I never told you this, but on your birthday I rented a car and had intended to surprise you… drive us around the city, hoping to get a bite at your favorite restaurant. I’d hoped we’d somehow end up at the beach where we’d talk about our biggest dreams and fears, as we comforted each other, wrapped in blankets. I wanted to be the one that made you feel better, especially with what you were going through at the time. I think that’s why it hurt when you texted a mutual for comfort that night, rather than me. You scared me because your reputation proceeded you, but I still gave it a chance. I didn’t want to break it off. I brought you books I thought you’d like when you were moving out of state. I checked in on you during tumultuous natural disasters to make sure you and your family were okay. I kissed you like I meant it when I saw you again. I told you that if I made you feel better, even for a second while you were going through hard times, I’m glad it was me. I meant that. I deserve someone that wants to do all of those things for me. I think I’ve run out of anything left to give you. I’m leaving room for a courageous love that takes a chance, even when things are hard. - El