Confession

My eyes wander When you’re around Can’t help but look for you From the life I gave up To having no life at all Is this my punishment? For being avoidant Please love tell me Roses and lilies are For people who die I hate that I’m fine Until I see you again My mind has only ever known To play a perfectly well victim Can’t face this idea of life alone Am I yearning for the love Or for the friend I had? Locked up in this game of makeovers Can’t seem to move on From this endless loop of reinventions Someone save me from endless struggle Hate that I have to sit with people Who speak badly about you I know this is nothing new but My heart still aches from the poison I’ve let thinking it was honey

I'm feeling so alone, after my breakup, I want someone to be there with me......

hello minions, i’ve been thinking a lot about how we started talking, from that first time i replied to your story to where we are now, and i realized i can’t keep being quiet about how i feel. uhh to be completely real, i’ve had a crush for you for almost two months now. at first, i wasn’t even sure what i was feeling, which is why i didn't say anything to anyone. i wanted to make sure it was genuine. but everything changed when we started following each other in ig and i realized we actually has the same interests— finding out na you idolize pangjie and mable din was such a surprise, i also found out that you really like to dress nice too, and i noticed your sense of style, which i think is really cool. ever since that first time i replied to your story, biglang talking to you has become the best part of my day. even if we’ve been close through chat lang, the more we talk, the more i find myself catching deeper feelings. it’s easy for me to talk to you kasi same naman ata tayo ng humor, and there’s just something about you that stands out talaga. i’m telling you this now because i don’t want to hide it anymore, but i also want you to know that i understand where you are right now. i know you’re still moving on from your past and i know how many people admire you. even one of my old cm pa nga ata— which honestly, made me hesitant to say anything at all. my biggest fear was the idea of losing our friendship or making things awkward between us. please know that i’m not saying this because i expect you to feel the same way right now or to give me an answer. i just wanted to be honest with you because you deserve that kind of honesty. i truly value the bond we’ve built ash, and more than anything, i’m just happy to have you in my life, regardless of what happen next. congrats :)

I like you. No more drama. I don't care anymore if they gossip about me or think bad things about me, whatever it may be. But I do care for you, and this is not just all about me, it's all about you too. That's why it took me so long to confess — I did not want to ruin your reputation and your image. I honestly don't know how it all started, but all I know is that my feelings for you are genuine. And I know this isn't right, because you're my teacher and I'm your student. And I'm very sorry for feeling this way, but I really can't help it. I like you so much that I couldn't look at you in a lustful way. You might feel disgusted and choose to avoid me. I understand that. I'm not expecting anything, nor am I expecting you to reciprocate my feelings. And that is okay. I just wanted to confess and let you know how much I love you. I will accept the rejection, because I know that one day I would be grateful that you didn't take advantage of my naivety. I have a lot to say.. about how I feel, every time I see you I become happy, how I can't help but stare at your beauty, how I replay the moments that remind me of you and our little things that mean a lot to me, the feeling that I learned to love you earlier than understanding GenBio and GenChem, and whenever I see you, it feels like I'm looking at a beautiful, innocent soul. And I hope you know how many times I've prayed to God about you and how many times I told him I love you. If only I had a chance to pursue you, I would. I would even marry you. I am very inspired to become successful in getting a better life so I can give you the things and the life that you want. But even if that's not meant to be, I still pray that you find someone who'll be with you in any circumstances in life — someone who deserves you, loves you, and is proud of you in ways I currently cannot. And yes you are my teacher. But loving you was never something I learned in class — it was something my heart felt on its own.

I've received the anonymous letter you submitted here.. thank you for thinking about me, I'll be alright and I hope you'll be alright too, I'll love you always too but loving someone doesn't always mean staying with them, I'll always be by your side even after years apart.. thank you for making my life so special.. I hope you'll soon find the girl who will be patient for you and love you more than I ever did, all the best for everything in your life dear, I'll always be grateful for this part of my life.. Yours truly ~your Nilu

I started liking you when I didn’t want to, when I wanted to find someone new. I just moved on from my previous crush and then there you were. At first, I thought you were just a rebound, an infatuation. I thought all I was feeling was limerence. As time passed, I started feeling nervous because I realized that what I was feeling for you was genuine. It still is genuine. We’re still young, but I know a few things about love—I don’t know a few things actually but what I do know is that I would gladly be inconvenienced by you. I’d wait until you’d go home before I go home. I’d wait for you to pass by in front of my classroom before entering it. You never asked me to but I would gladly do it for you. At first, I wanted to confess. I wanted to say “I like you”, I was so prepared to hear the words out of your mouth, “I don’t feel the same way”—until I realized, I wasn’t prepared at all, I don’t want you to reject me but I also don’t want to keep on feeling romantic feelings for you. I don’t want to hurt you and I don’t want to hurt myself. My intentions are clear, I want to be yours and I want you to be mine— but I know that will never happen. If I were to pick between me always being there for you in the sidelines, cheering you on, always being there but never like that and me being there for you like that but then us not meeting again, i’d pick the latter; in my most selfish desires, I want you. It’s a crime, i’m sure of it. I’d rather support you and have you thinking of me than me being there for you all your life but still, you look for others. For once, I want to be the one found, I want my feelings to be reciprocated too, and to say that I never hoped that you liked me back would be a lie. As an ending for this confession, I would like to confess. You were just supposed to be a friend, until you weren’t. I don’t want you just as a friend, I want you more than that—I’m pretty sure a lot of people want you more than just a friend. If I were given a chance to be yours, I’d gladly take it in a heartbeat but yet again, I’d also take the opportunity of forgetting you even existed, because I’d rather cheer for you because people cheer for you than cheer for you because you are the best celebrity in my eyes. I will always like you. I will always be your fan, and you will always be my universe. I hope one day you’ll find someone that’s worthy of you—and deep down, my most selfish wish—i hope that someone is me.

I am writing this because I am certain you will never see it. I love you and with all that we’ve been through I have to say it, because I’ll probably never be able to tell you in person. I want to hear your voice, your sweet laugh, and the jokes that would always make me smile. I miss your support and our facetime’s. I’m pretty sure I just miss you. I hope football is going well and praying you have a great upcoming season for your senior year. I’ll be at every game. Anyways I’m one TEXT away. If you do ever see this Im hoping you’ll put the pieces together with the spotify link and finally talk to me, just joking, maybe Ill work up the courage. Love, 8/18 (Ps, if you do find this dont tell anyone, I want to keep us a secret and make sure we take it slow next time.)

Hope this letter finds you in good health and spirit. we are not together anymore, and the reason is me, well, i'm happy that you got rid of the worst human ever, but am sad for not being able to be the best partner. idk if you'll ever come across this msg or not, but if u do, ik you'll know who i am : ) you are the best person i met in my life, and will be so, i will love you forever and will secretly be your well wisher. you're my idol, my inspiration, my dream, my aspiration, my love, my everything <3 . but i think this was our fate, yet, i'll say this was the best part of my life, thank you for everything, i'm truly grateful to you. i want to say a lot of things more but i think somethings should be kept private...just in case...i get to meet you again...or if u start loving me again....we may share...hehe....i love you dear....wish you all the best for your future : ) From, SG

I can’t even begin to explain my love for you. The way your voice calms my heart, the way just looking at you rests my eyes after a long tiring day, the way you tell me so excitedly about what you did. It’s just so important to me, more than anything. It’s almost been a year (9 months 20 days and 3 hours to be exact) but it feels like I’ve known you for much longer. I’ve never gotten this close to someone this fast. You’re my favourite person Hamnah. I love you THE MOSTEST. Also “Poetry in Motion” means poetry the keeps moving, or in essence keeps “changing”. You are the most beautiful poetry I’ve ever seen.

I can’t even begin to explain my love for you. The way your voice calms my heart, the way just looking at you rests my eyes after a long tiring day, the way you tell me so excitedly about what you did. It’s just so important to me, more than anything. It’s almost been a year (9 months 20 days and 3 hours to be exact) but it feels like I’ve known you for much longer. I’ve never gotten this close to someone this fast. You’re my favourite person Hamnah. I love you THE MOSTEST.

I love you so much it hurts

You're so fucking gorgeous.

I saw that my message last night is still on delivered. I feel like you restricted me. Thinking about that actually hurts, but what can I do? If that’s the only right thing for you to not feel me again, then I should accept it. I know it’s my fault. I was actually lying cy☹️even if I say it’s fine, deep down it makes me sad. I really wanted to talk to you, but I know that will probably never happen. Gosh, I wish I never let my thoughts stop me from showing my affection to you. If only I could break this wall I built between us, maybe I could feel you again. But if I did that, where would my self-respect be? Am I too selfish for choosing to stay silent instead of telling you that I want you here with me? I just can’t explain how much you matter to me. Believe me, I made the right decision to let you go. But the consequences made me realize that letting others love the woman I want didn’t make it easier to unlove you. I really thought it would. But as time goes by, I hate thinking of you with someone else, and those thoughts feel like they’re poisoning my mind. I can’t find the strength to send this message directly to you, so I’m leaving it here instead. I believe in God’s timing— for us to work things out at the right time and with the right decisions. I still believe in us, in everything about us. I’m walking away, but I still believe that maybe, at the right time and in the right place, our eyes will meet again-full of unspoken thoughts. I hope you’ll look at me the same way again.. If this year is still not meant for me to have you, then I’ll choose myself for now. But if our paths never cross again and God doesn’t give me another chance, then I hope I can see you one last time before I learn to love someone else.

hi bes cant even sleep this time bc i've been thinking siguro this is the right time to tell u i know this might be sounds crazy but here it is, way back when we we're high school i haven't show u what my real feeling goes for u comes to the point that i keep pushing my feelings for u because i was totally scared back then u know me i was too soft and happy but the real is i just act that way like im just pretending it. what i talking about is the feelings i kept back then was im into u i fall for u but im scared to tell u because i might get rejected by my bestfriend so i everyday back then i pushed my feelings away so that our friendship was safe and protected. i did really kept this for so many years i just had the courage to tell u about this and sorry for not telling u as early as possible.

I wanted to forget you. I tried my best, but how can I deny what my soul craves? At first, I was drawn to your dark, your deep soul. I wanted to know more. I thought I could help you, make you feel better. But all I ended up doing was damaging your mental health. I was too much and maybe I still am. I tried to hide my anxiety, but all I did was chase you, because I felt doomed and too weak to let go. I kept apologizing… but for what? For repeating the same mistakes in the end? Maybe what you did was the best option for both of us to find peace, and for you to go back to what you truly wanted.

I will always love you my wifey… Bye aliy😊

Yaa… maybe first letter complete chesake ekkadiki vachav anukuntunna. I hope adhi chadivina time lo you felt okay. Ela endhuku chepthunnano… you’ll understand by the end of this letter. Shall we start? 💔 Nijanga naku teliyadu nuvvu naku intha important avthav ani. Adhi naku oka morning lo ardham ayyindhi 🥲 Na phone lo na tears chusinappudu… while I was texting you. Appudu realize ayyanu — idhi just normal attachment kaadhu ani. “What I’m for you?” ane question ki nee answer ento naku teliyadu. Kani okati matram clear — nuvvu just another friend kaadhu naaku. After many days… ela nanu nen chusa. I’m not blaming you for that. Maybe it’s my fault. “Why you?” ani adigav. What do you think my answer will be? Nuvvu look good kabatti aa? Leda ninnu advantage ga teesukovali ani aa? 🙂 If adhe reason ayithe… nuvvu nannu adiginappude “ok” cheppochu ga. Endhuku ala cheyaledhu antav? 🤔 Leda… ninnu use cheskundham ani anukuntunna ani feel avtunnava? If adhe nuvvu feel avtunte… ee antha chadavalsina avasaram ledu. Direct ga block cheyachu. Leda neeku comfortable anipinchina decision thisko. Kani okati matram sure — nuvvu matladuthunna vadu aa type kaadhu 🙃 Sudden ga ila adigadu enti ani anukoku… naku reason undhi anduke adiganu. Just 1 day back varaku niku nachindhi. Ippudu uncomfortable ani feel avtunnav. Ni imagination lo unna varaku adhi okay. Kani adhi nenu avvagane… uncomfortable aipoyinda? Ok… let’s come to main point. Nen nitho build cheskuna connection all of a sudden oka night lo create avaledhu. You too know that manam entha varaku travel avadaniki entha time pattindho. I have not planned it. Because naku nv evaro kuda complete ga teliyadu when we started this journey. We crossed so many stages… and we are here now. Entha dhuram travel chesam ante — okarni okaru kavali anukune antha. At least 2 days mundhu varaku niku adhe feel undedhi. Now… nv same feel avtunnava ledha anadhi niku mathrame telusu. I’m truly asking you — If you feel something for me, say it clearly. If you don’t, say that clearly too. Chala easy ga “let’s be just friends” antunnav. But let’s have some clarity on that. Do you really think we can suddenly act like nothing happened? Do you think manam limits lo undagalama after everything we shared? “Just friends” ante simple word kaadhu. Because what we had was never “just friendship” level lo undaledhu. Midnight talks… emotional dependence… jealousy… care… future gurinchi subtle hints… Ivanni jarigaka sudden ga normal friendship mode ki velladam practical aa? Here also I’m not asking you to be in a relationship with me. Kani okariki okaru feelings unde situation lo “just friends” ani compromise avvadam adhi healthy kaadhu. Nuvvu clarity tho “I don’t see you that way” ante nenu accept chestha. Kani feelings ni ignore chesi safe option ga “friends” ani settle avvadam matram naku ok kaadhu. So nenu adigedhi okkate — Is that truly what you want? Leda adhi easy answer kabatti chepthunnava? So before saying “let’s be just friends” ask yourself one thing — Is that really what you want? Or is it just the safest option ? Yaa i think it's enough to understand what's my stand on you ... And I hope malli ela rase need ledhu anukuntuna 🫂 i hope you understand this too like how you understand me 🥺 And chepa ga you will get it on end of the latter 🫠 Here it is i don't want to do it but I have to Epudu edhi cheyakapothe enka epudu elane vuntam anipisthadhi ... Like how we are from last 2 days Naku nitho quality time spend cheyali ani vundhi ... Not like how we are from last 2 days. Idk what this lead's to but I have to do it Over think chesthuna anukoku ... Chala alochinche edhantha chepa For this reason ... Nv adigina space niku edham anukuntuna 🫂 don't take me wrong and tittukoku .. but just for 3 days or until you feel ok 🥺 Sorry velipothunandhuku .. jagrathaga nana 🫶 Don't think I just don't care about your texts... I'm here for you always and now I just miss us , 😞

dear dejuan… idk how to start this tbh.. its been two months since we’ve broken up, it now being february. and here i am, finally laying out all my feelings to you. through out the whole relationship, i honestly felt like the love we shared wasnt real. i couldn’t find it in my heart to trust you nor open up to you. i was scared of getting hurt or being left behind again, scared of actually hoping for forever just for it to be temporary. i vowed to never let you in, to keep my guard up, to limit what I say and how i communicate with you. i lied about not liking to go to sleep on the phone because i knew if i did, my guard will slowly go down. i stuck to harsh words,dry texts, late text and rage baiting because i feared my love would be too much for you. the constant texting and calling, the pet names and constant annoyance, the random facts and anime quotes throughout the day, the stalking you and your family and friends accounts, the getting upset over everything that you do and refusing to tell you because of the fear that im over reacting or upsetting you, the spamming “baby” just to respond with hi, or stalking your ig and who you text. i feared actually being myself. i feared texting you constantly even when all i could think of was you because i feared being too much for you. i feared losing you.i even feared you leaving me for your bsf because of how close you guys were. and while focusing on every possible way to keep a fair enough distance, without knowing it, i was damaging myself physically and mentally. i slowly started to feel empty inside. like a moving corpse without a beating heart. i felt so lost and alone and i didn’t know how to talk to anyone. i didn’t even know how to explain my feelings. i deeply loved you so so much but i couldn’t feel it. it was more of a thought than a feeling. i then started to think that maybe everything I once felt was all just in my head, and suddenly every other feeling ive once felt was slipping away. the happiness, love, joy, sadness, hurt, depression, overthinking. it just all slowly stopped. and the next thing i know i was in the same cycle over and over, feeling like a puppet being moved around. i felt hallow. i felt like i was running on air pilote. i couldn’t find the energy to talk to you or anyone. i felt disassociated with the world. and all i had was weed. i started smoking and sleeping heavily, staring at a blank wall or watching a anime for distraction. i slowly stopped eating, stopped leaving my bed. i just exist and it was painful. so painful to watch the world move around me while im still stuck in place. to see happy people or couples together and yet feel nothing but the air from the vents and the beating of my heart. and you. you were amazing. you loved me, tried to spoil me,cared for me, just wanted me and i ruined it. all because i feared you leaving. i feared that if i open up to you about how i feel, it would be over. because i knew deep down that a relationship was the last thing i needed. i knew that if i told you how my mental health truly was, it wouldve been over. so i kept it all to myself. i thought maybe it would get better or easier even. then i made a stupid decision that ended us anyway. i thought that maybe if i made you hate me then you would leave and find better. i hoped for you to see me slipping away from this world, to notice that im not okay. and idk if you did. so i went into a spiral and i went to a hb. i expressed these emotions and he quickly assumed that you were cheating. that if you couldn’t notice your own girlfriend mood change then it’s someone else. and that sickening saying and thought was put into my head over and over by many other friends. and i’m not blaming you, im not accusing you of cheating. im expressing my feelings ab you and your gbsf relationship. i didn’t like it. i didn’t like how close y’all were and how much you posted her, i didn’t like how you would talk to her about our problems or how you got her to text me about our relationship problems instead of yourself. so i turned to my boy bsf, flirting with him and he went along with it.. yet it took you awhile to notice, and when you did, when you left….. i finally felt something. i felt pain so deep inside that i couldn’t help but touch my chest. and it took me forever to realize that the cause of my actions resulted into someone i deeply loved being hurt. i became what i feared. i self sabotaged and pushed you away. so that night when you called and ended things, i completely broke. all i could manage was an okay but i wasn’t okay. and ik we will never be together again… but i just want you to know that i’m sorry juan. im so so sorry…you didn’t deserve anything i did to you, you deserve so much better and ik you will receive better. you stayed. even when i was so horrible and dry to you… im to blame for how things ended and i accept it. i just want you to come back to me….. but i also know that the love and trust that you had for me is long gone… so this is my last time talking to you, bothering you. you can hate me forever if you want. i just needed to finally get this out. better late than never ig

I love you!