First love

Mamaskuuuu, cintaaanyaa akuuu hehehehe mas rohman sayangg, my future husband, kyaaaa>< aku malu sendirii ngetiknyaa Kamuuu pastiii capee bangett yawnn, mianhaeyoo aku tadii pagii badmood karena tugass dan aku lagi lagii dapet temen sekelompok yg itu itu lagiii dan sampee ciang pun ngga balas balas chat muuu, maaf aku menduakanmuu dengan tugass huhu:', tapiiii asal mamaskuu tauuuuu akuuu kangen banget hiks🥲😖, dan baruu selesaiii tadii sebelum maghrib huhu:', sayangkuuu pastii cape bangett yaaa? I know u need some space but I still here for uuuu, akuuu ciapp dengan senang hatiii mendengarkan ceritaa mamaskuuuu mwehehhehe, gimanaa akuu ngga makin cintaaa mamaskuu ajaa makin hariii makin keren mwehehehhee, rasa ingin memilikimu makin hariii makin naik😖 gimanaaa niiihh mwehehhe Pokoknyaa I love UuuuUUuu sejagat rayaaa hahahha Terakhir Tembakan cintaaa, piu piu🔫🤍 (๑'ᴗ')ゞ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

you probably won't see this letter for a while... maybe days? weeks? months? maybe even years from when this is being made. i know that we are having a rough patch right now, and i'm hoping that we'll be okay and stronger than ever after this. i love you so much and i can't bear to lose you. i want to keep giving you my all, i want to be someone who you'll be proud of and not disappointed at, like always.. i want to love you even if i don't know how to do that to myself. i know that this'll sound selfish or it might even look like an excuse.. but, it hurts and i'm tired of everything that's happening or that has happened this year. i lost my spark, i'm always tired, i space out, i know that sounds stupid but, that's the truth. i'm depressed and i know it, but i can't ask for help.. maybe this is my "cry for help". i'm sorry if whatever is happening to me is affecting our relationship, i want to be of help to you, i want to open up to you, i want to tell you all these things, but.. i just can't. i'm sorry.

Amma… En life la naan strong ah iruken na, athuku reason neenga dhan. Naan sirichaalum, azhuthaallum, kovapattalum… ella nerathulayum en kooda irundhadhu neenga dhan. Sometimes naan ungalukku thanks kooda sollama poirupen… but honestly amma, every single day naan unga love ah feel panren. Enakku safest place na adhu unga kitta dhan. Enakku biggest support na adhuvum neenga dhan. Oru naalaiku naan ungala “Amma” nu oru 1000 times koopdama iruka mudiyadhu. Ippo neenga evlo kashtapattu ennaya valathingalo… adha vida adhigama naan ungala nalla paathupen ini vara pora life full ah. Naina irundhaalum illadha maari irukura en life la … enakku oru Amma va mattum illa, oru Appa vaavum irundhadhuku romba thanks amma. Thank you for the love… Thank you for the care… Thank you for being my home. And finally… Ungalukkaaga oru line dedicate panna aasapadren… “Ini oru jenmam Yeduthu vanthalum Un magalagum varam tharuvai…” Happy Mother’s Day Amma ❤️ Love you forever. ❤️

Dear Dines, I don’t really know how to begin this, because there are so many things I have felt for so long and never said out loud. I have loved you for five years. Quietly, patiently, and in a way that never asked for anything in return. I don’t think I ever expected you to feel the same, but I still found myself hoping — always hoping — that maybe, one day, our paths would finally meet in the same way our hearts did. There is something I have carried with me for a long time. I don’t know if you ever noticed, or if it ever meant anything to you, but for me, every moment around you has stayed with me longer than I can explain. One evening outside the café, when you were hurt and not yourself, all I wanted was to make you feel safe again. I remember gently touching your hair and your face, trying to calm you, telling you that things would get better in the morning and that whatever you were carrying would pass. In that moment, you tried to kiss me. And I won’t lie — part of me wanted to stay there forever in that second, because it was you. But I also knew I couldn’t let something so important to me happen while you weren’t fully yourself. I wanted something real, something clear, something we could both remember without confusion. So I stepped back. Since that night, I keep wondering about one thing. Not because I regret caring for you, but because I care too much not to wonder: What would have happened if that moment had been different? I don’t know if you ever saw me the way I saw you. Maybe you didn’t. Maybe you couldn’t. But I needed to say this at least once, even if it never changes anything between us. I loved you. I still do, in a way that is quiet but never really leaves. Take care of yourself, Dines. Azra

I realized that i will always love you no matter what you do because i didn't fall in love with what you could give me, i fell in love with your soul so your mistakes mean nothing compared to the depth of who you are.

To me, you'll always be my Cinderella… i love you forever cy.

Loveeyy, I’m so happy we’re finally 2 months na together^^ ihyk how special, important, handsome, and just overall amazing you are to me :3 Since we’re still young pa man, I want us to keep growing individually while still supporting each other. Let’s not be a distraction, but an inspiration^^ I want u to focus on your goals, be happy, and enjoy time with your fam and friends… naa rako always ga love and support saimo, loveeyy. Even if dili kaayo ta mag-communicate all the time kay sometimes busy ta, it’s okay langg, because I understand we both have our own priorities. What matters is we’re still here for each other and growing together :> Never gyud nako na-think before na maka-love ko’g someone this deep and genuine haha, I really thought I was better off alone… pero karon, happy kaayo ko sa’tong rs. Siguro the only thing lang gyud is naa koy gamay na fear na you might leave one day hehe^^ Dyk? Before nagkita, months ago, nag-pray gyud ko kay God na ma-meet nako ang person na I’ll be with for the rest of my life, maybe in my 20s or even now while I’m still 17, bahala’g organic lang or even friends lang ba. Then timing kaayo kay niabot ka… now I can’t believe naa nakoy cutie, handsome, and sweet na loveeyy hehe :> i hope ikaw ang akong answered prayers from God🤍 kna lang akong ma say hehe^^ Happy 2nd monthsary to us 💗 I love you alwayss^^ —jaja

I hope you have a good evening, I'm excited for wednesday

I really love,↓ Your smile,🌷 Your eye, 👁️ Your glaze, 🫶 Your laugh, 💐 Your way of talking, 🎀 The way you move, 🌝 The way you look at me, 👀 I really love---- 🌸 You 🌸

I don't know how to write this, my love. Words are concise, but they do not convey the ache of my heart for you. I can write pretty phrases, heart emojis and whatnot, but will they really tell you the sound of my heartbeat when I hear your name, will they justify the blush on my cheeks and the smile upon my lips, my bright eyes and my heart in bliss when you finally said "I love you"? No, they will not. Enough beating around the bush. I love you. Not "I loved you" or shit like that. "I love you." No amount of "moving on" will change the fact that my heart has only belonged to one boy and it always will, and that boy has always been you. I don't think it will ever be anyone else. You own the key to my heart. How sad that you threw it away. I set your nickname as "Babyy (づ￣ 3￣)づ💗✨🎀". Did it arise feelings in your chest? Did they make your heart flutter the way mine did? You set my name as "Darlingg 🎀💗" Ohh, how cruel you are. How you have taken my heart out of my ribcage and instead of taking care of it like I hoped you would, you have played with it like an object and ditched it into the river called heartbreak. And it has sailed there ever since, and it will continue to sail there until you pick it up, which I know you have no intention of doing. You could have stabbed me in the chest with a blade laced with poison, and it would have hurt several times less, baby. Ohh what have I not done? Made playlists for you, sung songs, wrote love letters, I am such a fool. Now I listen to those playlists, sing those songs once more, read those letters, but instead of red rising through my cheeks, why do tears stain my cheeks? Nothing should have changed. I should have felt the same pang of love as I did back then, and I do. The only thing that changed is that your nickname has gone from "Babyy (づ￣ 3￣)づ💗🎀✨" to "Instagram User" and that when you hear my name, you walk away quickly. I want to drown in you. Your fluffy cloudlike hair, your cute glasses framing eyes so lovely a thousand poets would be put to shame failing to describe such beauty. Because like I said, words are always insufficient when you are the topic. Most people wish they forgot their "ex". Wish they "never met their ex". But the thing is, I don't. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I will never forget you. I would write several paragraphs more, but the thing is, I cry very easily. Even right now, I'm crying. I don't want you to love me back, because that would be wanting the impossible. I only want you. And I know I will have you in my heart until the end of time, until I cease to live. Until then, Yours truly, A <3

Hey chuu , I don’t know where this finds you now— or who you’ve become in the years that carried us apart. But I know this, you never really left. Not in the dramatic way people imagine,,, no constant ache, no daily longing.... just something quieter, more permanent. Like a song I no longer play but still remember perfectly. Life moved, as it does. I learned new places, new people, new versions of myself. And still. every now and then, something small folds time in half. A laugh that isn’t yours but almost is. A silence that feels familiar. A moment that should belong to the present but somehow carries your shadow. I don’t write this to reopen anything. There’s no expectation in these words. Just honesty, long overdue: You were not a phase. Not a lesson. Not something I “got over.” You became a part of how I understand love— and that doesn’t leave when people do. I hope life has been kind to you. I hope you’ve been loved in ways that feel easy and true. And if, by chance, you ever wonder whether you were forgotten— you weren’t.

I love you, that is all I can say. But I feel it so strongly that I cannot even say it. forever mine, first love.

It’s always been you in the moment. I think about you when I’m in class, when I’m trying to get ready in the mornings, when I fall asleep. You’re in my mind, all our memories. I remember in the summer when we were together all the time, I miss that so so much. I haven’t worn my locket in a long time. The one with your face in it. You and your baseball championship medal. The night I watched your game and I was alone the whole time. I think I should tell you now that I didn’t feel alone during the game. You apologized that I had to watch it alone, but I was never angry. I loved watching you so much. Maybe this summer I could watch again, but who knows. If you think it’s okay, come back. Please sweet Ryler, I miss you so much. I miss sneaking out to go to your house. I miss our 4am Pepsi runs. I miss going on runs at 6am. I know you hate running. I’m so sorry baby. I just miss you so much. If you come back, I’ll never make you go running with me again. We can walk if you want. We almost had a year, maybe we could try again and get a year. I love you and miss you so much sweet Ryler

Vanessinha,MEU AMOR hoje finalmente fazemos um ano. E me diz, meu amor… o que significa pra você 12 meses? Não, não é 13 meses, não é 14 meses também não kkkkkkkkkk. Você sempre tava um ou dois meses na frente, né neném? Mas agora finalmente pode falar certinho: são 12 meses. São 365 dias, meu amor. Nem mais, nem menos, kkkkk, porque você sabe como a senhorita é cheia das doieira kkkkkkkkkkkk com esse tempão eu sei bem como é suas loucuras e principalmente os dramas , que são infinitos. Como falar da rainha dos dramas, nunca vi alguém com tanto drama igual você, de verdade mesmo kkkkk. Mas me diz… o que seria de mim sem isso tudo? O que seria de mim sem seus jeitos, suas loucuras, suas raivas e suas chateações? Graças a Deus melhorouuuuuuuuuu Porque antes era 24 horas chorando sem parar pense como chorava ,depois dera chateaçao infinita agora é mais drama(sempre teve drama,mais agr aumentou p compensar q melhorou nas zota emoçoes kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk)… quer dizer, nunca deixa de ser chateada kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk. Mas falando sério agora… obrigado por aguentar minhas loucuras também, minha chatice, porque eu sei que eu também sou chatinho e tbm espalho fake news. Mas brincadeiras à parte, eu amo você. Obrigado por trazer tanta alegria pros meus dias, por me mostrar um outro lado da vida, cheio de coisas diferentes alegres ,ideias malucas, “fics absurdas” e loucuras suas kkkkk e momentos que eu nunca imaginava viver.. Você me ensina muita coisa, de verdade mesmo… apesar de que grande parte são as maiores fake news já criadas na história de todo tempo kkkkkkkk. Mas mesmo assim, você me faz querer entender as coisas, correr atrás, aprender mais Até política você tentou me ensinar kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk, que não pode ter dois mandatos seguidos… ou melhor, terceiro mandato seguido, né professora kkkkk. Você desperta o meu melhor lado… e também me ajudou a parar de ser tão dramático, porque dois dramáticos juntos não ia dar certo não kkkkk Então acho que nisso você me salvou também.. Nosso relacionamento é isso: uma via de mão dupla. Você me ajudou e eu também te ajudei. Quando eu te conheci, você nem falava “problema” direito, olha aí a evolução kkkkk. Amo você, e sou muito grato por tudo que a gente já conquistou juntos. Tantas coisas… até passar o Natal juntos, que parecia impossível olha on de a gente chegoujuuuu . E isso é só o começo, porque eu já penso lá na frente… em breve a gente vai estar junto mais vezes, saindo todo final de semana, vivendo tudo isso de perto, porque isso já virou uma das minhas metas. E agora sim, do jeito certo: dia 26 de abril de 2025. Não é 2024 não, tá? Igual você colocou na senha da internet errado q vc errou o ano kkkkk. Agora foi a data cotrreta kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk, ei po se eu pudesse te descrever em uma palavra seria LOUCURA pq vc e MALUCA KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK te am ooooo Amo você mesmo, Vanessa. Amo te ensinar também, porque sim, eu te ensinei algumas coisas, tá? agora sabe falar um montao de palavras e sabe o q é muita coisa kkkkkkkk. Mas principalmente, obrigado por ser essa pessoa alegre, por animar meus dias, por ser tão carinhosa e amorosa comigo… mesmo sendo a rainha dos dramas e das fake news kkkkk, mas isso é você, e é isso que te faz ser tão única. Obrigado por estar sempre comigo, nos momentos bons e ruins, nas minhas loucuras, nas minhas fases chatas… obrigado por me aguentar. Obrigado por me fazer rir, porque você consegue fazer isso em qualquer momento, até quando você abre uma caixinha de perguntas e responde você mesma kkkkkkkkk. Meu amor, você me completa. Seu jeito emocional, suas ideias de futuro, de fazer IA comigo sobre casar, ter filhos e tudo mais… eu amo tudo isso.… ate as su8as fics q vc faz de mim q vc esta gravida tenho certeza essa e sua fic favorita. Minha medrosinha, porque pensa numa garota medrosa kkkkk, mas ao mesmo tempo tão forte, tão corajosa… você é incrível. Eu amo seu sorrisooooo, seu olhar… menos suas caretas de brava kkkkkkkkkkjkk, mas até nisso você é linda. Minha loirinha falsificada kkkkk, linda por dentro e por fora. Parece até uma boneca… linda do seu jeitinho (brincadeira, tá?). E antes de tudo isso acabar, eu só queria dizer mais uma coisa… eu penso muito no nosso futuro, sabia? Eu imagino a gente realizando tudo aquilo que a gente brinca, casar, ter nossa casinha, construir nossa vida juntos. Penso na gente com nossos filhos correndo pela casa, fazendo bagunça igual a gente faz hoje kkkkk, e também com nossos cachorros, um Golden grandão todo besta e dois Lulu da Pomerânia protegendo a gente do jeitinho deles kkkkk. Pode parecer loucura, mas vindo da gente isso já virou até plano né? E eu quero viver tudo isso com você. Mas falando sério de novo… eu amoooooooooo você. Obrigadooooo por tantooooooooooo. Você é muito especial pra mim, seja me ajudando nas minhas atividades, me fazendo rir com suas loucuras ou só por estar do meu lado. Sua presença já muda tudo. Um ano ao seu lado me mostrou o quanto a gente cresceu juntos, o quanto aprendemos um com o outro e o quanto ainda temos pra viver. Cada momento com você vale a pena, cada conversa, cada risada, cada conversa dos assuntos mais besta kkkkk, cada besteira, cada loucura… até pelas brigas que no final só fizeram a gente ficar mais forte e até cada drama kkkkk. Você é especial em todos os sentidos. E eu tenho muito orgulho da gente. AMO-TE ❤️

anessinha,MEU AMOR hoje finalmente fazemos um ano. E me diz, meu amor… o que significa pra você 12 meses? Não, não é 13 meses, não é 14 meses também não kkkkkkkkkk. Você sempre tava um ou dois meses na frente, né neném? Mas agora finalmente pode falar certinho: são 12 meses. São 365 dias, meu amor. Nem mais, nem menos, kkkkk, porque você sabe como a senhorita é cheia das doieira kkkkkkkkkkkk com esse tempão eu sei bem como é suas loucuras e principalmente os dramas , que são infinitos. Como falar da rainha dos dramas, nunca vi alguém com tanto drama igual você, de verdade mesmo kkkkk. Mas me diz… o que seria de mim sem isso tudo? O que seria de mim sem seus jeitos, suas loucuras, suas raivas e suas chateações? Graças a Deus melhorouuuuuuuuuu Porque antes era 24 horas chorando sem parar pense como chorava ,depois dera chateaçao infinita agora é mais drama(sempre teve drama,mais agr aumentou p compensar q melhorou nas zota emoçoes kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk)… quer dizer, nunca deixa de ser chateada kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk. Mas falando sério agora… obrigado por aguentar minhas loucuras também, minha chatice, porque eu sei que eu também sou chatinho e tbm espalho fake news. Mas brincadeiras à parte, eu amo você. Obrigado por trazer tanta alegria pros meus dias, por me mostrar um outro lado da vida, cheio de coisas diferentes alegres ,ideias malucas, “fics absurdas” e loucuras suas kkkkk e momentos que eu nunca imaginava viver.. Você me ensina muita coisa, de verdade mesmo… apesar de que grande parte são as maiores fake news já criadas na história de todo tempo kkkkkkkk. Mas mesmo assim, você me faz querer entender as coisas, correr atrás, aprender mais Até política você tentou me ensinar kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk, que não pode ter dois mandatos seguidos… ou melhor, terceiro mandato seguido, né professora kkkkk. Você desperta o meu melhor lado… e também me ajudou a parar de ser tão dramático, porque dois dramáticos juntos não ia dar certo não kkkkk Então acho que nisso você me salvou também.. Nosso relacionamento é isso: uma via de mão dupla. Você me ajudou e eu também te ajudei. Quando eu te conheci, você nem falava “problema” direito, olha aí a evolução kkkkk. Amo você, e sou muito grato por tudo que a gente já conquistou juntos. Tantas coisas… até passar o Natal juntos, que parecia impossível olha on de a gente chegoujuuuu . E isso é só o começo, porque eu já penso lá na frente… em breve a gente vai estar junto mais vezes, saindo todo final de semana, vivendo tudo isso de perto, porque isso já virou uma das minhas metas. E agora sim, do jeito certo: dia 26 de abril de 2025. Não é 2024 não, tá? Igual você colocou na senha da internet errado q vc errou o ano kkkkk. Agora foi a data cotrreta kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk, ei po se eu pudesse te descrever em uma palavra seria LOUCURA pq vc e MALUCA KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK te am ooooo Amo você mesmo, Vanessa. Amo te ensinar também, porque sim, eu te ensinei algumas coisas, tá? agora sabe falar um montao de palavras e sabe o q é muita coisa kkkkkkkk. Mas principalmente, obrigado por ser essa pessoa alegre, por animar meus dias, por ser tão carinhosa e amorosa comigo… mesmo sendo a rainha dos dramas e das fake news kkkkk, mas isso é você, e é isso que te faz ser tão única. Obrigado por estar sempre comigo, nos momentos bons e ruins, nas minhas loucuras, nas minhas fases chatas… obrigado por me aguentar. Obrigado por me fazer rir, porque você consegue fazer isso em qualquer momento, até quando você abre uma caixinha de perguntas e responde você mesma kkkkkkkkk. Meu amor, você me completa. Seu jeito emocional, suas ideias de futuro, de fazer IA comigo sobre casar, ter filhos e tudo mais… eu amo tudo isso.… ate as su8as fics q vc faz de mim q vc esta gravida tenho certeza essa e sua fic favorita. Minha medrosinha, porque pensa numa garota medrosa kkkkk, mas ao mesmo tempo tão forte, tão corajosa… você é incrível. Eu amo seu sorrisooooo, seu olhar… menos suas caretas de brava kkkkkkkkkkjkk, mas até nisso você é linda. Minha loirinha falsificada kkkkk, linda por dentro e por fora. Parece até uma boneca… “a carinha de cu” kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk (brincadeira, tá?). E antes de tudo isso acabar, eu só queria dizer mais uma coisa… eu penso muito no nosso futuro, sabia? Eu imagino a gente realizando tudo aquilo que a gente brinca, casar, ter nossa casinha, construir nossa vida juntos. Penso na gente com nossos filhos correndo pela casa, fazendo bagunça igual a gente faz hoje kkkkk, e também com nossos cachorros, um Golden grandão todo besta e dois pastor alemão protegendo a gente como se fossem nossos seguranças kkkkk. Pode parecer loucura, mas vindo da gente isso já virou até plano né? E eu quero viver tudo isso com você. Mas falando sério de novo… eu amoooooooooo você. Obrigadooooo por tantooooooooooo. Você é muito especial pra mim, seja me ajudando nas minhas atividades, me fazendo rir com suas loucuras ou só por estar do meu lado. Sua presença já muda tudo. Um ano ao seu lado me mostrou o quanto a gente cresceu juntos, o quanto aprendemos um com o outro e o quanto ainda temos pra viver. Cada momento com você vale a pena, cada conversa, cada risada, cada conversa dos assuntos mais besta kkkkk, cada besteira, cada loucura… até pelas brigas que no final só fizeram a gente ficar mais forte e até cada drama kkkkk. Você é especial em todos os sentidos. E eu tenho muito orgulho da gente. AMO-TE ❤️ boneca cara de cuzinho

I hope our love begins to blossom more, you are the most perfect person ever and maybe I don’t show it enough but I REALLY REALLYY like you 🥹. I hate when you think you aren’t good enough because you really are, you’re the most funny person ever and I wanna laugh to your jokes until the day I die. The things we can talk about makes me so happy, especially about your pets too!! You may never see this but I hope one day I can come back on here and talk about our love.

Knowing you might like my best friend is kinda gut wrenching, I mean, I’ve loved you since I first saw you, but if it’s not meant to be then who am I to stop it all? I will miss thinking about how we would’ve spent out future together, side by side, but if this is what’s going to happen then I wish you the best, truly. Just know you were the sweetest boy I’ve met :’)

i’m sorry i really just need to get this off my chest. i know you’ll probably never see this, but i have to send it nonetheless. i think it all comes down to the fact that i was scared. it wasn’t that i never loved you, i did. i know i did. but i was just scared. i wish that we would’ve said what we said later on. i wish that when we confessed, it would’ve been not then but now. now i’m much more mature, much more comfortable with what i can call myself and what i can be. but even knowing that, i know it would’ve been futile regardless. i was the one who started crushing on you first. you were the first girl i’d ever had a crush on, and it confused me. but you were always so open about yourself that it made me feel a little better, like i wasn’t doing anything wrong because you were doing it too. melody i know that you would’ve given me everything, and the fact is, you have. you’ve given me all of yourself the way that i never could for you. i was scared. i’m still scared now. i can entertain myself with guys as much as i want, but it’s always been you. i can see myself dating you and being happy. it’s such a clear vision in my mind. no boy would’ve remembered the things you remembered about me. no boy would’ve given me the gifts full of time, thought, and effort the way you did. i would’ve been so happy with you. you would’ve made me so happy and i know it. beyond a shadow of a doubt, i know you would’ve made me the happiest girl alive. i imagine myself dating you, getting to kiss you and hug you and go out on dates. but i’m afraid. i was and i still am. i’m just a little more comfortable with myself. but i know that i will never be truly comfortable with myself. because while i can very clearly see myself dating you and doing all these things with you, i can’t imagine the future. it’s so weird to me. i can imagine myself dating any girl and being happy while i have trouble imagining myself having a boyfriend. but when i think on the future, i can hardly see myself marrying and having a family with anyone at all, but when i do, it’s with a man. i don’t know what i’m afraid of, but i’m so, so afraid. everything i did to you was so unfair. i was our downfall. i was the cause of our death. it was all me. you weren’t just an experience, you were everything. you are everything. no one makes me laugh the way you do, no one does the things you do for me, no one is like you. i could talk to you, watch movies with you, share secrets, talk about my feelings, my fears, all with you. it’s nearly impossible for me to be able to have that with anyone else. there was never anybody else. you were always my person, my second half, my twin flame, my soul. i reminisce about you, about us, and think about how lucky i was to have met you. i never said it, but it hurt me too. losing you hurt like nothing had ever hurt before. i know that i never really lost you, but god did it feel like i did. it felt like a part of me was gone forever. my best friend, my girl. and i’m sorry, i’m so sorry because j know it’s my fault. every time you say it’s not i stay quiet because i know it’s not true. had i not led you on the way i did, maybe right now we’d still be calling every day from the moment we woke up or got home from school to the moment i had to leave first. we’d be watching movies together, we’d be talking, laughing, sitting in comfortable silences, still saying i love you. every day since things ended i’ve felt this regret, and it keeps getting stronger. if hurt to leave you but i couldn’t stay. no matter how much i wanted to, i couldn’t. i will never be fully comfortable with who i am. i know i love you, i know that i really do. j know that in the deepest part of heart, i love you and i will always love you. but we can’t be anything. sometimes i wish i could be selfish and date you. i wish i could feel your kisses and hear your voices telling me all the sweet nothings you used to say. i miss you every day. every day without fail i miss you more than the last. i think about you late at night, i think about you when i hear songs, i think about you when there’s nothing to keep me distracted, i think about you while i watch the water boil. i fantasize about you innocently. getting to kiss you, hug you, have you hold me, have us go on dates, smile at each other, sleep in each others arms. i think about that. i get jealous over you, i cry over you, i get nostalgic over you. all to this day. but as much as i wanted to be selfish, i wont. i can’t. all i’ll do is hurt you even more. i’m so afraid and i don’t know what for. my parents would be supportive, i’d have you, i wouldn’t care about anyone else. but i’m still so afraid. i can’t see myself getting married with anyone but a blurry face of a man. i know that on the day j get married, i’ll think of you. when i get a home, i’ll think of you. when i get that pet cat, i’ll think of you. i could be with anyone and somehow, my thoughts will always lead back to you. i miss you as my best friend and my lover. i try not to show it, i try to keep it hidden, but i still check your accounts sometimes, stare at you when your videos come on my feed, look at every single thing you’ve ever given me, still look for our initials, our months, our signs, all of it. i don’t ever want you to go thinking that after everything that happened, that after everything we said, did, and went through, that i’m fine. that this doesn’t matter to me. because it does. it matters to me more than anything. i love you. i love you, i love you, i love you. you would’ve made me so happy. but i refuse to hurt you more than i already have by selfishly asking you for a chance knowing that it will lead no where. maybe if we date, maybe i’ll get over my fears. but what if i don’t? i’ll leave you heartbroken again. i’ve already lost you once, i don’t think i could live with myself if i lost you again. it was never your fault. it was never about what you were or who you were. it was me, solely me. it was my fault because i will never be able to be who i really am. like i said, i’m much more comfortable now than back then, but my fears are still there. and i’m sorry. i’m sorry we never had what we talked about. i’m sorry i couldn’t give you what we dreamed of. i’m sorry that i have to be so unaccepting of myself. if i wasn’t, we’d years into a relationship. i miss you. i love you. i sound like a broken record but it’s true. you may not have known it, but my world revolved around you too. and it still does. i search for you in everyone. i can’t find you again. and it breaks my heart that we can’t be together the way we both want to be. you would never have to be a boy for me to love you. i love you as you are now, a girl just like me. but things might’ve been easier that way, wouldn’t they? nonetheless, i’d never change a single thing about you. i fell in love with the incredible girl that you are and it will always stay that way. i hope that there’s someone out there who isn’t afraid of what they are and that they can give you what my subconscious has only hoped to. time will pass, but my feelings will never change. even if we don’t talk anymore, even if we’re not as close as we were before, even if i’m not your best friend anymore, i’ll always be here. you’ll always be my best friend no matter what. quite literally the girl of my dreams. i hate that this is the way things have to be. you loved so openly and all i could ever do was keep you at an arms length. you are both my biggest blessing and my biggest regret. my biggest blessing because without you, i don’t know who i would’ve been. you will always be my everything no matter how much time passes. but you are also my biggest regret, because i fell for something that i couldn’t have and i hurt you. i know i hurt you. i hurt you so much. i’m sorry. i know that you’d forgive me, i know that i am forgiven, but take my sorries anyway because you deserve them. i didn’t realize the good i had until i had to let you go. i always appreciated you and everything you did. i’m sorry that i’m this way. there are so many parallels between us and my heart aches. it aches knowing that i truly do love you, and that all my feelings are real and i felt you, i did, but i could never act on it because of my cowardice. i feel like it will never be over. i’ll never stop feeling this way and regretting why i could never be braver. i wish i could say “i do”. i want to reach out, but the thought of that scares me motionless. i want to ask you to never leave me, but that’s disgustingly selfish of me. maybe in a different world, in a different life, we could be together without the weight of anything holding us back. a life where i could be free and love you the way i want to and the way you deserve. i know this isn’t the most comforting closure i could’ve given you, and i know it’ll hurt, but it has to be said, and if i never do, how could i ever expect you to know? sweet girl, i love you. i just can’t keep living like this, with this guilt. tragic, isn’t it? the mystery of love. —K.

Dimma You know how some people spend their whole life looking for their missing piece? I found mine the day I met you. So I'm not asking... I'm saying it: Be my girlfriend... Will you ?

perhaps it isn't love when i say you are what i love the most - you are the knife i turn inside myself, this is love. this, my dear, is love.