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Верь в себя :)

I'm in love at the way the pull you had on me is GONE.

I'll never look at Nottinghamshire the same again.

helloo baobao kooo,august is officially over and honestly i just really needed to text you this before i fall asleep HWAHAHHAHA. I’ve been thinking about you and everything you went through this whole month, and I couldn't let tonight pass without saying congrats. like fr, sobrang proud ako sa’yo, super duper. you survived august, which was basically a free trial of pure chaos HWUAHHAHA, and I know for a fact na hindi talaga naging madali lahat para sa'yo. ​I know there were so many days where everything just felt like too much and your brain was probably at 1% battery. those moments when you were just so tired, drained, and lowkey wanted to just throw your phone into the ocean and disappear (pls don't though, sino na lang magrereply sa'kin? HAHAHAHA). but look at you now, still here, still cute, and somehow standing. going through all that stress wasn't easy at all, pero kinaya mo pa rin. even on days when you felt like you weren't doing enough, you still tried your best. that kind of strength is honestly super attractive, not gonna lie. ​you probably don't even realize how much you’ve overcome, pero trust me, I saw it. I saw how hard you tried even when things got super heavy. we get so busy trying to survive every day that we forget to give ourselves credit, so please, stop for a second and appreciate yourself. surviving this month is a huge deal, kaya proud na proud talaga ako sa’yo baobao kooo. ​and okay, fast forward to the sweet part HAHAHA, I just wanted to remind you na you’re literally my favorite person. like, I hate seeing you stressed, but seeing you fight through everything just reminds me of how special you are to me. you bring so much happiness into my life (and you tolerate my weirdness HWUAHHAHA), so you genuinely deserve all the peace and good vibes right neow. ​now that september is starting, please let yourself breathe a bit. leave all the overthinking and the bad days of august in the trash where they belong. step into this new month knowing you’re stronger now, pero sana tandaan mo rin na hindi mo kailangang buhatin lahat mag-isa..... mostly because you have me to annoy you and help you out. ​I’m always here for you, period. whether you need someone to listen to you vent, someone to hang out with, or just someone to sit in silence with, I’m not going anywhere. ​get some good sleep tonight, okay? you did so, so well this month. super grateful for you baobao koo, goodnightttt. Loveyahh💖🫶🏽🥰

My dear Noman, you might think that I don't think about you anymore or I don't love you anymore, but the truth is quiet opposite. You're still the one my heart yearns for. Why do we have to be so far from each other !!

hey red, let me tell you my birthday wish; its you, you are my bday wish, sounds impossible, right? idk too, i just want to be with you on the day of my bday, and ill always wish and wish for you even its not my bday.

hey red, im trying so hard to move on but i js cant, every part of me wish for usto be more than what we are rn. i dont like the idea of moving on, knowing theres a part of me that wants to be with you, a part of me that wished we could try, a part of me that is yearning for us to try. ik its hard bcs we're friends, and we see each other like our own sibling, and thats the thing im regretting the most; falling inlove with my own best friend. ihyk one day if youre ready na, im still here waiting for you, and ill always will until i dont find any reasons left to wait for you. im sorry, and thank you for everything, my protein guy.

I literally cannot believe you made me smell your pussy finger in front of our son. What the fuck is wrong with you baby?

I used to really love your name, it was unique, it has a beautiful meaning, and most especially.. it's you. But now, it gives a sharp pain, a sting that's not easy to get rid of. We had a beautiful thing, in span of 850 days, 20,376 hours, 73,353,600 seconds. How did everything change? How did the man who used to cry abt the thought of losing me or ever hurting me suddenly just vanished as if he never existed? The man who comforted me through anything, my nightmares, my cries.. became the cause of my pain? My sweet, loving, caring man who makes sure I'm alright, that it's all okay and I'm doing well just didn't care about me on one random day. The man who promised that it's us against the world suddenly told me he does not want to fix what we had anymore, that he has already moved on. The man who I told about my fears because of my past relationships, the man who knows how much I loathed cheating.. that man cheated on me. Never I have ever thought that it would end between us, bcs of how you make everyday feel like there would be forever for us. Never have I ever thought that the reason that we'd be strangers again was because you betrayed me, you lied to me, you did not choose to tell me everything despite you knowing I would understand it all. Baobei, how did you become so cruel? I hope you know how much I loved you, and I'd be lying if I say that I have gotten rid of that. I gave you everything I could, and funny enough, I'm still willing to wait and start it all over again for us, give us another chance if only you would come and let go everything, be in my arms again. Bcs Jabez, I still believe in you, that one day I am praying that you would be man enough to know the weight of what you have caused, that you can apologize to me with the sincerity I have seen in you before, the genuineness that the Jabez that loved me has. I don't know if you'll ever come across this, but just know that I'm still that woman who loves you for who you are, that I'm here when you decide to actually want to fight for something precious to you. I pray that deep down in your heart, it really isn't just like that for us, that you still want and need us, that us always. You're the worst type of pain and I hope that I am for you too, or that just means you never really did mean everything we just had. I wish it just made me mad at you, that I can be mad at you or ever hate you but no, I don't think so at all. My light, come back to the path we've built if you ever think of us, alright?

I miss u aloottt

Hey pradakshina , First of all I am sorry for everything.I wish I could get back class 5 u back. But u love 'k' now ughhh it really hurts when you talk about her. I miss you so much . Do you remember the chocolates we gave each other? And how we used to spend the entire break time together. U were so close to me and I fucked up big time. I know you crushed on me my friend 'S' told me. But even if u did not ur sisterly love was enough. I want u but life has been so unfair to me that I am scared to even say u tis directly. I want to hug u. Few months are left and I have realised it's too late now ....u don't know how much I regret. But thank you for being such a wonderful part of my life. U will always have a special corner in my heart...idk after 10 I'll even see u again or not but just know u are important to me ( atleast now) . I love you and I will miss ur pretty smile and u alot . And just know I am always rooting for you from afar even though u may not recognise me after few years only. May u get the best stuff always and yeah I love you.

Heyy Rhythimm🐣🌻, Just wanted you to know that whatever you've been through or whatever's on your mind, you can always talk to me about it. You never have to hide your thoughts or pretend you're okay around me. I won't judge you, I'll just listen. And honestly, you're a really nice guy, so don't ever let your past make you think otherwise. 💫

dear theju i write this to you to speak abt stuffs that i cdnt thru mail ... fallin from a building hurts , getting beaten hurts , accident hurts but nothing hurts as much as being not with u ......ik im the most hated person in ur life rn and i deserve it i rlly wished the opposute but ig this is what i deserve ....im not chasing u but i chassed long enough to fell down as im a spinless ss u told ... when i close my eyes ntohing comes not the hurtful stuffs not the issues nothing its jus you ur laugh smile face voice the moments we have been i was rlly hurted when u said i was equal to to the person who gave u nughtmares theja i was the one who helped u thru it i heard it made u laugh made u happy safe ya thats righ i did all that those wer the bes moments of my life the way i talked to u the way i cared made apps do u rmember u used to sleep to my stories like a baby and i used tos stay awake for hours incase u have a nightmare i rmemeber all of it all the good moments the penquin bussiness the evrything i rlly love u i miss u i wanna talk more but ig limit

Love u dear friend

good morning, nicz: ) it's been three weeks and somehow, i still find myself thinking about everything that happened between us. i still miss you. i don't think that's something i need to be ashamed of. u became such a big part of my life, and getting used to not having you around isn't something that happens overnight. there are still moments when i want to tell you something about my day or when something reminds me of you. i don't regret loving you or giving us a chance. what we had was real, and you made me feel understood, cared for, and safe to be myself. maybe we just weren't ready to make enough space for each other while chasing our own dreams. i wanted you to be my last, but sometimes loving someone means knowing when to let go. three weeks later, i still miss you, but i'm learning to move forward while being grateful that i got to love you. take care always, nico. i love you baby.

i know you’re still mad about everything that’s going on and your reaction is valid, you’re supposed to have a relaxing weekend since you’ve been occupied with exams, gardening and the competition and i see how much effort, time, energy, and heart you’ve poured and i worry about you, i always will. i know how there are days where you feel like everyone is getting on your nerves, and right now you’re allowed to be angry and frustrated. but even if you dont feel like talking to anyone, i still want you to know that you never have to be anything other than yourself with me. i won’t take your anger as a reason to leave. i want to be the person you can lean on when everything feels too heavy. you work so hard, and i really want you to know that I see you. im really proud of you for how much of yourself you continue to give even when you’re exhausted. so if you ever feel like you have to carry everything alone, please remember that you have me. you can be mad at the whole world and still come home to me. i’ll always be here for you. you’ll never be too much for me, baby. i’ll still love you with all my heart.

Hi, There’s something I’ve been wanting to say, not because I expect anything from you, but because I think I need to say it for myself. I never really had the courage to talk to you openly about how I felt. Maybe because I knew you weren’t comfortable with serious conversations, or maybe because I was afraid that whatever I said wouldn’t change anything. We broke up for a painful reason. You cheated on me, and that hurt me more than I ever know. You never told me who she was, but eventually, I found out. I knew about her, and for a long time, I carried so much anger toward both of you. Even when I later heard about what happened in her life, a part of me still felt angry. I told myself, “That’s her karma,” and sometimes I even wished bad things would happen to you. I’m not proud of that, but I want to be honest. I was hurt, and I didn’t know how to let go of that pain. But now, after all this time, I realize that I don’t want to carry that anger anymore. When we started talking again and became friends, I realized that I still had some feelings for you. I don’t really know what to call them. I enjoy talking to you, and there’s still a familiar comfort in having you around. But I also know that I don’t want to be your girlfriend again. And strangely, even though I don’t want to be with you, I still don’t like the thought of seeing you with someone else. Maybe it’s jealousy. Maybe it’s my ego. Maybe it’s the part of me that still wonders whether I was ever good enough for you. I used to think that maybe I wasn’t pretty enough, good enough, or worth fighting for. I compared myself to the women you were with and wondered what they had that I didn’t. But I don’t want to think like that anymore. Your choices were never a measurement of my worth. I don’t want to keep stalking your social media, wondering who you’re flirting with or who you might be interested in. I don’t want to keep looking for answers in places that only make me hurt myself. It’s exhausting, and I know I deserve better than constantly questioning my own worth. So this isn’t me asking you to come back. It isn’t me asking for an explanation, an apology, or another chance. I think this is me finally choosing myself. I’m grateful for the good memories we had, even though the ending was painful. I’m also grateful for what this experience taught me, even if I had to learn it the hard way. I don’t know what the future holds, and maybe someday we can genuinely be friends without all these complicated feelings. And I hope I finally find my peace.

I'm sorry i never got the guts to apologize and to talk to you. I never really wanted to not talk but it just happened and its mainly my fault, I just wish I could be braver to speak my feelings. If I'm being honest I've always been incredibly jealous of you and your family but I'm embarrassed about it. When we were younger and I saw you with a cool phone, wearing what you wanted and having boyfriends it was so cool to me but you and the others always ingored me and I grew to be mad at you but I didn't mean it. I still think you're so cool and pretty and a little jealous of you still but I'm older and I realize now that thats just how it is for me and I notice the little commentsyour mom's says(she's upset that she's close to my sister and not to me and keeps trying to win me over with things but she already won me over and I try to show it), I'm not close to you guys but its okay. I still love and think about you guys. One day, I'm going to tell this to you in person and I'm going to apologize.

I wish u didn’t think I don’t care, I’ll always love you

A valley of sorrow flourishes deep within the confines of my heart. And in that valley, bound to a deprived, dark, and dingy corner, stands a mournful-looking cottage that reeks of rot. This cottage is so nihilistically grey that it’s hard to believe it’s made of muscle and blood. It’s grey like my memory of you—pale and venomous. Yet, it reminds me of a time when life was idyllic—first loves are like that, aren’t they? It was my love that brought us together. It was my love that broke us apart. You vehemently denied feeling that feeling for me while I unravelled—because what’s worse than love that’s unrequited? LOVE. Falling is so easy. But getting out, well… a thousand years might not be enough when you’re trapped. For the longest time, I believed I must bear the punishment for falling in love with you. It’s the least I deserved for bringing this unrequited curse upon myself. I was the one who chased you after all. And so for me, it was bliss while it lasted and torture ever since. But what is love if not fleeting? But you know what else is fleeting? Sanity! When you alluded to the “touch of insanity” in an email aeons ago, I assumed it was the writer in you waxing poetic. I let my reasons be back then, swept away whatever was left of you from my mind. So imagine learning—eight years later nonetheless—that you might have actually gone mad in the years since we parted ways. Over a girl that you worked with! HAA! Like Alanis once said, "Isn’t it ironic?" LOVE. Fleeting love… And finally, you know what it costs. To feel something for someone who discards you like yesterday’s news. I hope that stings. Eleven years, Shrey. For eleven years I have carried you within me, like a penance that must be paid. You’re like a wound that never heals, and I am beside myself trying to stop the bleeding. I had this firm belief that at least you got out unscathed, your life now a blank canvas that you would have painted with colours of joy and prosperity. A wife perhaps. Lovely children. A car. Luxurious holidays to the beach. A thriving career where you satisfied your creative cravings. I hoped the best for you. The more I struggled with the trauma of how you left, the happier I imagined you. Because at least then, this festering, rotting hole in my heart would have been worth it. And then today, in a random stroke of eff-all luck, my penance was over. Because someone told me about your last days at that office. For thirty minutes I heard the harrowing tale of how you allegedly sent love notes in Morse code to a girl you liked, how your efforts to woo her resulted in a formal complaint, and you had to leave. I was kinder, wasn’t I? Even when you asked me if I still thought you were a good person, moments after breaking up with me, using my vulnerabilities against me, I was kind to you. I had no reason not to be. Love, for people like me, never fades. It morphs into something almost divine—like a prayer for your lover’s good fortune. Even if they are not yours anymore. For how could love be anything but pure? How could it bow down to the false illusions of ego and pride? That’s not how you saw it. Nope, you made a mockery of it. It was a weakness for you. An inconvenience, manifested as a needy, clingy girlfriend you were attracted to but couldn’t handle. When I was told today about this unexpected spot of madness that took over the otherwise brilliant Shrey, experiencing a meteoric rise in his career, the narrator was quick to allude to the timing of it all upon discovering our relationship. “I am not sure whether he broke up with you because of her or whether he took the break-up so hard that he was looking for a rebound which ended poorly for him.” Hell, something about the bitter realisation of you having lost your one-true love in me was thrown in the ring. ME? Did this have something to do with me? Is that why you reached out back then with your apologies, demanding my anger? Requesting a walk around CP like every other date we had been on? What a messed-up thing to do. Years of trying to expel you from every fibre of my being. Breaking down into a sopping, weeping mess on the streets, at work, at home because I didn’t know what I had done wrong to push you away. How you went from doting on me one day to acting like a cold stranger the very next. You know what that does to a person? How it shapes the trajectory of every relationship they have from there on? You know what all I had to do to heal in the following years? To move on, to pause this endless loop of despair I was stuck in? Until I finally learned to absolve myself of any wrongdoing. Until I learnt to separate my love from longing. Until you knocked on my door again. Why did you do that? To make a fool out of me? To feel better because someone else trampled over your heart? What should I believe? What will hurt less? That you left me for someone else and were looking for absolution? Or that I was your undoing, like you were mine? Perhaps, unlike my unreliable narrator, I shouldn’t credit your descent into madness to me. I would like to believe I wasn’t that important in your story. To paraphrase you in one of your haunting emails that lives rent-free in my mind, “I am doing my penance, keeping you for last because I have hurt you the most. I never loved you, but everyone was entering a relationship for fun. I thought I could too. ” LOVE. That dastardly word again. MY LOVE, now a monster raging against the injustice of putting you on a pedestal when you couldn’t even be honest about why you left the way you did. So here’s my anger, Shrey. A decade too late because I finally see through you. Because apparently you didn’t find peace either. The happy ending. The love you thought you could feel for someone else, because with me, you just couldn’t tell. Because how dare you fall apart? How dare you choose this ending for us, throwing me out of the equation for the sake of your happiness, and then be miserable yourself? How dare you hide behind weed and destroy your career for unrequited love, while I had to face my colleagues every day sober and had to hide my grief from my family, drenching my pillow with bitter tears every night for years. How dare you disappear, you coward, when you should have lived your life in the open like the rest of us, with your pain a gaping wound for everyone to see. I wish I had cursed you instead, wished you the very worst, because then at least I could have taken credit for your downfall. But now I am just the emotional fool who fell in love with the poor, quiet, brilliant boy who couldn’t handle rejection from another girl without breaking into a million pieces of fragile glass. Don’t bother responding. Don't worry yourself with the why-nows and the hows of it. There’s nothing left for me to hear. Because my love is now an apology to myself.