Closure

For a moment there, you did have me wondering. Were you the one? Maybe you could have been. Or maybe we were just never meant to be. You weren’t perfect, and I wasn’t expecting you to be. There were things you did that I kept a mental record of, but none of it was serious enough for me to walk away or really reevaluate things. You were sweet, you made me feel secure, you were patient, and you made me feel special. You would say all these cute things, talk about your dreams of us and everything, and make it seem like you could actually see a future with me. When you first said “imy,” it threw me off. It felt too early for me to say it back, but then you asked, “Aren’t you gonna say it back?” So I did. And well, I did mean it later on, but initially, I definitely felt a bit pressured to say it back. You’d also tell me you were going to do these sweet little things for me. Carry my bag. Get me flowers. Buy me little trinkets. And I believed you. Sometimes I wondered if you wanted credit for things you said you would do but never actually did. I saw it happening, and I let it happen because… I liked you. One of the things that always confused me was how you had dated so much but hadn’t had a relationship in so long. That just never really added up to me. You told me you got bored easily, and that you were surprised you hadn’t gotten bored of me yet. At the time, I felt special hearing that. Looking back, maybe I should have paid more attention to what you were actually telling me. Maybe you just like the idea of pursuing someone, I don’t know. And maybe you were only ever meant to be mine for a moment. Honestly? Maybe that was enough. Maybe that was all it was ever meant to be. Little things started adding up. You made me feel happy and then suddenly you made me feel confused. I spent a whole week overthinking, trying to figure out if something was off, wondering whether I was just being the crazy overthinker. I kept looking for little signs that something had changed. And then we planned our next date. Suddenly I felt secure again, because why would we mutually plan a date if it wasn’t something we both wanted? I dismissed all my overthinking and thought we were in a good place. Not even half a day later, you ended things. Obviously, that was your choice to make. But you had me overthinking, then feeling secure because I thought we were in a good place, and then suddenly I was hurt because I genuinely thought we had been okay. So yeah. That was shitty of you, FYI. But in a way, I think I learned something from it. I realized I had been settling for someone I believed had potential, rather than the person who was actually standing in front of me. You were a good person. I don’t doubt that you tried to be, at least. And I wasn’t perfect either. I’m sure there were things I could have done better. But I did my best to be a good person to you. I cared about you. I tried to treat you well. I was genuine with you. And I think that’s part of why this hurt so much. You weren’t some horrible person. You were good to me in a lot of ways. I liked you. I really did. But at some point during that last week, I started questioning your words. I started noticing the difference between the way you treated me and the way I wanted to be treated. As much as it hurt, I think the way you ended things was probably the move that made the most sense. Because I didn’t want to be treated the way I had been treated that week. I didn’t want to constantly feel confused and insecure about where I stood with someone I cared about. Maybe that was the realization I needed. Because liking you wasn’t enough for me to look past the way you treated me that week. I can’t unsee how confused and insecure I felt, and I don’t think I should have to. And I’m not going to pretend there isn’t still a small part of me that wonders what could have happened. Maybe if we had met at a different point in our lives, with a little more maturity or experience behind us, some things might have landed differently. Maybe we would have handled things differently. Maybe we could have worked. I don’t know. But I do know that I don’t want to hold onto the potential of what we could have been instead of accepting what we actually were. I don’t wish you any harm. I hope you figure life out. I hope you find what you’re looking for. But I hope you know that the way you handled things hurt me, and it wasn’t fair to me. It was shitty. I was good to you. I cared about you. I gave you a chance, and I let myself believe the things you told me. I didn’t deserve to be handled that way. I know I didn’t. So, final words. I hope, at some point, you realize that the way you handled things was unfair, and that your words mean something to the person you’re saying them to. I hope you try to be more genuine in the future. Don’t talk unless you mean it. From Nerd

hi, my almost. you know i'm a man hater, but somehow, you made me soft in a way i never expected. you became the exception to everything, but only you. i don't feel hatred toward you; instead, i feel loved and cared for. and please, don't overthink things. just live your life peacefully. if i'm the reason you've been bothered, i'm sorry. i know there are probably still a lot of “what ifs” left in you from that day when we stopped talking. and i know that whatever happened between us was real, and i don't want to pretend that it wasn't. so please, take care of yourself always. and stay away from smokers, baby 😭 if you can, please avoid smoking too. i genuinely want you to take care of yourself.

hi, my almost. you know i'm a man hater, but somehow, you made me soft in a way i never expected. you became the exception to everything, but only you. i don't feel hatred toward you; instead, i feel loved and cared for. and please, don't overthink things. just live your life peacefully. if i'm the reason you've been bothered, i'm sorry. i know there are probably still a lot of “what ifs” left in you from that day when we stopped talking. and i know that whatever happened between us was real, and i don't want to pretend that it wasn't. so please, take care of yourself always. and stay away from smokers, babyy 😭 if you can, please avoid smoking too. i genuinely want you to take care of yourself.

the part of me that still loves you misses the part of you that loved me. my heart aches when you cross my mind, remembering all you meant to me. it’s healthy that we stay strangers. i don’t recognize you anymore

I miss you so much. It hurts so bad. But it is what it is, choosing to distance myself is an act of self-respect. Going back to you now, or even trying to start a conversation with you again, would be disrespectful, not just to me, but to the version of myself that suffered for about a year. You were so mean. Why did you do this to me? I was always there for you whenever you needed me. But I have no regrets about all the energy, mental strength, and physical effort I invested in our friendship. My only mistake was hoping I'd get back the same things I gave. I wish you all the best in life, and please don't do this to anyone else. It hurts so bad, for real.

I don't really know how to start this without making things awkward, but I think I owe it to myself to finally say it. I really, really like you. Like… more than I probably should. And honestly, I don't even know if I can still call it just a crush. There are moments when I genuinely wonder if I've already fallen in love with you without even realizing it. Maybe somewhere along the way, what started as something fleeting became something far more profound than I ever intended it to be. And that's probably why I'm saying this now. I want this to be my last time liking you. Maybe even my last time allowing myself to fall for you. Not because I suddenly stopped caring, and definitely not because I regret ever liking you. It's actually the opposite. I like you so much that I've realized I have to stop myself before I become too deeply attached to something I'm still uncertain about. Because as much as I'd like to believe that feelings are enough, I know they're not always. I don't want to enter a relationship while I'm still questioning what I truly feel or what I actually want. I don't want something as meaningful as a relationship to begin from uncertainty, only for that uncertainty to eventually hurt either of us. Maybe this is simply my way of accepting what feels inevitable. I guess.. that's also why I chose to tell you this now. Before I finally let this feeling go, I want you to know that there was a time when I really, really, really liked you (yes, believe it or not binabaliw mo ako that time (╥⁠﹏⁠╥) ). More than I ever intended to. Maybe I even loved you—I honestly don't know. And perhaps I'll never know for certain. But I think that's okay. Not every feeling needs a name for it to have been real, gosh I'm so out of word right now. Bro I'm trying my best to make this message more long and I guess I'm trying my best to word out this jumbled feelings of mine. HAHAHA I'm prolly spouting nonsense rn 💔. And yeah… part of me still thinks you're way wayyy out of my league anyway 😭. Maybe I just see you as someone took far above me, and maybe that's another reason why I need to take a step back. Not because you're unreachable, but because I don't want to lose myself in the possibility of something that may never exist. But more than anything, I don't want this confession to ruin our friendship. Because if I'm being completely honest, what we have as friends means more to me than whatever could possibly happen between us. Our friendship has become something I genuinely cherish, and I don't think I could ever bring myself to trade something that precious for a possibility. So I'm not telling you this because I want an answer. I'm not confessing because I expect you to feel the same way. I just want you to know. I want to leave this feeling with honesty instead of carrying it with me in silence. After this, I'll try to relinquish this feeling little by little. Maybe it won't happen immediately, and siguro I'll still have moments where I miss you or wonder about the what ifs. But I'll let myself move forward. Because sometimes, caring about someone means knowing when to stop yourself from falling deeper. And when I finally do move on, I hope I'll be able to look back at all of this without regret. I hope I'll remember you not as someone I couldn't have, but as someone who made me feel something I never expected to feel. And despite everything, I'm genuinely grateful that I got to atleast admire you I've noticed that lately, I've been trying to become the best version of myself. I've been trying to grow, to be kinder, to do better, and to become someone I'm proud of. And honestly, I don't think I would've become this version of myself if it weren't for you. Maybe that's one of the things I'll always be grateful for—that even if these feelings eventually fade, they changed me in ways I never expected. Liking you made me want to become better, and for that, I'll always be thankful 🙂. Whatever happens after this, I hope we can still be us. I'll always cherish our friendship. I'll always be grateful for every conversation, every laugh, every little moment that somehow became important to me. Maybe this is closure for me. Maybe it's simply acceptance. But either way, this is probably the last time I'll tell you that I like you. So… before I let it all go— I really, really like you. - J (Let it go~ Let it go~HAHAHA Ps. naalala ko lang yan song na ”Let It Go”😭) Your initials just in case you find this lolll (KJBT). Ts is so freaking riskyy, I'm sending this here first before I send it to you, since I'm still not ready to tell you whatever ts is.

You’ve been my friend for most of my life yet you treated me as an afterthought. I did so much for you. I begged and fought to be seen by you and you never cared for me. I tried to get over it but you’re just a selfish person deep down..

All I ever wanted was to be your friend and help you. But you’ve only ever been cruel to me. I hope karma is real and treats you the same. Please stop staking me. Please stop with the threats. Please stop sending people to me to spy on me. Please go away.

Hi. I know you won't see this, or at least I hope. I don't want to look like a fool in front of you after all of this time. We broke up in early August, and to say my feelings have been mixed is an understatement. You were there for me when I cried, but at times you were the reason why I shed those tears. I laughed with you, we called for hours on end, and we shared vulnerable moments. I'm sorry. I know I was an asshole at the end of our relationship, and you didn't deserve that. You aren't a bad person, despite you constantly telling yourself that. I tried to help you when you vented to me; I wanted to get you help, desperately. But you didn't take my advice, and it was starting to drain me too. I loved you, Sam. I really, really did. But I just couldn't deal with it anymore. You deserve someone better, someone who can handle your feelings, vocalize and set proper boundaries. I am not that person, though I wish I was. We were supposed to get married and have kids together. Do you remember how happy we were? Just thinking about it makes my throat close and my heart clench. It might not look too serious to others, but this is to me. We were supposed to stay together until we grew old. What happiness once spread in my chest when hearing that has now blossomed into a feeling of sorrow and slow acceptance: that despite how desperately we wanted to be, we aren't made for each other. One day, you'll find a pretty girl that your mom will love, a girl that can treat you as if your negative emotions aren't some extra baggage and a girl that can please you whenever you want. I hope you end up going into Nuclear Physics. You always loved talking about it with me, and even got a little embarrassed when you mentioned that no one had ever listened to you as I did. I could listen to you talk for hours. I mourn the first few months of our relationship. It was so, so healthy compared to the first time we started dating. I didn't feel annoyed when talking to you, and could sit in comfortable silence with you for as long as I needed. It hurts to think that I can never have that back. I don't know what happened near the end. You started to do things that upset me, like finding that image of an AI girl on your phone that looked nothing like me. You have no idea what I felt. I remember when you ended up crying, and it left off with me comforting you over something you did. I felt so terrible about myself that I ended up having a panic attack with you on a call because of how strong the emotions I felt were. I don't blame you for how you reacted. I remember the silence from your end while I cried quietly to myself. I didn't need you to say anything; your mere presence brought me comfort. I don't know what happened to you, but you got too possessive, too obsessed. I thought you were my person, Sam. I really thought that. You told me you changed for hell's sake. I feel like such an idiot crying over you. I tried so, so hard to be perfect for you, while you always made mistakes. I don't know how I'll look you in the eye when school starts, Sam. We're paired together in the Music Council. I now dread one of the things we were so excited for. I hate change so much; it's a leech, and an ugly, disgusting leech that always clings to me. I don't know why people keep on leaving. You told me I didn't deserve it, and we promised to always stay together. Look at us now. Cut contact and exes.

I'm sorry i never got the guts to apologize and to talk to you. I never really wanted to not talk but it just happened and its mainly my fault, I just wish I could be braver to speak my feelings. If I'm being honest I've always been incredibly jealous of you and your family but I'm embarrassed about it. When we were younger and I saw you with a cool phone, wearing what you wanted and having boyfriends it was so cool to me but you and the others always ingored me and I grew to be mad at you but I didn't mean it. I still think you're so cool and pretty and a little jealous of you still but I'm older and I realize now that thats just how it is for me and I notice the little commentsyour mom's says(she's upset that she's close to my sister and not to me and keeps trying to win me over with things but she already won me over and I try to show it), I'm not close to you guys but its okay. I still love and think about you guys. One day, I'm going to tell this to you in person and I'm going to apologize.

A valley of sorrow flourishes deep within the confines of my heart. And in that valley, bound to a deprived, dark, and dingy corner, stands a mournful-looking cottage that reeks of rot. This cottage is so nihilistically grey that it’s hard to believe it’s made of muscle and blood. It’s grey like my memory of you—pale and venomous. Yet, it reminds me of a time when life was idyllic—first loves are like that, aren’t they? It was my love that brought us together. It was my love that broke us apart. You vehemently denied feeling that feeling for me while I unravelled—because what’s worse than love that’s unrequited? LOVE. Falling is so easy. But getting out, well… a thousand years might not be enough when you’re trapped. For the longest time, I believed I must bear the punishment for falling in love with you. It’s the least I deserved for bringing this unrequited curse upon myself. I was the one who chased you after all. And so for me, it was bliss while it lasted and torture ever since. But what is love if not fleeting? But you know what else is fleeting? Sanity! When you alluded to the “touch of insanity” in an email aeons ago, I assumed it was the writer in you waxing poetic. I let my reasons be back then, swept away whatever was left of you from my mind. So imagine learning—eight years later nonetheless—that you might have actually gone mad in the years since we parted ways. Over a girl that you worked with! HAA! Like Alanis once said, "Isn’t it ironic?" LOVE. Fleeting love… And finally, you know what it costs. To feel something for someone who discards you like yesterday’s news. I hope that stings. Eleven years, Shrey. For eleven years I have carried you within me, like a penance that must be paid. You’re like a wound that never heals, and I am beside myself trying to stop the bleeding. I had this firm belief that at least you got out unscathed, your life now a blank canvas that you would have painted with colours of joy and prosperity. A wife perhaps. Lovely children. A car. Luxurious holidays to the beach. A thriving career where you satisfied your creative cravings. I hoped the best for you. The more I struggled with the trauma of how you left, the happier I imagined you. Because at least then, this festering, rotting hole in my heart would have been worth it. And then today, in a random stroke of eff-all luck, my penance was over. Because someone told me about your last days at that office. For thirty minutes I heard the harrowing tale of how you allegedly sent love notes in Morse code to a girl you liked, how your efforts to woo her resulted in a formal complaint, and you had to leave. I was kinder, wasn’t I? Even when you asked me if I still thought you were a good person, moments after breaking up with me, using my vulnerabilities against me, I was kind to you. I had no reason not to be. Love, for people like me, never fades. It morphs into something almost divine—like a prayer for your lover’s good fortune. Even if they are not yours anymore. For how could love be anything but pure? How could it bow down to the false illusions of ego and pride? That’s not how you saw it. Nope, you made a mockery of it. It was a weakness for you. An inconvenience, manifested as a needy, clingy girlfriend you were attracted to but couldn’t handle. When I was told today about this unexpected spot of madness that took over the otherwise brilliant Shrey, experiencing a meteoric rise in his career, the narrator was quick to allude to the timing of it all upon discovering our relationship. “I am not sure whether he broke up with you because of her or whether he took the break-up so hard that he was looking for a rebound which ended poorly for him.” Hell, something about the bitter realisation of you having lost your one-true love in me was thrown in the ring. ME? Did this have something to do with me? Is that why you reached out back then with your apologies, demanding my anger? Requesting a walk around CP like every other date we had been on? What a messed-up thing to do. Years of trying to expel you from every fibre of my being. Breaking down into a sopping, weeping mess on the streets, at work, at home because I didn’t know what I had done wrong to push you away. How you went from doting on me one day to acting like a cold stranger the very next. You know what that does to a person? How it shapes the trajectory of every relationship they have from there on? You know what all I had to do to heal in the following years? To move on, to pause this endless loop of despair I was stuck in? Until I finally learned to absolve myself of any wrongdoing. Until I learnt to separate my love from longing. Until you knocked on my door again. Why did you do that? To make a fool out of me? To feel better because someone else trampled over your heart? What should I believe? What will hurt less? That you left me for someone else and were looking for absolution? Or that I was your undoing, like you were mine? Perhaps, unlike my unreliable narrator, I shouldn’t credit your descent into madness to me. I would like to believe I wasn’t that important in your story. To paraphrase you in one of your haunting emails that lives rent-free in my mind, “I am doing my penance, keeping you for last because I have hurt you the most. I never loved you, but everyone was entering a relationship for fun. I thought I could too. ” LOVE. That dastardly word again. MY LOVE, now a monster raging against the injustice of putting you on a pedestal when you couldn’t even be honest about why you left the way you did. So here’s my anger, Shrey. A decade too late because I finally see through you. Because apparently you didn’t find peace either. The happy ending. The love you thought you could feel for someone else, because with me, you just couldn’t tell. Because how dare you fall apart? How dare you choose this ending for us, throwing me out of the equation for the sake of your happiness, and then be miserable yourself? How dare you hide behind weed and destroy your career for unrequited love, while I had to face my colleagues every day sober and had to hide my grief from my family, drenching my pillow with bitter tears every night for years. How dare you disappear, you coward, when you should have lived your life in the open like the rest of us, with your pain a gaping wound for everyone to see. I wish I had cursed you instead, wished you the very worst, because then at least I could have taken credit for your downfall. But now I am just the emotional fool who fell in love with the poor, quiet, brilliant boy who couldn’t handle rejection from another girl without breaking into a million pieces of fragile glass. Don’t bother responding. Don't worry yourself with the why-nows and the hows of it. There’s nothing left for me to hear. Because my love is now an apology to myself.

Dear S, I am closing the book on this chapter today, not out of lingering anger or resentment, but out of absolute clarity. For months, I carried the weight of what happened: the sudden silence, the broken trust, the gaslighting, and the pain of realizing how easily a deep connection could be discarded for shallow validation. I spent countless hours trying to make sense of the loop, searching for answers, and wondering how two people who clicked so effortlessly could end up on opposite sides of a divide. I used to think I was the one who was left behind or not chosen. But looking at the facts with a calm mind, the reality is much simpler: we were two fundamentally incompatible people operating on vastly different core values. I valued depth, loyalty, and genuine emotional honesty. You operated in a world of digital smoke and mirrors, surface-level validation, and shifting alliances. A bridge built on thin ice could never hold us for long. I acknowledge my own mistakes...the anxious loops, the defensiveness, and the ways I let my boundaries collapse to keep a fragile dynamic alive. But those mistakes were lessons, not a life sentence. The intensity and depth I brought to our friendship didn't come from you; it came from my own soul. I am taking all of that energy, creativity, and capacity for loyalty back. It belongs to me. I no longer feel the sharp sting of betrayal, nor do I feel the need to look for unsent words on quiet screens. The emotional charge has cleared. What you do, who you talk to, and how you live your life is no longer my narrative to trace or decode. This is the last time your name takes up space in my thoughts or my journals. The door is closed, the gates are locked, and your memory is finally laid to rest. I wish you well on whatever path you choose, but our shared story ends right here. From Someone You Used To Know

TAKE CARE, BEANER BABIE. LOVE YOU, AND THANK YOU FOR CROSSING MY PATH, MAKING ME LAUGH, AND NOT JUDGING TOO HARSHLY. BUT I FEAR THERE IS A CYCLE HERE. I DIDN'T MEAN TO BREAK YOUR HEART OR LEAD YOU ON, I JUST THINK YOU'RE COOL. THANKS FOR ALLOWING ME INTO YOUR VILLAGE.LOVE, SHANNON HARLEY SERENITY STAR TANKA.THANK YOU SINCERELY, AND THANK YOU TO YOUR FAMILY—MAY THEY CONTINUE TO BE BLESSED FOR GENERATIONS TO COME. REMEMBER: LOVE LIKE JESUS, AND STAND UP FOR WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN LIKE THE MORNING STAR, BECAUSE SOME SACRIFICES REQUIRE A FALL FROM GRACE. BUT THAT'S THE PART—TO FALL FROM GRACE AND LAND ON YOUR FEET, WAS IT REALLY A FALL OR A MISTAKE?144 MAKE THE WORLD SHAKE, BABY!† ------------------------------------ †If you need any changes to the layout or want me to tweak the word art style, just let me know.

i dont like you. you were a terrible friend to me. you and the other two. its cool though. im hurt because of the betrayal, the time i put into yall, and allat. i didnt deserve that. all the sneak dissing, i did it back. sure did. lets just leave each others lives quietly. i would hate to have to take it there for real.

I don’t know. I think I might always love you. I miss you. Often think about what we coulda been. Today especially you’ve been on my mind. It’s been about four yrs since we last spoke. You had a baby moved on and I thought I did too. But here I am writing this letter to you. Which you’ll never see. I love you all the way from your hometown to NY

I dont know how to say this but i wanna know why ? am i not intresting enough anymore? Or do you just assume that im not gonna leave? do you want me to leave?

Like you said, I dodged a bullet

sometimes you can feel inexplicably incomplete. yet there is nothing you can do about it. nothing you can explain, understand, develop, you just co-exist. the "brighter days ahead" never travel to you. but its okay. you need to reconcile with that younger version of yourself and heal them, play with them, sing to them, tell them its going to be okay. It will.

I miss the past. Those times we laughed for hours, talking until midnight. It’s stupid of me, but I want it back. We were never a thing. Never had some fantastical love story, and I’m not even sure you were into me. But you were my light. You listened to my dumb stories, what I ate for lunch, the people who pissed me off that day. I loved that, that time where I could talk to you forever, and you would tell me what was wrong. It shouldn’t have changed. I can’t love you that way anymore. And you can’t know. I was never a choice, was I? I was the one you would talk to about girls and I would hype you up, because I loved seeing you happy. Your smile made my day. I don’t see you smile a lot anymore. At least, not really. I know the difference. I know when you didn’t sleep well, or you had a rough day with your family. I know when those girls got to you and when something good happened. I knew more than you told me, and I never let you catch on. I know what your favorite candy is, your siblings middle names and your closest friends. I know your favorite movie characters and your hobbies. And yet it doesn’t matter. My best friend. My love. It feels so strange to say that. I never intended it to go this way. But it did. And yet you’re not mine. And you don’t need to be. I know that. It still hurts.

I often wonder where love goes after it is no longer welcome. Perhaps it lingers inside forgotten playlists, waiting for someone to press play one more time. Perhaps it hides between photographs that neither heart has found the courage to erase. Or perhaps it simply learns to live inside silence. Sometimes I catch myself believing that somewhere, without even realizing it, you're listening to the songs we once shared. That maybe, for the length of a single melody, my name still exists somewhere between the lyrics. It's a comforting lie. The kind the heart tells itself when the truth is too quiet to bear. Your photographs still rest where I left them. Not because I refuse to let go, but because they are the last proof that, for a brief moment in this lifetime, you were real. I searched for you once. Only once. Only to find that even the place where our story began had quietly forgotten your name. Perhaps that's what goodbye truly is. Not when someone walks away, but when every road that once led to them slowly disappears. Still, there are nights when I almost reach for our conversation, forgetting that the door between us was closed long ago. Some absences never ask to be remembered. They simply become part of the air you breathe, quietly follow you wherever you go. Maybe one day the songs will lose your voice. Maybe the photographs will become nothing more than ordinary pixels. Maybe your name will arrive in my mind without breaking anything inside me. But until that gentle day finds me, I'll keep these fragments where they are. Not as a promise to wait, but as a quiet thank you to a love that once existed, even if only for a little while. I hope life has been kind to you. And I hope, wherever you are, you've found the peace we couldn't find together. To the person who became my favorite memory ⁠♡.