First love

You're so fucking gorgeous.

My favourite secret, Two years. Two whole years of us being us. Which is kind of crazy considering you still act like you’re in some undercover spy mission every time your friends get remotely close to finding out about me. You’ve almost been exposed more times than a badly written plot twist, and yet somehow you still manage to pretend you’re single. Oscar-worthy performance, honestly. If there were awards for “Girlfriend Who Acts Single But Is Actually Obsessed,” you’d win. Repeatedly. I know you say you want to keep me all to yourself. And I won’t lie - there’s something ridiculously cute about that. Like I’m your little treasure you hide away from the world. But just so you know… I’m not going anywhere. You don’t have to guard me like the last slice of cake at a party. You love so loudly in the quietest ways. You’re the one who holds me together when everything feels heavy. When the world has taken too much from us. When we’ve had to say goodbye to people we weren’t ready to lose. You sit there, pretending you’re fine, making sure I’m okay first - like your heart doesn’t ache too. But I see you. I see the parts you try to hide behind your smile. You’re brave in a way you don’t give yourself credit for. And can we talk about the fact that you genuinely don’t realise how beautiful you are? It’s almost offensive. The way you laugh when you forget to hold it in. The way your eyes do that soft thing when you’re comforting me. The way you frown when you’re concentrating. You are unfairly gorgeous. Unnecessarily cute. Disrespectfully pretty. The way you get shy when I look at you for too long. The way your cheeks warm up when I lean in close. The way you pretend you’re not affected when I whisper something just for you. But I know you are. I love the way you melt a little when I pull you closer. The way your fingers tighten in my shirt like you’re trying to keep me right there. The soft way you say my name when it’s just us. The look in your eyes when the world disappears for a second and it’s only me and you. Those moments? They’re mine. Ours. us being from different cultures… me being half Japanese and Korean, you being Sri Lankan. I know it makes you nervous sometimes. I know you overthink what people might say. What families might expect. But I don’t see “different.” I see beautiful. I see the way our worlds blend in the softest way. The way your traditions, your food, your language, your stories feel like something I want to learn, not something that scares me. You’re not something that needs explaining. You’re something I’m proud of. We’re not complicated. We’re just… us. You don’t have to hide me because of fear. You don’t have to shrink yourself because of what anyone might think. I’m not embarrassed. I’m not hesitant. I’m not going anywhere. You are cute. You are breathtaking. You are unfairly pretty when you think no one’s looking. You are soft and strong and stubborn and possessive in the sweetest way. And when you get nervous introducing me one day? I’ll squeeze your hand and remind you - I’m yours. Not a secret. Not a risk. Not a mistake. Yours. Forever your very patient, very in love boyfriend - R🤍

I saw that my message last night is still on delivered. I feel like you restricted me. Thinking about that actually hurts, but what can I do? If that’s the only right thing for you to not feel me again, then I should accept it. I know it’s my fault. I was actually lying cy☹️even if I say it’s fine, deep down it makes me sad. I really wanted to talk to you, but I know that will probably never happen. Gosh, I wish I never let my thoughts stop me from showing my affection to you. If only I could break this wall I built between us, maybe I could feel you again. But if I did that, where would my self-respect be? Am I too selfish for choosing to stay silent instead of telling you that I want you here with me? I just can’t explain how much you matter to me. Believe me, I made the right decision to let you go. But the consequences made me realize that letting others love the woman I want didn’t make it easier to unlove you. I really thought it would. But as time goes by, I hate thinking of you with someone else, and those thoughts feel like they’re poisoning my mind. I can’t find the strength to send this message directly to you, so I’m leaving it here instead. I believe in God’s timing— for us to work things out at the right time and with the right decisions. I still believe in us, in everything about us. I’m walking away, but I still believe that maybe, at the right time and in the right place, our eyes will meet again-full of unspoken thoughts. I hope you’ll look at me the same way again.. If this year is still not meant for me to have you, then I’ll choose myself for now. But if our paths never cross again and God doesn’t give me another chance, then I hope I can see you one last time before I learn to love someone else.

And if the world ever asks me where my heart belongs, I will not answer — because it has already chosen you.

I wanted to forget you. I tried my best, but how can I deny what my soul craves? At first, I was drawn to your dark, your deep soul. I wanted to know more. I thought I could help you, make you feel better. But all I ended up doing was damaging your mental health. I was too much and maybe I still am. I tried to hide my anxiety, but all I did was chase you, because I felt doomed and too weak to let go. I kept apologizing… but for what? For repeating the same mistakes in the end? Maybe what you did was the best option for both of us to find peace, and for you to go back to what you truly wanted.

hi love happy retreat!

I miss you. I miss the sound of your voice. I swear if you called I’d answer so quickly. If we bumped into each other in the store in fall to pieces. I have no other way to reach you. I am grieving. I lied. I lied when I said it wouldn’t bother me if you moved on, I lied when I said I’d be happy for you. We vowed to each other in the aisle of our store. My heart my soul. It will never forget. I don’t think I will ever be able to swallow this ache, this sadness. I dream of you often, I think of you every single day. Every day I ache for you. You should’ve trusted me, you should’ve gave me time. I miss you. I just gods I miss you. I love you so much. God I want you to be back in my life. I wanted you. I will always want you. I’m devastated. I miss hearing you play guitar, I miss driving around with you, I miss listening to music, I can’t finish the last season of our show. You will always be the Jamie to my Claire. I love you. I love you so much. I cry for you almost every single day. I cling to your memories. I look back at photos. I miss you. I love you. Call me. Text me. Something.

I will always love you my wifey… Bye aliy😊