter confessing my romantic love for you. I compartmentalize the different feelings I have for you. As a work colleague. As a friend. As a muse. And as an object of my desire. They are all sort of separate. So when I found you might have some (hopefully just SOME) traits that remind me of Ruby I hope you know that these separate images I have of you are indeed that. Separate. They only overlap in the sense that you seem to embody so many conflicting places in my life. You also remind me of my Mom a bit too if that makes it any better. (Doubtful. Ha!) You simply contain multitudes! Or I project multitudes onto you? Like onto a Cloud. (Ha!) What I’m trying to say is that I care about you in so many ways now. And I hope I don’t let my attraction to you cloud (again!) my true and real concern for your well being. I’m babbling. Which is fine. Since I’ll never show this to you. But if I drop dead and my wife or someone finds this letter in my data and shows it to you. Just know this. For close to a decade you’ve been a shinning light in my life. You’ve truly helped heal me, as much as I can be healed. You’re beautiful, both inside and out. You’re a caring and trusting friend. You’re a talented and loving creative person. You’re a focused and sensitive film fan. I would love to endlessly stare into everything from fire to end credits with you for eternity. But just talking to you and hanging out with you will have to suffice if that’s the best we’ll ever have to offer each other. That’s it. There’s more I want to say but I also want to learn to shut up and listen more. So I’m gonna shut up and listen to your imaginary responses to the letter. Which I’m sure will contain multitudes. Love, B

I really wish you knew how my heart yearned for you over a long period of time while in uni I really loved you it grew over i was so happy every time I got a chance near you i wrote long paragraphs letter at night trying to express my feelings for you as they were so heavy in my heart i loved you and i got jealous of the girls around thinking maybe one of them will fall inlove with you I tested you as for wellness but you rarely reciprocated so I’ve learned to let go and unlove you thank you you’ve taught my heart that i can also love even without touching or talking byee Maybe In another life ~S

You were my everything. I made gifts for you with my art, I bought gifts for you for when we would meet one day. I loved you in the way I knew how to express it best. By giving someone something I knew they loved. That calander, that necklace, that drawing was a piece of my heart I let you hold, that you tore apart so easily without a care in the world. Only to be told you never loved me. The truth is, I have always loved you, but I stayed back since you kept making it clear you were not interested. And I will make it stay that way because I don't want to do something if someone else doesn't want to do it. What was the point of telling me you thought of getting married? Was it just all a big game to you for nudes, or something to jerk off to? Was I just a replacement for something you needed but didn't get? I often wonder if you were cheating on me the entire time, with how much you talked about her, but never hung out with me. It drove me nuts, and I had enough. Just to hear you tell me it was never real in the first place for you. You never loved me, I think you loved the idea of me. And that's what hurts the most. I'm not something to constantly toss away, or ignore, or keep hidden. I'm an actual human being with my own feelings, life, etc. I can't bare to be around you again cause you made it very clear what you would do if it happened. You said you'd make a good teen father, but why should I trust that if you leave every few months? I would be a fool to trust that, ever in my life. I don't want to love you, but I probably will for a while, until I finally decide to put myself before you who barely ever showed up. Don't come back into my life, especially if you are just going to leave again. I tried to show you in everyway I could that I cherished our relationship so much, but clearly it never mattered to you. Have a good life. Sincerely, H, formerly, S.

thank you for one of the most wonderful and exciting weeks of my life. thank you for giving me such a refreshing experience in times of stress for me, and thank you for teaching me more about what i value in a person. thank you for being part of a happier version of myself than i previously was. i really wish i had talked to you earlier, talked to you for longer, had more conversations and moments together. i wish we had more of what we had yesterday. i wish you’d known how much i liked being next to you and how much i admired your volleyball and how much i wanted you to notice me. i hope you know that because of you, i was motivated to play better. we’ll go our seperate ways, and maybe never see each other ever again. in another life where you wouldnt be so far away and we wouldn't have completely different native languages, things couldve been different; but, in this one, its impossible to be more than just a brief summer connection. thank you for giving me confidence and thank you for giving me something to look forward to. one day you’ll graduate university, have teammates and friends ive never met, and stories id never know; probably even a special someone of your own(how could you not, when you look like that?). And it's strange and scary to think that someone who feels so vivid to me right now will become a complete stranger again. its bittersweet, sorrowful almost. im going to be honest; one of my biggest regrets isn't that I never told you I liked you(even though theres a bit of that one too); It's that I spent so much of our time together convincing myself I couldn't talk to you, only to realize on the last day that I could. in short, i wish we had more time. time was all i thought i had until i lost it; i didn't realize i was counting down our last days together until there were no days left to count. when i first arrived, the days had felt endless, but looking back, it seems like they passed in the blink of an eye. watching you play made me want to improve; it still does. It wasn't just because I liked you; I genuinely loved watching someone care so much about getting better. you make me not only want to like and admire you; you made me want to compete with you as well. Every compliment from you meant more than it should have. Every time you noticed a good pass or a good receive or sometimes even a good hit, I carried it with me for the rest of the day. i so desperately wanted you to think i was good, so i tried harder every day. theres so many questions i never got to ask you and i wish i did. Id never tell you these things, but i was always looking for you; id always hope that i was on the same team as you; i was always hoping you'd serve at me if you were on the other team. i kept finding myself more and more drawn to you, your face, your skill, your personality. thank you for mattering so much, and im so so so so grateful for you. its so painful for me right now because i never got solid evidence of your feelings for me. that’s partly on me for not even asking, but your actions only tell me a “maybe”. and that hurts, so much. were your compliments and support a personality thing, or were you actually interested? did you tease me because you just were comfortable enough w me like you were with everyone else, or was it because you wanted that spark? did we mean something to you, as much as we meant to me? ill never forget you; or maybe i will. but i hope, i so sincerely hope, i never forget you. so, don't forget me either. never stop trying, and i hope your life goes smoothly. i was never in love with you; not even close, i hadnt known you long enough; i was in love with the possibility of spending more time with you and what we couldve become. i was in love with how terrifyingly, irrevocably alive i felt with you. I think what hurts most is that I finally started talking to you right before I had to leave. i wasn’t - still am not - ready to let you go. thank you for adding such a beautiful chapter to my book.

Cass Sorry for everything I said to you I really like you Cass I love you, this is zyrine Cass I can't find you're account anonymous that's why I can't reach out to you, I really miss you my grandma take care of yourself don't drink too much coffee. Iloveyou you take care.

Sometimes I think about what we had, then I think about you. I barely know you. I knew your birthday, but I didn’t know what your favorite color was, nor know what animal you like, or how your life is at home. I wish I knew about those things. You told me I was the one that messed everything up, but I didn’t feel loved. You didn’t text me, you didn’t call, didn’t reach out. I always did. Until one day, I stopped. I don’t miss you. I don’t carry guilt anymore. Just because I stopped talking to you at the end, doesn’t mean I hated you. Or that I wanted you to die. I didn’t text you because you didn’t either, I didn’t text you because I was feeling bad. I wanted to be gone at this moment, and you didn’t know, didn’t even care to ask why my reposts were depressing. Sometimes I wonder how you really felt. I hope you carry the guilt I had to carry. But I also don’t. I can’t be that mean to someone I once loved. Goodnight

i know for a fact (100% sure) that you won't ever be able to find or read this letter, and that's exactly why i'm writing it to you. just so you know, i don't hate you or anything. i just left because you're younger, and i know that you will be happy with her. the first time we met on omegle, i was so thrilled because you watch anime and you weren't boring to talk to. if i remember correctly, it was 12 p.m. here when i asked for your insta account, just in case you still wanted to keep talking to me. it's actually funny because you told me that i should make the first move, but you ended up doing it anyway. the fact that you waited for me until 3:30 p.m. just made me even more invested in the friendship we were going to have. anddddd i didn't give you compliments back then because i didn't want to get your hopes up. so first of all, i want to thank you for being a part of my life before i turn 20, and for being the first guy i really talked to... for that short period of time, i can truly say that i had fun. for those two months, i was just happy that you were there. sometimes or maybe most of the time—i didn't seem to enjoy your presence, but i really did. i just didn't want to show it because i didn't want you to think otherwise or assume something. the fact that you're younger than me made me more cautious about everything i said or did. you were probably wondering why i was always cold or arguing with you, but it was honestly for the better. but yeah, i miss your two dogs... those black and brown cute doggies. and i miss the owner of those two black and brown dogs, the one i am actually writing this letter for. i miss his thick eyebrows, curly hair, and mustache... my kevin from the despicable me movie... the one who always bothers me and asks, "wyd?" i just miss him because he became a part of my daily routine... i just miss him. it's been 2 weeks since we stopped talking, and in every single day and night of those weeks, i've actually been thinking about you. and i wonder if you still read our conversation and miss those moments? i have so many things to tell you, like how i'm having a bet with god if you're going to text me or not, but it seems like god is already tired of making me realize that this is enough. and if you're wondering if i'm already talking to someone else, yes, i tried to, but nobody feels like you. and today, june 20, 2026, i'm literally writing this letter at 11 p.m. because i suddenly had this feeling that i am missing you, or your presence. thinking about what could've been if i didn't set you up with someone else and told you, "can it just be us instead?" but i'm also thankful or very grateful to myself because i did the right thing. i'm 19 and you're 17, thinking about that makes me want to be buried in the very core of the earth because there is no way that i actually had this something in my thoughts or heart that i am actually liking you. ain't no way. however and unfortunately, i still cried about this... yuck. i am not asking for anything because i accept the fact that we are not meant for this lifetime, that there is no 'us' in this lifetime. i'm just writing this because i want to let it go and move on or forget you. i'm writing just to let you know, but i know you'll never know. you'll never even know how much i cried for you, let alone read this letter.

I knew something changed when you shared your music taste with me. When you showed me which band you liked and which song better was. Ever since you showed me your favorite song, I considered it my favorite too. It wasn’t even the genre I usually listen to. But I kept replaying it till I knew every single word. I want it to be you, in every universe. I want you to correct my grammar in every universe, and maybe also make fun of how I can’t say the word „horror“ in english. My grammar got better, but I don’t want it to be better. I want you to correct it over and over again. Not because I would feel bad, but because you talk. You rarely talk. You talk to your friends, maybe tell them that I’m a „friend“ of yours. Maybe tell your closest friend that you like me. I’m sure you’re not doing this for fun. You’re not messing around with me, I know. But sometimes I feel stupid and pathetic. Like now, I feel pathetic because I actually write about a boy that thinks I’m a friend. Deep down I know you don’t think that way. Why would you tell me that you loved me? Why would you call me your „everything“? When we first met, I told you I only tell people „I love you“ when I really love them. Now you managed to let me say that out loud for you. I think it’s pretty obvious, isn’t it? It’s pretty obvious how I wait for you everyday, I wait for every text, maybe even a call. But I think it won’t last forever, but it sure will last forever in my heart, and I hope in yours too. You’re a sweet boy, that’s why I call you „sweets“. I like sweet candy. But sometimes they’re bitter and sour in the inside. I know you’re one of those candies that are sweet in the inside. The sweet syrup that‘s warm and melts on your tongue. I don’t wanna leave. But I also don’t want you to keep going like this. I don’t wanna be a „friend“ of yours. Do you say „I love you so much more my sweet angel“ to your friends? I don’t think so.. I still miss you everyday. I‘ll always do. But not because you’re gone, but because I know I won’t be feeling anything in a while. - your „sweet girl“

I’m not really good at telling you how I feel whenever I’m with you, but please trust me gua ngerasa nyaman sama lu dan gua merasa kita cocok, Hebin. Maaf kalau gua nggak seromantis itu, but one thing I know for sure is that I want you to be mine. So, would you accept me?

There are some people who pass through our lives like seasons, arriving quietly and leaving just as softly. and then there are people like you people who become part of the landscape of our hearts, so deeply woven into us that we can no longer remember what life looked like before them.i think you became that person for me.sometimes i wonder if you truly understand what you've done to my world. how you turned ordinary days into memories worth keeping. how a simple notification from you can still make my heart race. how your laughter has become one of my favorite sounds, and your happiness one of my favorite things to witness.before you, the moon was just the moon. now it is every late night thought of you. every wish made in silence. every moment i spend staring at the sky, hoping somehow it carries my love to wherever you are.before you, songs were just songs. now every love song feels like a secret written about us.before you, my heart belonged only to me. now it reaches for you in every quiet moment without even asking permission.i have loved you in a thousand small ways you probably never noticed. in every prayer whispered for your happiness. in every "text me when you get home." in every moment i saw something beautiful and immediately wished you were there to see it too.thank you for every smile you've placed upon my lips, every laugh you've pulled from my chest, every touch that lingered long after we let go. thank you for holding my hand so tightly that even on my hardest days, i never felt alone.there are countless things i love about you, but my favorite has always been your heart. the way you love, the way you care, the way you remain soft in a world that often asks people to be hard. i hope you never lose that part of yourself.i don't know what the future holds, but i know this if life gives me the privilege of loving you for many more birthdays, i will spend every one of them thanking the universe for the day you were born.i love you in all the little ways that don't ask to be seen because it isn't just in the grand declarations.if i could give you anything today, i would give you my eyes for just a moment, so you could see yourself the way i see you.someone whose existence alone has made another person's life infinitely brighter.that life is kind to you.i hope that your heart stays soft and that your dreams find their way home to you.thank you for existing.thank you for being born.thank you for letting me love you.i would choose you in every lifetime, every universe, every version of the story.if ever there comes a day when you forget how loved you are, come back to these words and remember this somewhere in this vast and noisy world, there is a girl whose heart whispers your name like a prayer.i love you quietly, loudly, endlessly, and in all the spaces in between. Happy birthday, my sweet boy.

HAIIII MALLLLLL :> firsttlyyy thankssss laluuulaluuuu sebabb alwayss caree pasalll lyanaa :) anddd sorryyy sebabbb selaluuu molahhh malll ckppp sorryyyy , kalauuu bolehh bohh cakapp sorryy selaluuu gilakk sbb lyanaa sikksukaa dgrr mall cakpp sorryyy / maapp , dhhlaaa sikk aciii mall srnggg jkkk bolehhh cakapp sorryyy tapiii lyanaa xbolehhh . Nextt , thanksss sebabb dhhh dtngg lamm hiduppp lyanaa jadii someoneee yangg bolehh dipercayaiiiii , lyanaa harapp mall sikkdaa tapokk apaaapaa belakanggg lyanaa .. kalauuu malll adaa mokk ceritaaa apaaapaaa , ceritaa jakkk kattt lyanaa , sbbb rasaa mcmmm xfairr pulangg asyikk lyanaa jakk yangg ceritaaa tapii mall sikkk , andd thenn lyanaaa harappp malll taukk yangg lyanaa sayanggg malll cmneyyy lyanaaa sayanggg mmyy annn ddyy lyanaa soo pleasee jgnn pikee yangg bknnbknn , lyanaa sikkann prnahh sesekaliii chattt lakii lainn blknggg malll , lyanaa akann alwayss bgikktaukk malll kalauu adaa lakii chtt lyanaa , walaupunn malll mdhh malll xkesahhh kalauu lyanaa jadii friendlyy as longg as lyanaa happyy tapii lyanaa yangg kesahh , pakeyyy paaa lyanaa jadii happyyy bilaa friendlyy ann lakii kalauu bndaa yaaa bolehh molahh mall sakittt hatiii :) lyanaa akann makesureee malll sikkk sakitt hatii dgnn perangaii lyanaa , walaupunn lambatt launn lyanaa taukkk mall akannn menyammpahh juakk ann perangaiii lyanaa , andd onee moree kalauu lyanaa mdhh lyana friendlyy yaaa , yaaa mksudnyaa lyanaa friendlyy ann prmpuann , lyanaa mmgg adaa bnykk kawann tapii mall sikkann prnhh nmpkk lyanaa kwnn ann lakii , bforee lyanaa gerekk ann mall punn lyanaa cumaa loyaa ann 2 orngg lakii jakk katt sklhhh , rusydii ann asyraff , rusydiii yaa lyanaa xanggapp nyaa kwnn punn , munn lyanaa anggapp nyaa kwnn , lamakk dhh lyanaa savee nomboo nyaa , tapii smpeyy kinekk lyanaa xsvee nomboo nyaaa , andd nyaa punn xmokk chtt lyanaa lamakk ii dhh kinekk sebabb nyaa taukk lyanaa brgerekk ann malll , lyanaa alwayss sndd viewwoncee gmbaa mall lamm groupp yaa dolokk smpee smuaa cdkk muakk dhh , tapiii lyanaa dulikk apaa ygg pntingg lyanaa xmuakkk , andd kinekk lyanaa dhh leavee sbbb mcmm xdaa functionn dhh groupp yaa andd lyana punn xjadii joinn mssb yaa soo lyanaa rasaa sikk prluu gikklahh lyanaa lamm groupp yaaa :> andd ofcoursee lyanaa prnhh loyaa ann clssmatee lyanaa ygg lakii bulakklahh xprnahh tpii loyaa lamm jarakk 2 meterr lahh , andd mall bohh risauu lyanaa sikkpernahh ikutt cdkk mieaa gosipp ann cdkk lakii andd brgumpull smbill brceritaa ann cdkk lakii lamm kelass , sikk kesahh adaa gerekk kahh sikdaa, lyanaa tetapp xmokkk soo mall sikkpayahh risauu , lyanaa selaluu bacaa novell lamm kelass munn sikdaa cikguu , munn sikk tidoo orr makann yajakk lyanaa taukk andd sngtt pndeyy , munn adaa subjectt tdoo ann makann mestii lyanaa brpontensii menjadii pelajarr palingg cemerlanggg 🥰 biasaalahh orngg proo kannn , eysehhh yappinggg jakk lebihhh , mokk dekatt 3ribuu patahh perkataannn dhhtokk wahhh , nvmmm dhh 3 ribuuu dhhh .. lyanaaa rasaa baruu sikittt lyanaa cakapp aluu 3 ribuu lebihh dhhh . kkehhh lasttlyyyyyyy , lyanaa syanggg mallll mcmmneyy lyanaaa sayangg subjecttt geoo ( geoo sntiasaa dihatiii ) hehh , malll alwayss specialll dii mataa malll andd lyanaa akann makesuree mall sikpayahhh risauu pasaalll lakii lainn yangg dekatt dgnn lyanaa kehh , lyanaa sayangg malllll sebabb malll gerekk lyanaaa andd mall selaluu pntingkann lyanaa andd alwayss caree pasall lyamaa , malll sorangg jakk yangg lyanaa xkesahh munn mmyy taukk lyanaa svee nomboo mall adaa lovee paasmuaaa , dulikk apaa lyanaa munn mmyyy taukkk :>> kkehh yajakk lyanaa sayangg mallll andd lyanaa harappp relayy kitaa tahann lamakk andd xmcmm relayy orngg lainn berbulann jakkk :)) alrrr byee loveeeyouu malll 💕 darii gerekk malll yangg softspokenn , anakk baikk lagii cerdikkk , tinggiii , proo andd smuaalahhh 🤍 loveeyouumalllll

Carta aberta para você. Oii, aqui é a Ana, como você tá? Então, sei que você deve estar meio pensativo sobre por que estou escrevendo uma carta para você, e ainda pelo Spotify através desse link kakakakak. Bom, antes de tudo, queria te falar que você me bloqueou de tudo e esse foi o único jeito que encontrei de abrir meu coração para você. E já quero deixar claro que não estou escrevendo isso para que você me desbloqueie, me mande mensagem ou responda essa carta. Eu só senti no meu coração que não tivemos uma despedida certa. Ou melhor, que eu deveria ter me despedido direito. Antes de tudo, também quero dizer que não estou me justificando. É que esses dias estou tão perdida, tão nervosa com tudo. Não sei direito o que fazer da minha vida, não sei com quem conversar e, mesmo já tendo passado meses desde que terminamos, essa é a primeira vez que consigo desabafar de verdade. Sinceramente, estou prestes a fazer 18 anos e confesso que esse está sendo o ano mais difícil da minha vida. É o ano em que estou mais confusa sobre tudo. E eu sei que foi injusto te colocar no meio dessa confusão. E não estou falando de confusão entre você e o João. Estou falando sobre meu futuro mesmo. Eu ainda não sei qual faculdade fazer, me cobro o tempo todo para estudar, me cobro por tudo. E imagino que possa ser um ano difícil para você também, ou talvez diferente, porque você está tomando decisões, está se tornando adulto, está com 19 anos. Nós estamos em fases tão loucas das nossas vidas que a Ana e o Vinicius de dois anos atrás nunca imaginariam que estariam assim. Eu nem quero imaginar qual seria a reação deles kkkkk. Mas voltando ao assunto. Você me mandou uma mensagem falando “me perdoa por tudo” e apagou outras mensagens que eu não consegui ler porque estava dormindo. Depois você me bloqueou. E, sinceramente, você sempre me pediu perdão pelas coisas que fez, mas acho que chegou a minha vez também. Na hora eu respondi apenas um “ok, te perdoo, segue sua vida”, mas a verdade é que eu queria ter falado muito mais. Eu queria te dizer que não foi só você que errou. Sinceramente, Vini, eu errei em tantas coisas também e me arrependo muito. Eu também queria o seu perdão. Os traumas e feridas que eu carregava acabaram fazendo com que eu te machucasse também. Esses dias eu decidi voltar para a sua vida sem pensar nas consequências. Fui egoísta. Ouvi mais o meu coração do que a razão e agi na emoção sem imaginar o quanto isso poderia te machucar. Também queria pedir desculpas por não ter sido sincera várias vezes, mesmo você merecendo a verdade. Muitas vezes tentei aliviar minha consciência pensando “ah, mas ele errou comigo também”, mas a verdade é que isso não justifica nada. Ninguém merecia passar por isso, muito menos você. E mesmo com tudo o que aconteceu, eu não quero que você pense que só existiram coisas ruins entre nós. Eu tenho muitas lembranças boas também. Por mais que as ruins pesem mais às vezes, nós tivemos momentos muito especiais. Você esteve ao meu lado em momentos muito difíceis da minha vida e eu nunca vou esquecer disso. Estou escrevendo essa carta com todo o amor do meu coração. Hoje eu chorei muito, conversei com Deus e pedi para Ele me mostrar um caminho. E, de alguma forma, senti que precisava escrever isso para você. Mostrei meu arrependimento para Ele e entendi que precisava reconhecer os meus erros também. Por mais que tenhamos nos machucado muito, eu acredito que Deus tem um propósito para mim e para você. Talvez não seja um propósito de nós dois juntos, mas eu sei que ele tem planos para cada um de nós. Então, mais uma vez, me perdoa por tudo. E quero que saiba que eu também te perdoo por tudo. Nós somos humanos. Sentimos raiva, tristeza, tomamos decisões erradas e muitas vezes agimos pela emoção. Mas eu acredito que sempre podemos aprender, crescer e nos tornar pessoas melhores. Talvez você nem queira ler isso, mas queria que soubesse que escrevi tudo de coração aberto. Que Deus te abençoe sempre e cuide de você. Também queria te pedir uma coisa. Eu criei uma playlist, essa mesma que estou enviando no link, e coloquei alguns louvores nela. Não precisa ouvir hoje nem amanhã, mas quando sentir vontade, fala com Deus. Eu acredito que Ele pode nos dar direção nos momentos em que estamos mais perdidos. As músicas estão aí para tocar no fundo e talvez te ajudar nesse momento, e também me ajudar❤️‍🩹 Espero que você não esteja com raiva de mim. Eu senti que precisava escrever isso porque você merecia ouvir essa parte de mim. Queria te falar que eu vou continuar orando por você, para que Deus te proteja, te guie e cuide do seu caminho. Foi isso, obrigada por tudo💓 por mais que não seguimos juntos, eu amo você e minha família também sente um carinho enorme.