Never told you

sabi mo magccool off lang pero bumalik ka sa girl bsf mo. im sorry to be the cause kung bat need mo iignore girl bsf mo dati because i got a little jealous kasi she was always the one with you, you even ignored her dahil you knew i was kinda jealous even though i told you that it was fine since close naman kayo and then one day nagkaroon ka ng fam prob which i respect pero ang sakit kasi nung nalaman ko na kaya mong sumandal sa girl bsf mo and ex mo pero ako hindi mo nakakaya? i comforted you kasi mahal kita pero ang sakit kasi, kasi pano mong nakakaya hindi ako ichat ng ilang weeks? you deactivated your acc and nag seen kalang sa messages ko. ang sakit ng ginawa mo. minahal kita ng sobra sobra. i know its just a cool off pero kaya mokong sandalan and if its not comfy for you then its fine, know that ill always be there for you pero minsan kasi masakit na. kasi how could you leave me and never reassure me? im not perfect but gagawin ko lahat just to make you happy. i even left a plushie with your fav chocolate and a handwritten letter that took me some time to make kasi it was your bday at that time and inabot ko sa bsf ko dahil magkalapit kayo ng bahay pero hanggang ngayon di mopa nakukuha. am i nothing to you? am i a liability? san ako nagkulang? i spent nights crying because i couldnt get you off my head and because of the problems i am facing rn. im sorry if i couldnt be better and im sorry because they treated you like that. honestly, you deserve better, mahal.

hahahahhaha lol kailan ka mag papakita

I've lowkey forgotten your name but i swear i didn't mean to skip you😭😭😭 i miss you girllllll u were the only one i vibed with -X.O.X.O yuri from phil

I wonder how you are to be honest i really do regret our relationship i hope you're happy tho but tbh i want nothing to do with you idk if it's to harsh but dude like i really really really regret na pinatulan kita kasi to think i gave my first kiss and etc to you and in he end you were just a phase lesson learned ka lng so sadd anyways I'm sorry for the hurt i caused you ad I'm sorry because i started this but im glad i was the one to end it - someone who wishes they never knew u 🥰-C.Y

I recently found this song kita kita by the 7th, it's been a while since we've talked and there's a chance you won't even really see this so... I've just been thinking about you a lot recently. And the song kinda reminded me of the first time i saw you, you already know how the story goes i told you twice. I know it's not your usual genre– but "Kita na kita" im thinking about how i should've said that to you when things were good between us. You don't know it and it's a little creepy but– i always see you, way before we even started talking kita kita. I saw the way you had a habit of being touchy with your friends– your silly antics, your cute laugh. Till know i feel like you're haunting me, yuri became a common name to me i see it everywhere. I'm insane– absolute mad in the head because, i kinda knew you were using me yet i still see you. Kita kita, always. It'll be our last year in the same school.. I'm not even sure if I'll ever see you often like how I'm used to. I'm here, and you don't know it i hope someway somehow you know that despite the amount of people that talk bad about you- nothing will change, kita kita. I see you, i see you trying your best, i see you doing what you think is best, i see you trying be happy, i see you being you and no matter what, kita kita. "Sana makita mo rin na kita na kita" 3:23 - timestamp.

I don’t like you anymore but i don’t hate you anymore either. to be honest i think the only reason i hated you so much for awhile was because you hated me. i mean i get why i guess it’s just did you have to pretend to be my best friend for 6 months while i revolved my life around you. i wont say i was a great friend neither of us were but i hated you because i was mad that after everything i loved you i loved you more than anything and you loved him that stupid dude. you met him through me and i was mad when you started dating and i tried you hide it but i think you knew that but didnt understand that i wasn’t jealous of you i was jealous of him. for months i miss the way we cuddled as friend and how we used yr airpods and every night i would fall asleep to yr playlist. every song i never cared for or didn’t like became the only thing i could listen to once you said you liked it. and we were so opposite yet so alike i thought it could work but i was yr bestfriend (kinda) and you were mine and that’s it. id never tell you how much i missed the platonic affection we shared through hugs and cuddles because im ashamed that part of me wished it was real and im sorry

Dear Ismu, I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm apologizing for, but I wish our friendship was stronger. I wish we could've gone back to those old days, where everything felt so fleeting, but most of all I wish I could understand what went wrong. Now I think of you everyday and I wonder if you think of me too, I wonder if you think of how long it has been since we called, or when was the last time we met in person. Wish I could be there for you right now. Being a long distance buddy with you isn't going to well on my end. Imagine the chances of you finding this lolol :p -Numi

Dear Fayez, I think one of the biggest regrets I carry is leaving without saying goodbye. And sometimes I wonder if you hated me for that. Or maybe you waited for me to come back while I kept pretending I was okay walking away from someone I loved so deeply. The truth is, I was not okay at all. There were so many things I wanted to say, but I was afraid of my own feelings. Afraid that if I spoke to you one more time, I would stay. So I disappeared instead, and I know that must have hurt you. You were never just a phase to me. You were my first love, the person who knew my heart from miles away. Even now, after all these years, a part of me still feels guilty for ending our story. I told myself to move on. I tried. I remember you told me that I should find someone better than you and is worth my time. I really did. I found someone who treats me good, someone who stays, someone who tries. But a part of me is still looking for you in everything he does. And I feel so guilty for that because I don't have a choice. It's like choosing reality or I'll keep fantasizing that we will meet one day.. that your family will like me.. that we will have our dream family. He is good to me… but sometimes I still wish it was you. I wish it was you loving me. I wish it was you choosing me everyday.. staying with me. I wish you fought for me the way I always hoped you would. And you knew that. I'm sorry.. I'm really sorry but I think we're better off this way. I wanted you to fight for me, Fayez. I wanted to feel like losing me would matter enough for you to hold on tighter. I got tired of carrying the relationship alone while pretending I was still happy. Leaving you was not easy for me. It felt like tearing my own heart apart and forcing myself to live without it. But staying was hurting me too. And I did not know which pain was worse anymore. I need you here with me because I only love you and it hurts seeing someone new who is not you.. but It doesn't matter now right? You'll move on right? I know you'll find a great woman whom your family will love. If I could go back, I would thank you for everything.. for every moment you made me feel loved. I would tell you that leaving you was one of the hardest things I ever did. And God knows I don't want to do that. I want you to know that I never stopped thinking of you. I never stopped caring. Maybe in another life, we met at the right time. Maybe in another world, we were less broken, we were less complicated. Maybe there, we finally got the ending we used to dream about. But in this life, all I can do is carry the memory of you with me. Not as something I regret loving, but as someone who once became my whole world. I hope this letter will reach you, and I hope that someday when you read it, you will have already become the person you always wanted to be. Fayez, I want to say this for one last time. I love you, infinity. — Angela

Hi jagiyaa I hope your doing well :) I know you don't wanna speak to me anymore but I keep seeing somewhere and I wanna Tell you I'm soo proud of you, I'm sorry I called you my best friend too fast when you just thought of me as a person, but thank you for teaching me the best things in life don't last, I know I'm not you yvaine anymore, I wish I still was but I know you can't keep pushing for us, I thank you for trying and telling me sooner other than just disappearing :) I love you! -yvaine

Wow. It’s been two years since we met, you called me your best friend ever since we became desk mates but, it never felt true. My moods and health ruined this friendship, and I humiliated you a lot. Now that we do not talk anymore, watching you talk to anyone and avoid me pains me but I do not want to hurt you anymore. Talk to me or not, I wish you the best. I’m trying. Love you, May. I don’t think we match, and I hope you grow out of your immaturity.

I can’t get you out of my head, I still love you, and will always do.

i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you please come back i will do anything for you i will worship you i will treat you like a fucking god come back my love please please please come back i beg you i will never find anyone like you i will never see anyone the same way as you i'd do anything please come back please please please you're my first thought in the morning and the last thought as i go to bed you're everything to me and it hurts it hurts nothing feels good without you i want you so bad anything for you

hi bsf dito lang ako magkakaron ng courage to confess kase ayoko masira yung friendship na matagal kong pinangarap—kahit mas pangarap kita. at first it start from a little crush nung gr9 then it grows sound cringe pero totoo kung gaano na tayo katagal naging magkaibigan ganon na rin kita katagal nagustuhan. pinilit kong labanan dahil alam kong mali—mali hindi dahil ayoko kundi mali kase naghahangad ako na magkakagusto ka rin sakin, na magugustuhan mo rin ako pabalik. pero hindi, anong laban ko sa mga nakafling mo? im just a low maintenance girl, hindi yung tipikal na babae na babaeng babae kumilos o gumalaw. madalas pang pagkamalang tomboy; hindi ko inasahan na mag lo-long yung feelings ko sayo at umabot ng years, hindi ko alam bakit gusto kita. i miss being your no. 1 kachikahan every night HAHAHHAHHAHWHAHHA na tipong sayo ko una ichichika lahat ng mga nalalaman ko at ganon ka rin sakin, i miss you being my bsf, my rant buddy and also kabardagulan, malayo na naging friendship natin and im so grateful na kung dati sobrang limited lang mga sinasabi mo about you, but unti unti natutunan mong mag open up, natutunan mong aralin ka at malaman kung sino ka. i felt so happy when we chat almost every night ranting or advicing each other and also magchikahan. lalo na if you need someone na mag aadvice for rs advice or to learn a girl. ikaw yung unang una kong naging sobrang close na guy, kaya umabot sa point na gusto kong burahin yung feelings ko sayo dahil alam kong mali, dahil platonic lang to dapat. masaya ako pag masaya ka sobra, at ayoko ng nalulungkot ka—kahit hindi mo alam. being your bsf is something im so grateful to have, never ko naman nakita na magiging tayo, kase even i think you as more than a bsf id rather keep you as my bsf just to be close or to be with you—and to be with you as my bsf is more grateful to have, than being with you more than just a bsf i hope you the best bff, i hope you success and to be happy. i also hope na you find peace, and the world could lighten to you. i hope someday makahanap ka ng taong gugustohin ka araw araw at walang sawang mamahalin ka ng buong buo. im just here to support you no matter what happen, im your biggest fan. if you want someone to talk to im here, just rant to me. im here to listen to you all the time. being your bsf is something i will treasure for the rest of my life at wala na kong mahihiling pa.

Bro, you are my bestfriend since 7th grade. I always wondered how can i talk to someone as beautiful as you. Now, you are one of the most trusted persons in my life. Recently I am feeling differently about you. I am attracted to you.I dont want a relationship because of my faith but i just want to let you know.Please remain the person you were to me after this..

you probably won't see this letter for a while... maybe days? weeks? months? maybe even years from when this is being made. i know that we are having a rough patch right now, and i'm hoping that we'll be okay and stronger than ever after this. i love you so much and i can't bear to lose you. i want to keep giving you my all, i want to be someone who you'll be proud of and not disappointed at, like always.. i want to love you even if i don't know how to do that to myself. i know that this'll sound selfish or it might even look like an excuse.. but, it hurts and i'm tired of everything that's happening or that has happened this year. i lost my spark, i'm always tired, i space out, i know that sounds stupid but, that's the truth. i'm depressed and i know it, but i can't ask for help.. maybe this is my "cry for help". i'm sorry if whatever is happening to me is affecting our relationship, i want to be of help to you, i want to open up to you, i want to tell you all these things, but.. i just can't. i'm sorry.

Mọi thứ cứ ngày ngày trôi qua như thể có 1 lực hút vô hình kéo mình lại với mọi sự trên đời, như thể mình là mặt trăng nhỏ bé xíu đang vừa gồng mình chống lại lực hút to lớn của trái đất vừa phải quay mòng mòng mòng không ngừng nghỉ ấy, xin chào và tôi là Julieta - nơi tôi sẽ viết và lắng nghe những nỗi lòng cũng để giãy bày suy nghĩ của chính tôi và bạn. Bạn có cảm thấy không? Tôi luôn mông lung luôn sợ hãi về tương lai, tôi cứ nghĩ tôi là 1 người hướng ngoại tôi rất hay cười nhưng mọi người, cả bố cả mẹ bạn bè thân thích cũng không biết tới mặt tối của tôi, lúc tôi phỏng vấn thử với thầy cô giáo, tôi thấy mình tra lời khá mượt mà về mặt phát âm và ngữ pháp tiếng Anh, có lẽ tôi giỏi nhất ở việc phân tích ảnh vì tôi rất thích viết văn tự sự và miêu tả lại rất thích vẽ đối với tôi mọi thứ diễn ra suôn sẻ cho tới lúc cô nước ngoài của tôi cô tên i cô nhăn mặt và cất giọng tiếng anh vừa phức tạp lại vừa cảm thán “Cô không biết nói sao nhưng mọi thứ ở bài phỏng vấn đều chỉ ra em rất tiêu cực.” Đúng, tôi rất tiêu cực nhìn tôi thế thôi nhưng tôi vô cùng sợ giao tiếp với người lạ, nếu có giao du chắc chỉ muốn đến 1 mình hoặc kéo nhiều nhất là 2 người bạn phải cực kì thân đi chơi cùng cho đỡ cô đơn, tôi không thích tụ tập. Tôi trưởng thành trong 1 căn nhà mà bố mẹ tôi là những người già dặn tôi cũng học hỏi họ không ít nên còn trẻ tôi đã biết suy nghĩ thấu hiểu phải nói thì chắc hơi ngạo mạn là biết nhiều những điều mà bạn đồng trang lứa không thấu khi bằng tuổi tôi. Việc này làm tôi luôn trầm lặng thu mình ít giao tiếp nhưng khi đã thân quen thì việc cởi mở với tôi không quá khó khăn đâu nhé. Vào việc chính, tôi luôn lo ngại về tương lại có câu nói này tôi thấy dù nhảm nhí nhưng ở một phần nào đó khá đúng “Nếu cuộc đời không rực rỡ thì sao? Thì thôi vậy.” tôi lo về tương lai, sắp tới tôi lại chuyển trường bố mẹ tôi rất kì vọng vào tôi, cho tôi những gì tốt đẹp nhất, tôi biết ơn họ nhưng không thể ngừng lo sợ về việc nếu tôi không đỗ vào trường ấy thì sao? Trường đó không hề là hạng xoàng đâu nó khó lắm, tôi muốn chơi lại rất muốn vẽ nhưng càng không muốn thấy sự thất vọng và sự buồn bã trong mắt họ, có thể đó là tình yêu thương nhưng đối với tôi sự “kì vọng” ấy nặng nề biết bao ước gì tôi có thể buông tất cả gieo mình vào biển xanh, làm 1 con cá, 1 con chim để ngắm nhìn mọi thứ mà không bị ràng buộc không cần giao tiếp nhỉ? Tôi sợ lắm tôi rất sợ, tôi cảm thấy mình vô dụng cảm thấy lo sợ về tương lại sợ bị khinh bỉ càng sợ sự thất vọng, họ cho đi quá nhiều khiến tôi áp lwujc và lo sợ biết bao… Tôi nghĩ mình cần phải cố gắng nhưng…nó mông lung lắm như thể lạc giữa biển ấy càng đi sẽ càng xa bờ…tới mức tôi chẳng còn biết làm gì cả… tôi không biết cách đáp ứng kỳ vọng của họ, vì mỗi lần tôi đạt 1 cột mốc họ sẽ chép miệng và bảo nếu có lần sau hãy cố thêm nhưu hôm tôi được 4,5 trên 5 vì mắc 1 lỗi sai nhỏ mẹ tôi hỏi “Sao điểm thấp thế on như vậy vẫn chưa đủ hay sao? Nhà mình không còn tiền cho m học thêm đâu” nhiều lúc họ muốn tôi cái này muốn tôi cái kia…tôi chỉ biết..im lặng..tôi đâu biết làm gì? Muốn phản kháng ư? tôi lại sợ họ thất vọng tôi chưa từng dám nói ra suy nghĩ thật lòng của mình… Tôi chuyển cấp, điểm thấp vì bỡ ngỡ trình độ mới và kiến thức quá nhiều, nhà trường không hề cho tôi đề cương, sự vồ vập ấy tôi choáng ngợp thành tích lung lay, không mình bố mẹ tôi đâu tôi cũng vậy… tôi lúc đó lại im lặng..nhốt mình lại…rồi lại lo sợ tương lai. Dường như tôi không muốn sống nữa càng lớn tôi càng sợ mình phải sống phải trưởng thành ấy..

Dear Dines, I don’t really know how to begin this, because there are so many things I have felt for so long and never said out loud. I have loved you for five years. Quietly, patiently, and in a way that never asked for anything in return. I don’t think I ever expected you to feel the same, but I still found myself hoping — always hoping — that maybe, one day, our paths would finally meet in the same way our hearts did. There is something I have carried with me for a long time. I don’t know if you ever noticed, or if it ever meant anything to you, but for me, every moment around you has stayed with me longer than I can explain. One evening outside the café, when you were hurt and not yourself, all I wanted was to make you feel safe again. I remember gently touching your hair and your face, trying to calm you, telling you that things would get better in the morning and that whatever you were carrying would pass. In that moment, you tried to kiss me. And I won’t lie — part of me wanted to stay there forever in that second, because it was you. But I also knew I couldn’t let something so important to me happen while you weren’t fully yourself. I wanted something real, something clear, something we could both remember without confusion. So I stepped back. Since that night, I keep wondering about one thing. Not because I regret caring for you, but because I care too much not to wonder: What would have happened if that moment had been different? I don’t know if you ever saw me the way I saw you. Maybe you didn’t. Maybe you couldn’t. But I needed to say this at least once, even if it never changes anything between us. I loved you. I still do, in a way that is quiet but never really leaves. Take care of yourself, Dines. Azra

To me, you'll always be my Cinderella… i love you forever cy.

I don’t know what to write in here. But let’s keep this letter as a confession of unspoken words from me for something between us. I don’t even know if it really happened or it just me being delusional and overreacting of everything between us and actually there’s no answer for those because we couldn’t even speak about it. From now on i knew that you will always choose men so yeah id rather moving backwards and giving distance from you. I have my own feelings and I can’t always be the one who gives so much to you while you’re keep staying in between the grey lines. So it’s okay this time I'm choosing myself because i know and believe that i deserve better for someone who will not make us keep hiding and doubting ourselves. Thank you for everything as you're being a good friend to me through this time and sorry for having this feeling for you even though i know you just saw me as friends nah I don’t want to think or give so much details whatever friendship things happened between us but yeah let’s keep friend as usual as before while i also distancing myself slowly from you :)

Dear you, This shouldn't be the first thing on my mind right now, but when you command my attention you're all I'm able to think about. It's so ironic that when you were telling me about those people that hurt you so badly, one of the things that hurt you the most is not knowing if you were crazy or if they really liked you and it was really real, because that's what you do to me. You send me a song lyric with the slightest hint it might be a message and I listen to it on repeat for days, analysing the lyrics, chest tight with anxiety. Because you make me feel anxious. You make me feel incredibly unsure of myself, and I hate that I cannot truly blame you because it's me who reads into everything you say and do. When you made out with that girl that night, hearing your voice telling me every detail over the phone made me feel sick, my chest tight and fluttery. My world was thrown off its axis for a moment. When I voice messaged you back, I had to keep restarting because of how my voice was shaking. It doesn't make sense - the piercing jealousy, the anxiety of you being with anyone but me, because I know we can't be together. We're just friends, it was ME who asserted that when we talked. I'm sure this is some kind of psychological trick because before you hinted you liked me back in October I don't remember feeling a thing towards you. Sure, we had great chemistry, but when two friends asked if we were a couple it was jarring because I'd never considered that's what it looked like. It was all platonic to me before you got into my head. I remember watching a movie on your bed. You put my arm around you and I remember thinking, I really hope she doesn't think this is something that it's not. A part of me knew. Then my party, and that night where I was so confused by what you were saying, I video ranted to * the next day who told me to keep friend-zoning you. So I did, I tried to, I kept on texting about what a good friend you were, trying to hook you up with girls that wanted you to take them on dates. It didn't work. You kept flirting and it started just being something we did, a part of our dynamic, and slowly I got used to it, less jarred by it. I almost looked for it. Then you sent me that clip, and I freaked out. I understood every word, by the way - when I said how much I loved your chords but couldn't hear the lyrics, I could. They just scared me, so I pretended to be oblivious. I found the fact you were tired of waiting when we had met only months prior insane. I found it flattering, and you slowly crept under my skin. That weekend, when I saw * and you sent me the whole song I cried so much. I listened to it over and over and I sobbed. I didn't know what to do. I would walk to her house listening to your song over and over. No one had ever liked me that much - it was intense, and I felt trapped in a web I didn't fully want to escape from. And it became more and more me as the winter got deeper. I shouldn't have made that, because that alone was leading you on in a way, and a recipe for disastrous overthinking on my part. That's why I overthink every song you send me, and in the last holiday as soon as you added to it, I was ready for everything to start again. I was so mad at myself, and god was I angry with you. But none of this is fair, you can't read my mind. When we hung out before *'s birthday, that's when my already weakened walls started to crumble, because I had never spoken to someone about relationships so intimately before. It was so intense I thought I was going to cry, and ironically the talk was how I would never be willing to be in a romantic relationship with a friend. You heard me and saw me so well. I felt a sort of guilt because when you said 'we always want what we can't have' I knew you meant me, but you didn't know I knew, you know? I should've talked to you from the start, but even though I tried at the beginning to make it clear it became so comfortable, the flirtatious dynamic we had. After that talk, around Christmas and *, is when I almost allowed myself to imagine. Then everything changed. I started dating *, and then you released that clip. I cried, a lot, again. That's one of the things you don't know about me, the fact I cry quite a bit and that you're the friend whose made me cry the most. The stupid thing is I never liked * how I almost liked you. It made me mad at myself, and I kept lying, trying to convince myself it was a different kind of like, when really there wasn't anything much there at all. If there was it was a lot healthier than what we have - I know you don't mean to, but you make me feel horrible whenever anything happens. Anxious, churning stomach. It would probably hurt you to know you do that to me. You've told me how much I've helped you - to be honest if anything you've hindered me. I wish we could just be friends but our friendship is tainted - we cannot take back the everything and nothing that has happened between us. It makes me wonder if I'll be able to take this friendship into the future. GOD you get to me like no one else does. After *'s party, when you and * were a thing for a week or two I didn't feel good about it. I cried after my second date with * when I got home, and thought more of you than of her. When you gave me the * then looked so flustered by her on the same day I was incandescent with rage. It felt like you were fucking with me for fun, and I was so very angry I didn't want to admit my jealousy of you and perfect, beautiful * So we texted, then we talked. You were head over heels, so you didn't really like me anymore anyway, whatever, its fine, I told myself I was only jealous because of the friendship component, right. Sure. Something like that. After your * with * I tried to be happy, but I wasn't. I knew something was off about her, but also I was jealous. The way you sounded made me feel that tightness in my chest, which I so desperately try to get rid of all the time. Then, it was fucked up. I was trying to be a good friend to you, that's what you needed, that's what we decided on, but still at *'s party I felt drawn to you. This isn't something I could talk to my friends about anymore, its over, was done a while ago. But then you do things like in the holidays, and I'm left wobbling. You're like a drug to me, and the fact our beautiful friendship has been warped in that way makes me feel kind of sick. So I've taken just enough of a step back now. I understand this can't go on, I cannot contribute. But still, if I'm not a delusional mess, you're still hinting. Why? Am I some kind of last resort to you? It stung a little when you assured me you were never physically attracted to me when we talked, even though so many things you did before made it taste like a lie. Either way, if you're truly over it and I'm insane, then you still have a hold on me which is frankly ridiculous. But if you like me, and keep dropping breadcrumbs as if I'm a bird I pray that the universe tells you how much harm its doing to me. I don't know what I want but I promise I don't want this - constantly unsure, always second guessing and overthinking about what you truly mean. All I can do is try and break the habits and be a good friend to you, because that's what you need. I love you with all my heart, and you are such an important friend to me, and I want to keep that. Hopefully sending this will break the cycle, and release all of this energy that neither of us really need. Wish you the best.