To my ex

I miss you. So much. But I don't miss the person you can be. I don't miss the SA. I don't miss you forcing me to get drunk. I don't miss the abuse. But the good times make me miss you. When we were baking together at midnight. When we would lay on the couch and watch movies or blast the tv so loud playing something stupid that made us laugh that your parents would yell at us. The time we painted matching jeans even though I hated wearing jeans your smile was worth it. But everytime I miss those times I remember you grabbing my chest while I tried to sleep. The fear of what you did when you got me to overdose into sleep. The countless times you convinced me I was unlovable. The times you stole my phone and blocked the only people who could convince me to leave you. The pictures you forced me to take. I can never forget the feeling of your hands around my throat while you held a pillow over my face. It keeps me up at night. But I wonder if there is a version of you that some people only get to see the good side. Was I the only one who saw the bad side? I know no one will believe me if I tell them about the abuse. Maybe it doesn't matter if they believe me. I hate you. But I miss you. You made me so dependent on you I don't know what to do now that I left you.

i miss you, daf. if one day you decide to come back and start over with me, please find me. call me. don't hesitate to reach out. because one thing i can promise is i'd still choose us, as long as you/re choosing us too.

The eyes can be set for distraction but the heart speaks louder than the ego and pride blaring and clouding my heart. i will forever long for the warm and tight hugs, the feeling of your plumpy, pink lips pressing against mine. the feeling of lying in bed next to you. the intimate moments, sexual and non sexual. i will always love you yan, in the sincerest form. in the depth of my caring heart. The memories of us are engraved in my heart, cannot, and will never be erased. I will always care for you, maskin ug makakita kag bag o because I know that I love you for sentimental and never ending reasons. Kung kapoyan ka saimong life I will always be here to listen, even as a friend. like a bird, spread ur wings and expand ur horizons, see where the wind takes you, i wish u the best in life. i want to be the person you run to, the person na maninaw sa tnan nmo kakapoy og kalipay in life... But that is for you to figure out and decide on. I love you so much yanixmodee, and I hope this letter brings you clarity in both your head and heart.

Dear Deejay I’m sorry for the confession. If I knew how much it would hurt I would’ve ran away much quicker. I hate how you’re still the one I think of when the word love comes to mind. I hate how much it hurts to see you having fun with other people. I hate how much I really cared and still do. No matter what happens or what day it is, june 5th will forever be a memory I’ll think of when you cross my mind over and over again. I don’t know If you even want to know this but I cried over you again. I cried for our memories, our dreams, and my wishes on what we could been. I still think of you when I see guitars, or when I see hats, or when I watch anime, but it stings throughout my body when I see your want for a relationship, when i’m right here and probably always be. I really liked you and I hate to say that I still do. I know, I know it’s corny but I can’t keep my promise on finding someone better, because there is no one better. When I first met you it’s like I met my match when everyone else couldn’t keep up. I still love you so much and it really hurts to still keep it within me with all these feelings I can’t handle. I miss you and my heart will always beat your name. Love, 🎼unie to the moonie

I miss you so much, to the point it hurts me that you were the one who left. I've never got to know why did you do that or what did i do wrong and i really want the answer that i know I'll never get from you. You blocked me and telling me to live my life fully but it wil never be fullfil becuase you weren't in my life anymore, remember the day before you blocked me? Haha we played a game called "a long road" and I was so tired I went to bed first but before I was about to leave, you said we'll play later but guess there was no more later now. You didn't even give me a chance to play with you one last time and uhm hey I counted it all, you gave me 43 kisses even though those are just texts I love that and i am so sorry that i didn't show you enough love before i tried. You'll never know that I actually figured it out that your roblox user was .. yk since when you showed me your grinding scene with your alt account tbh I dont want you to leave me but what can I do? It's your choice and i cant control it.. idek if you really loved me or just want to feel loved by someone and I couldn't give what you want so you left. At this point i dont even care as long as you're here for me to keep loving you that will be really great but sighhh there's no more you. I've only played game with you once and that's suck i keep blaming myself why didn't I stay longer? why didn't I give you more love? and oops i had a feeling that you have other and i feel really guilty about this.. you thought i was 2 hours ahead of you but im actually 4 hours ahead and wdym by hindu? im not. You forgot my name becuase you keep calling me sweet nicknames but ykw i LOVE that.. i love and miss you so much i could turn into my old self and write a whole paragraph of how i love you like right now.. I remember telling you to sleep well and have sweet dreams not sleep well and then gone out of my life so sudden.. You play JJS, CW and raised a floppa 2 while i was feeling sick in the head.. I havent cried for someone in so long and you are the first person to make me fucking cry this year. You mentioned cuddling with me 10 times.. wow! you want me to cuddling with air? or what you aren't here anymore.. yuma , MY yuma i love you so much, you said im yours and you are MINE.. huh? where are you to be mine now???? why did you have to leave me this way what about staying as friend? i wont bite you, yuma. I can control myself, friend is friend i wont cross the line as long as you're here i can admire you as A FRIEND not as "a girl who like you". I thought letting you vent to me, try to make you feel better and everything will make u stay but NO you chose to leave.. is it becuase i dont look good? is it becuase i dont send my selfie regulary like other couples? is it becuase i dont update about my life that much? i just dont want to bother you.. i thought it will make you stay... TO THE CONCLUSION; I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND I WILL WAITFOR YOU PLEASE UNBLOCK ME PLEASE TALK TO ME -Your K. 💐

Hi, Clyde. I know it's over between us, but I still wanted to send you this message. These are all the things I never got to say, and I don't think I can keep them to myself anymore. First of all, I want you to know that I'm genuinely grateful you became part of my life. At first, I didn't even like you. You knew that. I rejected you so many times, yet you never gave up. You were the only guy who stayed consistent in pursuing me, and that's something I'll never forget. I never imagined we end up together because, before you, I never let anyone get past the talking stage. But you made me feel loved, and little by little, I found myself falling in love with you not because I got attached, but because I truly loved you. last time I saw na naa kay gi like about avoidant? if that was really meant for me, I just want you to know that you changed an avoidant person. Kung kabalo lang ka, gi-stop nako akong pagiging avoidant para sa imo. Not because I liked you at first, but because you showed me consistency while you were courting me. You made me feel enough to let my guard down and trust someone again. You don't even realize how big that was for me. I changed a part of myself because I believed you. I believed in your consistency, your effort, and the love you showed me. That's why I took the risk. Sadly, the person who made me stop being avoidant was also the person who reminded me why I became avoidant in the first place. But yah...I honestly thought we would last. I know you had a lot of problems, but most of the time, you never shared them with me. Instead, you'd leave me on delivered for hours or even days. You probably don't realize how much that hurt. Then there was the first time you broke up with me. I didn't even know the reason because you stopped replying to my messages and even blocked me. Later, you came back, explained yourself, and asked for another chance. I forgave you because I loved you. I always tried my best to understand you. But sometimes I couldn't help but ask myself... did you ever try to understand me and my feelings too? After we got back together, I thought everything would finally be okay. But then it happened again. You'd apologize, tell me you'd make it up to me, promise you'd change but your actions never matched your words. You know you've already been hurt by someone before, so you know exactly how painful it feels. Then we broke up again. We had no contact for more than a month, and I honestly didn't expect you to come back again. Then nag chat ka usab nako because the reason I unfriended you? was because of the things you were posting on your notes. After that, we made up again. Okay na pud ta. Then there was a time when everything felt okay again. You were caring, you showed concern, and I thought we were finally getting better. Then, out of nowhere, you told me not to wait for you and that being with me felt like an obligation. Why are you always like that, huh? Why were you so different from the man who pursued me? When you were courting me, you were so consistent. You made me feel chosen every single day. But after we got together, it slowly started to feel like I became an obligation instead of someone you genuinely wanted. If you really felt that way, then maybe you shouldn't have pursued me in the first place. Maybe you shouldn't have come back every time we broke up. Sometimes I couldn't stop myself from wondering... did you only come back because you wanted sex? Because after that happened, it felt like everything changed. It felt like you slowly drifted away again. I don't know if that's true, but that's how it made me feel. I wanted a serious relationship. I never wanted something that was only beautiful in the beginning. I wanted consistency. I wanted someone whose love wouldn't change after getting what they wanted. I truly believed that person was you. Tangina! what hurts the most is that you left without even giving me anything no explanation, no apology, no real conversation about why everything had to end this way. I want you to know that I loved you with everything I had. I took the risk of loving you despite everything. Sometimes I still wonder... was I ever worth the risk to you? I always chose to understand you because I loved you so much. I don't know if you really loved me the way I loved you. Even after everything, I still wish you nothing but the best. I hope you succeed in life and achieve every dream you've ever told me about. I always told you I'd be proud of you clyde, and I meant every word. I'm gonna miss your hugs, your kisses, your presence, and your love. I really enjoyed every moment we spent together. You know what I mean. I will never forget you baby, because you gave me so many memories, and I hope you won't forget me too. Maybe this just isn't the right time for us. And if our paths to cross again someday, I hope we're both happy, healed, and successful. I'm sorry if I'm not the girl you wanted or the type of girl you like. I'm sorry if I couldn't be the kind of person you were looking for or give you the kind of love you truly wanted. I don't know if you still have anything to say after reading this message. If naa man, I hope you tell me. But if you don't, I understand. I just wanted you to know everything I never got the chance to say. Take care of yourself baby, always. I'll always be thankful that I met you. I loved you so much, Clyde. Goodbye, baby.

I often wonder where love goes after it is no longer welcome. Perhaps it lingers inside forgotten playlists, waiting for someone to press play one more time. Perhaps it hides between photographs that neither heart has found the courage to erase. Or perhaps it simply learns to live inside silence. Sometimes I catch myself believing that somewhere, without even realizing it, you're listening to the songs we once shared. That maybe, for the length of a single melody, my name still exists somewhere between the lyrics. It's a comforting lie. The kind the heart tells itself when the truth is too quiet to bear. Your photographs still rest where I left them. Not because I refuse to let go, but because they are the last proof that, for a brief moment in this lifetime, you were real. I searched for you once. Only once. Only to find that even the place where our story began had quietly forgotten your name. Perhaps that's what goodbye truly is. Not when someone walks away, but when every road that once led to them slowly disappears. Still, there are nights when I almost reach for our conversation, forgetting that the door between us was closed long ago. Some absences never ask to be remembered. They simply become part of the air you breathe, quietly follow you wherever you go. Maybe one day the songs will lose your voice. Maybe the photographs will become nothing more than ordinary pixels. Maybe your name will arrive in my mind without breaking anything inside me. But until that gentle day finds me, I'll keep these fragments where they are. Not as a promise to wait, but as a quiet thank you to a love that once existed, even if only for a little while. I hope life has been kind to you. And I hope, wherever you are, you've found the peace we couldn't find together. To the person who became my favorite memory ⁠♡.

I really miss you.. Lately I have been thinking about what happened between us and how I must have confused and offended you. I was confused and scared and just a mess of emotions. I am really sorry. Please, can we talk this out? When you feel like it, of course. You were one of my best friends for a while and I must be honest, losing you broke me in ways I never thought I could be broken.

Vinícius, por que você está me mostrando esses textos? Por que está fazendo isso comigo? Eu já estou me forçando a superar você e tudo o que nós dois vivemos. E, sinceramente, às vezes eu nem sei mais no que acreditar. Eu fico pensando em como, depois de nós, eu não consegui me envolver de verdade com ninguém por meses, enquanto você, em tão pouco tempo, conseguiu encontrar outra pessoa e assumir um novo relacionamento. E eu não estou te julgando por isso, de verdade. Você tem todo o direito de seguir a sua vida. Mas eu também tenho o direito de admitir que isso doeu em mim. Eu fiquei muito fria depois do nosso término. Mesmo quando você quis voltar, alguma coisa dentro de mim já tinha mudado. O que aconteceu entre nós foi um trauma tão grande para mim que, hoje, só de ouvir a palavra “relacionamento”, eu sinto ansiedade. Ver a pessoa que eu mais amei na minha vida seguir em frente e assumir outra pessoa apenas nove meses depois do nosso término foi muito difícil para mim. E eu não quero esconder isso ou fingir que não sinto nada. Eu acho que reconhecer o que eu sinto também é uma forma de ser forte. Eu assumo que doeu. Assumo que ainda existem coisas que eu estou tentando superar. Eu entendo que talvez você só queira me mostrar os textos que escreveu quando me amava, talvez porque aquele sentimento tenha sido importante para você. Mas, por favor, não faça isso comigo. Eu estou tentando seguir em frente. Estou tentando esquecer, aos poucos, tudo o que nós fomos. E quando você me mostra essas coisas, você me faz voltar para um lugar que eu estou lutando todos os dias para sair. Você está com outra pessoa, Vinícius. E eu preciso aceitar isso, mesmo que ainda doa. Eu não quero criar esperança por algo que talvez nunca mais aconteça. Eu não quero interpretar seus textos como sinais de que ainda existe alguma coisa entre nós, porque isso só vai me machucar ainda mais. Então, por favor, não me castigue por ainda sentir. Eu te amei mais do que consegui amar qualquer outra pessoa. Eu te amei de verdade. Eu larguei coisas por você, fiz escolhas por nós e acreditei que a nossa história duraria muito mais. E quando você me deixou, eu fiquei tão frustrada, tão destruída, que parece que alguma parte de mim ficou presa naquele momento. Talvez seja por isso que eu ainda não consegui sentir por outra pessoa o que senti por você. Talvez eu só precise de tempo. E eu espero, de verdade, que um dia eu consiga superar tudo isso completamente. Mas, por favor, Vinícius, não dificulte ainda mais esse processo para mim. Se você realmente seguiu em frente, me deixe seguir também. Eu só quero conseguir olhar para tudo o que nós vivemos sem sentir essa dor que ainda sinto hoje. Eu só quero que você entenda que, para mim, não foi fácil simplesmente apagar tudo o que vivemos. Você foi uma pessoa muito importante na minha vida e sempre vai existir uma parte de mim que vai lembrar de você com carinho, mas eu também preciso aprender a deixar você no passado, pq tambem não iria ser justo comigo… obrigada por tudo e espero que você seja feliz.

i miss you and i hate how we ended why did you do that i loved you i thought we would last forever please come back steven i don’t care if you hurt me again i just want you in my life you made me feel okay about myself and i wanted to live for you and now i don’t even have a reason too i miss our convos and kisses and hugs and holding hands none of the lustful stuff i loved you for you silly i hope you do good in volleyball since you quit football i love you

I still love you. That’s a strong start, I know, but fuck, it’s true. You were perfect, always and throughout the whole relationship up until the last week. Why? Why did we actually break up? Why did you waste no time in going out with new dudes, only a few days. I don’t want you back, and sometimes I wish we never even got together, but that dosent change the fact that I loved every second of us, and I still love you. I think I always will.

I loved you too much, that I let you hurt me. Thank you for leaving on the 4th of July. I enjoy it a lot more now.

I hate you so much but I cant help but miss you,, I wish you actually liked me instead of 40 other girls. -du vet vem

hi, I miss you. I didn’t think losing you would be this hard. I took our relationship for granted. I hope you’re doing well. I know you said to please bother you but I can’t help but think it’s only making things worse for you. Come back to me lunch line.

To my dearest Bacek, I hope you never get this letter (of me weeping over you lmao) since i love lurking around websites like this. I think this is the best and safest way to let out what i held in my heart without ruining anyone's relationship. I was listening to Honeybee by Olivia Rodrigo, and i guess you can see why AHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA i actually very much hate it when i saw this title in OR's songs lineup. but it caught my heart right away. I pray that you are in the pink of health, landed on some high-paid job somewhere (i hope it's singapore lmao), and i hope you no longer suffer as you did with me (pretty sure you're happy with her, engagement when ? or more like, marriage when? AHHAHA). I don't really hope and i dont ever dare to think I could go back to you, but nah, not when you're living a content life with her already. let's just say if you ever need me, one day, just hit me up. i think you already saved my new number, or did you already delete it? :') anyways, i hope i can talk to you for one last time during our convocation day. see you in october! love you still but gonna bury it deep. :p

I am so so sorry. I love you so much and i think about you always.

There's so much I want to say but I just don't know how to say it, I dont want to just make this me saying I'm sorry over and over again but I feel like that what it's gonna end up being.. the biggest regret I have is not ever making clear enough how I truly felt and not staying for when it got too hard, I should've done so much more to prove I loved you, I should've done more to fight for the relationship and just tell you regardless of how much I was going through that I never wanted to shut you out, I just got scared and didn't want to hurt you anymore than I thought I did, only that inevitably just ended up having the complete opposite affect.. I left everytime because I couldn't handle being your friend loving you the way I did.. I tried so hard to suppress and essentially kill the emotions I had for you to be there for you, but when you wanted me to help you with your current relationship.. it destroyed me, I never wanted to ever be in the position where I was anything other than yours, it hurt so badly to know I couldn't love you the way I truly wanted to and I felt selfish knowing my own love for you was in the way of being there for you, I never truly felt like I was able to be there for you the way I was before and now I'm left so lost knowing I can't love you or help you, but the feelings have always stayed, they never faded, I still wake up wanting to text you good morning and that I love you, I still want to spend my life with you regardless of everything, but I know things are far too gone to ever expect any kind of future together, and I'm sorry. I don't know what to do to move on, I don't feel attraction to women like I do with you, I don't feel the love or the spark we had, when I saw you for the first time, something in me felt like you were the one for me, and now I'm stuck trying to reassemble the pieces to a puzzle that simply can't be completed. I'm so scared Vanessa..I'm so alone and terrified I'm losing myself in the grief.. I used to be a sweet person..I just don't care anymore..this love is killing my soul..I don't know how to live without loving you..I don't want to live in a reality where I have to "love" someone else. I tried and it just doesn't work, I gave it so much time and it just never feels right. It just feels like I've been in the wrong timeline since we broke up..I need help so badly..I beg the universe everyday to just make it make sense. Regardless of anything I will always love you, you have always be my first and only love, I may be a goldfish but our love will stick with me forever regardless if I want it or not, and I refuse to "love" someone else when I don't, even if that means being single until death, I can at least know I at one point felt true love, and that almost makes it okay..It just kills me to know I can't love you the way I truly want to. I want to say I love you so badly and for you to know I really mean it, I want to hug and kiss you and never let go, I wish I wasn't just so young and stupid and maybe I could've seen it all more clearly.. I went on a trip and took some acid and it's reopened everything Ive been suppressing for years..a part of it's made me remember how much I miss human contact..a big part of it made me remember how much i loved yours.. I tried dating after you.. it just didn't work..I never felt even a slight amount of love towards them..and that only made me feel worse..so I'm just gonna stick to myself until hopefully maybe one day I'll be ready to love again..you told me I was your first love.. you will always be my first and only love, I love you so much Vanessa, I really truly do..

Hi sasha, sorry

Hey, I don't even know what to write about you here. I just thought about you today. It's been months now, but I could not move. I tried and tried and tried. Now, I don't think about you much. It is hard for me, but what else can I do? We don't talk now but back then you were the only one for me. You were the safest space for me, I can't go back, can I? You promised me that you would never leave me in the middle of nowhere but you always did that and this time too. But why? Because everyone said that you were ruining my life?Because that's what you told me when I asked you why you left me like that. You did not even try nor did I. Well, what's left of me. What can I say? I soemtimes wonder if everything we had was all just fake? because what do you mean your world revolved around me till yesterday but today I'm no more in your life. You said you wanted to live under the same roof as me, you promised me to make that happen but you left.. I hope you win in life no matter what. I'll always be proud of you. Goodbye.

You were my everything. I made gifts for you with my art, I bought gifts for you for when we would meet one day. I loved you in the way I knew how to express it best. By giving someone something I knew they loved. That calander, that necklace, that drawing was a piece of my heart I let you hold, that you tore apart so easily without a care in the world. Only to be told you never loved me. The truth is, I have always loved you, but I stayed back since you kept making it clear you were not interested. And I will make it stay that way because I don't want to do something if someone else doesn't want to do it. What was the point of telling me you thought of getting married? Was it just all a big game to you for nudes, or something to jerk off to? Was I just a replacement for something you needed but didn't get? I often wonder if you were cheating on me the entire time, with how much you talked about her, but never hung out with me. It drove me nuts, and I had enough. Just to hear you tell me it was never real in the first place for you. You never loved me, I think you loved the idea of me. And that's what hurts the most. I'm not something to constantly toss away, or ignore, or keep hidden. I'm an actual human being with my own feelings, life, etc. I can't bare to be around you again cause you made it very clear what you would do if it happened. You said you'd make a good teen father, but why should I trust that if you leave every few months? I would be a fool to trust that, ever in my life. I don't want to love you, but I probably will for a while, until I finally decide to put myself before you who barely ever showed up. Don't come back into my life, especially if you are just going to leave again. I tried to show you in everyway I could that I cherished our relationship so much, but clearly it never mattered to you. Have a good life. Sincerely, H, formerly, S.