Confession

Come to me. Since the night you left, the shadows have grown long in my every moment. I wander through endless dusk, aching for you. Come to me. Loving you is as forbidden as the dark gift we share; you are the fire in my veins, the spark that never dies. Come to me. Though we never touched in flesh, my soul is bound to yours, and every silent month I yearn for you. Come to me. I miss you, I want you, I need you—come back to these shadows, where our love first began. I live in this exile, always reaching, always lost—until you return. Éternellement à toi dans l’obscurité, L’Amante Perdue

hi? :^) since i don’t know where to start, but i do have some words to utter from the deepest heart of mine, i think i really have to pour it without the prologue or even epilogue it’s the ninth month since the last time we conversed and when you approached me first at that time. i’m so sorry for every mistake i ever made, if i ever made you feel uncomfortable. thank you for your patience until then, which i’m very grateful for, along with your heart that still lingers for our love even when we’re not in the best state for each other. but at least we’re still trying to complete each other’s missing pieces with our own fragments without losing them. thank you for having me, bee. nine months must be uneasy for you, but surely you make everything easier and lighter to face when you’re around. thank you for being the light of my life when my world is like the riddles or when the night comes bee, you’re not even trying your hardest to carry these sparks, but you already have them in your core—and that calls my heart too. seeing you surviving and pursuing your dreams is one of the most heart-melting moments in my life, seeing your smile lights up my whole soma is more than full. to love is to embrace you during your ups and downs. thank you for helping me understand life and how life works, you’ll always be my motivation to survive every day. you bloom like the lilies, be. when the mistrust knocks, i hope you’ll still be able to put your trust on us, i hope you’ll remember my words that you’re worth it to be loved, i hope you’ll remember that you don’t have to work and try hard to get the love you deserve, i hope you’ll always remember the love between us grows without the need to have reasons even when the distance may separate us physically, please remember that we’re always trying to reach each other and we’re close enough in soul. even when the gaps may take us apart, please remember you’ll always have me and we’ll never be locked in a different room. to the one i love, ilyasa paizanif, i never trusted love as much as this until the day you come into my life effortlessly with your very own-self. be, when i don’t speak to you, it doesn’t mean i ignore you or i don’t love you anymore—i’ll never do. i’m still figuring it out, i still love you and miss you in my quietest ways. lots of things haven’t been written and well said through this letter, but i’ll try to, be. i’ll try for us. thank you for never cutting the strings between us thank you for being my missing puzzle piece that i finally found until this moment and i hope we still do, it’s for the ninth and please keep on counting with me until the next letters too all yours, niswah tan

I don't know how to tell u this cause u are far away from me now i tried to reach u but i think it's not only the location what's separating us and i know that I never looked at me like that . I'm thankful for ur presence in my life but it has become a curse for me now. But if it was not for you my life would've been completely boring and blank page . I tried to reach u despite my mind resisting and i know u don't want to be reached anymore, it has been difficult for me to accept. I still feel nostalgic whenever I pass by ur old house cause it holds memories. I was childish and I'm childish even right now . Maybe it's my inability that i couldn't find or impress another girl. I was never good at that. I wish u message me somehow, someday, randomly ask me how I'm ? How I've been?. I love when people call me uv like u used to do once

Dear please, I miss you soo much, Joce-te why did you leave me. Please come back, I miss you. When I'm with him, I am thinking of you, thinking of you.

Celeste, Gal of the stars Here you stand between Venus and Mars Someday, through the cosmos we may fly For our wings share equal feathers, aye The sky is my brig, m'heart is the compass Thru' seas I'll sail, to reach ye my dear lass Distance's vast, but thoughts f'rever tender N'ver have I seen, a Gal with such splendor

hahahahhaha lol kailan ka mag papakita

I wonder how you are to be honest i really do regret our relationship i hope you're happy tho but tbh i want nothing to do with you idk if it's to harsh but dude like i really really really regret na pinatulan kita kasi to think i gave my first kiss and etc to you and in he end you were just a phase lesson learned ka lng so sadd anyways I'm sorry for the hurt i caused you ad I'm sorry because i started this but im glad i was the one to end it - someone who wishes they never knew u 🥰-C.Y

The devil couldn't reach me, so he made everyone see the softest part of my soul. Just to walk through them like a door. I look down at the blood I blamed myself for, After blaming myself for someone elses problems. I can never speak without it turning against me, Calling me annoying, Sensitive, Loud. But I am just as strong as anyone else, but I can never find the words to express that. No one listens anymore, They making me feel terrible just for speaking my mind, Or turn my words into something rude just to give another reason to hate me. Trust me I'm trying my hardest for you, No matter how many times you go running to my friends to talk crap about me. I'll find out sooner then later. Sometimes I feel like being myself is a crime I comitted, Like I need to tie my tongue down just to keep you happy. People held my hand, while teaching me it was so hard to keep loving me. Why is it I can't shut up? Every word I say is turned into pieces of sand, And walked all over. I am walking on egg shells, and I don't know where to jump. The devil couldn't reach me, So he made everyone see the kindest parts of my soul. Just to walk right through them.

I recently found this song kita kita by the 7th, it's been a while since we've talked and there's a chance you won't even really see this so... I've just been thinking about you a lot recently. And the song kinda reminded me of the first time i saw you, you already know how the story goes i told you twice. I know it's not your usual genre– but "Kita na kita" im thinking about how i should've said that to you when things were good between us. You don't know it and it's a little creepy but– i always see you, way before we even started talking kita kita. I saw the way you had a habit of being touchy with your friends– your silly antics, your cute laugh. Till know i feel like you're haunting me, yuri became a common name to me i see it everywhere. I'm insane– absolute mad in the head because, i kinda knew you were using me yet i still see you. Kita kita, always. It'll be our last year in the same school.. I'm not even sure if I'll ever see you often like how I'm used to. I'm here, and you don't know it i hope someway somehow you know that despite the amount of people that talk bad about you- nothing will change, kita kita. I see you, i see you trying your best, i see you doing what you think is best, i see you trying be happy, i see you being you and no matter what, kita kita. "Sana makita mo rin na kita na kita" 3:23 - timestamp.

I don’t like you anymore but i don’t hate you anymore either. to be honest i think the only reason i hated you so much for awhile was because you hated me. i mean i get why i guess it’s just did you have to pretend to be my best friend for 6 months while i revolved my life around you. i wont say i was a great friend neither of us were but i hated you because i was mad that after everything i loved you i loved you more than anything and you loved him that stupid dude. you met him through me and i was mad when you started dating and i tried you hide it but i think you knew that but didnt understand that i wasn’t jealous of you i was jealous of him. for months i miss the way we cuddled as friend and how we used yr airpods and every night i would fall asleep to yr playlist. every song i never cared for or didn’t like became the only thing i could listen to once you said you liked it. and we were so opposite yet so alike i thought it could work but i was yr bestfriend (kinda) and you were mine and that’s it. id never tell you how much i missed the platonic affection we shared through hugs and cuddles because im ashamed that part of me wished it was real and im sorry

I know you’ll never see this but i’m crying right now, and i’ll continue crying until I die most likely since i’ve been crying for a while. My heart isnt where it’ supposed to be, you support ideas that I don’t want anything to do with and vise versa and to be honest so many of these ideas hurt me in a way that’s too deep for you too understand. You say you love me, but you want people like me to die. You say i’m perfect no matter what but you also say that if I don’t have kids i’m wasting my time. I want to make you two proud, I want you guys to feel like it was worth all the effort and stress but I don’t know if I can hide it any longer. I know if I tell you, everything will go to shit, but is it really that selfish of me to not want to live the rest of my life constantly lying to you? I make jokes about it in front of you and the most positive response i’ve gotten so far is a chuckle, the problem though was that you we’re laughing at them, saying they aren’t old enough to make these decisions, but when are people old enough? You have friends who you talk about behind their backs because they’re like me, just openly- and that’s wrong but I don’t say anything. She knew in high school, how come I can’t? Most know at 15, i’ve known since 13, and even though you keep trying to “protect” me and only show me things that aren’t too revealing of people like me, I still know. You can shame a person in front of me but their idea’s will never be taken from me. We all know that. In all you’ll never know, because I love you too much to hurt you, and i’m too scarred to see what you’ll do once you know. Not that you’ll hurt, I just don’t know if i’ll ever be ready to remind you that your baby girl isn’t a baby anymore.

I loveyou very very much, I hope we stay together forever

Hi, I'm sorry for everything I've put you through. You win—i love you. I hate making you wait like this. I know silence can hurt more than words sometimes, and the thought of being the reason behind your pain quietly breaks me too. But I’m helpless right now. My mind feels like a room full of noise, and I need time to sit with myself and understand who I am becoming before I hold someone else’s heart properly again. Please don’t think your love went unnoticed. You stayed beside me even when I was difficult to understand, even when I pushed you away without meaning to. And no matter what happens between us, I will always carry gratitude for that. Thank you for loving me with patience when all I did was push you away. Thank you for staying on days I felt impossible to stay for. I’m sorry…but I can’t date you right now. And trust me, if love alone was enough, I would’ve chosen you in every lifetime without hesitation. I love you more than my words know how to hold, and maybe that’s exactly why this hurts so much. I don’t want to lose you. The thought of you slowly fading into someone I used to know terrifies me more than I can explain. But I’m standing at a cruel place in my life where every choice feels like betrayal. If I choose you now, I betray myself. But if I choose myself, then it feels like I’m betraying you…and the love we built with trembling hands. And maybe that’s the tragedy of this. Not that I stopped loving you—but that I love you while still not knowing how to keep you without losing myself in the process. -A

For two years, I’ve been admiring you quietly from afar. It’s strange how time passes so fast, yet my feelings for you never faded. In these two years, I learned that admiration is not always about having someone, sometimes it’s simply about appreciating their existence and the happiness they bring without even trying. Maybe you never noticed how much you inspired me, but honestly, you became one of the reasons why my days felt brighter. Two years may sound long, but for me, it still feels like yesterday when I first started liking you. And even now, after all this time, a part of me still looks at you with the same admiration, the same excitement, and the same quiet hope.Just like the moon and the sunset, I've started liking and admiring you for the past 2 years. Admiring you secretly HAHAHA I'm shyyyyyy. Sometimes, I wonder if you ever noticed me at all. It feels like I've been standing in the same place for so long, watching you from a distance while you look right through me, as if I was never there. BUT it’s okay if you never noticed me, because loving you quietly was already enough to make my heart happy. Maybe I was never someone important in your eyes, maybe I was just another person passing by in your life, but for me, you were someone special for the past two years. I kept hoping that one day you would finally see me the way I see you, but if that day never comes, it’s alright. Some feelings are meant to stay silent, yet still sincere. And even if you never looked my way, I’ll always be grateful because admiring you taught me how beautiful it is to care about someone so deeply. Thank you >3

For two years, I’ve been admiring you quietly from afar. It’s strange how time passes so fast, yet my feelings for you never faded. In these two years, I learned that admiration is not always about having someone, sometimes it’s simply about appreciating their existence and the happiness they bring without even trying. Maybe you never noticed how much you inspired me, but honestly, you became one of the reasons why my days felt brighter. Two years may sound long, but for me, it still feels like yesterday when I first started liking you. And even now, after all this time, a part of me still looks at you with the same admiration, the same excitement, and the same quiet hope.Just like the moon and the sunset, I've started liking and admiring you for the past 2 years. Admiring you secretly HAHAHA I'm shyyyyyy. Sometimes, I wonder if you ever noticed me at all. It feels like I've been standing in the same place for so long, watching you from a distance while you look right through me, as if I was never there. BUT it’s okay if you never noticed me, because loving you quietly was already enough to make my heart happy. Maybe I was never someone important in your eyes, maybe I was just another person passing by in your life, but for me, you were someone special for the past two years. I kept hoping that one day you would finally see me the way I see you, but if that day never comes, it’s alright. Some feelings are meant to stay silent, yet still sincere. And even if you never looked my way, I’ll always be grateful because admiring you taught me how beautiful it is to care about someone so deeply. Thank you >3

i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you please come back i will do anything for you i will worship you i will treat you like a fucking god come back my love please please please come back i beg you i will never find anyone like you i will never see anyone the same way as you i'd do anything please come back please please please you're my first thought in the morning and the last thought as i go to bed you're everything to me and it hurts it hurts nothing feels good without you i want you so bad anything for you

the Nana to my Hachi was a Trans guy from another continent I guess you could say we ended up like them, huh? Would you rather forget those times, R? I won’t. I snatched this song from you back when I was working on that project too large for me to do alone. I’ve stopped listening to it since. There’s a lot to be grateful for and a lot to keep me faithful. It simply lives in the back of my mind.

Leave all 4 of your baby mommas 4 me

hi bsf dito lang ako magkakaron ng courage to confess kase ayoko masira yung friendship na matagal kong pinangarap—kahit mas pangarap kita. at first it start from a little crush nung gr9 then it grows sound cringe pero totoo kung gaano na tayo katagal naging magkaibigan ganon na rin kita katagal nagustuhan. pinilit kong labanan dahil alam kong mali—mali hindi dahil ayoko kundi mali kase naghahangad ako na magkakagusto ka rin sakin, na magugustuhan mo rin ako pabalik. pero hindi, anong laban ko sa mga nakafling mo? im just a low maintenance girl, hindi yung tipikal na babae na babaeng babae kumilos o gumalaw. madalas pang pagkamalang tomboy; hindi ko inasahan na mag lo-long yung feelings ko sayo at umabot ng years, hindi ko alam bakit gusto kita. i miss being your no. 1 kachikahan every night HAHAHHAHHAHWHAHHA na tipong sayo ko una ichichika lahat ng mga nalalaman ko at ganon ka rin sakin, i miss you being my bsf, my rant buddy and also kabardagulan, malayo na naging friendship natin and im so grateful na kung dati sobrang limited lang mga sinasabi mo about you, but unti unti natutunan mong mag open up, natutunan mong aralin ka at malaman kung sino ka. i felt so happy when we chat almost every night ranting or advicing each other and also magchikahan. lalo na if you need someone na mag aadvice for rs advice or to learn a girl. ikaw yung unang una kong naging sobrang close na guy, kaya umabot sa point na gusto kong burahin yung feelings ko sayo dahil alam kong mali, dahil platonic lang to dapat. masaya ako pag masaya ka sobra, at ayoko ng nalulungkot ka—kahit hindi mo alam. being your bsf is something im so grateful to have, never ko naman nakita na magiging tayo, kase even i think you as more than a bsf id rather keep you as my bsf just to be close or to be with you—and to be with you as my bsf is more grateful to have, than being with you more than just a bsf i hope you the best bff, i hope you success and to be happy. i also hope na you find peace, and the world could lighten to you. i hope someday makahanap ka ng taong gugustohin ka araw araw at walang sawang mamahalin ka ng buong buo. im just here to support you no matter what happen, im your biggest fan. if you want someone to talk to im here, just rant to me. im here to listen to you all the time. being your bsf is something i will treasure for the rest of my life at wala na kong mahihiling pa.

I LOVE YOU ALWAYS MY LOVE EVEN IN OUR BAD DAYS YOU ALWAYS LISTEN TO ME AND HEAR ALL AND ALSO CORRECT IT IN YOUR WAY. I know daghan pakog wa natunan pero gina keep up nako ug unsa ang tama para sa ato, all the time and day ikaw jud akong gusto maka uban wanay lain pangitaon. I know dili nako ma hatag tanan unsa imong gusto or unsa imong buhaton, dili pod kita bawalan ug unsa imong buhaton cause i know that I have trust in you. Truely naga selos ko pero ako ranang gina hold back para way lalis ako ranang gipalapos ug unsa mana butang. Mauwaw ko na iingon ni nimo pero mao nani "PROUD JUD KO NA IINGON NA UYAB KITA" na uwaw lang ko sa part na matymingan na sa zero days ko na naa ka maong ako jud ng mali, sorry if dili kita mapalitan ug flowers, gift, or maskin unsa pana. Naa jud koy duha ka motto na hangtod karon ako gihapong gi toman like rules jud nako "I not willing to sacrifice my ambition, my knowledge, my passio." ug "DILI KO MO PROMISE PERO BUHATON NAKO AKONG FULL EFFORT MASKIN SA GAMAY BUTANG" yun lang po. OVER ALL LOVE WANAKOY IKA INGON, IKAW UG IKAW NAJUD PARA SAKO IKAW ANG BABAENG NA AKO PONG GIPANGITA ANG BABAENG GIHANDOM NAKO LOVER BOY KASI AKO EHH KAYA LOVE YOU!! THANK YOU SA TANAN LOVIE KAY TUNGOD NIMO NI TAO TAO NAKO GAMAY BWAHAHAHA BITAW LOVE THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME LOVING YOU. Oum ang na gustohan nako nimo is kanang imong pagka understable maskin libog gamay, naga hatag kag attention in mean time, imo kung gina treat ug food ganahan jud biya kog kaon bwhahahaha, nya Independent, demure, mature, naay sariling way to solve the problem, unknown usahay pero naga hatag ug motibo na love jud ko daghan kaayo kog na kita nimo kay observer man jud ko the way mo talk sako I LOVE IT!! Bitaw Love katong first time natong nakita kita sa minute burger like lahi rajud mas gwapa man diay ka nhoo subra way atik love compliment nako mao jud ni then katong sa tahos dili ko maka wait na maka istorya ka, yes oo naka pangotana pod ko nganong ni effort ka sako then when ni ingon ka na gusto ka mo laag mao to ni yaya kitag laag meet up bwhahaha kabalo ka na kolbaan jud ko unsa akong buhaton bwhahaha nya naabot tung friend nimo na work mate morag gamay pang na balan sa lugar mao to bwhahaha pero nag fucos jud ko nimo dili nako ma liban akong mata nimo dohh as in gwapa kaayo ka bwhahahahahahahaha. Katong second meet up nato na naa tong mga cm nako wajud ko gikaulaw na nauyab kita bali ako pa gani tung gi ignore tong cm nako pati uyab niyang tomboy bwhahahahhaa katong naka uni ko bwhahaha nya naka simba ka na dress bwhahahaha mo ingon na unta kog i love you gwapa bwhahaha getting to know pani like subra maskin uyab na ilaila jud ghapon bwhahaha, bitaw love dili nako ma liban akong mata nimo kay GWAPA JUD KAAYO KA dili lng sa imong apperance ha like tanan mo kaon paman ngani bawal then here I am kada work nimo naga hatod ug naka kaon ug bawal. Katong time na gipa ilaila kita ila mama bwhahahaha nana jud si mama sako if mo laag ka na patago ayaw kahadlok na iingon nimo kauban nimo imong uyab. Ni ingon jud si mama sako na "Bob if naga laag laag mo kauban imong uyaw ayaw lag patago ha iingon sako kinsa na sya lain paminawon na patago mo kay mora rapod mog nag palihim samo maong paadtoa ng uyab nimo diri ila ilahon nato sunod na kanang ready na sya" mao to ingon ni mama maong ako nalang pod gi tuman ipa ilaila kita sa ilaha bwhahaha cringes man paminawon pero ana jud na bwhahaha maong ug balay namo balay pod nimo ug mo stay ka in mean time dili mi mo dili ana. Ang pangandoy nako para sato love nhoo is ma succesful tang duha satong mga carrier mao ra magka pamilya na happy walay gubot walay shatitanay, gusto ko maka balay na walay shagitay walay gobot walay mag domot sa isa sato oum allow ranang away para mo grow tang duha sabay. Mapa naa man ohh wala kani tanan para ni sato lovie pasensyaehh nako ug kani palang akong ma hatag pero puhon soon, kanang naa ko talaga buhaton nato na ang dili gusto pwede pod ng na hunahuna nimo listed nana bwhahaha