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My beautiful girl, I hate that we haven’t had all the time in the world to just be us lately. But here’s the truth, not seeing you every day doesn’t make me love you any less it actually makes me appreciate you so much more. You’re the one who makes my heart feel full, even from afar. Your laugh, your kindness, the way you make ordinary things feel special… I carry all of that with me. Thank you for being patient, for understanding, and for loving me back. I can’t wait to make up for every missed moment and create a million more memories together. You mean everything to me. I love you endlessly. 🌹 Fola 💕

I saw that my message last night is still on delivered. I feel like you restricted me. Thinking about that actually hurts, but what can I do? If that’s the only right thing for you to not feel me again, then I should accept it. I know it’s my fault. I was actually lying cy☹️even if I say it’s fine, deep down it makes me sad. I really wanted to talk to you, but I know that will probably never happen. Gosh, I wish I never let my thoughts stop me from showing my affection to you. If only I could break this wall I built between us, maybe I could feel you again. But if I did that, where would my self-respect be? Am I too selfish for choosing to stay silent instead of telling you that I want you here with me? I just can’t explain how much you matter to me. Believe me, I made the right decision to let you go. But the consequences made me realize that letting others love the woman I want didn’t make it easier to unlove you. I really thought it would. But as time goes by, I hate thinking of you with someone else, and those thoughts feel like they’re poisoning my mind. I can’t find the strength to send this message directly to you, so I’m leaving it here instead. I believe in God’s timing— for us to work things out at the right time and with the right decisions. I still believe in us, in everything about us. I’m walking away, but I still believe that maybe, at the right time and in the right place, our eyes will meet again-full of unspoken thoughts. I hope you’ll look at me the same way again.. If this year is still not meant for me to have you, then I’ll choose myself for now. But if our paths never cross again and God doesn’t give me another chance, then I hope I can see you one last time before I learn to love someone else.

And if the world ever asks me where my heart belongs, I will not answer — because it has already chosen you.

i love you

hi bes cant even sleep this time bc i've been thinking siguro this is the right time to tell u i know this might be sounds crazy but here it is, way back when we we're high school i haven't show u what my real feeling goes for u comes to the point that i keep pushing my feelings for u because i was totally scared back then u know me i was too soft and happy but the real is i just act that way like im just pretending it. what i talking about is the feelings i kept back then was im into u i fall for u but im scared to tell u because i might get rejected by my bestfriend so i everyday back then i pushed my feelings away so that our friendship was safe and protected. i did really kept this for so many years i just had the courage to tell u about this and sorry for not telling u as early as possible.

I wanted to forget you. I tried my best, but how can I deny what my soul craves? At first, I was drawn to your dark, your deep soul. I wanted to know more. I thought I could help you, make you feel better. But all I ended up doing was damaging your mental health. I was too much and maybe I still am. I tried to hide my anxiety, but all I did was chase you, because I felt doomed and too weak to let go. I kept apologizing… but for what? For repeating the same mistakes in the end? Maybe what you did was the best option for both of us to find peace, and for you to go back to what you truly wanted.

hi love happy retreat!

Chechi, I usually can write a lot. But for once words have failed me. I tried to write you a letter many times. But I couldn’t complete it. There’s a lot I want to say, but I don’t know where to start. I was thinking about what you will do, how you will manage, all of those. But maybe for once, I think I will tell you about me. No amount of ideas and advice can help right now. So I will sit with you in the darkness. I will sit with you in the pain. I will sit with you through the tears, I will be there until we figure it out. I will stay. I will see you. And I will let myself be seen. Magdeburg will never be the same ever again. Because I know what this place looks like with you in it. I will miss you a lot. I will miss making the bath for you, I will miss taking the tram to come see you. I will miss putting on the tea and waiting for you to reach. I will miss colouring your hair. I will miss going to shops with you. I will miss teasing you about that “accidental” kiss. I will miss the way you laugh when I say evil things. Going to Kaufland or DM or Rossmann will never be the same. I think I will look for your beanie over the shelves. I will think of a joke and turn around to tell you. But you are in India. I will miss you because, I will. Not because we are related by blood, not because you are useful, not because of any reasons. But just because. I see how brave you are being. Thank you. I am not as brave I think. When I think of you walking into the airport, into a place where I can't see you every other day - it scares me. But you are so brave. We will fix this together I have no doubt. But I won’t like it when you aren’t here. And I will try to be brave like you. I am stopping here because the more I write the more I realise the little girl who watched her parents leave at the airport still lives inside me. I mustn't wake her up.

I miss you. I miss the sound of your voice. I swear if you called I’d answer so quickly. If we bumped into each other in the store in fall to pieces. I have no other way to reach you. I am grieving. I lied. I lied when I said it wouldn’t bother me if you moved on, I lied when I said I’d be happy for you. We vowed to each other in the aisle of our store. My heart my soul. It will never forget. I don’t think I will ever be able to swallow this ache, this sadness. I dream of you often, I think of you every single day. Every day I ache for you. You should’ve trusted me, you should’ve gave me time. I miss you. I just gods I miss you. I love you so much. God I want you to be back in my life. I wanted you. I will always want you. I’m devastated. I miss hearing you play guitar, I miss driving around with you, I miss listening to music, I can’t finish the last season of our show. You will always be the Jamie to my Claire. I love you. I love you so much. I cry for you almost every single day. I cling to your memories. I look back at photos. I miss you. I love you. Call me. Text me. Something.

I’d marry you in a grocery all over again. My heart aches and grieves and I think I’ll carry that with me for the rest of my life. You got married for real to someone else and buried us in the darkness. I miss you all the time, your hugs, the safety and comfort. You just didn’t trust me and you didn’t give me the time. I told you I’d serve you what you wanted on a silver platter but you like everyone else turned it away. My third and final great love, my heart shattered. I lost so much with you that I’ll never have again. I love you deeply in my soul. But I think this is what you wanted. Destroy me to gain her. You look happy, but I only see photos. I found out yesterday you married her in four short months. Engaged for a month. It felt like my nerves were being torn out of my body. I’ve cried but felt selfish. You deserve happiness. I love you I always will. Always. Even the pumpkin misses you.

I miss you. i miss you terribly. It’s only been 2 weeks. i just want you to be okay. You had so much going on in your life and i wanted to be there for you so badly. but instead. you pushed me away. I can’t hate you for that. I know i can be overwhelming. but i know you still care. i know neither of us really want this. Or at least i hope. I know i don’t want this. You say it’s because you can’t give me what i need. but you were everything and more to me… you still are. you could never do any wrong in my eyes. I can’t eat, i can’t sleep. i can’t focus on anything. it always comes back to you. I understand i invested too much time into you. i lost myself. in you. I get that. i’m just asking for another chance. the space we built together. the routine. I think the routine broke us. it became predictable. but there is something that soothes in routine. I crave the spontaneity… at times. but i mostly crave your time. your presence. your kind looks. that is what is making this so hard. You welcomed me into your life, your world, your culture. When you left. i didn’t just lose you. i lost my hope. my spark. you took that all with you. you say it’s for the best for both of us. but you are the only one gaining in this. I love you. deeply. I don’t want to beg. i don’t want to chase. i’m not going to. you need time. you need space. i could have given you this. if only you had spoken to me. you don’t have to make these decisions alone. you don’t have to walk through life alone. I was there for you. you were there for me. and now you’re gone. you’ve pruned the branches of my heart until it feels like it can grow no more. I know that when you cut hedges the leaves grow back stronger and full of life. But you didn’t have to cut me out. this is destroying me. mentally and physically. i’m exhausted. and call me selfish call me mean. but i resent you for being fine. i speak to our mutuals. they told me you’re already out with other people. taking your life back from this grip i seemed to have on you. it wasn’t on purpose. if i made you feel smothered. if i made you uncomfortable. it’s the only love i know. i’m takin this time to work on myself. We both need time. and space. i’m just hoping that when you get to that point. you look for the possibility that i can be the one to support you again. Please don’t be a stranger.

i wish you would let me love you. i think we would be great together. maybe in another life

I will always love you my wifey… Bye aliy😊

whats for lunch

wonderful experience. never want it again. thank you.

I noticed how much you wanted that link bouquet for Valentine’s Day and how yellow is your color (according to your last tweet). Hence the yellow background and the bouquet. But giving it to you on val’s day felt off because I don’t only appreciate you on one specific day. I cherish you every day. So I saved it for your level-up day, which I think is special in its own way. Happy birthday to you, Shayla. I’ve never felt this secure having a friend like you. Someone who can match everyone’s energy, who always listens to my nags, and who I think never even gets mad at me. Not at me, not at anyone. I’ve never seen you be a hater toward someone else and I truly adore you for that. Please keep all your kind traits for a long time, ya? I also noticed that you’re more of a words of affirmation person, so I tried to put this into words even though expressing feelings isn’t really my strong suit. That’s also why I didn’t prepare anything more than this. As for the gift… how about a “watch-together” pass you can redeem anytime? I’ll adjust, no worries. Just tell me the date since it’s your present hehe :D Last one note, I sincerely hope you get to spend today surrounded by people you love. Eat something good, dress up as pretty as you always do, and be happy. I hope you’re having a great day and that turning 21 means absolutely nothing but fun 🤟🏻 Sincerely, Keano

You don’t know me and I don’t know you

Yaa… maybe first letter complete chesake ekkadiki vachav anukuntunna. I hope adhi chadivina time lo you felt okay. Ela endhuku chepthunnano… you’ll understand by the end of this letter. Shall we start? 💔 Nijanga naku teliyadu nuvvu naku intha important avthav ani. Adhi naku oka morning lo ardham ayyindhi 🥲 Na phone lo na tears chusinappudu… while I was texting you. Appudu realize ayyanu — idhi just normal attachment kaadhu ani. “What I’m for you?” ane question ki nee answer ento naku teliyadu. Kani okati matram clear — nuvvu just another friend kaadhu naaku. After many days… ela nanu nen chusa. I’m not blaming you for that. Maybe it’s my fault. “Why you?” ani adigav. What do you think my answer will be? Nuvvu look good kabatti aa? Leda ninnu advantage ga teesukovali ani aa? 🙂 If adhe reason ayithe… nuvvu nannu adiginappude “ok” cheppochu ga. Endhuku ala cheyaledhu antav? 🤔 Leda… ninnu use cheskundham ani anukuntunna ani feel avtunnava? If adhe nuvvu feel avtunte… ee antha chadavalsina avasaram ledu. Direct ga block cheyachu. Leda neeku comfortable anipinchina decision thisko. Kani okati matram sure — nuvvu matladuthunna vadu aa type kaadhu 🙃 Sudden ga ila adigadu enti ani anukoku… naku reason undhi anduke adiganu. Just 1 day back varaku niku nachindhi. Ippudu uncomfortable ani feel avtunnav. Ni imagination lo unna varaku adhi okay. Kani adhi nenu avvagane… uncomfortable aipoyinda? Ok… let’s come to main point. Nen nitho build cheskuna connection all of a sudden oka night lo create avaledhu. You too know that manam entha varaku travel avadaniki entha time pattindho. I have not planned it. Because naku nv evaro kuda complete ga teliyadu when we started this journey. We crossed so many stages… and we are here now. Entha dhuram travel chesam ante — okarni okaru kavali anukune antha. At least 2 days mundhu varaku niku adhe feel undedhi. Now… nv same feel avtunnava ledha anadhi niku mathrame telusu. I’m truly asking you — If you feel something for me, say it clearly. If you don’t, say that clearly too. Chala easy ga “let’s be just friends” antunnav. But let’s have some clarity on that. Do you really think we can suddenly act like nothing happened? Do you think manam limits lo undagalama after everything we shared? “Just friends” ante simple word kaadhu. Because what we had was never “just friendship” level lo undaledhu. Midnight talks… emotional dependence… jealousy… care… future gurinchi subtle hints… Ivanni jarigaka sudden ga normal friendship mode ki velladam practical aa? Here also I’m not asking you to be in a relationship with me. Kani okariki okaru feelings unde situation lo “just friends” ani compromise avvadam adhi healthy kaadhu. Nuvvu clarity tho “I don’t see you that way” ante nenu accept chestha. Kani feelings ni ignore chesi safe option ga “friends” ani settle avvadam matram naku ok kaadhu. So nenu adigedhi okkate — Is that truly what you want? Leda adhi easy answer kabatti chepthunnava? So before saying “let’s be just friends” ask yourself one thing — Is that really what you want? Or is it just the safest option ? Yaa i think it's enough to understand what's my stand on you ... And I hope malli ela rase need ledhu anukuntuna 🫂 i hope you understand this too like how you understand me 🥺 And chepa ga you will get it on end of the latter 🫠 Here it is i don't want to do it but I have to Epudu edhi cheyakapothe enka epudu elane vuntam anipisthadhi ... Like how we are from last 2 days Naku nitho quality time spend cheyali ani vundhi ... Not like how we are from last 2 days. Idk what this lead's to but I have to do it Over think chesthuna anukoku ... Chala alochinche edhantha chepa For this reason ... Nv adigina space niku edham anukuntuna 🫂 don't take me wrong and tittukoku .. but just for 3 days or until you feel ok 🥺 Sorry velipothunandhuku .. jagrathaga nana 🫶 Don't think I just don't care about your texts... I'm here for you always and now I just miss us , 😞

I honestly didn’t think malli ila oka letter rayalsina time vasthundani 🥲 After that first one, I really believed we’d go back to how we used to be. But… no. Chala chepav. So let’s address one by one. First… “I don’t deserve this” ani matladadam stop chey. Nuvvu a context lo ela antunnavo naku nijanga ardham kaledu. Nuvvu enduku ala feel avtunnavo teliyadu. Kani nenu “I’m serious” ani cheppinappudu — adhi casual ga, flow lo, leda emotion lo cheppaledu. Nuvvu deserve aa kaadha ane vishayam kaadhu issue. Issue enti ante — nuvvu clarity tho lekapovadam. Confusion ni handle cheyyagalanu. Distance ni kuda manage cheyyagalanu. Kani uncertainty matram kastam. “You deserve better” ani chepi velipodam easy option naku . But Clarity ivvadam — adhe real maturity. Next… “Why only me?” ani adigav. “Why only you?” ante… nijanga naku clear answer ledu. - Adhi tharvatha matladukundham. But “Why not others?” — let’s talk about that. Nenu evaritho matladina andharu same avvaru. Yes, naku chala friends unnaru, Close people kuda unnaru. Kani andhartho same type of bond undadhu ga? Right? Connection ante random ga create avvadhu. It doesn’t happen just because we talk daily. It doesn’t happen just because we’re comfortable. Nuvvu different kabatti nenu serious ga unna. Nuvvu important kabatti nenu clarity adugutunna. If you were just “one more person” in that list of friends, nenu ee conversation kuda start cheyyaledu. “You notice small things, I feel happy” annav. Honestly… naku chala happy anipinchindhi. At least nenu ninnu care chesthunna ani nuvvu ardham chesukunnav. “But I’m stuck… choosing my life. Correct decision thiskuntunnana? Leda wrong way velthunnana?” annav. See… Decision correct aa wrong aa ani immediate ga evaru cheppaleru. Not me. Not even top rankers or most successful people. - Time matrame answer istundi. Kani okati matram cheppagalanu — idhi workout ayithe… “Not every man is the same” ani nenu prove cheyalanukunna. Force ga kaadhu. Words tho kaadhu. Consistency tho. But before all that… oka question neeku neevu adugu Nuvvu fear tho decide chesthunava? Leda clarity tho? Yaa i think I have addressed everything ... Maybe niku kavalsina answers dhorikay Anukunta 🥲 And in next one let's talk about my side my point of view 🫶

dear dejuan… idk how to start this tbh.. its been two months since we’ve broken up, it now being february. and here i am, finally laying out all my feelings to you. through out the whole relationship, i honestly felt like the love we shared wasnt real. i couldn’t find it in my heart to trust you nor open up to you. i was scared of getting hurt or being left behind again, scared of actually hoping for forever just for it to be temporary. i vowed to never let you in, to keep my guard up, to limit what I say and how i communicate with you. i lied about not liking to go to sleep on the phone because i knew if i did, my guard will slowly go down. i stuck to harsh words,dry texts, late text and rage baiting because i feared my love would be too much for you. the constant texting and calling, the pet names and constant annoyance, the random facts and anime quotes throughout the day, the stalking you and your family and friends accounts, the getting upset over everything that you do and refusing to tell you because of the fear that im over reacting or upsetting you, the spamming “baby” just to respond with hi, or stalking your ig and who you text. i feared actually being myself. i feared texting you constantly even when all i could think of was you because i feared being too much for you. i feared losing you.i even feared you leaving me for your bsf because of how close you guys were. and while focusing on every possible way to keep a fair enough distance, without knowing it, i was damaging myself physically and mentally. i slowly started to feel empty inside. like a moving corpse without a beating heart. i felt so lost and alone and i didn’t know how to talk to anyone. i didn’t even know how to explain my feelings. i deeply loved you so so much but i couldn’t feel it. it was more of a thought than a feeling. i then started to think that maybe everything I once felt was all just in my head, and suddenly every other feeling ive once felt was slipping away. the happiness, love, joy, sadness, hurt, depression, overthinking. it just all slowly stopped. and the next thing i know i was in the same cycle over and over, feeling like a puppet being moved around. i felt hallow. i felt like i was running on air pilote. i couldn’t find the energy to talk to you or anyone. i felt disassociated with the world. and all i had was weed. i started smoking and sleeping heavily, staring at a blank wall or watching a anime for distraction. i slowly stopped eating, stopped leaving my bed. i just exist and it was painful. so painful to watch the world move around me while im still stuck in place. to see happy people or couples together and yet feel nothing but the air from the vents and the beating of my heart. and you. you were amazing. you loved me, tried to spoil me,cared for me, just wanted me and i ruined it. all because i feared you leaving. i feared that if i open up to you about how i feel, it would be over. because i knew deep down that a relationship was the last thing i needed. i knew that if i told you how my mental health truly was, it wouldve been over. so i kept it all to myself. i thought maybe it would get better or easier even. then i made a stupid decision that ended us anyway. i thought that maybe if i made you hate me then you would leave and find better. i hoped for you to see me slipping away from this world, to notice that im not okay. and idk if you did. so i went into a spiral and i went to a hb. i expressed these emotions and he quickly assumed that you were cheating. that if you couldn’t notice your own girlfriend mood change then it’s someone else. and that sickening saying and thought was put into my head over and over by many other friends. and i’m not blaming you, im not accusing you of cheating. im expressing my feelings ab you and your gbsf relationship. i didn’t like it. i didn’t like how close y’all were and how much you posted her, i didn’t like how you would talk to her about our problems or how you got her to text me about our relationship problems instead of yourself. so i turned to my boy bsf, flirting with him and he went along with it.. yet it took you awhile to notice, and when you did, when you left….. i finally felt something. i felt pain so deep inside that i couldn’t help but touch my chest. and it took me forever to realize that the cause of my actions resulted into someone i deeply loved being hurt. i became what i feared. i self sabotaged and pushed you away. so that night when you called and ended things, i completely broke. all i could manage was an okay but i wasn’t okay. and ik we will never be together again… but i just want you to know that i’m sorry juan. im so so sorry…you didn’t deserve anything i did to you, you deserve so much better and ik you will receive better. you stayed. even when i was so horrible and dry to you… im to blame for how things ended and i accept it. i just want you to come back to me….. but i also know that the love and trust that you had for me is long gone… so this is my last time talking to you, bothering you. you can hate me forever if you want. i just needed to finally get this out. better late than never ig