Unsent

I still am waiting for your answer, it’s so pathetic you’d probably never see this confessions right? I still like you. Sincerely so and it pains me on a daily basis to think you’d give no shits about me haha funny right? Cause who am I to be talking.

hi this is me, Muhammad Firdaus Hakimi or for those who know me online might know me as Yori/Kiro. I'm writing this letter as a thanks to everyone who have been parts of my life throughout my journey, the up and down. I believe that I haven't took my time to properly thank everyone, so this would be this letter's purpose. First, my mom. Thanks alot for raising me as your youngest son, you raised me to become a strong boy in this world, but it has come to me that your strong boy is getting weak by bottling everything inside his heart. Little by little he tried to take it out without relying on anyone to prove that he's strong, but he didn't notice that it became overwhelming day by day inside his heart. I would like to apologize for every second that I've isolated myself from the place called "home". You never failed to raise me ma, I just failed to become the son that you wanted. Orang mintak maaf sangat mama. Sayang mama To my dad, even though we only get to live together for 5 years. I really appreciate you as my dad, you played a crucial role even while being far away from me and that is heaven. I would've love to grow with you, but fate is quiet cruel for you, the day that you let out your last breath is the day that I hate the world the most, and now? I still do. How is it up there ayah? May I ask if you reserved a place for me? I would love to be your little son again. Saya rindu ayah sangat. Sayang ayah To my brother, I hope that your marriage stay blessed till the end. I hope that your son Ayden will grow up to be a stronger men than both of us. But if I could ask for one thing, please help our mom once in a while. She's really struggling to help the family all on her own, would you lend your hand for her again? Thank you abang. To my sisters, this might be a really long one since I have 4 sisters. To my eldest sister, thank you for supporting mama every day. I can't help but feel in debt for everything you've done for the family. And fyi, I never asked for anything so that you can help mama more. But you can also give gifts to other siblings to, just not for me. Our mom needs it the most. Thank you isya. ------------ To my second sister, I know your struggling alot with life. But I could never reach out because I was drowning too. I would never blame you for how you act, I know how hard has it been for you and I could be the witness. I hope you stay strong and keep living life till it starts getting better. Thank you Sarah. --------- To my third sister, thanks for always having my back. Even though sometimes we might've quarrel a lot, but there's far more of your great deeds to me more than those quarrel. Thank you for always accompanying mom when no one couldn't, thank you for listening to her stories. Thank you awin. ---------- To my fourth sister, we relate a lot don't we? Everytime I heard your playlist playing I realized most of it is in mine too, it feels like we have a lot of matching stuffs in life. Your food taste, your style and sort of your life style too. It's hard to find someone to relate with, thank you Manda. ---- To my friends, I've written a separate letter for you guys. And to those who are extra special, you might be lucky enough to have my own letter to you. ----

Dear M, Im in the train heading to Txxxxxg for my driving lessons and all I can think of is you.. I dnt know what is happening with me but I am constantly thinking of you. I sometimes have to avoid you at work as I feel awkward and gets jealous of other girls around you.. What should I do?

I've received the anonymous letter you submitted here.. thank you for thinking about me, I'll be alright and I hope you'll be alright too, I'll love you always too but loving someone doesn't always mean staying with them, I'll always be by your side even after years apart.. thank you for making my life so special.. I hope you'll soon find the girl who will be patient for you and love you more than I ever did, all the best for everything in your life dear, I'll always be grateful for this part of my life.. Yours truly ~your Nilu

I am writing this because I am certain you will never see it. I love you and with all that we’ve been through I have to say it, because I’ll probably never be able to tell you in person. I want to hear your voice, your sweet laugh, and the jokes that would always make me smile. I miss your support and our facetime’s. I’m pretty sure I just miss you. I hope football is going well and praying you have a great upcoming season for your senior year. I’ll be at every game. Anyways I’m one TEXT away. If you do ever see this Im hoping you’ll put the pieces together with the spotify link and finally talk to me, just joking, maybe Ill work up the courage. Love, 8/18 (Ps, if you do find this dont tell anyone, I want to keep us a secret and make sure we take it slow next time.)

Hope this letter finds you in good health and spirit. we are not together anymore, and the reason is me, well, i'm happy that you got rid of the worst human ever, but am sad for not being able to be the best partner. idk if you'll ever come across this msg or not, but if u do, ik you'll know who i am : ) you are the best person i met in my life, and will be so, i will love you forever and will secretly be your well wisher. you're my idol, my inspiration, my dream, my aspiration, my love, my everything <3 . but i think this was our fate, yet, i'll say this was the best part of my life, thank you for everything, i'm truly grateful to you. i want to say a lot of things more but i think somethings should be kept private...just in case...i get to meet you again...or if u start loving me again....we may share...hehe....i love you dear....wish you all the best for your future : ) From, SG

i don’t remember when i stopped hating you. i don’t remember when you became someone i didn’t ever want to lose. i don’t remember when i fell in love with you. i know you think i hated you when you called me ‘jimmy’ but i didn’t. i thought you were cool then, not because you figured out my gender years ahead of me, but because you actually paid attention to me. we had a running joke, sure it led to me getting pissed of a few times but i never hated you for it. what i did hate you for was taking her away. 13 years old and you were the worst thing to ever happen to me. she stopped talking to me as much, she would only ever talk to you, she got so visibly depressed it was hard to watch. i’ve never admitted this but when she said you were planning to kill yourself, i had a tiny part of me celebrate. i knew it was wrong but the thought of having her back was intoxicating. looking back i can see why people thought me and her were in love. but you didn’t die that night, or the week after, after a month or so i got over myself and realized you weren’t going anywhere. whatever, i guess life really does go on. then you started dating her. fuck this. there was no getting rid of you now that you were her boyfriend. when i started to sit with you and her more i would fight you every single fucking day. you always won because your teeth were sharper and my stupid eating disorder i still can’t shake made me too weak to realistically do anything. but then she would start skipping. she would start getting sick every week. we would be left alone together. and we started to talk, like really talk. the first bits were odd at best and boring at worst, you would ask me about cats, fruit, my sister. i would answer and ask back. nothing hard. but then we would start to be alone more. we would run out of easy topics we would talk about being trans, being neurodivergent, our family life. we would sneak off to the out of bounds bushes with two cigarettes, a dollar lighter, and a bottle of her perfume. meet in public bathrooms but instead of her perfume it would be a stolen bottle from any chemist we could find. we would sit on hills with a henna cone while we talked about how similar we really are. i wonder if that had anything to do with my hatred for you. we just grew closer. she found a new friend for the group and they worked together like bread and wine in church. so naturally we became a pair. it was weird. i had spent my whole life with almost no friends aside from her. and even when i had friends, they would always prefer someone over me. i think that was when i stopped calling her my best friend too. but this, us, we felt good really good. maybe a started to see him as someone i wouldn’t mind dating after they broke up but stayed friends. but really who cares if i put on lipgloss before i saw you because you said you liked it once. it was no ones business but mine. then came new years. we swam in the river and you were so cold i gave you my jersey, you wore it for so much longer than you needed to. we smoked the last of my pack on the beach, and drunk a couple vodka sodas with the others. the res is a bit o a blur. we broke into the cleaning closet to cover up the smokey smell, i left my phone on the beach and at some point while we were walking back to the beach you told me that was your best friend because ‘who else would it be?’ you cut my hair short and i had a lot of transgender thoughts, then there were the shots, the other two left because one of them is performative about her drinking and didn’t actually want to get drunk, while the other is to good of a friend. so we were alone. we drank and drank and kissed a lot on the way. i don’t think i was in love with you then but my god am i now.

Ada pertemuan yang hadir hanya sekadar singgah, namun cukup memberi ketenangan yang indah. Kerap berkongsi rasa dan cerita, mengisi waktu dengan sederhana tetapi sangat bermakna. Meski jalan tidak lagi sehala, terima kasih pinjamkan bahagia walau hanya sementara

hope you're doing well in ur dream college ,i will always love u no matter what ..ilysmmm

I don't know why I'm writing this. You won't read it. Maybe that's exactly why I can. I'm not angry anymore. I'm not even sad in the way I used to be. It's something quieter now... like standing in a room where music used to play. We could have been so good. We could have been so many things. And yet we ended up being this. I need to tell you something. I'm not Al anymore. I'm not your Alex. That version of me... she ceased to exist the moment we did. I spent years slowly disappearing inside the relationship, wearing strength like armor, holding everyone up because I told myself you weren't ready yet. That you were still learning how to carry yourself, let alone the world. So I carried it for both of us. I carried it until my arms gave out and I didn't even recognize them as mine anymore. But she's gone now. And I don't mourn her. I'm Ro. Just Ro. The real one, the one that was always underneath all that weight, waiting for someone to finally put it down. I'm learning her. I'm learning that I don't have to bleed to prove I love someone. That love isn't supposed to leave marks. And you, my little girl... my Stepi. My unexpected rain. You came into my life like weather I didn't check the forecast for. My storm. My deep, dark ocean that I kept diving into even when I couldn't breathe underwater. You are cold to the bone, my love, cold in a way that goes deeper than skin... and yet you look like a ray of sunshine. You fool everyone. You almost fooled me. Almost. Your cold is so constant, so patient, that it stops feeling like cold after a while. It starts to feel like fire. It burns. It marks. It stays. And I think that was always your most dangerous gift... making people confuse your frost for warmth, your distance for depth, your wounds for walls that were just waiting to come down. And those eyes. God, those eyes. Blue like the ocean I drowned in, blue like the sky I looked at every morning when I woke up and thought of you before I even thought of myself. I will never forget your eyes as long as I live. I don't want to. They're mine to keep, even if you aren't. You grew up in a place where toxicity was the language everyone spoke. And you learned it fluently, not because you're cruel, but because it was the only tongue that ever made sense to you. That's what breaks my heart the most. Not what you did. But why. You don't know another way to love because no one ever showed you one. And I tried. God, I tried. I gave you everything that was in my hands, in my mind, in my body. Everything that lived in my heart. And none of it was enough, not because I was insufficient, but because you can't fill a wound from the outside. I can't save someone who doesn't know they need saving. I can't show someone their toxicity when that toxicity feels like home to them. I can't make you see the fog when you've lived in it so long you think it's just the air. My poor girl. So lost. So confused. Living in a cold, humid, rainy climate, longing for the warmth of summer but flinching every time the sun gets too close. From strangers to lovers. From lovers to something dangerous and sweet. From danger to war. From war to enemies. From enemies to something like death. And from death... to this. To grief. To a letter you'll never read. Our story was always twisted. Always melancholic. Beautiful the way storms are beautiful. From a distance. I can't do anything for you anymore. I've done everything within my power and more. And now I have to carry my life for myself. Not for you, not for anyone else. Just me. Just Ro. I hope one day the fog lifts for you. I hope one day you find your summer. But I can't wait in the cold anymore. I loved you. Entirely. Recklessly. In a way I hadn't even learned yet. And I'm finally, finally letting that be enough

Wow, I wrote a lot of messages here today, I just found out about it. I hope you see this one day, my love.

I never thought I would send something like this to you again , especially after what you said to me at the end of 2024. After that day I just isolated myself for some time I'll take about it at end But here I am. Let's look one after one . "Nee frnds yadavalu ani nenu ante naatho orgue chesav naatho matladadam maanesav " Did I Stop talking to you for that reason? Funny Evaro L ante nen accept chesa , chats enjoy chesa , question cheledhu ? I have to mention this..! Valu chats lo natho eppudu aa word use cheyyaledhu. More over, they used code names in front of me. If you don’t want to believe, ask your friends. Ni name ae use cheyyanappudu, how can I even ask them? Appatiki vaditho antha bond kuda ledhu. Only okasari bike lo velinappudu indirect ga cheppa — “Mana intlo kuda ammayilu unnaru ga man… what if someone treats them like this? Will you accept it?” ani. “And you started blaming me.” Blaming you? Apatki nenu em cheppanu ante — “Just jagrathaga ra… it’s better to stop. Inka matladaku. Valu ninu normal ga chudatledhu…” ani. Anthe. Exactly idhe cheppa. I can still remember — water plant daggara nilchuni cheppa. "Nannu vadhilinchukovadaaniki oka pedda story cheppi nannu VP chesav 🙌🏻" Aa story endhuku create chesano… I already explained with those 2 screenshots.(First time explain chesnapudu) In those chats, you were just whispering one thing — to break this bond. You wanted it to end. Appudu naku vere option kanipinchaledhu. If breaking it is what gives you peace… then what else could I do? Naaku nee happiness kanna important inkem ledhu. Yes… I did it. "Nenu correct anadam ley , Nedhi thappu antunna" Yes macha… ippudu nee current version lo chusthe, nadhe thappu. Chala sarlu anukunna — ila cheyakunda undalsindhi ani. Andaru ammayilaki jarigedhi niku avvakudadhu anukunna. Life ni experience tho nerchukovali ani telusu… but na friend life lo bad experience undakudadhu ani protect cheyadaniki try chesi… thappu chesa. "Kavalane vadhilinchukunnav ga ??" Exactly same thing okaroju ninnu nenu adiga macha — “Vadhilinchukodaniki godavapaduthunava?” ani. Appudu nuvvu, “Na friend naku adhi inka nerpinchaledhu ra” annav. Ippudu nenu adugutunna… Did you ever think, ade friend wanted ga idhi chesadu just because he didn’t want to be with you? "Or nee frnds annattu nenu L ani feel ayyi vadhilinchukunnavaa ??" If I really felt for you like this so called “L”… chepthuna ga, ni face kuda chuse vadini kadhu anthe kani… “So and so people tho undaku, they’re not treating you well… stop it” ani cheppe vadini kadhu. I wouldn’t have tried to control you. I would’ve just walked away silently. "I think Creating stories to blame someone is also easy" Did I create a story to blame ? I created it for my favorite persons happiness. To give her what she wished for. If you still feel it was just to vadhilinchukodanike… then you already have your answer. I think yaa i have covered everything 🩷 As I mentioned let's talk about it at end Maybe you’re only looking at your side of the coin the part that feels clear and justified to you. But what about the grey areas? What about the other side… the part you never tried to see? I have Even tried till the end to save this , even i have tried after stating this will be the last time . I have tried till that day in 2024 ( i exactly don't remember that date) after that I felt like... Hoo so to listen this im here? Maybe. Then i stopped there After that, I went through a lot, macha — things you never knew about . Some of them are still nightmares for me. And honestly, I don’t want you to know them either. If I decide to question, there are many things I can bring up. But I stayed silent. Not because I was wrong, because I didn’t want to hurt you more.

I saw that my message last night is still on delivered. I feel like you restricted me. Thinking about that actually hurts, but what can I do? If that’s the only right thing for you to not feel me again, then I should accept it. I know it’s my fault. I was actually lying cy☹️even if I say it’s fine, deep down it makes me sad. I really wanted to talk to you, but I know that will probably never happen. Gosh, I wish I never let my thoughts stop me from showing my affection to you. If only I could break this wall I built between us, maybe I could feel you again. But if I did that, where would my self-respect be? Am I too selfish for choosing to stay silent instead of telling you that I want you here with me? I just can’t explain how much you matter to me. Believe me, I made the right decision to let you go. But the consequences made me realize that letting others love the woman I want didn’t make it easier to unlove you. I really thought it would. But as time goes by, I hate thinking of you with someone else, and those thoughts feel like they’re poisoning my mind. I can’t find the strength to send this message directly to you, so I’m leaving it here instead. I believe in God’s timing— for us to work things out at the right time and with the right decisions. I still believe in us, in everything about us. I’m walking away, but I still believe that maybe, at the right time and in the right place, our eyes will meet again-full of unspoken thoughts. I hope you’ll look at me the same way again.. If this year is still not meant for me to have you, then I’ll choose myself for now. But if our paths never cross again and God doesn’t give me another chance, then I hope I can see you one last time before I learn to love someone else.

i love you

I miss you. i miss you terribly. It’s only been 2 weeks. i just want you to be okay. You had so much going on in your life and i wanted to be there for you so badly. but instead. you pushed me away. I can’t hate you for that. I know i can be overwhelming. but i know you still care. i know neither of us really want this. Or at least i hope. I know i don’t want this. You say it’s because you can’t give me what i need. but you were everything and more to me… you still are. you could never do any wrong in my eyes. I can’t eat, i can’t sleep. i can’t focus on anything. it always comes back to you. I understand i invested too much time into you. i lost myself. in you. I get that. i’m just asking for another chance. the space we built together. the routine. I think the routine broke us. it became predictable. but there is something that soothes in routine. I crave the spontaneity… at times. but i mostly crave your time. your presence. your kind looks. that is what is making this so hard. You welcomed me into your life, your world, your culture. When you left. i didn’t just lose you. i lost my hope. my spark. you took that all with you. you say it’s for the best for both of us. but you are the only one gaining in this. I love you. deeply. I don’t want to beg. i don’t want to chase. i’m not going to. you need time. you need space. i could have given you this. if only you had spoken to me. you don’t have to make these decisions alone. you don’t have to walk through life alone. I was there for you. you were there for me. and now you’re gone. you’ve pruned the branches of my heart until it feels like it can grow no more. I know that when you cut hedges the leaves grow back stronger and full of life. But you didn’t have to cut me out. this is destroying me. mentally and physically. i’m exhausted. and call me selfish call me mean. but i resent you for being fine. i speak to our mutuals. they told me you’re already out with other people. taking your life back from this grip i seemed to have on you. it wasn’t on purpose. if i made you feel smothered. if i made you uncomfortable. it’s the only love i know. i’m takin this time to work on myself. We both need time. and space. i’m just hoping that when you get to that point. you look for the possibility that i can be the one to support you again. Please don’t be a stranger.

i wish you would let me love you. i think we would be great together. maybe in another life

I will always love you my wifey… Bye aliy😊

I honestly didn’t think malli ila oka letter rayalsina time vasthundani 🥲 After that first one, I really believed we’d go back to how we used to be. But… no. Chala chepav. So let’s address one by one. First… “I don’t deserve this” ani matladadam stop chey. Nuvvu a context lo ela antunnavo naku nijanga ardham kaledu. Nuvvu enduku ala feel avtunnavo teliyadu. Kani nenu “I’m serious” ani cheppinappudu — adhi casual ga, flow lo, leda emotion lo cheppaledu. Nuvvu deserve aa kaadha ane vishayam kaadhu issue. Issue enti ante — nuvvu clarity tho lekapovadam. Confusion ni handle cheyyagalanu. Distance ni kuda manage cheyyagalanu. Kani uncertainty matram kastam. “You deserve better” ani chepi velipodam easy option naku . But Clarity ivvadam — adhe real maturity. Next… “Why only me?” ani adigav. “Why only you?” ante… nijanga naku clear answer ledu. - Adhi tharvatha matladukundham. But “Why not others?” — let’s talk about that. Nenu evaritho matladina andharu same avvaru. Yes, naku chala friends unnaru, Close people kuda unnaru. Kani andhartho same type of bond undadhu ga? Right? Connection ante random ga create avvadhu. It doesn’t happen just because we talk daily. It doesn’t happen just because we’re comfortable. Nuvvu different kabatti nenu serious ga unna. Nuvvu important kabatti nenu clarity adugutunna. If you were just “one more person” in that list of friends, nenu ee conversation kuda start cheyyaledu. “You notice small things, I feel happy” annav. Honestly… naku chala happy anipinchindhi. At least nenu ninnu care chesthunna ani nuvvu ardham chesukunnav. “But I’m stuck… choosing my life. Correct decision thiskuntunnana? Leda wrong way velthunnana?” annav. See… Decision correct aa wrong aa ani immediate ga evaru cheppaleru. Not me. Not even top rankers or most successful people. - Time matrame answer istundi. Kani okati matram cheppagalanu — idhi workout ayithe… “Not every man is the same” ani nenu prove cheyalanukunna. Force ga kaadhu. Words tho kaadhu. Consistency tho. But before all that… oka question neeku neevu adugu Nuvvu fear tho decide chesthunava? Leda clarity tho? Yaa i think I have addressed everything ... Maybe niku kavalsina answers dhorikay Anukunta 🥲 And in next one let's talk about my side my point of view 🫶