Archive

What happened is not really about hate or anger. It’s more about how everything made me feel.!! There was a time u said u wanted us to stop doing certain things, and even though it was hard at first because I used to disturb u about it, I eventually controlled myself and genuinely moved on from it. I stopped asking because I respected ur decision.!! That’s why the day we had that issue and later resolved it, when you brought it up again and told me to off my light, it confused me. After I did, u suddenly said you weren’t ready for it again and ended the call. I won’t lie, that affected me mentally because it felt like my emotions were being played with a little. I had already trained myself to stop asking for those things, so when it got brought back again only to be taken away immediately, it made me feel like my feelings could just be controlled anytime.!! I know maybe u didn’t mean it that way, but that moment changed how I started looking at things. That’s why I feel it’s better for us to just be normal close friends. I still respect you and I don’t hate you at all, I just want a healthier space emotionally.!!

Dear Hana I miss you very much I hope that you can come visit soon

Hellooo, my love !! I know na hindi ikaw nabadtrip nang sobra kanina so you might ask yourself right now kung why ako gumagawa ng ganito ngayon — it’s simply because I wanna appreciate your patience kanina and nakita ko talaga na you are trying. Thank youuu for changing baby, not in a bad way, pero sa paraan na kung saan natutulungan ikaw to become the best version of yourself and super duper proud ako sayoooo. Lagi mo ‘yan sha naririnig sakin kasi totoo namann Nainlove ikaw sa love language yung words of affirmation sooo ‘wag ka magsasawa basahin tuwing nag gaganito ako plz !! tho alam kong almost 2 months pa lang tayo, pero rest assured na never ako magsasawang gawan ka ng mga ganitooo. Love na love kita, my loveeee and ‘wag ikaw maghanap ng palo mag mage plsz. Tanggap ko pa siguro kung guy siya pero kapag girl, bye iiyak talaga aqu. Ma w-winstreak din tayo okaayy !! Tiwala langz. Ikaw ang best gold ko alwayss. Sending virtual hugs and super daming kissss

The devil couldn't reach me, so he made everyone see the softest part of my soul. Just to walk through them like a door. I look down at the blood I blamed myself for, After blaming myself for someone elses problems. I can never speak without it turning against me, Calling me annoying, Sensitive, Loud. But I am just as strong as anyone else, but I can never find the words to express that. No one listens anymore, They making me feel terrible just for speaking my mind, Or turn my words into something rude just to give another reason to hate me. Trust me I'm trying my hardest for you, No matter how many times you go running to my friends to talk crap about me. I'll find out sooner then later. Sometimes I feel like being myself is a crime I comitted, Like I need to tie my tongue down just to keep you happy. People held my hand, while teaching me it was so hard to keep loving me. Why is it I can't shut up? Every word I say is turned into pieces of sand, And walked all over. I am walking on egg shells, and I don't know where to jump. The devil couldn't reach me, So he made everyone see the kindest parts of my soul. Just to walk right through them.

I recently found this song kita kita by the 7th, it's been a while since we've talked and there's a chance you won't even really see this so... I've just been thinking about you a lot recently. And the song kinda reminded me of the first time i saw you, you already know how the story goes i told you twice. I know it's not your usual genre– but "Kita na kita" im thinking about how i should've said that to you when things were good between us. You don't know it and it's a little creepy but– i always see you, way before we even started talking kita kita. I saw the way you had a habit of being touchy with your friends– your silly antics, your cute laugh. Till know i feel like you're haunting me, yuri became a common name to me i see it everywhere. I'm insane– absolute mad in the head because, i kinda knew you were using me yet i still see you. Kita kita, always. It'll be our last year in the same school.. I'm not even sure if I'll ever see you often like how I'm used to. I'm here, and you don't know it i hope someway somehow you know that despite the amount of people that talk bad about you- nothing will change, kita kita. I see you, i see you trying your best, i see you doing what you think is best, i see you trying be happy, i see you being you and no matter what, kita kita. "Sana makita mo rin na kita na kita" 3:23 - timestamp.

hello sino to

I don’t like you anymore but i don’t hate you anymore either. to be honest i think the only reason i hated you so much for awhile was because you hated me. i mean i get why i guess it’s just did you have to pretend to be my best friend for 6 months while i revolved my life around you. i wont say i was a great friend neither of us were but i hated you because i was mad that after everything i loved you i loved you more than anything and you loved him that stupid dude. you met him through me and i was mad when you started dating and i tried you hide it but i think you knew that but didnt understand that i wasn’t jealous of you i was jealous of him. for months i miss the way we cuddled as friend and how we used yr airpods and every night i would fall asleep to yr playlist. every song i never cared for or didn’t like became the only thing i could listen to once you said you liked it. and we were so opposite yet so alike i thought it could work but i was yr bestfriend (kinda) and you were mine and that’s it. id never tell you how much i missed the platonic affection we shared through hugs and cuddles because im ashamed that part of me wished it was real and im sorry

I know you’ll never see this but i’m crying right now, and i’ll continue crying until I die most likely since i’ve been crying for a while. My heart isnt where it’ supposed to be, you support ideas that I don’t want anything to do with and vise versa and to be honest so many of these ideas hurt me in a way that’s too deep for you too understand. You say you love me, but you want people like me to die. You say i’m perfect no matter what but you also say that if I don’t have kids i’m wasting my time. I want to make you two proud, I want you guys to feel like it was worth all the effort and stress but I don’t know if I can hide it any longer. I know if I tell you, everything will go to shit, but is it really that selfish of me to not want to live the rest of my life constantly lying to you? I make jokes about it in front of you and the most positive response i’ve gotten so far is a chuckle, the problem though was that you we’re laughing at them, saying they aren’t old enough to make these decisions, but when are people old enough? You have friends who you talk about behind their backs because they’re like me, just openly- and that’s wrong but I don’t say anything. She knew in high school, how come I can’t? Most know at 15, i’ve known since 13, and even though you keep trying to “protect” me and only show me things that aren’t too revealing of people like me, I still know. You can shame a person in front of me but their idea’s will never be taken from me. We all know that. In all you’ll never know, because I love you too much to hurt you, and i’m too scarred to see what you’ll do once you know. Not that you’ll hurt, I just don’t know if i’ll ever be ready to remind you that your baby girl isn’t a baby anymore.

Dear Ismu, I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm apologizing for, but I wish our friendship was stronger. I wish we could've gone back to those old days, where everything felt so fleeting, but most of all I wish I could understand what went wrong. Now I think of you everyday and I wonder if you think of me too, I wonder if you think of how long it has been since we called, or when was the last time we met in person. Wish I could be there for you right now. Being a long distance buddy with you isn't going to well on my end. Imagine the chances of you finding this lolol :p -Numi

Dear Fayez, I think one of the biggest regrets I carry is leaving without saying goodbye. And sometimes I wonder if you hated me for that. Or maybe you waited for me to come back while I kept pretending I was okay walking away from someone I loved so deeply. The truth is, I was not okay at all. There were so many things I wanted to say, but I was afraid of my own feelings. Afraid that if I spoke to you one more time, I would stay. So I disappeared instead, and I know that must have hurt you. You were never just a phase to me. You were my first love, the person who knew my heart from miles away. Even now, after all these years, a part of me still feels guilty for ending our story. I told myself to move on. I tried. I remember you told me that I should find someone better than you and is worth my time. I really did. I found someone who treats me good, someone who stays, someone who tries. But a part of me is still looking for you in everything he does. And I feel so guilty for that because I don't have a choice. It's like choosing reality or I'll keep fantasizing that we will meet one day.. that your family will like me.. that we will have our dream family. He is good to me… but sometimes I still wish it was you. I wish it was you loving me. I wish it was you choosing me everyday.. staying with me. I wish you fought for me the way I always hoped you would. And you knew that. I'm sorry.. I'm really sorry but I think we're better off this way. I wanted you to fight for me, Fayez. I wanted to feel like losing me would matter enough for you to hold on tighter. I got tired of carrying the relationship alone while pretending I was still happy. Leaving you was not easy for me. It felt like tearing my own heart apart and forcing myself to live without it. But staying was hurting me too. And I did not know which pain was worse anymore. I need you here with me because I only love you and it hurts seeing someone new who is not you.. but It doesn't matter now right? You'll move on right? I know you'll find a great woman whom your family will love. If I could go back, I would thank you for everything.. for every moment you made me feel loved. I would tell you that leaving you was one of the hardest things I ever did. And God knows I don't want to do that. I want you to know that I never stopped thinking of you. I never stopped caring. Maybe in another life, we met at the right time. Maybe in another world, we were less broken, we were less complicated. Maybe there, we finally got the ending we used to dream about. But in this life, all I can do is carry the memory of you with me. Not as something I regret loving, but as someone who once became my whole world. I hope this letter will reach you, and I hope that someday when you read it, you will have already become the person you always wanted to be. Fayez, I want to say this for one last time. I love you, infinity. — Angela

kalau bukan dia, maka tidak akan ada lagi. Firstlv from. 2010 - Now

Betu, come here. I know that you are परेशान and unable to handle the pressure, things are becoming difficult for you, and no one is truly understanding what you are going through. You wish that your loved ones would understand your pain and your worries, but every time you end up feeling disappointed. Betu, I am with you in every way. I will give you reasons to smile and won't let you stay worried. Just to hear your laughter and make you smile, I will find some way to make you feel better. Betu, don't worry, everything will be alright

送礼 (Gift Giving) 一般都是去别人家的时候，要带礼物 It's customary to bring a gift when visiting someone's home 送礼物也是有讲究的 There are specific rules and etiquette when it comes to giving gifts 不同场面都要送不同的东西 Different occasions call for different types of gifts 一般都要送食品或者饮料 Food and drinks are generally appropriate gifts 苹果代表平安，一般都是过年过节的时候送的 Apples symbolize peace and safety, and are commonly given during the New Year and holidays 还有不能送的 There are also things you should never give as gifts 不能送钟，尤其是给老人 Never give a clock, especially to elderly people 人死了，把人送走的时候就叫送终 Seeing someone off when they die is called "送终" (sòng zhōng) 终和钟读音很相似，所以送钟表是不好的 "终" (zhōng, end/death) sounds very similar to "钟" (zhōng, clock), making clocks a bad omen 不能送鞋 Never give shoes as a gift 送鞋就等于送走 Giving shoes implies you are "sending someone away" or out of your life 不能送药 Never give medicine as a gift 那就像是跟他们说他们有病 It implies that you think the recipient is sick 如果有人要搬家时: If someone is moving into a new home: 不要送刀 Do not give knives 如果伤到人了，在新家里见血时不吉利的 If someone gets hurt, seeing blood in a new home is considered very bad luck 唐朝 (Tang Dynasty) 唐朝算是中国历史中的一个最高点 The Tang Dynasty is considered one of the greatest peaks in Chinese history 从618 到 907年 It lasted from 618 to 907 AD 唐高祖建立的唐朝 The Tang Dynasty was founded by Emperor Gaozu 后来在690年，武则天被立为皇后；她算是中国唯一一个皇后 In 690, Wu Zetian was crowned empress — she is considered China's only female emperor 唐朝的首都一开始是长安（现在的西安），后来在904年变成了洛阳 The capital was originally Chang'an (modern-day Xi'an), and later moved to Luoyang in 904 中国文化在唐朝时变得非常繁华 Chinese culture flourished greatly during the Tang Dynasty 中国两个非常有名的诗人，李白和杜甫，就是在唐朝生活的 Two of China's most celebrated poets, Li Bai and Du Fu, lived during the Tang Dynasty 印刷术，中国的一个四大发明，就是在唐朝时发明的 Printing, one of China's Four Great Inventions, was developed during the Tang Dynasty

I loveyou very very much, I hope we stay together forever

Hi, I'm sorry for everything I've put you through. You win—i love you. I hate making you wait like this. I know silence can hurt more than words sometimes, and the thought of being the reason behind your pain quietly breaks me too. But I’m helpless right now. My mind feels like a room full of noise, and I need time to sit with myself and understand who I am becoming before I hold someone else’s heart properly again. Please don’t think your love went unnoticed. You stayed beside me even when I was difficult to understand, even when I pushed you away without meaning to. And no matter what happens between us, I will always carry gratitude for that. Thank you for loving me with patience when all I did was push you away. Thank you for staying on days I felt impossible to stay for. I’m sorry…but I can’t date you right now. And trust me, if love alone was enough, I would’ve chosen you in every lifetime without hesitation. I love you more than my words know how to hold, and maybe that’s exactly why this hurts so much. I don’t want to lose you. The thought of you slowly fading into someone I used to know terrifies me more than I can explain. But I’m standing at a cruel place in my life where every choice feels like betrayal. If I choose you now, I betray myself. But if I choose myself, then it feels like I’m betraying you…and the love we built with trembling hands. And maybe that’s the tragedy of this. Not that I stopped loving you—but that I love you while still not knowing how to keep you without losing myself in the process. -A

yeahhh tertipuu wkwkwkw, mau buat letter nulis tangan tapi bingung ngasihnya kapann tarr yaa kalo kakak dan nia tidak sibukk nia buatin letter yg banyakkk🤟🏻🤟🏻 kakakkkk, makasih sudah menjadi alasan nia untuk terus berkembang ee mungkin bagi kakak nia terlalu lebayy tapii nia suka sekalii nia jadi versi terbaikk gara gara kakak🫨🫨🫨 kaloo kakak ga nyaman dengan nia yg kebanyakan long text maapinnn dan bilang ajaa pliss, bilang kakak maunya nia ngasih effort dalam bentuk apa okayyyy makasii kakk di awal kakak sudah menanggapi nia dengan baikk, kalo kemaren kakak ga memulai kayanya entah sampe kapan nia berani buat memulai heheeee maapp jugaa kalo nia kayak anehh kakkk, kaloo nia sering minta kakak buat bikin alasan bahagia itu karena nia mauu kakak juga merasa di dunia ini ga melulu hitam dan putihh… eee apa lagi ya, oh iyaa kakkk jangan sungkannn ngerepotin aku pliss aku suka bangett kalo berguna buat kakak ya meski ga terlalu berguna at least bisa membantu dikittt😔😔 #repotin aku dengan semua tentangmu ituuu hehee duh kesannya kayak maksa banget tapi gmn yaa aku pun bingung wkwk terakhirr “sekalipun kau mengaku terbentuk dari tujuh batang bara neraka, kesialan dan petaka maka tetap akan ku cintai” cihhh sok puitis part kesekian

i ♥ u （＾-＾）

Bismillah, Pejam celik pejam celik… dah setahun rupanya kita, sayang 🥺🤍 Honestly, if someone told me last year that we would still be here today, still growing more in love with each other as days go by, still choosing each other more and more despite everything? I think I would cry the same way I’m crying now writing this for you. And one thing I’ll always appreciate about you is how you never fail to express your love for me. You know how much reassurance and words of affirmation mean to me, and even though sometimes kena bebel sikit baru buat HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, most of the time you do it sincerely out of your own heart. Out of your love for me. You never make me feel like I’m “too much” for needing affection and reassurance. Instead, you keep showing up for me in the ways that make me feel loved, seen, and secure. And honestly, I don’t think you realize how much comfort that gives me 🥺 And honestly, I don’t think the problem was ever about you finding it hard to love me. If anything, I think the harder thing for you was convincing yourself that maybe I deserved better than you. Dulu, most of the time we fight, somehow the first thing you do is call yourself toxic, or think leaving me would protect me more than staying. But sayang… I never saw you that way. I never saw you as someone who wanted to hurt me or ruin me. I know the way your mind works. You think too much about our safety, my safety, my feelings, and especially my happiness. Every decision you make always comes from a place of care, even if sometimes the delivery isn’t perfect. And that’s why I trust you so much. When you advise me about things like my clothes, tudung, or anything else, I never see it as you trying to control me or dim my light. I see it as someone who genuinely wants to protect the woman he loves in the best way he knows how. Someone who worries. Someone who cares deeply. Someone who carries responsibility in his heart even when he acts like he’s okay. That’s why no matter how many times you call yourself “toxic,” my heart still refuses to believe it. Because toxic people don’t spend sleepless nights thinking whether they’ve hurt someone they love. Toxic people don’t constantly worry about their partner’s wellbeing more than their own ego. Toxic people don’t try this hard to become better after every mistake. Thank you for staying. Thank you for never giving up on us even during the moments where things became difficult. Through every misunderstanding, every tears, every overthinking, every difficult conversation, kamu tetap pilih untuk stay and work things out with me instead of walking away. And I don’t think you realize how much that means to someone like me, sayang. 💓 Before this, I was never really good at expressing disappointment or hurt. Bila saya merajuk, bila terasa hati, most of the time saya akan diam, simpan sendiri, or cry until I couldn’t even explain what I was feeling. Speaking up for myself was something so difficult for me because all my life, I never really had the space to fully let my feelings out. But you? You changed that so gently. You never forced me. You followed my pace with so much patience and love. Slowly, because of your encouragement and reassurance, I started learning how to communicate my feelings instead of burying them inside. And honestly? I don’t think I’ve ever been this emotionally honest and vulnerable with anyone else other than you. And maybe one thing you don’t know is; every time saya terasa hati dengan kamu, a part of me always wants to pull away. I’ll tell myself to keep distance, to stop showing affection, to rebel quietly like “fine, kalau kamu tak nak saya ngada2 lagi ni, then I’ll stop.” I always try to protect my pride and act like I don’t care that much. But somehow… I never succeed doing it with you. Because no matter how hard I try to stay upset, you always know how to soften my heart and win me over again and again. You somehow always understand what my heart is silently crying for, even when I can’t explain it properly myself. And you give it to me so gently. There were times where saya nak stop merajukk because I felt guilty, like maybe you were tired of handling me already. But every single time you comfort me, every time you speak softly to me, every time you reassure me with so much patience and tenderness, it brings out the little child in me that only ever wanted to be loved softly. The part of me that wants to be pampered, to be comforted, to be seen, to be understood, and to be accepted without feeling like a burden. And somehow, with you, I never feel “too much” for needing love. You hold my emotions so carefully, and I think that’s why my heart keeps finding its way back to you no matter what 🤍 You bring out the best in me in the softest, most loving way possible, and I swear that’s one of the reasons why I keep falling harder and harder for you every day, my star 🤍 There were moments where maybe you didn’t realize your actions hurt me, but what matters most to me is; you learned. Not drastic changes overnight, not pretending to become someone else, but the little efforts. The small changes. The way you try to understand me better every single time. I see all of it, sayang. And I appreciate. every. single. one. Thank you sebab tak pernah berkira dengan saya. Thank you sebab selalu sabar dengan perangai saya, my whining, my brattiness, my overthinking, my emotional outbursts. Thank you sebab tahu macam mana nak tenangkan saya when I’m overwhelmed, when I’m crying too hard to even speak properly, when my emotions become too much for me to handle alone. Thank you for sitting beside me and listening to everything. My complaints, my tears, my anger, my fears, all my bad sides and all my good sides too. You made me feel heard. You made me feel safe. You made me feel loved in ways I never knew I needed. And only Allah knows how hard I pray for us. I pray that Allah will always protect our hearts, soften our flaws, strengthen our love, and guide both of us on the same path. Till Jannah right sayang? insyaAllah, aamin 🤍 Happy first anniversary, my one and only, Najmi. I’m so proud of us. And if there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that no matter how many days, months, or years pass, I will still keep choosing you, again and again. I LOVE YOU SHOOO MUCHHH SAYANGGG!!! 🥰🥰🥰💓💓💓💓 MWAHHHHH!!! 💋💋💋💋💋💋

Happy birthday Papa!! I love you so much !🩷💓💓 May you live a long life and have fun everyday 🥳

It's hard feeling like that. I know it is. But you are incredible. Because if you look up to the sky, I can guarantee you'll never find a star that shines as bright as you.