I miss you

I started to fall for you and even though you broke me, I can't get over you.

i haven’t really been able to look at the world the same ever since the day we cut each other off. on the occasion that i come across places we used to hang out at, the memories immediately rush back into my mind. like whenever i drive past that starbucks up on 17th, i can only think of you and how we’d always sit in the same spot by the window every time we went there and talk about god knows what. i don’t think i can ever go inside that place again. i actually haven’t stepped foot in there since the last time we went together November of last year. it’s March now, soon to be April. yet i still can’t walk in there knowing that that used to be our spot, where’d we sit in those uncomfortable chairs for hours and be the loudest, most insufferable people in the coffee shop. we never cared. all we cared about was whatever stupid joke the other one would make and we’d die of laughter every time, even if our jokes weren’t that funny. and every 3rd period i’ll go to that huge storage closet in the band room, and that same rusty old trumpet you picked up on the first (and last) day of music club still sits there, in the exact same spot you left it after we both saw a bug crawl out of it and we ran out screaming and laughing. i’m not sure if you remember that day, but i do. that’s one of my favourite memories of ours. you know, besides the countless night market side quests we’d go on. i can’t ever go back to any of these places without the thought of you coming into my mind. it frustrates me, a lot. but at the same time i look back at those memories because that’s really all i have left of us (besides our photos and texts that i forced myself to put into my hidden camera roll). i’ll admit that i look back at our texts every so often, same with our photos and all our saved in chats on snap. it’s stupid, i know. but that’s all i can cling onto now that we aren’t friends anymore. no memories i make in the future with someone else are going to replace the ones we share that now live in the past. nothing will replace that boost of serotonin i had whenever i was with you, or the dozens of inside jokes we had. it’s a weird feeling. knowing that our friendship is something i now have to say in past tense form. i’ve never really had a fallout like this with someone before, i hate it. it’s so hard pretending like i don’t miss you, and to act like putting this distance between us is something i’m okay with, when it’s very much the opposite. but i have to understand it’s what’s best for you and i. plus, you seem fine, if not better, ever since we broke things off. granted i don’t know everything that goes on in your mind, and i mean, who knows? i could be completely wrong. i could be absolutely right, but i’ll never know. that’ll just stay as something i can think to myself. but what i do know is that where we are right now is for the sake of both of us, and that the distance is more than needed. at the end of the day, i just hope you miss me as much as i miss you.

Why does it hurt this much to love you? Does this mean I should stop? Or that I can even? I wish I could see you again.

I've received the anonymous letter you submitted here.. thank you for thinking about me, I'll be alright and I hope you'll be alright too, I'll love you always too but loving someone doesn't always mean staying with them, I'll always be by your side even after years apart.. thank you for making my life so special.. I hope you'll soon find the girl who will be patient for you and love you more than I ever did, all the best for everything in your life dear, I'll always be grateful for this part of my life.. Yours truly ~your Nilu

I am writing this because I am certain you will never see it. I love you and with all that we’ve been through I have to say it, because I’ll probably never be able to tell you in person. I want to hear your voice, your sweet laugh, and the jokes that would always make me smile. I miss your support and our facetime’s. I’m pretty sure I just miss you. I hope football is going well and praying you have a great upcoming season for your senior year. I’ll be at every game. Anyways I’m one TEXT away. If you do ever see this Im hoping you’ll put the pieces together with the spotify link and finally talk to me, just joking, maybe Ill work up the courage. Love, 8/18 (Ps, if you do find this dont tell anyone, I want to keep us a secret and make sure we take it slow next time.)

Hope this letter finds you in good health and spirit. we are not together anymore, and the reason is me, well, i'm happy that you got rid of the worst human ever, but am sad for not being able to be the best partner. idk if you'll ever come across this msg or not, but if u do, ik you'll know who i am : ) you are the best person i met in my life, and will be so, i will love you forever and will secretly be your well wisher. you're my idol, my inspiration, my dream, my aspiration, my love, my everything <3 . but i think this was our fate, yet, i'll say this was the best part of my life, thank you for everything, i'm truly grateful to you. i want to say a lot of things more but i think somethings should be kept private...just in case...i get to meet you again...or if u start loving me again....we may share...hehe....i love you dear....wish you all the best for your future : ) From, SG

Happy birthday my love, i wish i were there with you to celebrate it with you. I'm sorry love, so fucking sorry. I should've never lied, i wanted to tell you the truth but i couldn't..just couldn't. You were the right person for me but at the wrong time. I tried moving on, really did. It's been 5 months and a week. I wrote a song, poems, heck everytime i close my eyes all i see are your blue orbs. I sound like a moron. I even changed my username to what it was in hopes if you ever wanted to reconnect, i'm pathetic. Funny how we planned a date in Edinburgh..our late night calls..I'm sorry. So, happy birthday my love, stay happy and safe, i wish you the best for your future. And I hope that your future woman will cherish you and love you.

no hay una sola cosa que no haría por ti y lo escribo aquí porque no me importa si solo tu o todo el mundo lee esto, yo te amo y quiero estar contigo toda mi vida y es algo que puedo decir sin pensarlo; te amo changuito y todavía nos imagino llevando a nuestra hija a six un lunes, faltando porque somos jefes en la secretaría y regresando a la casa de mil millones a descansar juntitos viendo la vida que construimos juntos, haciéndote de comer tus cosas favoritas y viendo un viernes botanero juntos, llevando a nuestro hijo todo regañado al futbol los domingos y luego yéndonos por una crepa a periférico ): mi amor todavía quiero esa vida pero solo la quiero contigo porque en verdad si no es contigo yo no quiero a nadie más, erees tú y siempreeee serás tu ): te juro que haría cualquier cosa en el mundo para que lo sepas, para que sepas todo lo que siento por ti; del uno al diez un millón dieguito

Je voulais te dire que je suis vraiment désolée pour ce qui s’est passé, avec un peu de recul, je me suis rendue compte que j’aurais dû agir autrement mais je ne l’ai pas fait car je voulais pas faire ça dans ces situations… mais c’est une erreur de ma part. Ça me fait beaucoup de peine de te voir dans cet état car je regrette d’avoir créé cette situation entre nous. Je comprends que ça ta rendu frustré par ces choses là, mais je veux que tu sache que je suis navrée pour mon comportement et ce que je t’ai fais ressentir. Tu comptes beaucoup pour moi et je t’aimerais toujours de tout mon cœur Wassim. Tu es la plus belle chose qui m’est arrivée dans ma vie. Je ferais en sorte d’être toujours meilleur de moi-même malgré les erreurs que j’ai pu commettre car j’y tiens énormément à notre relation et qui signifie ma vie entière avec toi. Je souhaite que le bonheur pour notre couple. Je t’aime Wassim ! ❤️

I can’t even begin to explain my love for you. The way your voice calms my heart, the way just looking at you rests my eyes after a long tiring day, the way you tell me so excitedly about what you did. It’s just so important to me, more than anything. It’s almost been a year (9 months 20 days and 3 hours to be exact) but it feels like I’ve known you for much longer. I’ve never gotten this close to someone this fast. You’re my favourite person Hamnah. I love you THE MOSTEST. Also “Poetry in Motion” means poetry the keeps moving, or in essence keeps “changing”. You are the most beautiful poetry I’ve ever seen.

I can’t even begin to explain my love for you. The way your voice calms my heart, the way just looking at you rests my eyes after a long tiring day, the way you tell me so excitedly about what you did. It’s just so important to me, more than anything. It’s almost been a year (9 months 20 days and 3 hours to be exact) but it feels like I’ve known you for much longer. I’ve never gotten this close to someone this fast. You’re my favourite person Hamnah. I love you THE MOSTEST.

Dear Dad, Why did u have to go so early? I miss u so much. u were such a horrible person but there was good in you and I learned so much from u. My stepdad is such a fucking monster and took advantage of my past and now that ur not here, mom is out of control, shes becoming alot like u but worse. she takes sides with a man even tho it was his fault. None of this would have happend if u just went to the fucking doctors to get checked. I miss u Dad.. its my birthday on Tuesday and ill make sure to celebrate urs on Thursday. If only i could've said goodbye.

Buenoss diasss, tardes, noches queridos televidentes hoy tengo el mismísimo placer de contarles una historia sobre un chico q se fue enamorando poco a poco de la mujer más guapa q existe en toda la esférica tierra donde habitamos, donde muchos cometen el horrible error de llamarlo hogar, y de se seguro se preguntaran el por qué, q se fumo este chaval, pq para ciro el unico lugar q puede ser llamado hogar tiene 5 letras, ustedes q piensan? q puede ser esa cosa q ciro considera un hogar, 5 letras...? penes? no, la palabra correcta queridos televidentes es aidis, si, vos chaval, la mujer más interesante de toda España pq sos mí único hogar en donde planeo quedarme por una banda de tiempo, pq sos la chavala más interesante q conozco dónde cada día con vos es como despertase abrir la heladera y encontrarse la milanesa q sobro del día anterior, si, así de lindo es hablar con vos chaval, bueno, sigamos con esta hermosa historia llena de amor, suspenso, fotos pies, EHHHH hola? bueno q pasa, la chavala ida decide querer conocer al tío majo este q es un capo, y obvio el ciro todo inocente no sabía q por delante de él estaba pasando la mujer más increíble de todas, bueno ciro decide darle una oportunidad para q se conozcan, q pasa en ese momento? resulta ser q ambos se estaban empezando a enamorarse uno del otro, ida decide pasarle una foto a ciro, ciro todo emocionado por ver la foto dice q si, q dale, ida toda una maja le pasa una foto de sus ojos, ciro todo sorprendido no puede creer lo q ve, seguro se estarán preguntando el pq? y si, ciro se quedó totalmente enamorado de sus ojos, para ciro era como ver los ojos más hermosos q había visto en toda su fuvking vida, ciro todo nervioso le dice q tiene unos buenísimos ojos, pasan los días charla va y viene, hasta q llegan un punto donde el pequeño ciro quiere dar el siguiente paso, a q paso se preguntan, seeee al famosísimo "te quiero" ciro lo empieza a usar de repente muy seguido ida toda confundida pq un tío tan guay le dice te quiero se empieza a sentir confundida con todo esto, ciro todo preocupado le pregunta ida todo bien? ida dice q si pero lo q no saben es q ida estaba muy confundida pero no pq no sentía de la misma manera q ciro, pasa q está mujer es la chavala más romántica q existe y empieza a asustarse pq para ella el te quiero es algo muy grande, ida habla con ciro sobre esto, ciro todo triste le dice q la entiende, pasan las semanas e ida decide hablar con el pequeño Ciro, le explica q capaz estaba confundida por el momento pero no significaba q no quería a ciro, así q si, como se lo imaginan, ida empieza a usar el famosísimo te quiero, pasan las semanas ida y ciro avanzan mucho en la relación, empiezan a sentir celos, se empiezan a amar en secreto, hasta q llegan un punto donde para ambos fue la peor desición de la historia de las historias jamas contadas, si, ciro y la tía ida deciden darse un tiempo por pequeñas confusiones q tuvieron en donde no pudieron hablarlas, ambos con el corazón totalmente destruido, se sienten triste, se extrañan mutuamente pq saben q están echos del uno para el otro, hasta q entienden q pueden volver a intentarlo, ambos emocionados por un nuevo comienzo diciden aceptarlo, el famoso cida estaba creciendo más q nunca, charlas y charlas, más llamadas y más llamadas, hasta q si, empezaron a ser más cariñoso con el uno al otro, ida cada vez más segura de si misma empieza a mandar fotos a ciro, Ciro obvio con cada foto q veía seguía sin entender cómo la mina está se fija en el siendo la mujer más hermosa q había visto y entonces si, ambos confiesan su amor, pasaron muchas cosas juntos, superándo cualquier obstáculo q se interponga en su relación, hasta q llegan el primer te amo y el más querido mí amor, ciro todo enamorado no puede creer lo q está viviendo, la tía más guapa q conoce le está diciendo amor? ciro todo emocionado empieza a ilusionarse en secreto mientras q de parte la ida, si, también se sentía de la misma manera, ambos enamorados empiezan a ilusionarse con tener una relación, ciro comete un error la de la cual está muy arrepentido, pero no queremos saber de eso, pq? pq está historia es pura felicidad, una gran persona me enseñó q mientras aprendamos de nuestros errores podemos ser mejores personas, entonces ciro se enfoca en ser esa persona q la tía ida se merece, hasta el punto donde ciro todo nervioso quiere confesar su amor y le dicee: ida querés ser el puré de mí milanesa?

To my best girl, You really left me with the impossible task of making a speech at your funeral, didn’t you? Classic you. Even now, you’re bossing me from wherever you are. We were close in a way that words almost can’t capture. The kind of friendship where one look meant everything. The kind where silence wasn’t awkward - it was safe. You knew me. Really knew me. And somehow still chose to stick around. I’ll miss the little things: our inside jokes no one else would get, the way we laughed at things too ridiculous to explain, the comfort of just sitting together and knowing we weren’t alone. You were kind, funny, brave, and soft in ways people don’t always notice right away. You cared so fiercely for your friends, even when life wasn’t easy. We were supposed to have more time. That hurts. But even in the time we had, you made me stronger, happier, and more aware of how important it is to cherish every laugh, every hug, every ridiculous moment. And just so you know - you succeeded. Everyone here is emotional. Not just because we’re hurting. Because we loved you. Because you mattered. And because you’ll always matter. I’ll carry you with me. In every quiet moment. In every laugh that reminds me of you. In every part of my life that’s better because you were in it. My best girl. Always.

I never thought I would send something like this to you again , especially after what you said to me at the end of 2024. After that day I just isolated myself for some time I'll take about it at end But here I am. Let's look one after one . "Nee frnds yadavalu ani nenu ante naatho orgue chesav naatho matladadam maanesav " Did I Stop talking to you for that reason? Funny Evaro L ante nen accept chesa , chats enjoy chesa , question cheledhu ? I have to mention this..! Valu chats lo natho eppudu aa word use cheyyaledhu. More over, they used code names in front of me. If you don’t want to believe, ask your friends. Ni name ae use cheyyanappudu, how can I even ask them? Appatiki vaditho antha bond kuda ledhu. Only okasari bike lo velinappudu indirect ga cheppa — “Mana intlo kuda ammayilu unnaru ga man… what if someone treats them like this? Will you accept it?” ani. “And you started blaming me.” Blaming you? Apatki nenu em cheppanu ante — “Just jagrathaga ra… it’s better to stop. Inka matladaku. Valu ninu normal ga chudatledhu…” ani. Anthe. Exactly idhe cheppa. I can still remember — water plant daggara nilchuni cheppa. "Nannu vadhilinchukovadaaniki oka pedda story cheppi nannu VP chesav 🙌🏻" Aa story endhuku create chesano… I already explained with those 2 screenshots.(First time explain chesnapudu) In those chats, you were just whispering one thing — to break this bond. You wanted it to end. Appudu naku vere option kanipinchaledhu. If breaking it is what gives you peace… then what else could I do? Naaku nee happiness kanna important inkem ledhu. Yes… I did it. "Nenu correct anadam ley , Nedhi thappu antunna" Yes macha… ippudu nee current version lo chusthe, nadhe thappu. Chala sarlu anukunna — ila cheyakunda undalsindhi ani. Andaru ammayilaki jarigedhi niku avvakudadhu anukunna. Life ni experience tho nerchukovali ani telusu… but na friend life lo bad experience undakudadhu ani protect cheyadaniki try chesi… thappu chesa. "Kavalane vadhilinchukunnav ga ??" Exactly same thing okaroju ninnu nenu adiga macha — “Vadhilinchukodaniki godavapaduthunava?” ani. Appudu nuvvu, “Na friend naku adhi inka nerpinchaledhu ra” annav. Ippudu nenu adugutunna… Did you ever think, ade friend wanted ga idhi chesadu just because he didn’t want to be with you? "Or nee frnds annattu nenu L ani feel ayyi vadhilinchukunnavaa ??" If I really felt for you like this so called “L”… chepthuna ga, ni face kuda chuse vadini kadhu anthe kani… “So and so people tho undaku, they’re not treating you well… stop it” ani cheppe vadini kadhu. I wouldn’t have tried to control you. I would’ve just walked away silently. "I think Creating stories to blame someone is also easy" Did I create a story to blame ? I created it for my favorite persons happiness. To give her what she wished for. If you still feel it was just to vadhilinchukodanike… then you already have your answer. I think yaa i have covered everything 🩷 As I mentioned let's talk about it at end Maybe you’re only looking at your side of the coin the part that feels clear and justified to you. But what about the grey areas? What about the other side… the part you never tried to see? I have Even tried till the end to save this , even i have tried after stating this will be the last time . I have tried till that day in 2024 ( i exactly don't remember that date) after that I felt like... Hoo so to listen this im here? Maybe. Then i stopped there After that, I went through a lot, macha — things you never knew about . Some of them are still nightmares for me. And honestly, I don’t want you to know them either. If I decide to question, there are many things I can bring up. But I stayed silent. Not because I was wrong, because I didn’t want to hurt you more.

My beautiful girl, I hate that we haven’t had all the time in the world to just be us lately. But here’s the truth, not seeing you every day doesn’t make me love you any less it actually makes me appreciate you so much more. You’re the one who makes my heart feel full, even from afar. Your laugh, your kindness, the way you make ordinary things feel special… I carry all of that with me. Thank you for being patient, for understanding, and for loving me back. I can’t wait to make up for every missed moment and create a million more memories together. You mean everything to me. I love you endlessly. 🌹 Fola 💕

I wanted to forget you. I tried my best, but how can I deny what my soul craves? At first, I was drawn to your dark, your deep soul. I wanted to know more. I thought I could help you, make you feel better. But all I ended up doing was damaging your mental health. I was too much and maybe I still am. I tried to hide my anxiety, but all I did was chase you, because I felt doomed and too weak to let go. I kept apologizing… but for what? For repeating the same mistakes in the end? Maybe what you did was the best option for both of us to find peace, and for you to go back to what you truly wanted.

Chechi, I usually can write a lot. But for once words have failed me. I tried to write you a letter many times. But I couldn’t complete it. There’s a lot I want to say, but I don’t know where to start. I was thinking about what you will do, how you will manage, all of those. But maybe for once, I think I will tell you about me. No amount of ideas and advice can help right now. So I will sit with you in the darkness. I will sit with you in the pain. I will sit with you through the tears, I will be there until we figure it out. I will stay. I will see you. And I will let myself be seen. Magdeburg will never be the same ever again. Because I know what this place looks like with you in it. I will miss you a lot. I will miss making the bath for you, I will miss taking the tram to come see you. I will miss putting on the tea and waiting for you to reach. I will miss colouring your hair. I will miss going to shops with you. I will miss teasing you about that “accidental” kiss. I will miss the way you laugh when I say evil things. Going to Kaufland or DM or Rossmann will never be the same. I think I will look for your beanie over the shelves. I will think of a joke and turn around to tell you. But you are in India. I will miss you because, I will. Not because we are related by blood, not because you are useful, not because of any reasons. But just because. I see how brave you are being. Thank you. I am not as brave I think. When I think of you walking into the airport, into a place where I can't see you every other day - it scares me. But you are so brave. We will fix this together I have no doubt. But I won’t like it when you aren’t here. And I will try to be brave like you. I am stopping here because the more I write the more I realise the little girl who watched her parents leave at the airport still lives inside me. I mustn't wake her up.

I’d marry you in a grocery all over again. My heart aches and grieves and I think I’ll carry that with me for the rest of my life. You got married for real to someone else and buried us in the darkness. I miss you all the time, your hugs, the safety and comfort. You just didn’t trust me and you didn’t give me the time. I told you I’d serve you what you wanted on a silver platter but you like everyone else turned it away. My third and final great love, my heart shattered. I lost so much with you that I’ll never have again. I love you deeply in my soul. But I think this is what you wanted. Destroy me to gain her. You look happy, but I only see photos. I found out yesterday you married her in four short months. Engaged for a month. It felt like my nerves were being torn out of my body. I’ve cried but felt selfish. You deserve happiness. I love you I always will. Always. Even the pumpkin misses you.

I miss you. i miss you terribly. It’s only been 2 weeks. i just want you to be okay. You had so much going on in your life and i wanted to be there for you so badly. but instead. you pushed me away. I can’t hate you for that. I know i can be overwhelming. but i know you still care. i know neither of us really want this. Or at least i hope. I know i don’t want this. You say it’s because you can’t give me what i need. but you were everything and more to me… you still are. you could never do any wrong in my eyes. I can’t eat, i can’t sleep. i can’t focus on anything. it always comes back to you. I understand i invested too much time into you. i lost myself. in you. I get that. i’m just asking for another chance. the space we built together. the routine. I think the routine broke us. it became predictable. but there is something that soothes in routine. I crave the spontaneity… at times. but i mostly crave your time. your presence. your kind looks. that is what is making this so hard. You welcomed me into your life, your world, your culture. When you left. i didn’t just lose you. i lost my hope. my spark. you took that all with you. you say it’s for the best for both of us. but you are the only one gaining in this. I love you. deeply. I don’t want to beg. i don’t want to chase. i’m not going to. you need time. you need space. i could have given you this. if only you had spoken to me. you don’t have to make these decisions alone. you don’t have to walk through life alone. I was there for you. you were there for me. and now you’re gone. you’ve pruned the branches of my heart until it feels like it can grow no more. I know that when you cut hedges the leaves grow back stronger and full of life. But you didn’t have to cut me out. this is destroying me. mentally and physically. i’m exhausted. and call me selfish call me mean. but i resent you for being fine. i speak to our mutuals. they told me you’re already out with other people. taking your life back from this grip i seemed to have on you. it wasn’t on purpose. if i made you feel smothered. if i made you uncomfortable. it’s the only love i know. i’m takin this time to work on myself. We both need time. and space. i’m just hoping that when you get to that point. you look for the possibility that i can be the one to support you again. Please don’t be a stranger.