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I miss the past. Those times we laughed for hours, talking until midnight. It’s stupid of me, but I want it back. We were never a thing. Never had some fantastical love story, and I’m not even sure you were into me. But you were my light. You listened to my dumb stories, what I ate for lunch, the people who pissed me off that day. I loved that, that time where I could talk to you forever, and you would tell me what was wrong. It shouldn’t have changed. I can’t love you that way anymore. And you can’t know. I was never a choice, was I? I was the one you would talk to about girls and I would hype you up, because I loved seeing you happy. Your smile made my day. I don’t see you smile a lot anymore. At least, not really. I know the difference. I know when you didn’t sleep well, or you had a rough day with your family. I know when those girls got to you and when something good happened. I knew more than you told me, and I never let you catch on. I know what your favorite candy is, your siblings middle names and your closest friends. I know your favorite movie characters and your hobbies. And yet it doesn’t matter. My best friend. My love. It feels so strange to say that. I never intended it to go this way. But it did. And yet you’re not mine. And you don’t need to be. I know that. It still hurts.

I often wonder where love goes after it is no longer welcome. Perhaps it lingers inside forgotten playlists, waiting for someone to press play one more time. Perhaps it hides between photographs that neither heart has found the courage to erase. Or perhaps it simply learns to live inside silence. Sometimes I catch myself believing that somewhere, without even realizing it, you're listening to the songs we once shared. That maybe, for the length of a single melody, my name still exists somewhere between the lyrics. It's a comforting lie. The kind the heart tells itself when the truth is too quiet to bear. Your photographs still rest where I left them. Not because I refuse to let go, but because they are the last proof that, for a brief moment in this lifetime, you were real. I searched for you once. Only once. Only to find that even the place where our story began had quietly forgotten your name. Perhaps that's what goodbye truly is. Not when someone walks away, but when every road that once led to them slowly disappears. Still, there are nights when I almost reach for our conversation, forgetting that the door between us was closed long ago. Some absences never ask to be remembered. They simply become part of the air you breathe, quietly follow you wherever you go. Maybe one day the songs will lose your voice. Maybe the photographs will become nothing more than ordinary pixels. Maybe your name will arrive in my mind without breaking anything inside me. But until that gentle day finds me, I'll keep these fragments where they are. Not as a promise to wait, but as a quiet thank you to a love that once existed, even if only for a little while. I hope life has been kind to you. And I hope, wherever you are, you've found the peace we couldn't find together. To the person who became my favorite memory ⁠♡.

I really miss you.. Lately I have been thinking about what happened between us and how I must have confused and offended you. I was confused and scared and just a mess of emotions. I am really sorry. Please, can we talk this out? When you feel like it, of course. You were one of my best friends for a while and I must be honest, losing you broke me in ways I never thought I could be broken.

mas, entah bakal gimana perasaanmu baca ini. yang aku pikirin mungkin kamu emang udah tau rasa yang aku pendem sendirian dari lama. mas salah satu orang yang paling kukagumi, walau candaannya kasar ataupun jorok... itu nyebelin sih, juga stiker2 wajahku heummm hahaha. selama iniakuselalu nyangkal kalo akucuman penasaran ke mas. atau mungkin aku cuman anak yang ngerasa sendirian, anak yang ngarepin seseorang yang mau ngurus sifat bocah yang jelek ini. aku gak pernah tau baik dan buruknya tentang mas secara mendalam. tapi kenapa bisa selama ini aku nungguin mas, masih terus merhatiin mas terlalu lama. entah mas bakal terlalu baik atau buruk buat aku, rasanya sedih. memang aku ga bakal pernah cukup buat mas. satu hari nanti... aku mau ketemu sama orang sebaik mas, buat yang pertama kalinya. setelah pertemuan itu hari-hari kemudian kuhabiskan sisanya nggak sendirian lagi, tapi dengan orang terkkasih itu.

𝑊𝑒 𝑛𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑔𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑢𝑠 𝑎 𝑛𝑎𝑚𝑒. 𝑀𝑎𝑦𝑏𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑞𝑢𝑖𝑒𝑡 𝑎𝑛𝑠𝑤𝑒𝑟 𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑎𝑙𝑜𝑛𝑔. 𝑊ℎ𝑖𝑙𝑒 𝐼 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑙𝑙𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑡𝑙𝑒 𝑚𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑠 𝑎𝑠 𝑖𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑦 𝑤𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑚𝑖𝑠𝑒𝑠, 𝑝𝑒𝑟ℎ𝑎𝑝𝑠 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑤𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑜𝑛𝑙𝑦 𝑝𝑎𝑠𝑠𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡𝑖𝑚𝑒 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑠𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑤ℎ𝑜 ℎ𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑒𝑛𝑒𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝑏𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑤ℎ𝑒𝑛𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑠𝑖𝑙𝑒𝑛𝑐𝑒 𝑓𝑒𝑙𝑡 𝑡𝑜𝑜 𝑙𝑜𝑢𝑑. from: 76 Apel girl

Hi again. This is the first time I disrespect myself and become a weirdo. I think it's just an obsession--a feeling that don't go away when you can't see them or just talk to them. I always have the urge to just go fuck myself and call you, message you, call your name in public like we know each other so much. And, it's so disrespecting for myself for liking someone who already gave me the sign that he doesn't like me. I hate myself for loving the little bread crumbs you always gave me. The attention that you almost wanted me to notice that you're giving me. The fuck with that? It's like you're saying to me that it's a privilege already, when it's not. However, no matter how many times I notice every signs, I always find myself being comfortable of whatever this is between us.

I’ve always believed it’s better to risk rejection than spend a lifetime wondering, “What if?” That’s why I’ve never been afraid to tell someone I love them, even if it meant losing them. But not with you. You are the one person I’m too afraid to lose. I’d rather carry a love you’ll never know than wake up to a life where you’re no longer in it. So I keep my heart quiet. It hurts to love you in silence, pretending everything is the same while every moment beside you means more to me than you’ll ever realize. I never meant for this to happen. Somewhere between the ordinary conversations, the laughter, and simply being around you, I fell in love. I thought distance would make it easier. Instead, it only made me miss you more. It only convinced me that what I feel is real. Maybe one day these feelings will gently fade. I hope they do, because loving you this way is both the sweetest thing I’ve ever felt and the most painful thing I’ve ever had to keep to myself. Until then, I’ll quietly love you from where I am, grateful that you’re in my life—even if that’s the closest I’ll ever get.

Only you can live your life, so don't make decisions solely to please others. Take care of yourself and prioritize your own happiness too. You matter

Dear Jess Okay. Not only are the chances that you ever see this low, but it’s also a good bet that I delete this the minute I finish writing it. So I’ll try to get to the point. I love you. Hmmmm. When it’s written like that you realize why classic songwriters and poets often relate the word “fool” to that phrase. “I love you.” It really feels….foolish. I met you at work in 2018. Almost 8 years ago as of this writing. First thought? “She’s cute.” My first memory is of talking to you at that island in the kitchen. I think you were wearing jeans. Standing upright, hands on the island counter. Feet together. Smiling. Yes, dimples. I’m sure this memory is an amalgam of many kitchen meetings. But it’s been condensed into one memory. Love at first sight? No. Just “She’s cute”. My next memory? The Christmas party. I call this our second meeting. Though again I’m sure we’d met & talked numerous times before that. Before that night you were just the “She’s cute” girl from Philly who lived in Australia for a while. My memory of the Christmas party is us talking about movies. It seemed like hours even though it also seemed to pass in seconds, corny as that sounds. Was I leaning on some sort of structural beam at that bar? I know I was trying to look casual. You were talking and listening and smiling. And most of all, looking right at me. Which bought up a question. Why? Why is this lovely woman, co-worker, American but a world traveler, who is clearly smart and a movie fan, but also just so beautiful, spending so much time and focus on me? It really didn’t make sense to me. Even if you don’t have any romantic feelings for me I still don’t understand your clearly real, and caring friendship for me. Not that I don’t have friends or people who enjoy my company. I have my moments. But I’m annoying. I’m old (compared to you as you found out a few years later at that magical bluegrass show). I don’t think I’m an ogre but I’m also not someone whose physical charms command a room. I think I make a good first impression. But it usually tapers off after that. Romantic or not. People get get fed up with me. I get fed up with myself. It didn’t taper off. Is she a saint? Is this some gracious act of charity? Movie Club, Yoga, then Covid. Zoom Movie Club, Zoom Yoga and best of all the texts. “Wanna meet up at for a bagel?” Me? Meet you? Jess? For a bagel? During a pandemic? Uh….yeah. The rest is a blur. A six year blur. Movies. Cocktails. Candy shop. Silent disco. Pier 17. Live Music. The roof top. The talk on the roof. 2024? If you stole my heart at the 2018 Christmas party, you stole my soul on the roof of your building that night. You shared your darker side. Your vulnerability. Maybe you thought it would scare me away. It had the opposite effect. I have many feelings for you. Romantic. Paternal. Sibling. I’m also very attracted to you so it’s all confusing. But that night I both fell in love with you more deeply AND I got terrified. Because of my family’s history your dark side fills me with a bit of dread. Let me I interrupt this love letter to say clearly. Please do not hurt yourself. Please. Not just because it would make it hard for me to go on. But because as someone who’s at the very least seen how painful life can be. You must know that it really does change. It always does. The pain goes away. The pain goes away. Eventually. Okay. Back to my fools song. Did I say I love you? I really think I do. I hope it’s not a burden. I wanna be clear again. You owe me NOTHING. Falling in love with someone should really have little or no bearing on the beloved in my opinion. Of course it does. But it shouldn’t. You owe me nothing. I’m in YOUR debt. Even if this letter ends our friendship (hope not!) I need you to know that in many ways our relationship has sort of saved my life. As you know my younger daughter Ruby died in 2016. I buried myself in work. My wife sort of stopped working. Her & I dealt with the grief in differnt ways. I wrote some songs about it which also helps. But here’s my thing. I’ve had people die in my life. The ONLY way I’ve moved on is forward. Not forgetting the passed loved one but having something else to focus on beside their death. Basketball was that for me. I think it’s why this Knicks run feels really special to me. When my Dad died at 50 I was just 20 and living at home. Still a teenager in many ways. A kid. After he died, for at least the next year or so, I got up every morning and went down to the basketball courts at Riverside Park and shot baskets for almost two hours every day. I had played basketball with my dad a bit. He wasn’t a huge fan. But he liked it enough to excite my younger brother and I about it. But after he died it became the way for me to physically grieve. To put the energy of my grief (that may sound strange but I view grief as an energy) into something physical. Something positive. Something to look forward to. I looked forward to playing basketball. It both reminded me of my Dad but it was also something new I could concentrate on. You Jess, or at least my fascination with you, was something for me to look forward to. Something new and life affirming to get my mind moving forward again. And then, as I got to know you more and we became true friends, your ambition and love of music & movies along with your insecurities and dark thoughts that you felt safe enough to share with me reminded me of my lovely daughter. I hope it’s not too weird to put that connection into words in the context of a letter confessing my romantic love for you. I compartmentalize the different feelings I have for you. As a work colleague. As a friend. As a muse. And as an object of my desire. They are all sort of separate. So when I found you might have some (hopefully just SOME) traits that remind me of Ruby I hope you know that these separate images I have of you are indeed that. Separate. They only overlap in the sense that you seem to embody so many conflicting places in my life. You also remind me of my Mom a bit too if that makes it any better. (Doubtful. Ha!) You simply contain multitudes! Or I project multitudes onto you? Like onto a Cloud. (Ha!) What I’m trying to say is that I care about you in so many ways now. And I hope I don’t let my attraction to you cloud (again!) my true and real concern for your well being. I’m babbling. Which is fine. Since I’ll never show this to you. But if I drop dead and my wife or someone finds this letter in my data and shows it to you. Just know this. For close to a decade you’ve been a shinning light in my life. You’ve truly helped heal me, as much as I can be healed. You’re beautiful, both inside and out. You’re a caring and trusting friend. You’re a talented and loving creative person. You’re a focused and sensitive film fan. I would love to endlessly stare into everything from fire to end credits with you for eternity. But just talking to you and hanging out with you will have to suffice if that’s the best we’ll ever have to offer each other. That’s it. There’s more I want to say but I also want to learn to shut up and listen more. So I’m gonna shut up and listen to your imaginary responses to the letter. Which I’m sure will contain multitudes. Love, B

You were my everything. I made gifts for you with my art, I bought gifts for you for when we would meet one day. I loved you in the way I knew how to express it best. By giving someone something I knew they loved. That calander, that necklace, that drawing was a piece of my heart I let you hold, that you tore apart so easily without a care in the world. Only to be told you never loved me. The truth is, I have always loved you, but I stayed back since you kept making it clear you were not interested. And I will make it stay that way because I don't want to do something if someone else doesn't want to do it. What was the point of telling me you thought of getting married? Was it just all a big game to you for nudes, or something to jerk off to? Was I just a replacement for something you needed but didn't get? I often wonder if you were cheating on me the entire time, with how much you talked about her, but never hung out with me. It drove me nuts, and I had enough. Just to hear you tell me it was never real in the first place for you. You never loved me, I think you loved the idea of me. And that's what hurts the most. I'm not something to constantly toss away, or ignore, or keep hidden. I'm an actual human being with my own feelings, life, etc. I can't bare to be around you again cause you made it very clear what you would do if it happened. You said you'd make a good teen father, but why should I trust that if you leave every few months? I would be a fool to trust that, ever in my life. I don't want to love you, but I probably will for a while, until I finally decide to put myself before you who barely ever showed up. Don't come back into my life, especially if you are just going to leave again. I tried to show you in everyway I could that I cherished our relationship so much, but clearly it never mattered to you. Have a good life. Sincerely, H, formerly, S.

thank you for one of the most wonderful and exciting weeks of my life. thank you for giving me such a refreshing experience in times of stress for me, and thank you for teaching me more about what i value in a person. thank you for being part of a happier version of myself than i previously was. i really wish i had talked to you earlier, talked to you for longer, had more conversations and moments together. i wish we had more of what we had yesterday. i wish you’d known how much i liked being next to you and how much i admired your volleyball and how much i wanted you to notice me. i hope you know that because of you, i was motivated to play better. we’ll go our seperate ways, and maybe never see each other ever again. in another life where you wouldnt be so far away and we wouldn't have completely different native languages, things couldve been different; but, in this one, its impossible to be more than just a brief summer connection. thank you for giving me confidence and thank you for giving me something to look forward to. one day you’ll graduate university, have teammates and friends ive never met, and stories id never know; probably even a special someone of your own(how could you not, when you look like that?). And it's strange and scary to think that someone who feels so vivid to me right now will become a complete stranger again. its bittersweet, sorrowful almost. im going to be honest; one of my biggest regrets isn't that I never told you I liked you(even though theres a bit of that one too); It's that I spent so much of our time together convincing myself I couldn't talk to you, only to realize on the last day that I could. in short, i wish we had more time. time was all i thought i had until i lost it; i didn't realize i was counting down our last days together until there were no days left to count. when i first arrived, the days had felt endless, but looking back, it seems like they passed in the blink of an eye. watching you play made me want to improve; it still does. It wasn't just because I liked you; I genuinely loved watching someone care so much about getting better. you make me not only want to like and admire you; you made me want to compete with you as well. Every compliment from you meant more than it should have. Every time you noticed a good pass or a good receive or sometimes even a good hit, I carried it with me for the rest of the day. i so desperately wanted you to think i was good, so i tried harder every day. theres so many questions i never got to ask you and i wish i did. Id never tell you these things, but i was always looking for you; id always hope that i was on the same team as you; i was always hoping you'd serve at me if you were on the other team. i kept finding myself more and more drawn to you, your face, your skill, your personality. thank you for mattering so much, and im so so so so grateful for you. its so painful for me right now because i never got solid evidence of your feelings for me. that’s partly on me for not even asking, but your actions only tell me a “maybe”. and that hurts, so much. were your compliments and support a personality thing, or were you actually interested? did you tease me because you just were comfortable enough w me like you were with everyone else, or was it because you wanted that spark? did we mean something to you, as much as we meant to me? ill never forget you; or maybe i will. but i hope, i so sincerely hope, i never forget you. so, don't forget me either. never stop trying, and i hope your life goes smoothly. i was never in love with you; not even close, i hadnt known you long enough; i was in love with the possibility of spending more time with you and what we couldve become. i was in love with how terrifyingly, irrevocably alive i felt with you. I think what hurts most is that I finally started talking to you right before I had to leave. i wasn’t - still am not - ready to let you go. thank you for adding such a beautiful chapter to my book.

I knew something changed when you shared your music taste with me. When you showed me which band you liked and which song better was. Ever since you showed me your favorite song, I considered it my favorite too. It wasn’t even the genre I usually listen to. But I kept replaying it till I knew every single word. I want it to be you, in every universe. I want you to correct my grammar in every universe, and maybe also make fun of how I can’t say the word „horror“ in english. My grammar got better, but I don’t want it to be better. I want you to correct it over and over again. Not because I would feel bad, but because you talk. You rarely talk. You talk to your friends, maybe tell them that I’m a „friend“ of yours. Maybe tell your closest friend that you like me. I’m sure you’re not doing this for fun. You’re not messing around with me, I know. But sometimes I feel stupid and pathetic. Like now, I feel pathetic because I actually write about a boy that thinks I’m a friend. Deep down I know you don’t think that way. Why would you tell me that you loved me? Why would you call me your „everything“? When we first met, I told you I only tell people „I love you“ when I really love them. Now you managed to let me say that out loud for you. I think it’s pretty obvious, isn’t it? It’s pretty obvious how I wait for you everyday, I wait for every text, maybe even a call. But I think it won’t last forever, but it sure will last forever in my heart, and I hope in yours too. You’re a sweet boy, that’s why I call you „sweets“. I like sweet candy. But sometimes they’re bitter and sour in the inside. I know you’re one of those candies that are sweet in the inside. The sweet syrup that‘s warm and melts on your tongue. I don’t wanna leave. But I also don’t want you to keep going like this. I don’t wanna be a „friend“ of yours. Do you say „I love you so much more my sweet angel“ to your friends? I don’t think so.. I still miss you everyday. I‘ll always do. But not because you’re gone, but because I know I won’t be feeling anything in a while. - your „sweet girl“

haii my bff, 8th grade goated me happy we met, u da nicest friend I got, reallyyy really nice friend u r, don’t be cheatin’😘 ragebait my luv lingo🤪💌

I love you, and I wish you were real, but I don’t have it in me anymore to keep trying to find you, and I know I am not ready to be in a relationship. Stay safe, my love. I need to focus on myself for now. Don't be mad, okay? Sorry to let you down, but I give up.

kkddddddddddddddddddddd

E' giugno 2026, è la 4 estate in cui ci conosciamo, ma neanche lo sai te. Io invece ci sto pensando, in realtà penso a te più di quanto dovrei. Sono quasi due anni che tu mi hai lasciato, nel modo più terribile di sempre, per motivi che neanche mi aspettavo. Ciò che mi faceva più rabbia in quel periodo è che io non potevo arrabbiarmi con te, perchè ci siamo lasciati amandoci, solo che eri troppo debole per pensare che saremmo durati se ti fossi impegnato un pò di più. Ma forse dovevo anche aspettarmelo, io avevo 16 anni e tu ne avevi 19, ero così piccola che non avevo piani, ti parlavo sempre delle mie incertezze sul futuro, ma tu non eri mai incluso nei miei dubbi. Ricordo ancora quando ti scrissi la lettera, ti dissi che non mi fidavo di niente e di nessuno, ma di te c'avrei provato, e che ti promettevo tante cose, tra cui quella di restarti accanto. Ricordo anche che su quella panchina tu stavi quasi per avere gli occhi lucidi, e ho sentito la voglia di consumarti di baci. Purtroppo ho tanti bei ricordi, e ciò mi procura tanto dolore. Ricordo anche però come mi hai lasciato quel martedì per messaggio, stavo in vacanza e tu mi hai abbandonata, perchè io ero perfetta ma tu dovevi pensare al tuo futuro. Come se io fossi stupida e non ci pensavo anch'io, al futuro. Ero una bambina per te. Ricordo anche che ebbi il mio primo attacco di panico, davvero brutto. Perciò sì io ti penso ancora, sempre, in ogni luogo... A Sapri, a luglio con Alessia, le mostrai diversi luoghi. Non ricordavo di avere tutta quella forza per ripercorrere quelle stradine, mi ricordavo di tutto quel dolore provato, di quando ti salutai l'ultima volta credendo che mi amassi, di quando avevi vomitato ed io volevo darti comunque un bacio, ma tu me lo negasti. Effettivamente faceva schifo ma non so forse dentro di me sapevo che poteva essere l'ultimo. Ecco io l'ultimo bacio nostro non lo ricordo. Questa cosa mi manda fuori di testa. Ricordo però l'ultima volta in cui io ti ho detto di amarti. Io non penso tu mi abbia mai amata allo stesso modo. Sai a dicembre io un pò mi sono sentita bene, perchè tu eri pentito e si vedeva: dopo un anno e mezzo mi scrivevi, mi chiedevi come stessi, se ero tornata a casa. E io un pò ti ho perdonato, forse risentendo ciò che provavo per te, ricordo che mi dicesti di parlare di una cosa a te cara su degli scogli, o che i miei occhi sono come paesaggi, o roba simile hahahah. Ed io non sai quanto ci penso, so che ti penserò per sempre. Una sera ad agosto stavo con dei miei amici e anche il mio ex, già all'ora ex, ricordo di essermi messa su un divanetto al mare, era in realtà molto tardi tipo 3 di notte, faceva un freddo cane, e pensavo tantissimo. Il mare mi fa questo effetto, un pò come facevano i tuoi occhi. E io pensavo, davvero molto, ahhaha sul serio sono ripetitiva ma stavo lì ferma (come sempre anche col telefono morto) però è stato confortevole. Fissavo le onde, si appoggiavano delicatamente alla riva, mi sono sentita di poterle salpare con la mente; in quel momento ho pensato ad una persona a me vicina che è venuta a mancare, le ho chiesto di aiutarmi; e poi ho pensato a te, "chissà cosa starà facendo", "con chi sarà", soprattutto mi chiedevo se tu mai pensavi a noi, a me. Non saprò mai se tu mi apprezzi quanto io ho fatto con te, non saprò se realmente noi siamo stati solo uno sbaglio, una piccola svista, ma se un giorno, lontano, vorrai ritornare nella nostra casa le mie braccia riconosceranno ancora le tue. Se non lo farai figurati me ne farò una ragione, come ho fatto per questi anni, ma sappi che nella mia mente ci sarai sempre, in un piccolo cassetto. Ti voglio bene, con dolore, sofferenza, stanca di tutto, cercherò di volertene sempre, anche quando sarò arrabbiata con te per avermi distrutto un pò la concezione dell'amore. Ma se pensi che ti odio beh sbagli di grosso, aspetterei una tua chiamata fino a quando ne ho coscienza. Nel frattempo vedrò di imparare a suonare un pò l'ukulele. Ciao ciao

Yesterday I could not sleep, so I just thought of us kissing and other things that I can’t write on here, and it worked. Is that bad and wrong?

I wonder what you are doing lately. Do you even go out?

haii, sorry for reaching out to you again after everything. i know maybe this message comes at the wrong time, especially now when your life already seems happier and calmer without me in it. but before i completely let this feeling go, i think i just need to say a few things honestly, at least for myself. first of all, i’m sorry if i ever became someone who made your life feel heavier or more complicated. maybe i handled things the wrong way, maybe i kept too many things to myself, or maybe i ended up hurting you without even realizing it. if i ever did, i truly didn’t mean to, and i’m really sorry for that. i also wanna apologize for reaching out to you again. i already know you have a girlfriend now, and honestly, seeing that made me realize that maybe you finally found someone who can give you the kind of love and certainty that i couldn’t give back then. and genuinely, i hope both of you stay together no matter what happens. i hope she treats you gently, and i hope life feels kinder to you now. you don’t have to reply to this, and i hope this message doesn’t make things uncomfortable for you. i’m not trying to bring back the past, i just felt like i needed to finally say these things honestly. thank you too, for everything you’ve ever done for me. thank you for always being kind to me even when i was difficult to understand. thank you for your patience, your effort, your presence, and all the little things you probably thought i never noticed. i did notice them. i always will. about the gift you gave me before, i’m really sorry i couldn’t turn it into a vlog or post it the way you maybe expected. i actually kept it quietly and accepted it as a birthday gift. i’m just not someone who’s good at expressing things publicly like that. i never really had the courage to record moments or openly show how i feel. maybe because deep down, i overthink everything too much. and i’m sorry too if back then i ended up hurting you, especially when your feelings were genuine. the truth is, at that time i was still trying to recover from my previous relationship. i was exhausted mentally and emotionally, and it changed the way i see myself. it made me feel like i was never really enough for anyone, like no matter how hard i try, i always end up choosing the wrong person or arriving at the wrong time. when we first became friends, honestly i only saw you as someone comforting to talk to. but slowly, i realized the way you cared about me was different, and maybe that’s where things became complicated. while you were brave enough to show your feelings, i was still trying to heal from my past and make peace with myself. looking back at everything now, i realize i was still carrying a lot of unresolved feelings within myself back then. i was trying to heal while also trying to understand who i was, and maybe that’s why everything felt so complicated. please don’t ever think that i never appreciated you, because i truly did. maybe not in the way you wanted, and maybe not at the right time, but your existence genuinely meant something to me. i know after this we’ll probably continue our lives separately again, and that’s okay. i just hope that one day, when you remember me, it won’t only remind you of confusion or pain. i hope there’s at least one small memory of us that still feels warm somehow. thank you for being part of my story, even if only for a short while. and once again, i’m sorry for everything. 🤍

I know you have a boyfriends now. Ever since they day layed my eyes on you i started to develop from a small crush to someone that mattered more then my friends. When i heard news that you got a boyfriend i felt betrayed by someone i never had a chance with yet i also felt happy hoping your boyfriend would treat you the way you deserve. People talk about giving princess treatment to people you care about but for me your the brightest start that would always make my day just by texting you. I truly hop we get to talk again some day but maybe this time as friends since you really are a great person and when life gets hard for you, you can always just text me asking for help and ill do my best.