I miss you

I hate you so much but I cant help but miss you,, I wish you actually liked me instead of 40 other girls. -du vet vem

hi just so you know ive been trying to yk become chalant for you again bcs i truly like you and i want us to be together i have fallen in love with that damn smile i can never forgive myself for being avoidant or distancing myself all becuase i thought i was going to get hurt but please youre too good to be true no youre not toxic please come back my sweet boy i miss you sm i cant handle the fact that i have to face you at class and that we are good friends only no we are not and im so sorry we can make this work please come back my sweet boy...

Heyy, alles Gute zum Geburtstag, Baby❤️ Ich wünsche dir einen richtig schönen Tag, mein Herz.Ich hoffe dass all deine Wünsche in Erfüllung gehen. Danke, dass du immer für mich da bist. Du bist ein unglaublich wichtiger Mensch für mich und ich bin froh, dass es dich gibt. Du hast nur das Beste verdient. Ich wollte dir nur sagen, dass ich jede Sekunde mit dir liebe. Ich liebe es, wenn du mich mit deinen schönen Augen anguckst oder mich küsst, und ich liebe dich so sehr.❣️ Ich hoffe, wir werden immer zusammenbleiben, weil ich mir keine Zukunft ohne dich vorstellen kann. Auch wenn wir uns öfter mal streiten oder nicht verstehen, werde ich dich immer lieben. Ich will auch nicht, dass du dich selbst verletzt oder dir etwas antust, weil ich dich nicht verlieren will. Und du sagst manchmal, dass du hässlich bist, aber du bist wirklich das schönste Mädchen, das ich kenne mit deinen wunderschönen Augen und deinen hübschen Haaren. Ich liebe auch dein Lächeln, es ist wirklich so süß. Und wenn ich gesagt habe, dass ich Blond mehr mag, liebe ich trotzdem deine Haare.Sie sind Wunderschön.Ich liebe auch, wie hilfsbereit du immer bist. Ich liebe einfach alles an dir.❤️ Ich weiß, wir kennen uns noch nicht so lange, aber du bist schon eine wichtige Person in meinem Leben geworden. Wir verstehen uns so gut, und ich bin so froh, dass ich dir geschrieben habe. Ich wollte dich ja auch fragen, ob du meine Freundin sein willst, aber du hast mich ja davor gefragt. Darüber bin ich auch froh. Und wegen Snapchat: Ich verspreche , ich liebe nur dich und niemanden anders. Alle anderen sind mir unwichtig. Ich will nur dich, das verspreche ich dir. Deshalb musst du auch nicht eifersüchtig sein, weil ich nur dich will. Und die drei Tage, in denen ich bei dir übernachtet habe, waren die besten drei Tage meines Lebens. Nicht nur wegen, du weißt schon, sondern auch allgemein. Selbst wenn wir nichts gemacht haben, habe ich es wirklich geliebt. Ich könnte noch so viel mehr schreiben, aber dann wird der Text viel zu lang. Alles Gute zum Geburtstag. Ich wünsche dir nur das Allerbeste. Du bist die beste Freundin der Welt und ich hab dich immer ganz, ganz, ganz dolle lieb, Babyyyyy ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

God I need a mentor like you again. Sometimes I wish you had emailed me back 6 years ago, you promised you would. I think about that silly book series about Peter and Fudge more than I should. My brother and I laugh about it on occasion. Your voice talent was very impressive. Although to him, you were a small inconsequential piece of his life. To me, you were a foundational block that I will never be able to move. He will never know, no one will ever know, that you were the first woman to see into my head and give me the greatest gift of all, support without strings attached. It meant the world to me to be given something so precious as your advice and guidance. And oh how I miss you, you were so beautiful and always so kind to me. Always figured I would be the Twilight to your Princess Celestia but unfortunately life gets in the way of desired outcomes. I still use that email btw…

halo, 1 o'clock. zero o'clock nya udah lewat. hari ini balpon, kita ahad. aku abis nangis, aku nangisin kamarmu daritadi. aku gatau deh aku harus gimana bsk disana, kayany tambah gila deh, hahaha. omg i start cryin again, keyboardnya udh ngeblur astaga. abis itu aku buka sg mu, fotoo sama anak pare, huft, kapan ya aku bisa seleluasa itu post foto brg kamu? tadi smpet vc, 80% paused video wkwk. abis vc aku ingetin mandi, malah ngasi kabar bobo sm yg laiin, aduuh, sial bgt hidup jadi aku. aku ngantuk, tapi kalo aku tidur keadaan gini, pasti bsk pagi matanya kaya dientup tawon, jadi abis ini aku mau ke kamar mandi, mau kompres mata dulu, abis itu tidur, kamu jangan bobo malem malem ya, gabaik, wkwk. makasih, duluan.

hallo? haha, i just trying (again) another stuff. do u ever feeling like u miss me? akuu kangen kamuuu bgtt astagaa. emm, ini mungkin model lain dari sts ya? sama sama bisa ngirim laguu. i write this at h-2 balpon (kita) karena aslinya besokk, tapi we're both have smth to do, jd ngaret wkwk. jujur aku cuma nyoba2 website sih, mungkin aku bakal pake kalo pas di lab gabut. this website is alr the third website i've ever try. yg pertama jelas sts, yg kedua apaa yaa gatau deh wkwkw. maybe that's all? aku gatau mau ngetik apalagi, not have a good day yet, a basic day i had going through lately, kecuali pas kamu vc aku sih hehehe. tapi km vc aku pun sering bgt "paused" garagara buka platform lain, huh. kita liburan ini ngga banyak telponan, kamu sibuk sendiri, entah sama cewemu yg rewel itu atau sama kegiatan mu yang luarbiasa padet itu. kamu bisa vc aku jg kayanya garagara kegiatanmu padet, jadi cewemu gabisa nemenin, trus gatau deh gunanya aku apa juga. ini cuma prasangkaku aja ya, gatau bener apa ngga nya. udah ah, udah maghrib, aku tutup ya, have a nice day. (just in case u always have me, "i'm here for you, still")

hi, i wanna say how i appreciate you so much.. lantakla berapa kali pun aku nk bagitau jugak.. ily twin 🫠🫰.. hope you have the a bright future!! if you have any sad feelings, i would like to know what is it.. even if i can't comfort you like you do to me.. But i will listen to it dearly... Please reach me if u have anything to share, would love to know, to support, to listen!! love you girll 🩷

i miss you so bad sweet girl. i’m so so sorry i couldn’t take your pain away. i love you addybug. i’ll see you on the other side.🕊️ until we meet again, layla💛.

hi, I miss you. I didn’t think losing you would be this hard. I took our relationship for granted. I hope you’re doing well. I know you said to please bother you but I can’t help but think it’s only making things worse for you. Come back to me lunch line.

As much as I try to not think about you, I do everyday. There are little pieces of you that I run into that bring me back to when you were in my life. Everytime I see Hydrangeas, especially the blue ones, I think of you. When I go to the cafe, I see your order in my head, a tall Chai with oatmilk, because milk makes you fart. Not that you were shy about that. When I see that one reaction picture with the smiling chihuahua, I see you. I physically cannot bring myself to make tiramisu anymore because all I remember is how much you loved it. I still find myself scanning ingredients for mustard because you're allergic. The other day I saw some Sony angels that were on sale, you would've loved that. It's getting warm out, and I'm sure you feel good to not have to wear a jacket everywhere now. Bruno played your favorite song at the concert, I would've loved to have sung that with you. I try not to, but I wonder if you see me in your life in the same way. The worst of this all is that I still see you. I still see you from time to time in my life, as we run into each other. And every time I am too weak to look at you, because if I did, I would have to watch you leave again. There's so much I wish I could say to you, but the healthiest thing to do is to leave it as is. You'll never know it, but I miss you.

hi mahal ko, i just want to greet you lang ulit na happy second monthsary satinn :p mahal na mahal kita. thank you for staying here by my side even though sometimes you feel like i’m pushing you away. thank you for loving me loud enough to make me feel how much you love me. thank you for always telling and making me feel that i’m worth loving. im glad kasi it’s you mahal, it’s you the one who’s loving and making me completely. wala na akong iba pang gusto :( kasi sa totoo lang babi sobra sobra pa yung meron akong ikaw eh. im lucky because i have a girlfriend like shaine. everyone deserves shaine in their life and im happy because i have mine. (sana soon talaga makita ko na ikaw so that i can kiss you /hj) this year or maybe next year right after i graduate, diba sabi ko sayo po na gusto kitang puntahan? i meant that kasi i want to hug you so tight and i never want to let go :(. sana rin na palagi akong may babi, and if dumating man yung time na she got tired, sana sakin niya pa rin hanapin yung pahingang minsan niyang naramdaman sakin at hindi mawala kung ano man yung nakita niya sakin para mahalin ako. : ( here lang ako palagi mahal, hindi na ako aalis. hindi na kita iiwan.

U love you

There's so much I want to say but I just don't know how to say it, I dont want to just make this me saying I'm sorry over and over again but I feel like that what it's gonna end up being.. the biggest regret I have is not ever making clear enough how I truly felt and not staying for when it got too hard, I should've done so much more to prove I loved you, I should've done more to fight for the relationship and just tell you regardless of how much I was going through that I never wanted to shut you out, I just got scared and didn't want to hurt you anymore than I thought I did, only that inevitably just ended up having the complete opposite affect.. I left everytime because I couldn't handle being your friend loving you the way I did.. I tried so hard to suppress and essentially kill the emotions I had for you to be there for you, but when you wanted me to help you with your current relationship.. it destroyed me, I never wanted to ever be in the position where I was anything other than yours, it hurt so badly to know I couldn't love you the way I truly wanted to and I felt selfish knowing my own love for you was in the way of being there for you, I never truly felt like I was able to be there for you the way I was before and now I'm left so lost knowing I can't love you or help you, but the feelings have always stayed, they never faded, I still wake up wanting to text you good morning and that I love you, I still want to spend my life with you regardless of everything, but I know things are far too gone to ever expect any kind of future together, and I'm sorry. I don't know what to do to move on, I don't feel attraction to women like I do with you, I don't feel the love or the spark we had, when I saw you for the first time, something in me felt like you were the one for me, and now I'm stuck trying to reassemble the pieces to a puzzle that simply can't be completed. I'm so scared Vanessa..I'm so alone and terrified I'm losing myself in the grief.. I used to be a sweet person..I just don't care anymore..this love is killing my soul..I don't know how to live without loving you..I don't want to live in a reality where I have to "love" someone else. I tried and it just doesn't work, I gave it so much time and it just never feels right. It just feels like I've been in the wrong timeline since we broke up..I need help so badly..I beg the universe everyday to just make it make sense. Regardless of anything I will always love you, you have always be my first and only love, I may be a goldfish but our love will stick with me forever regardless if I want it or not, and I refuse to "love" someone else when I don't, even if that means being single until death, I can at least know I at one point felt true love, and that almost makes it okay..It just kills me to know I can't love you the way I truly want to. I want to say I love you so badly and for you to know I really mean it, I want to hug and kiss you and never let go, I wish I wasn't just so young and stupid and maybe I could've seen it all more clearly.. I went on a trip and took some acid and it's reopened everything Ive been suppressing for years..a part of it's made me remember how much I miss human contact..a big part of it made me remember how much i loved yours.. I tried dating after you.. it just didn't work..I never felt even a slight amount of love towards them..and that only made me feel worse..so I'm just gonna stick to myself until hopefully maybe one day I'll be ready to love again..you told me I was your first love.. you will always be my first and only love, I love you so much Vanessa, I really truly do..

Ryan, whenever I think of you I think of just how lucky I am and truly think I have met the one and only love of my life. I never understood when people said “when you know you know” and when I met you I knew, I knew that i selfishly never want anyone to have you the way I do, and I can’t bare to see you in someone else’s arms but mine, and even if there’s struggle and sometimes might not feel like it’s meant to be I’m willing to get over that just to be with you and I pray that you let me make you the happiest person and I promise to never do anything less than that, because your smile is already something I’d risk my whole life fir just to catch a glimpse of it.

I love you so so so much. Why why do you hate me? Please you were always my John doe and you were always so cool and mysterious so please please please dont leave me to the wolves. It hurts being alone i cant stand it please i need you to love me. You are all that I care about you are all I need so dont hate me. Dont you ever hate me.

I’m just so upset that there’s a chance we cant do all the little things I wanted to do, that’s what I get for fantasizing to much, because I REALLY wanted to get high and eat brownies with you, you deserve a good real brownie, made from love, and my love is the best love yo, especially when it comes to baking, it’s too bad I can’t get a clear sign on your arrival yet, I hate that so bad, I hate it, I still feel like I care more than you, but then I tend to remember you saying you would spend a lot of your time trying to figure me out, not just thinking about me romantically like you’d think about a crush, like ACTUALLY try to figure out every little piece of me, that really stuck with me, you’re the only person that cared about me on a deep level, it also stuck with me when you said I’m the first person to give you an in depth reason on why I like your energy, I love that those words made you feel happy, because everything I said was true, all my friends wanted you out my life and I still stayed, idk why… even when you asked why am I staying even if they wanted you gone, I still had no clear idea on why, I just knew to keep you in my life, I hope I don’t regret that?? because I truly hate wasting my time, that’s the number one thing that pisses me off jitterbug… I have faith..

Hey, I don't even know what to write about you here. I just thought about you today. It's been months now, but I could not move. I tried and tried and tried. Now, I don't think about you much. It is hard for me, but what else can I do? We don't talk now but back then you were the only one for me. You were the safest space for me, I can't go back, can I? You promised me that you would never leave me in the middle of nowhere but you always did that and this time too. But why? Because everyone said that you were ruining my life?Because that's what you told me when I asked you why you left me like that. You did not even try nor did I. Well, what's left of me. What can I say? I soemtimes wonder if everything we had was all just fake? because what do you mean your world revolved around me till yesterday but today I'm no more in your life. You said you wanted to live under the same roof as me, you promised me to make that happen but you left.. I hope you win in life no matter what. I'll always be proud of you. Goodbye.

You passed away today. I love you. I'm so so sorry. My little boy, Bobby, Wilby boy 🤍 My heart is so broken You were so loved

You were my everything. I made gifts for you with my art, I bought gifts for you for when we would meet one day. I loved you in the way I knew how to express it best. By giving someone something I knew they loved. That calander, that necklace, that drawing was a piece of my heart I let you hold, that you tore apart so easily without a care in the world. Only to be told you never loved me. The truth is, I have always loved you, but I stayed back since you kept making it clear you were not interested. And I will make it stay that way because I don't want to do something if someone else doesn't want to do it. What was the point of telling me you thought of getting married? Was it just all a big game to you for nudes, or something to jerk off to? Was I just a replacement for something you needed but didn't get? I often wonder if you were cheating on me the entire time, with how much you talked about her, but never hung out with me. It drove me nuts, and I had enough. Just to hear you tell me it was never real in the first place for you. You never loved me, I think you loved the idea of me. And that's what hurts the most. I'm not something to constantly toss away, or ignore, or keep hidden. I'm an actual human being with my own feelings, life, etc. I can't bare to be around you again cause you made it very clear what you would do if it happened. You said you'd make a good teen father, but why should I trust that if you leave every few months? I would be a fool to trust that, ever in my life. I don't want to love you, but I probably will for a while, until I finally decide to put myself before you who barely ever showed up. Don't come back into my life, especially if you are just going to leave again. I tried to show you in everyway I could that I cherished our relationship so much, but clearly it never mattered to you. Have a good life. Sincerely, H, formerly, S.

thank you for one of the most wonderful and exciting weeks of my life. thank you for giving me such a refreshing experience in times of stress for me, and thank you for teaching me more about what i value in a person. thank you for being part of a happier version of myself than i previously was. i really wish i had talked to you earlier, talked to you for longer, had more conversations and moments together. i wish we had more of what we had yesterday. i wish you’d known how much i liked being next to you and how much i admired your volleyball and how much i wanted you to notice me. i hope you know that because of you, i was motivated to play better. we’ll go our seperate ways, and maybe never see each other ever again. in another life where you wouldnt be so far away and we wouldn't have completely different native languages, things couldve been different; but, in this one, its impossible to be more than just a brief summer connection. thank you for giving me confidence and thank you for giving me something to look forward to. one day you’ll graduate university, have teammates and friends ive never met, and stories id never know; probably even a special someone of your own(how could you not, when you look like that?). And it's strange and scary to think that someone who feels so vivid to me right now will become a complete stranger again. its bittersweet, sorrowful almost. im going to be honest; one of my biggest regrets isn't that I never told you I liked you(even though theres a bit of that one too); It's that I spent so much of our time together convincing myself I couldn't talk to you, only to realize on the last day that I could. in short, i wish we had more time. time was all i thought i had until i lost it; i didn't realize i was counting down our last days together until there were no days left to count. when i first arrived, the days had felt endless, but looking back, it seems like they passed in the blink of an eye. watching you play made me want to improve; it still does. It wasn't just because I liked you; I genuinely loved watching someone care so much about getting better. you make me not only want to like and admire you; you made me want to compete with you as well. Every compliment from you meant more than it should have. Every time you noticed a good pass or a good receive or sometimes even a good hit, I carried it with me for the rest of the day. i so desperately wanted you to think i was good, so i tried harder every day. theres so many questions i never got to ask you and i wish i did. Id never tell you these things, but i was always looking for you; id always hope that i was on the same team as you; i was always hoping you'd serve at me if you were on the other team. i kept finding myself more and more drawn to you, your face, your skill, your personality. thank you for mattering so much, and im so so so so grateful for you. its so painful for me right now because i never got solid evidence of your feelings for me. that’s partly on me for not even asking, but your actions only tell me a “maybe”. and that hurts, so much. were your compliments and support a personality thing, or were you actually interested? did you tease me because you just were comfortable enough w me like you were with everyone else, or was it because you wanted that spark? did we mean something to you, as much as we meant to me? ill never forget you; or maybe i will. but i hope, i so sincerely hope, i never forget you. so, don't forget me either. never stop trying, and i hope your life goes smoothly. i was never in love with you; not even close, i hadnt known you long enough; i was in love with the possibility of spending more time with you and what we couldve become. i was in love with how terrifyingly, irrevocably alive i felt with you. I think what hurts most is that I finally started talking to you right before I had to leave. i wasn’t - still am not - ready to let you go. thank you for adding such a beautiful chapter to my book.