Confession

If only you knew...

I met this guy through a friend we both broke of bc of toxic reasons; he kept sharing his feelings about me, and I started liking his company, even started to wait for the next time we would talk. Today he un-added me and then left the gc. We are both in; I'm confused about what to do. Why do I care? Why? I feel like I shouldn't care, but I think I do. I hope I get some advice or a message from the universe.

Drag me through the dirt cut me to the bone Leave me for dead and laugh your way back home I'd still be smiling, like a madman in the rain And I would love you just the same.

I am sorry, I pushed you away again and again and when its turn to finally let you go it has become really difficult to do so, you have probably moved on which is a good thing but I can't, even with the distance between us I felt we could work it out, but it did not. I felt really bad to not wish you on your birthday, it has been several months and I feel like I don't even know you anymore. I wish the best for you, I really do. I don't even know if we will talk again but I am sorry for everything, I gave a thought to our relationship and how it went over the course of these several past years and I feel majority of the times I ran away from the conversation which could have easily been solved if i simply communicated, I am sorry I ruined what we had, I don't feel we should be together even if we get another chance I don't think I will change. I really do not know what to say to you or even see you anymore, I can't seem to remember your face, your voice and it feels really empty, but I hope you have moved onto better things in life, I am sorry to not wish you again on your birthday as well but happy belated birthday I guess, wish you nothing but the best.

antes eu não tinha certeza do que eu sentia por você, sei que o nosso passado é meio vergonhoso e que você não gostava de mim no passado, mas mais umavez nós nos encontramos, mais maduros e bem mais diferentes. Sei que foi coisa de Deus nós nos encontrarmos, pois frequentamos a mesma escola denovo, na mesma academia e por pouco quase moramos do lado um do outro. Sei que começo desse ano eu te magoei e também me lembro de quando você me rejeitou mas agora isso é passado, quando tô com você, eu posso falar de qualquer coisa, posso ser quem eu sou, eu dou risada, conversamos sobre tudo mas ainda sim ainda tenho vergonha de olhar nos seus olhos, de olhar pra você, abraçar você, porque sinceramente é muito difícil de acreditar que nós nos encontramos e nos amamos, eu quero que isso dure, quero ficar perto de você todos os dias. Gosto de como você é atencioso, de como cuida de mim, gosto do seu cabelo e dos seus olhos e de como me protege, gosto de como você sabe tudo sobre mim, gosto de como você é compreensivo e de como e um ótimo filho, um ótimo amigo e um ótimo pretendente pra mim. Gosto de estar com você e trocar cada palavra com você, gosto de como é fiel e de como eu posso confiar em você, gosto de como você me faz querer melhorar todos os dias e por fim mas não menos importante eu gosto de você. Você me completa, nossas personalidades são meio opostas mas somos tão parecidos em tudo. Eu não quero que isso acabe, eu nunca pensei que falaria isso mas eu te amo mesmo, eu não queria me apegar. Eu sei que você já teve um relacionamento passado mas porfavor não se lembre mais dela e nem se apaixone por outra pessoa, porfavor olha pra mim e investe em mim, se você não sabe, eu sempre gostei de você mesmo quando fui rejeitada, você foi meu PRIMEIRO AMOR, então porfavor, deixe eu ser pelo menos o seu primeiro AMOR. Eu nunca vou desistir de você, porfavor não muda de opinião e que continue gostando de mim, por que arthur, eu te amo muito e espero que fiquemos juntos até o final de nossas vidas. Que nossos pais aprovem o nosso namoro e depois o casamento, que façamos tudo certo, que nos casemos em uma igreja evangelica bem bonita e que tenhamos 4 filhos, 2 meninos e 2 meninas e um cachorro. E que você possa ser advogado e eu uma médica, que moremos numa casa grande bem bonita e moderna, que nós façamos várias viagens e que nossos pais sejam amigos e os melhores sogros e sogras possíveis. Que nós vivamos uma vida com Deus constante r que sejamos muito felizes e fiéis um ao outro e à Deus, e que nós possamos viver ao lado um do outro até o final das nossas vidas, eu te amo muito mesmo.

The first guy I’ve ever truly liked. We’re in our last year of college now, and likely will never see each other again afterwards due to distance. Our time together has been short. Although we were classmates before college, we never really spoke, a regret that weighs heavy on my heart. I wish I had longer to talk to you. I really admire you; your hobbies, the way you use your hands to express yourself whilst talking, the way you try your hardest, your dreams and passions, your slightly wonky nose, your smile, your laugh even when you don’t find something funny, your kindness, humour, your awkwardness, our similar music, your acting and singing on stage. Everything. I want to know more about you, I feel like I’ve just grazed your surface. I wish I made the most of the time I had with you before, but I didn’t recognise my feelings until it was too late. I now have to try and make the most of these last few bittersweet months. Though the added pressure of it being our last year brings stress. And when Im stressed I become the worst of myself. You’ve seen me anxious, overthinking, rambling, quiet, angry. You’ve almost seen me all. You’ve seen me embarrassed and insecure. To which our interactions just turned out awkward because of my own lack of self esteem. But that isn’t me as a whole. Im rambling now, and I don’t even know if you think of me the same way I think of you. Im not the prettiest, the skinniest, or the best. You’re a deeply admirable person, both looks and personality- the complete opposite of me. You may think of yourself differently but you’re just being humble. I deeply respect you. Last year we spoke when we had class, I hated the way I portrayed myself. When I overthink, I ramble, i get embarrassed, anxious, and the cycle repeats itself. You were giving me mixed signals, which I know for my own sake that I should take as a no, but I can’t stop thinking about you. Sometimes I also think you like her, which I can understand as she is so lovely, but I could never be her. Cliche, sorry. But it’s true. Why pick me when you could have her? Why ruin your chances with her when you can practice your conversations with me and then use it with her? I wish you didn’t do that. But then you used to do the same to me- were you playing it safe? Seeing if it would work to then use on her? I’ve tried to stop thinking about you but I just can’t. In my last year of college I have priorities, and for some reason, you’ve always been and are first. Im kicking myself over the fact I spent most of my summer checking your socials instead of focusing on myself. I couldn’t help it- I missed you, as cringe as that sounds. Your future is bright, and one day you will look back at these days and realise how pitiful of a classmate i was. Im going to change, but this version of me will be remembered by you- not the newer version. Maybe that’s the beauty of it. I give so much of myself to you. I know it’s unfair to expect reciprocity, and there’s also a difference between your intention and capability. You’re an awkward guy, i get it, but if you really do like me give me a sign. Don’t just stare at me. Show interest, talk to me, give me what I give you. I know I sound selfish, but I just wish he felt the same. I say this knowing damn well I wouldn’t want a relationship, especially because it’s the last year there’s no point and because of the distance etc. but for the last year, can we not feel something? If not together? It doesn’t have to be serious- it can be fun? I sound desperate, but I really am. Maybe it’s the PMS😭 I know that our moments are fleeting, and I know that I need to make the most of my time left here. Authentically. I just wish you had more confidence to talk to me. It’s confusing. I want to be able to look back at my time here and think about good memories- they don’t have to be big. I want to remember the first guy I liked, although I may laugh at my current self in the future. That’s in the future though, right now in the present i don’t care what I feel or act- I just know that time goes by quickly. And if I don’t make the most of it I’ll regret it. I know you won’t see this, so this is my confession: I like you, very much so.

You don't know this but I'm not a good partner to you. I love you so dearly and I'm sorry I am this way.

Although I was never entirely demonstrative about my affection for you, I want you to know that you've always been there, that I always appreciated you for all you did, I want you to know that i'm really sorry for making you feel so bad, for leaving like nothing ever happened, I was afraid of messing things up and felt like I've never deserved your love. Yet tonight I'm here to finally tell you that I really love you, I love your hair, I love those shiny eyes, I love your voice, I love your humour, I love how kind you are to everyone, I love the way you sing, I love just the woman you are. I wish you could read this, I hope you do.

I wish I had gotten the courage and actually talked to you.Told you that you never leave my head, and constantly haunt my every day. I wish I could tell you how I got butterflies when I saw you. How you altered my brain chemistry and now I can't see anything the same way. Besides that you deserve to have a good life meet someone even though I know it won't be me based on the obvious of me moving countries (Surprise!!) I couldn't tell you because you surprised me by moving two hours away and didn't tell me. I couldn't say goodbye. But I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason so I guess this is goodbye?

🤍 DAY 1 — THE NIGHT BEFORE YOUR DAY To the boy who deserves to know how special he is… 1 DAY LEFT. ONE MORE SLEEP. AND THEN IT'S YOUR DAY. 🎂 Bhaiyaa… Kal tera birthday hai. Pata hai? 😭🤍 Itna simple sa sentence hai na—kal tera birthday hai. But pata nahi kyun, is baar ye sentence likhte hue bhi alag si feeling aa rahi hai. Maybe because I've been waiting for this day. Maybe because I've spent these last few days trying to find the right words for you. Or maybe because no matter how much I write, there's still going to be so much left unsaid. Tomorrow, everyone will wish you. You'll get messages, calls, wishes, maybe surprises too. You'll smile, laugh, enjoy your day, and hopefully make some beautiful memories. And I genuinely hope you do. But tonight, before your birthday actually begins, I want you to forget about everything else for a moment and think about YOURSELF. Not the person everyone expects you to be. Not the son who has responsibilities, not the friend who has to show up for everyone, not the person who has to act strong or pretend everything is fine. Just you. The boy who's growing up, figuring life out, making mistakes, learning new things, and slowly becoming the person he's meant to be. Bhaiyaa, I hope life is kind to you. I hope the dreams you keep quietly in your heart find their way to you. I hope you get opportunities that make you proud of yourself. I hope you meet people who appreciate your heart, friendships that bring you peace, and moments that remind you how beautiful life can be. And on the days when things don't go according to your plans, I hope you never start believing that you're not doing enough. You're allowed to take your time. You're allowed to make mistakes. You're allowed to have bad days without feeling like you've failed. You're growing, Bhaiyaa. You don't have to have everything figured out already. And I hope you never put so much pressure on yourself to become someone great that you forget to appreciate the person you already are. Because before I wish for you to become somebody in life, I wish for you to be happy being yourself. 🥹 And there's something else I wish for you. I wish that years from now, when you look back at your life, you have more reasons to smile than to regret. I hope you get to do the things you've always wanted to do. I hope you make your parents proud. I hope you achieve things that make the younger version of you feel proud. And I hope that even when life gets serious, you never lose that side of you that laughs at stupid jokes, acts silly over absolutely nothing, and makes ordinary moments memorable. Please don't grow up so much that you forget to enjoy being young, okay? 😭😂🤍 And now comes the part where your little sister gets a little selfish. Bhaiyaa, can I ask you for one thing? When life gets bigger, when your world gets busier, when you have a hundred responsibilities and a thousand new things happening around you… I hope we still find reasons to annoy each other. I hope I can still come to you with the most random stories. I hope I can still tell you about the little things that happened in my day. I hope your achievements will still be something I'll get excited about, even when they're ordinary things to you. And I hope that someday, when we're older and life looks completely different, we'll sit together and laugh about all this nonsense. You'll probably make fun of me for being so emotional about your birthday. And I'll probably remind you that you should be grateful because not everyone gets a sister who puts this much effort into irritating them. 😭😂 But secretly, I hope we'll both know how much these years meant. Because birthdays come every year, but the people who become part of our growing-up years are the ones whose memories we carry into all the years that follow. And I'm really happy that you're part of mine. 🤍 Bhaiyaa, I don't know what this next year has planned for you. I don't know what you'll achieve, what you'll learn, which dreams will come true, or what unexpected turns life will take. But if there's one thing I could wish for you tonight, it would be this: May the coming year give you reasons to be proud of yourself that you haven't even imagined yet. May you find happiness in places you never expected. May you have the courage to chase the things that scare you. May you never feel alone in the difficult moments. And may you always have people around you who celebrate your happiness as genuinely as they stand beside you through your struggles. You deserve a beautiful year, Bhaiyaa. Not just a beautiful birthday. A beautiful year. ❤️ And before I end this little letter, I want you to imagine something. Imagine yourself a few years from now. You're older. You've grown. You've achieved some things, perhaps changed your mind about others, and collected so many stories that today's problems might seem tiny. And somewhere in that future, I hope you'll remember this birthday. Maybe you'll remember the wishes. Maybe you'll remember the gifts. Maybe you'll remember the people who celebrated with you. But I hope you remember this too— That when your birthday was still a day away, someone was sitting there, trying to find words big enough to tell you how much she wished the world would be good to you. Someone was hoping that your next year would be gentler, happier, and full of beautiful surprises. Someone was wishing for your happiness before the celebrations had even begun. And that someone was your little sister. 🥹🤍 Happy almost-birthday, Bhaiyaa. Enjoy your last few hours of being 18. Take a deep breath. Be proud of how far you've come. And walk into 19 knowing that you don't have to be perfect to be loved, and you don't have to achieve everything at once to make your life meaningful. Tomorrow, the world gets another year of you. And I hope this new year of your life gives you a thousand beautiful reasons to love the life you're building. Happy Birthday in advance, mere Bhaiyaa. 🫂❤️ Kal tumhara din hai. Kal saari wishes tumhare naam hongi. But tonight, I just wanted to remind you that your life is worth celebrating—not only because it's your birthday tomorrow, but because you are here, growing, learning, and becoming. And if I could give you one wish that would last longer than any birthday gift, it would be this: May you always find your way back to happiness, no matter how far life takes you from it. 1 DAY LEFT. 🎂🤍 See you at midnight, birthday boy. This is only the beginning.

dearest Lord ive prayed the prayer to remove him from my life if he's not from You and ive received the signs. i like him. a lot. and i think this is going to end well. please. bless me with him. kidus, i think about you. all the time. youre so cuteeee i squeal looking at pictures of that smile ughhhhhh. im head over heels. i thought i got over you when you were (maybe?) dating that girl but apparently not. i cant stop checking your accounts :,) please God work your will in this!!! -h

to any rita out there, i just want to let you know, you'll get through it. trust me. just focused to make yourself grow. ignore anything that has no corellation for your growth for it may only waste your wise time. you're as strong as many rita out there.

times may be tough but remember go beond

gusto ko lang sabihin na sobrang na-aappreciate kita and yung presence mo sa buhay ko kahit may mga time na nagaaway tayo, gusto kong malaman mo na mahalaga ka sakin bilang kaibigan ko na-aappreciate ko kung paano ka mag-alala sakin, mag-care, at kung paano mo pinapaalam sakin na nandiyan ka palagiii, thankful pa rin ako sa lahat ng effort at oras na binibigay mo sakin sana maging maayos lagi ang araw mo at mag-focus ka rin sa mga ginagawa mo salamat sa lahat at mag-iingat ka lagi, malay mo makita mo to :)))

I wanted to say that, i am not good. I am in hospital. I just want you to help me in studies and if it's possible call me daily. I don't know what else to say, Hope you stay healthy unlike me. Goodbye.

How do I tell you you're my first love? You've been my best friend since childhood, so how could I possibly tell you that our friendship has most definitely always been one sided? I've always known im gay, it's not something I've always been in terms with, I always hid it, kind of ashamed of what it could mean for my family. We went to school together but we never spoke, so when i saw you at my cousin's wedding, you came up to me and my cousin and spoke to us, i was nervous for no absolute reason, but we became close and we ran around, we had fun, but that was it. I moved away, miles away and I thought of you all the time, but eventually I got back to the real world and buried you deep in my heart. and just like that fate brought us back to each other. i met you again in my dugsi (quran school), i recognized you in an instant but we didn't talk, we made eye contant a lot of times, you always kept staring, but then again you looked at everyone, i wasn't special. We met again, but in school this time. We were in different classes, but same year. I was new to town and to the school, everyone already knew each other and I felt so out of place, I cried every day in the bathroom, I missed my old place, where I knew everyone for years and was well loved, i missed it. my loneliness didnt last long, thankfully. i sat alone, in the corridors, everyone was at lunch and i was an*rexic at the time, being new and no friends made it even worse. but you approached me, i tried pretending i didnt see you, i looked down at my phone, my heart was at my throat and i felt nauseous because of how nervous i was, but you came up to me, smiling so brightly i felt the world stopping, everything i always saw in my silly kdramas. you said "aren't you the girl in my dugsi?" I didn't stutter, if there's one thing I'm good at, it's pretending. i smiled and said "yeah, i have seen you", we smiled and chuckled and she asked if i wanted to take a walk, we walked and then sat down and talked the whole lunch break. I was screaming inside, I couldn't believe you were talking to me. we became friends instantly after that, there was no way i was letting you go after the universe gave you back to me. you introduced me to your other friends, and through you I reunited with my childhood best friends (still my best friend till today). she was the first person I came out to, using another girl's name, like I always did back then. I used different kids in our school to try and get over you, boys and girls, anyone, but nothing worked. I could never fall in love with anyone else (even till today). I love you so incredibly much, I am willing to wait till you can see me as a potential, I believe we are the right choice for each other, I truly do. I know your type, I know I'm not it, but I believe I could be, I’m gonna do everything I can, I will do everything I can to be the one for you. The universe would not give you to me time and time again just for us to not be each other’s soulmates. And if we are not, if you find someone who you love and loves you, I will always be your best friend, I will support you full heartedly, I mean it. i know im your number one, im your best friend after all but when you look at me, hug me or simply touch me, I don't see you as a friend, I never did. I try hard to meet new people, I go out on dates, I go from talking stage to talking stage, but none feels real. I pull away the moment someone shows any real interest in me, I always thought I was avoidant, or just scared of intimacy, until I realised that I’ve just always wanted you. Knowing you is and will forever be the greatest thing to have happened to me. I don't even want to imagine a life without you, I don't ever want to lose you, just the thought of it brings me to tears. Every part of my life is touched by you, this city, my heart, my future and thoughts, mind, everything I am is because of you. I was so ready to give up and give in and you held my hand through it all, you didn’t question, you were you, your kind, thoughtful, mindful, and beautiful self, I am forever thankful and grateful to you. I am so thankful to have grown up beside you. 13 years of us. Fifi and Safi. two peas in a pod. Whether it is us as an end game or us as bridesmaids for each other, I still do, and will always want you in my life. i love you.

Hey, I've been increasingly dreaming more about you and I genuinely don't know why. Because of that, I think I've developed feelings for you. And this infatuation has caused me to appreciate the little things about you more. The fact that you are just so honest, cheerful and notice the things that most people would look past. The fact that you CARE. I don't know if I should delete these feelings or stick with it but I've been praying about this. However, not gonna lie, it does hurt at the thought of you having a liking to anyone other than me. I'm just going to hope everything goes well for the both of us and Allah s.w.t will take care of the rest. Meanwhile, you should get the hint by now >:/

I’ve done the worst you could ever imagine of I know. I don’t know what led me to do that I’ve ruined so much Our friendships Our future Our mental health I’m so so sorry for what I’ve done to you two

Happy Boyfriend’s Day to someone who means so much to me. ❤️ You’ve brought so many beautiful moments into my life, and I’m truly grateful for every little memory we’ve shared. Your kindness, your support, and simply having you around make my days feel a little brighter. I hope you always know how special and appreciated you are. Wishing you a day filled with happiness, because you deserve it. 🫶✨

I don’t know why I keep snooping. It’s wrong. All I find is stuff that makes me sad, but you’re not doing anything wrong. You love me honestly and I love you crookedly. I’m sorry I won’t be brave enough to tell the truth.