you probably won't see this letter for a while... maybe days? weeks? months? maybe even years from when this is being made. i know that we are having a rough patch right now, and i'm hoping that we'll be okay and stronger than ever after this. i love you so much and i can't bear to lose you. i want to keep giving you my all, i want to be someone who you'll be proud of and not disappointed at, like always.. i want to love you even if i don't know how to do that to myself. i know that this'll sound selfish or it might even look like an excuse.. but, it hurts and i'm tired of everything that's happening or that has happened this year. i lost my spark, i'm always tired, i space out, i know that sounds stupid but, that's the truth. i'm depressed and i know it, but i can't ask for help.. maybe this is my "cry for help". i'm sorry if whatever is happening to me is affecting our relationship, i want to be of help to you, i want to open up to you, i want to tell you all these things, but.. i just can't. i'm sorry.