I miss you

good morning, nicz: ) it's been three weeks and somehow, i still find myself thinking about everything that happened between us. i still miss you. i don't think that's something i need to be ashamed of. u became such a big part of my life, and getting used to not having you around isn't something that happens overnight. there are still moments when i want to tell you something about my day or when something reminds me of you. i don't regret loving you or giving us a chance. what we had was real, and you made me feel understood, cared for, and safe to be myself. maybe we just weren't ready to make enough space for each other while chasing our own dreams. i wanted you to be my last, but sometimes loving someone means knowing when to let go. three weeks later, i still miss you, but i'm learning to move forward while being grateful that i got to love you. take care always, nico. i love you baby.

Ryooo, happy third monthsary yaaa. im really grateful we made this far, even tho we ended things at a bad term. aku sebenarnya ga benci kamu kok, i miss you everyday, i wonder how youre doing, i look at our old chats and think, lucu banget ya kita dulu begini. sebenarnya aku sayang banget sama kamu, kamu tetap ada di hati aku, because youre one of the most precious person in my life. im really grateful i met you, i know i wont be able to call you sayang again, but just know im here cheering for you from afar, seeing you be succsesful in life with me, be happy and healthy always ya ryo, im here if you need me. youve been the best person in my life, always supportive, always making time for me, even tho i know you wony be able to do the same thing to me now. there were a lot of obvious signs that i deeply miss you, but you probably didnt noticed wkwk. semangat ya ryo sayangg. that will be the last time ill ever call you that. haru selalu cinta ryoo.

sadly feels empty these days after the day we see each other, she`s now forget about me... it hurts but im trying to talk to her but suddenly i badly felt guilty bc she`s busy and im bothering her. i just wanted to feel her presence even we`re both busy at school these days.. i know im oa but can`t stop thinking of our communication problem..am i wrong?? of thinking this or bothering myself about this?? pano ako hahah i know it sounds weird bakit pinoproblema ko to syempre priority ko rin tong relasyon nato kaya nga ako nag commit hindi para maging unfair.. kalungkot fvck :(( sawa kana ba?? sobrang unimportant koba??

I want to talk to you every day. This past year has been so hard for me, I've grown and changed in so many ways... The only person I want to share that with is you. And you're gone... I regret how things ended, and I know you painted me that way to cope... but... I know you loved me. I know you loved me, too. Maybe that's enough. I love you, bug. Ewan

It’s been almost two years and i still think about you almost every day. I still dream about you. I dreamt about you last night. I miss you so much. I watch your old YouTube videos so that I can hear the sound of your voice. I wish you could’ve told me before you disappeared. I’m not sure if it was something i did, if you didn’t like me anymore, but just something would’ve been nice. I was so sad after. I saw that you had a girlfriend recently, and I’m happy for you. Whereas i still feel like i haven’t moved on even though we were never actually dating. I feel like it really could’ve gone somewhere. You were the first and only person to make me feel truly understood. I felt like I could be weird around you, and you’d match my energy and be even weirder. I miss you so much. I used to listen to ‘I’m low on gas and you need a jacket’ when we talked and I remember thinking, one day if we stop talking i wonder if he’ll forget the colour of my eyes. Have you? I remember yours. The most gorgeous honey brown.

i never stopped loving u

hello bbg , lifes ....messed up isnt it? ...sometimes it feels that u cant even sleep from some stupid anxiety from a stupid ahh thing and sometimes you remember u are loved by a certain chocolate brown haired ,lovely ,sweet as Aaron warner might be -capricorn??? surely one of the greatest goals feels achieved when I remember this ,am pathetically sorry for not being online...insta lowkey depresses me ...lifes honestly a lil messed up for me nowadays ...i cant even read the way i used to...but dw i will fix it all , I promise to try to be more online T-T . YOURE MY SAFE PLACE ZOYE MOYE. passionate kisses (yes am a freak) -YOURS MOST ARDENTLY MAHEEN or heen or whatever .

TAKE CARE, BEANER BABIE. LOVE YOU, AND THANK YOU FOR CROSSING MY PATH, MAKING ME LAUGH, AND NOT JUDGING TOO HARSHLY. BUT I FEAR THERE IS A CYCLE HERE. I DIDN'T MEAN TO BREAK YOUR HEART OR LEAD YOU ON, I JUST THINK YOU'RE COOL. THANKS FOR ALLOWING ME INTO YOUR VILLAGE.LOVE, SHANNON HARLEY SERENITY STAR TANKA.THANK YOU SINCERELY, AND THANK YOU TO YOUR FAMILY—MAY THEY CONTINUE TO BE BLESSED FOR GENERATIONS TO COME. REMEMBER: LOVE LIKE JESUS, AND STAND UP FOR WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN LIKE THE MORNING STAR, BECAUSE SOME SACRIFICES REQUIRE A FALL FROM GRACE. BUT THAT'S THE PART—TO FALL FROM GRACE AND LAND ON YOUR FEET, WAS IT REALLY A FALL OR A MISTAKE?144 MAKE THE WORLD SHAKE, BABY!† ------------------------------------ †If you need any changes to the layout or want me to tweak the word art style, just let me know.

I wasn't in the headspace at the time to be in a relationship. You came so unexpectedly. Thank you, mutual friend. I never knew I wanted a real family until I met you. Isn't it crazy how, after you meet someone, you start thinking abt it all? I know we both were so far away from each other. 20-24 hrs. But that didn't stop us. It was your first question after I confessed I liked you on the call. It didn't take me long to like you, even off text. You were very dry on text when I met you, but you really changed. I almost lost you for a mere moment. But something kept me going. I still was trying. You would send pictures of yourself often, face selfies, voice memos as well. And you wanted to have a call. You were the most extroverted person I've ever met in my life on call. I guess you can't judge somebody off text. One call grew to many, and a couple hours grew to seven. You made me love calling so much. I didn't even want to text you because I wanted to hear your voice in the moment. I was so close-minded, but you opened me to so many more possibilities. Even online, I pushed myself for you. I would mimic what you did unto me. We were so alike and very mature for our age. We had the same morals and beliefs. I never knew that after only a few months, you feel like they're the person that you can marry. And we tried—we tried really hard, everything that we could, to get married. We both loved each other so much. If there was only one thing that we disagreed on, it was the God that we believed in. I even tried converting for you, after I turned that one down the first time around, I still wanted interfaith, I wanted to make it work. You know, I thought that was the whole reason alone why we couldn't work, but I guess not everything's so one-sided. I figured out I never even would have had a chance because your family was the source of the decision, I wasnt muslim. You both confirmed that on our hour and a half call. I needed to know, so I didn't have any regrets from when I turned it down the first time. Thinking if I was prepared, would the yes at the start change anything? No. It wouldn't. The truth is, I knew all along the answer was a no for us, but I still tried. I felt such a heavy weight on my chest, and I knew that it wouldn't sit right with me if we proceeded. 6 people mutually agreed. That doesn't means a lot. I know we were saved from much trouble. Your religion is so strict and different. What are the odds that nothing would go wrong. We knew. I know the first no was the smartest thing from me. But when you're so deeply attached to a person, you want to try to do anything, even if it means risking it all for them. I wish we started through your dad, not you. I didn't know that you both were so intertwined. Your dad would help you with this guidance, much needed. He was the wisest of us all. This experience told me that it's very important, especially for someone from a vastly different culture, to really go through parents first. We would have saved ourselves some time and It wouldn't hurt so much. It also tells me that even though you were so smart, knowledgeable, aligned, and disciplined, you didn't even know what you were doing because you were in love as well. I can't blame you, but you told us that we had a chance. The truth is, we never did because I wasn't Muslim. You told me it's preferable, not impossible. And I am Christian, I know your dad previously mentioned that, if everything aligns, we could end up with each other. But distance was also a very huge factor. Guess not everything aligned. I feel a little bit conflicted because your dad got in the way of a lot of your own decisions, but I know he saved you, too. That doesn't go discounted. We talked about a life with no rules. We wanted to escape into this fantasy, we loved each other so much. Even after the first time around, the decision was made. We still kept in touch for four weeks, but it was a very strange dynamic. We both were still processing everything, and we still loved each other. It's like we didn't want it to end. But it was all wrong for us to keep in touch because there were mixed feelings and hope still left, and I feel like we would have done something very unholy with each other if we met up. When we were texting, it didn't feel like we were actually healing and moving on. It's like we kept each other apart from that. I didn't feel right about it, and I knew that we should stop what we were doing. But how could we if we were so addicted to each other, and we had fun doing it, and I couldn't say no to you? I wanted everything to be without any boundaries. There's no fun in that. After the second decision came around and your dad actually got involved again, silence has been the only thing I've been most familiar with. I don't think we'll ever return to even that stage again, because that has passed and it just didn't work for us. We were in a very gray area. I've been thinking to myself. It's not that I don't regret not being grateful, but I kind of wish I was still texting you. Because I miss you so much, and I don't wake up to any of your texts anymore, and it's like we're strangers again. I don't have much going in my life without you. You're the one doing all the work, studying and all. But I know we had to go through this again to really smack us back into a sense of reality. You see, there was never just friends. It was always mixed. And at this point, I don't think we have anything to gain being friends because once you get married, we're not gonna even call anymore. It's gonna be over forever. I know there's still time between, and it makes you think it would be best to keep them along for the ride before all of that. But I just don't know if I could trust myself with you and say no to you. Your dad told you to limit contact with me, and it's best. Prefer to never talk again. I see you were really listening this time. It's been three days since I've heard from you. I don't think I'm gonna initiate anything, but I did mention on the call that I at least wanted to keep the weekly calls because they were very special. I still wish that we texted during the week, but I feel like texting is a lot more concentrated, and we could get caught up a little bit easier. As the days go by, I'm even contemplating weekly calls. It's like I want everything at once. I know if you texted me, I would follow your lead and I would be open to it, but I just don't know if I could take that first initiative. I think I'm secretly waiting for you. Your dad and you have come to an agreement that it's up to me what I want to do with us at the end. But isn't that just a polite way of letting go? Saying goodbye? I think it's best if we both put effort into it, and we all know when a girl leads, nothing goes forward. Has to be mutual. If you don't initiate this week's call, then that's it forever. Nothing will come from me. I would take it as a sign to move on. You always initiated every call. I know you said it's not like we'll never text, but what is the fun of limiting messages with each other if we can't have it fully in a way where we can do what we want and text at any given time? Sometimes I hate how you're such a little puppy with your father. But I wish you actually followed your potential wife's lead. Maybe if you weren't so brainwashed by your father, things would be different. That's just a little bit of my anger speaking out. I find myself still waiting for your text messages, but I don't know if I'm delusional. Remember when you said that it would be our little sandbox, and that we would be against the world? Well, it doesn't seem like that anymore. Actually, never, because it was always your father in the background, lurking, and whatever we did had to be bypassed from him. He would have to make the decision if I get a yes or no for approval regarding being a wife. I hope he's happy with keeping his son tucked away. You went to an all-boys school. You never had a girl like you before. You never even had a friend that was a girl so close like me. I hope your father's happy now, and I hope you're as happy as him. For continuing to be secluded, I only came into your life for a little bit, I guess. But I hope you learned a lot from it, and I hope that this was the best decision for us. Look at you now, secluded again. No excitement, but the strict life you were raised up in. What's the fun in that? You weren't such a goody-two-shoes. We both did things behind your father's back, and that felt good, rebelling against him, because it was my space now, It was my domain, my lead. As of now, I don't necessarily know where we stand in the way of friendship. We may do weekly calls. We may text here and there, but I just don't know if we should end it. Overall, I can't be trusted with that decision that was given unto me. At this point, I wish you both made it. Both, because you guys are so equally aligned. It's like I want to text and call you, but then I don't at the same time, because I know that I will never be that wife in your life, like I get nothing out of it, just a temporal friend. Before you go on a search for a mate. It's like, am I that lonely and desperate? Yeah, the truth is, I am. Or maybe I just love you so much. Having you as a friend is as close as I can get. Even for the short time we have. The time before you create a new family. I think, in a way, it'll be easier for us to bridge the gap if we stay in touch. I knew you didn't want me to sacrifice anything. You told me. But that wasn't the only element. Everything is so grey with you. No black and white. I want to be careful before regretting anything. I know that the dynamic we had, had to end. But I feel like this was the only way that we both could really follow, if another person said it for us. But it's like now I lost you forever, though, because of that. Like I don't even have my best friend anymore. I guess it always bites you later when you don't stand up for yourself. You love talking sexual things. I never restricted you from that. I didn't want to be the one to put us back into place. So, your dad is. I swear I didn't do this on purpose. I was walking at the park with my mom, and she asked me a question: If I knew how everything would end, would I only want to be friends? It's too complicated. You don't know what you don't know. It was eating me alive in the beginning. I wanted to know if he was gonna be my future husband. The way I feel right now, I feel like I want to be just friends. We have history tho. I guess we were another case of romance ruined friendship. You were always a romantic partner to me, rather than just a friend. So, to be friends, I don't know if we can necessarily do that. It was so good, though, being in the gray area, because I knew we got everything we wanted. Our hopes with each other kept us alive, even though you didn't announce it to your dad fully yet. We wanted to do everything together before you brought it up to him, because it was extremely serious. But the truth is, we still took too long. And even your dad said that. The only wise one in the whole thing was your dad all along. We knew the truth, but we didn't want to admit it.Now it's so easy to be distant, just because it was left on your dad once again. And, of course, you're a little puppy, so you're gonna follow him. Only when Dad says it now, you listen. Now, you go silent. It's like, who are you choosing here, buddy? I don't know if you prioritized me as much as I wanted, but I don't know if I can argue with that either. Sometimes I think, if you really, really loved me, would you? But I knew you loved me. And I thought if I wasn't good enough, but you told me you're just so, so beautiful, you know? So that wasn't the issue. The truth is, I know we both said no to save ourselves from trouble. You went with it all along, and I made like five proposals. I wouldn't say it's that you don't trust me, but it's just probably going to happen again if we still keep in touch. So it's like more truth than trust. But you gave me false hope. You told me that you would come to my state, my country, and we would just do whatever we wanted. Because sometimes thinking so much prevents us from what we actually want. Too much logical thinking isn't good, either. You agreed with quite a few things I've mentioned, but I don't know if you actually did all the way. Maybe you were just too horny. We said we would just do it if we met up, without thinking. That way, a baby could hold us together. Anything to escape reality, I guess. But you're too logical. You even mentioned it yourself that some thinking will have to be required. Just then, I didn't have a chance.It's like good thing distance kept us apart, because we're kind of dangerous together. I don't know what could happen if we were both alone. I just know if one touch would ruin it all, and it would start everything, I don't think I could restrain from that. I actually never wanted to have kids. I never told you that. Even now, I'm still contemplating on it with somebody else, but with you, I feel like if we met up, I would do it for the sake of keeping you. I would grow to love these children, because you would be such an amazing father that it's hard not to, and you have such amazing traits. With you, I would have a kid. It makes me think now that it's not impossible, and I don't not want kids. It just has to probably be the right person. I know. We even hypothetically spoke about it in games we were playing. You would teach me how to be an incredible mother. It would come naturally, I believe. These plushies are still on your bed and your pillow, I'd hope. And this big box that I sent you all the way from America is still in your closet. And these chocolates that you eat daily, I know it reminds me of you of me, and your kitty, and your plane models / aviation related things. I remember you telling me that you will never get rid of them because it reminds you of how much loved you were. It's true, but I can't seem to keep the pictures on my night table. These pictures of things that resonate with you, because I feel like it's only gonna hurt me. You are so strong. I wish I was yours, and I wish we could be in love like that once again. It feels so amazing. You told us that we should end it before we get more attached, but I'm afraid it's too late for that. I found it amazing being loved by you. That's only one side that I got to see. It was addicting, but also annoying to the point where I was turning away. I think it was just too much. I've never felt loved like that before. We would text all day, every day. Never a dull moment. I never knew we would potentially drift away like this. You even told me we would still be in touch after your wife, but it would be limited and no more phone calls. I understood that, but not to this extent. I didn't think we would leave this early. I still wonder what's going to happen between us.I feel like I want to initiate, but I'm praying if I should do that. Scared. We both were 19 when we met. I will never forget all the emotions I felt with you. This experience has taught me so much about everything, and because of you, I got so much closer to my God. I can't thank you enough for that. And I drink a lot of water, too. And I know nobody ever will send you this big of a box like I did in your lifetime. The whole thing cost around $900 to send. No, you'll never forget anything, and I wonder how you feel about us now.I know you're a guy, so you're probably gonna move on so much faster. You're already rubbing it in my face about your future wife. And I know you're not perfect. I know you feel it, too. It's hard to live without you in my life. I literally want to die. And I know the answer is right, but you don't feel relieved like you wanted to feel. I know that God and your father and yourself saved me from everything. But what if I didn't want to be saved? What if I wanted to go through all the dirt with you? Every time I hear a plane, it reminds me of you. Every time I see it, it's you. You love playing so much, and you're gonna do amazing. You're so obsessed with it, and I hope your family loves you so much—even more than I do.I can't imagine you having little kids run around and a wife.Thinking about it too much hurts me. I fell in love with a Muslim man. And Islam is great, like I have no shade against it, but some of the things I do believe are wrong.I wish you were closer in my denomination, at least. I wish it didn't even have a denomination, so it could be easier, ironically.But the more that we stay in touch, I feel like there's a potential for something to change. I just don't know why, but I still have hope.I miss you so, so much. It hurts. I don't have anybody else in my life as practical as you, and I don't think I ever will.Well, that's not too true, but I like to think it. There's billions of people, I know. There's so much more of you: your traits, your personality. You incarnated. Haha im only kidding. I wonder what's going to happen from here on out. It's been three days.Longest we've ever went without communication.It's like now I'm only healing. But it's like talking to you prevented that from healing—the feelings, anyway. I just didn't know how much it would hurt. Trying to comfort myself with words like, "You aren't even a good texter. Why should I stay in touch with you?" but it's still you. Behind that phone call, it's still you. You also taught me how to become more extroverted. Even your dad thought I was outgoing, which is crazy to even think about. Taught me that it's okay to say anything, without asking so many questions.Because they're talking, things do get answered.It's interesting, because you were never the one to ask questions also. But I still knew everything about you. Oh my love, how life has to be very difficult! How parents have to get in the way!How religion is extremely important—more than I realized—because of this experience.How distance is actually a very important factor, and I bypassed that as well. My mom told me distance alone is enough for it not to even work.But I know we could have made it work. It's just sometimes when you try too hard, it's also not good.If you keep forcing everything and keep going against it, what good will come out? We weren't blessed. It's just so gray. How could I lose you forever?How could you give me the decision to take it in my hands how we end? You told me that we would still stay in touch.I can't go by you. I just can't.That decision alone makes it easier than looking at the past. Sometimes we can't keep looking at the past; we have to look at the present, and see what happens, where we are. To avoid all this, don't even end up with somebody of a vastly different religion. Because now I've brought this upon myself, and I have to deal with all the consequences that are entailed. It's not a fun process, but you've got to go through it. I still had lots of fun, even though I knew I would get nothing out of it. Just like sending that box, I did it for the experience. I miss you. I love you so much, and I wish you the best in your life. I thought I could convert you, but I hope SDA finds you in some way. I just can't guarantee that I'll be available.

seandainya waktu bisa diulang, aku bakal nemilih mu sampai saat nanti, jujur saja aku menyesel meninggalkan mu demi cowo yang aku suka, aku ingin kembali lagi padamu. disini aku sadar kalo kamu adalah satu satunya cowo yang bisa ngertiin aku, i love u abe😔🥺💗

I don’t know. I think I might always love you. I miss you. Often think about what we coulda been. Today especially you’ve been on my mind. It’s been about four yrs since we last spoke. You had a baby moved on and I thought I did too. But here I am writing this letter to you. Which you’ll never see. I love you all the way from your hometown to NY

thank you for everything. i love you.

I thought I was over you but I guess I’m not. It kinda hurts me when I hear you talk about other girls in front of me but Idec anymore. No matter how much I try I can’t get over you

I wish you knew how much I miss you. I would get back together in a heartbeat. I know it’s stupid but I miss every part of our relationship. I even miss our cringy texts, and all of our dates. Even the way my sister looked up to you. It hurts to go out in public where we used to go together. Whenever I go to Jay peak I spend half my time thinking about you, and everytime I pass the froyo shop, and go into the movie theater I am reminded that I’m not with you this time. You were genuinely one of the best boyfriends ever. I dated him to get over you, but he was too chicken to even tell his mom we are dating. Your mom has watched us kiss, driven us to dates, and come over for family dinners. Everything with you just felt right, and I still view the summer I was dating you as my prime. I’m sure you don’t miss me I bet, but if you ever do, please ask me out again. I would do anything to get back together.

I miss you. So much. But I don't miss the person you can be. I don't miss the SA. I don't miss you forcing me to get drunk. I don't miss the abuse. But the good times make me miss you. When we were baking together at midnight. When we would lay on the couch and watch movies or blast the tv so loud playing something stupid that made us laugh that your parents would yell at us. The time we painted matching jeans even though I hated wearing jeans your smile was worth it. But everytime I miss those times I remember you grabbing my chest while I tried to sleep. The fear of what you did when you got me to overdose into sleep. The countless times you convinced me I was unlovable. The times you stole my phone and blocked the only people who could convince me to leave you. The pictures you forced me to take. I can never forget the feeling of your hands around my throat while you held a pillow over my face. It keeps me up at night. But I wonder if there is a version of you that some people only get to see the good side. Was I the only one who saw the bad side? I know no one will believe me if I tell them about the abuse. Maybe it doesn't matter if they believe me. I hate you. But I miss you. You made me so dependent on you I don't know what to do now that I left you.

I hope you find my letter when you already feel warm and it warms you more. I want you to know that i love you so much you would never understand and when we met about a decade ago i befriended you first cuz i liked your personality alot. ill always be your twin :3 #twinssincedayone #myunc #iloveyou #neverevergettingridofme #loveumorethantheworld

i miss u babey. ill never get over what we had, my heart is aching. to more calls and hypothetical questions w u (in the future i hope plspls amen)

hiii how are you

I miss her some days, especially today as I am watching the last episode of Girls, as I watch Hannah and Jessa fix something that seemed so irrevocably broken. I think to myself, if Jessa were you and I were Hannah, would I have forgiven you? Am I even hannah? Pure of heart? I think I would have; even if I held resentment towards you for what you did, I would forget it and bury it. All in exchange for you being my friend again. that I would walk into your hostel room and you would be sleeping through your alarm that I could hear from my room; you would be hunched over, with your spine poking out, and be focused on something. The way you fought, the way you enabled me. I miss it. I miss you. I don’t even know if I'm brave enough to admit to people. Me holding onto this pride has made me into the biggest coward. I'm ashamed; I'm scared. I miss you.

The eyes can be set for distraction but the heart speaks louder than the ego and pride blaring and clouding my heart. i will forever long for the warm and tight hugs, the feeling of your plumpy, pink lips pressing against mine. the feeling of lying in bed next to you. the intimate moments, sexual and non sexual. i will always love you yan, in the sincerest form. in the depth of my caring heart. The memories of us are engraved in my heart, cannot, and will never be erased. I will always care for you, maskin ug makakita kag bag o because I know that I love you for sentimental and never ending reasons. Kung kapoyan ka saimong life I will always be here to listen, even as a friend. like a bird, spread ur wings and expand ur horizons, see where the wind takes you, i wish u the best in life. i want to be the person you run to, the person na maninaw sa tnan nmo kakapoy og kalipay in life... But that is for you to figure out and decide on. I love you so much yanixmodee, and I hope this letter brings you clarity in both your head and heart.