Confession

Carta aberta para você. Oie, como você está? Então sei que você está meio pensativo de pq eu estou escrevendo uma carta pra você e ainda pelo Spotify através desse link kakakakak Bom, antes de tudo eu queria te falar que você me bloqueou de tudo e esse foi o único jeito de te dizer e abrir meu coração pra você. Pra começo de conversa, eu não quero que você me desbloqueia, não venho pedir nesse texto para que me mande uma mensagem, ou que responda ele. Eu senti no meu coração que não tivemos uma despedida certa. Ou melhor, eu acho que eu deveria ter me despedido direito, e antes de tudo eu queria te falar que é que não estou me justificando sabe, é que esses dias eu estou tão perdida, tão…nervosa com tudo. Eu não sei de nada, não sei com quem conversa e mesmo que esteja passando meses e nem estamos mais juntos e a primeira vez que consigo desabafar de novo depois que terminamos, pois só consigo me abrir nessas coisas pra você… sinceramente, eu estou prestes a fazer 18 anos e confesso que esse ano tá sendo o mais difícil pra mim, é o ano que mais estou confusa com tudo e eu sei que foi injusto de colocar nessa confusão, e eu não to falando de confusão entre você ou João, eu realmente estou falando sobre meu futuro, sabe? Eu ainda não sei qual faculdade fazer, me cobro sempre por estudar, me cobro por tudo e imagino que possa ser um ano difícil pra você também, ou também pode ter sido até mais fácil também por que você está tomando decisões, esta se tornando finalmente adulto está com seus 19 anos nós estamos em fases tão loucas da nossas vidas tipo a Ana e o Vinicius de dois anos atrás eles nunca imaginariam que eles estariam assim sabe? Eu não quero nem imaginar como seria a reação deles kkkk Bom mas voltando o assunto, que acabei desabafando sobre mim, agora é por você, pra começo de tudo você me mandou uma mensagem falando “me perdoa por tudo” d apagou umas mensagens que acabei não conseguindo ler pois dormi e foi nessa hora que me bloqueou, e também me mandou num outro dia que eu também não vi, e sinseramente você sempre me pede perdão pelas coisas que você fez que chegou minha vez também. Na hora eu só respondi um, “ok te perdoou segue sua vida” mas na real eu queria te falar que não foi só você que errou, sinceramente vini eu errei em tantas coisas também, e eu queria te dizer que me arrependo muito… eu também queria o seu perdão, pois os traumas que eu acabei pegando viraram feridas e acabou com que eu te machucasse também… esses dias eu havia me decidido voltar do nada pra sua vida sem pensar nas consequências, sei que fui extremamente egoista, ouvi mais o coração do que a razão. Acabei agindo na emoção e eu não imaginei que poderia te magoar. E eu queria pedir desculpa, não só por isso mas por muito mais coisas, pois eu entendi e vi que não foi por que você me magoou que eu deveria ter feito pior, não fui sincera várias vezes mesmo você merecendo saber a verdade, e no final Deus viu a merda que eu tava fazendo e te mostrou as piores coisas que fiz no meu celular, e você não imagina o quanto me sinto mal por isso, e muitas vezes eu queria me aliviar falando: -“ah mas ele errou comigo também.” Mas a verdade é que ninguém muito menos você merecia, e eu sei que doeria em mim também, da mesma forma que doeu em mim e a forma que sofri quando passamos por nossa relação, mas também queria te fala que não foi só coisas ruins, eu também tenho muitas lembranças boas, por mais que as ruins as vezes pesa na gente no momento, nós tivemos muitos momentos bons, momentos que você me salvou da depressão profunda que eu tinha, e tudo essas coisas que aconteceu com nós dois. Eu escrevo essa carta com todo amor do meu coração, Deus tocou em mim hoje, eu chorei muito pedi pra ele me dar um caminho, me ajudar sabe, e de alguma forma ele me levou a você. A escrever isso pra você. E eu mostrei o meu arrependimento pra ele, e sabe por mais que nos machucamos muito, sei que ele tem um propósito pra mim e pra você, pode não ser um propósito de nós dois juntos, mas.. eu sei que ele tem pra mim e pra você. É mais uma vez, me perdoa vini por tudo também. E quero que saiba que te perdoou de tudo também, nós somos humanos, nós sentimos raiva, nós ficamos triste, temos sentimentos, nós agimos na emoção tomamos atitudes e escolhas erradas mas sempre temos segundas chances. Nós sempre podemos melhorar e evoluir como pessoas. Sei que talvez você possa nem querer ler, mas quero que saiba que é de coração aberto, que Deus te abençoe sempre e eu sei que ele também tem uma mensagem pra te dar, queria te pedir uma coisa, eu criei uma playlist essa mesmo que estou enviando o link, e coloquei louvores, quero que fale com Deus um dia também .. não precisa ser hoje, nem amanhã, só quero que fale com ele pois sei que ele pode de alguma forma conversar com nós dois e dar um caminho, sabe… Essas músicas são para tocar no fundo e te ajudar a falar com ele. Eu espero que você não esteja com raiva de mim.. pois sei que você me bloqueou de tudo… e eu sei que devia ter escrito isso pois sei que você merecia isso. Fiz esse texto não só pra te pedir perdão mas para que você saiba que nessa fase que estamos passando muito difícil que também acabou influenciando nas escolhas que tivemos, mas eu sei que vai passar, eu vou começar a orar mais por você todos os dias… pra ele te proteger e te guiar, eu te amo hoje e sempre. (Lembrando, não quero que me desbloqueia ou que me mande mensagem, a intenção desse texto não é essa, talvez eu te mande mais cartas pois percebi que só consigo me abrir pra você… e isso. Eu te amo hoje e sempre e papai do céu também💓

I’m no longer giving my heart to anyone and I accepted the fact that I no longer can love anyone else you were the one I wanted you were the one that I imagined myself with I don’t imagine myself with anyone else I really did adore you and I’m sorry that I scared you away by expressing it and that’s my biggest regret. I should’ve gone to that party. I should’ve hung out with you when I got the chance, I should’ve replied to the message you sent me back in January but I was just so hurt how you just left. I just couldn’t bring myself to say anything but this morning I found out that you moved on and when I tell you, the pain was so unbearable that I felt like I was gonna die, but you still mean a lot to me regardless deep inside I do wish that you were mine, but the universe works in mysterious ways sometimes it hurts people.

I know you have a boyfriends now. Ever since they day layed my eyes on you i started to develop from a small crush to someone that mattered more then my friends. When i heard news that you got a boyfriend i felt betrayed by someone i never had a chance with yet i also felt happy hoping your boyfriend would treat you the way you deserve. People talk about giving princess treatment to people you care about but for me your the brightest start that would always make my day just by texting you. I truly hop we get to talk again some day but maybe this time as friends since you really are a great person and when life gets hard for you, you can always just text me asking for help and ill do my best.

Come to me. Since the night you left, the shadows have grown long in my every moment. I wander through endless dusk, aching for you. Come to me. Loving you is as forbidden as the dark gift we share; you are the fire in my veins, the spark that never dies. Come to me. Though we never touched in flesh, my soul is bound to yours, and every silent month I yearn for you. Come to me. I miss you, I want you, I need you—come back to these shadows, where our love first began. I live in this exile, always reaching, always lost—until you return. Éternellement à toi dans l’obscurité, L’Amante Perdue

hi? :^) since i don’t know where to start, but i do have some words to utter from the deepest heart of mine, i think i really have to pour it without the prologue or even epilogue it’s the ninth month since the last time we conversed and when you approached me first at that time. i’m so sorry for every mistake i ever made, if i ever made you feel uncomfortable. thank you for your patience until then, which i’m very grateful for, along with your heart that still lingers for our love even when we’re not in the best state for each other. but at least we’re still trying to complete each other’s missing pieces with our own fragments without losing them. thank you for having me, bee. nine months must be uneasy for you, but surely you make everything easier and lighter to face when you’re around. thank you for being the light of my life when my world is like the riddles or when the night comes bee, you’re not even trying your hardest to carry these sparks, but you already have them in your core—and that calls my heart too. seeing you surviving and pursuing your dreams is one of the most heart-melting moments in my life, seeing your smile lights up my whole soma is more than full. to love is to embrace you during your ups and downs. thank you for helping me understand life and how life works, you’ll always be my motivation to survive every day. you bloom like the lilies, be. when the mistrust knocks, i hope you’ll still be able to put your trust on us, i hope you’ll remember my words that you’re worth it to be loved, i hope you’ll remember that you don’t have to work and try hard to get the love you deserve, i hope you’ll always remember the love between us grows without the need to have reasons even when the distance may separate us physically, please remember that we’re always trying to reach each other and we’re close enough in soul. even when the gaps may take us apart, please remember you’ll always have me and we’ll never be locked in a different room. to the one i love, ilyasa paizanif, i never trusted love as much as this until the day you come into my life effortlessly with your very own-self. be, when i don’t speak to you, it doesn’t mean i ignore you or i don’t love you anymore—i’ll never do. i’m still figuring it out, i still love you and miss you in my quietest ways. lots of things haven’t been written and well said through this letter, but i’ll try to, be. i’ll try for us. thank you for never cutting the strings between us thank you for being my missing puzzle piece that i finally found until this moment and i hope we still do, it’s for the ninth and please keep on counting with me until the next letters too all yours, niswah tan

I don't know how to tell u this cause u are far away from me now i tried to reach u but i think it's not only the location what's separating us and i know that I never looked at me like that . I'm thankful for ur presence in my life but it has become a curse for me now. But if it was not for you my life would've been completely boring and blank page . I tried to reach u despite my mind resisting and i know u don't want to be reached anymore, it has been difficult for me to accept. I still feel nostalgic whenever I pass by ur old house cause it holds memories. I was childish and I'm childish even right now . Maybe it's my inability that i couldn't find or impress another girl. I was never good at that. I wish u message me somehow, someday, randomly ask me how I'm ? How I've been?. I love when people call me uv like u used to do once

Dear please, I miss you soo much, Joce-te why did you leave me. Please come back, I miss you. When I'm with him, I am thinking of you, thinking of you.

Celeste, Gal of the stars Here you stand between Venus and Mars Someday, through the cosmos we may fly For our wings share equal feathers, aye The sky is my brig, m'heart is the compass Thru' seas I'll sail, to reach ye my dear lass Distance's vast, but thoughts f'rever tender N'ver have I seen, a Gal with such splendor

hahahahhaha lol kailan ka mag papakita

I wonder how you are to be honest i really do regret our relationship i hope you're happy tho but tbh i want nothing to do with you idk if it's to harsh but dude like i really really really regret na pinatulan kita kasi to think i gave my first kiss and etc to you and in he end you were just a phase lesson learned ka lng so sadd anyways I'm sorry for the hurt i caused you ad I'm sorry because i started this but im glad i was the one to end it - someone who wishes they never knew u 🥰-C.Y

The devil couldn't reach me, so he made everyone see the softest part of my soul. Just to walk through them like a door. I look down at the blood I blamed myself for, After blaming myself for someone elses problems. I can never speak without it turning against me, Calling me annoying, Sensitive, Loud. But I am just as strong as anyone else, but I can never find the words to express that. No one listens anymore, They making me feel terrible just for speaking my mind, Or turn my words into something rude just to give another reason to hate me. Trust me I'm trying my hardest for you, No matter how many times you go running to my friends to talk crap about me. I'll find out sooner then later. Sometimes I feel like being myself is a crime I comitted, Like I need to tie my tongue down just to keep you happy. People held my hand, while teaching me it was so hard to keep loving me. Why is it I can't shut up? Every word I say is turned into pieces of sand, And walked all over. I am walking on egg shells, and I don't know where to jump. The devil couldn't reach me, So he made everyone see the kindest parts of my soul. Just to walk right through them.

I recently found this song kita kita by the 7th, it's been a while since we've talked and there's a chance you won't even really see this so... I've just been thinking about you a lot recently. And the song kinda reminded me of the first time i saw you, you already know how the story goes i told you twice. I know it's not your usual genre– but "Kita na kita" im thinking about how i should've said that to you when things were good between us. You don't know it and it's a little creepy but– i always see you, way before we even started talking kita kita. I saw the way you had a habit of being touchy with your friends– your silly antics, your cute laugh. Till know i feel like you're haunting me, yuri became a common name to me i see it everywhere. I'm insane– absolute mad in the head because, i kinda knew you were using me yet i still see you. Kita kita, always. It'll be our last year in the same school.. I'm not even sure if I'll ever see you often like how I'm used to. I'm here, and you don't know it i hope someway somehow you know that despite the amount of people that talk bad about you- nothing will change, kita kita. I see you, i see you trying your best, i see you doing what you think is best, i see you trying be happy, i see you being you and no matter what, kita kita. "Sana makita mo rin na kita na kita" 3:23 - timestamp.

I don’t like you anymore but i don’t hate you anymore either. to be honest i think the only reason i hated you so much for awhile was because you hated me. i mean i get why i guess it’s just did you have to pretend to be my best friend for 6 months while i revolved my life around you. i wont say i was a great friend neither of us were but i hated you because i was mad that after everything i loved you i loved you more than anything and you loved him that stupid dude. you met him through me and i was mad when you started dating and i tried you hide it but i think you knew that but didnt understand that i wasn’t jealous of you i was jealous of him. for months i miss the way we cuddled as friend and how we used yr airpods and every night i would fall asleep to yr playlist. every song i never cared for or didn’t like became the only thing i could listen to once you said you liked it. and we were so opposite yet so alike i thought it could work but i was yr bestfriend (kinda) and you were mine and that’s it. id never tell you how much i missed the platonic affection we shared through hugs and cuddles because im ashamed that part of me wished it was real and im sorry

I know you’ll never see this but i’m crying right now, and i’ll continue crying until I die most likely since i’ve been crying for a while. My heart isnt where it’ supposed to be, you support ideas that I don’t want anything to do with and vise versa and to be honest so many of these ideas hurt me in a way that’s too deep for you too understand. You say you love me, but you want people like me to die. You say i’m perfect no matter what but you also say that if I don’t have kids i’m wasting my time. I want to make you two proud, I want you guys to feel like it was worth all the effort and stress but I don’t know if I can hide it any longer. I know if I tell you, everything will go to shit, but is it really that selfish of me to not want to live the rest of my life constantly lying to you? I make jokes about it in front of you and the most positive response i’ve gotten so far is a chuckle, the problem though was that you we’re laughing at them, saying they aren’t old enough to make these decisions, but when are people old enough? You have friends who you talk about behind their backs because they’re like me, just openly- and that’s wrong but I don’t say anything. She knew in high school, how come I can’t? Most know at 15, i’ve known since 13, and even though you keep trying to “protect” me and only show me things that aren’t too revealing of people like me, I still know. You can shame a person in front of me but their idea’s will never be taken from me. We all know that. In all you’ll never know, because I love you too much to hurt you, and i’m too scarred to see what you’ll do once you know. Not that you’ll hurt, I just don’t know if i’ll ever be ready to remind you that your baby girl isn’t a baby anymore.

I loveyou very very much, I hope we stay together forever

Hi, I'm sorry for everything I've put you through. You win—i love you. I hate making you wait like this. I know silence can hurt more than words sometimes, and the thought of being the reason behind your pain quietly breaks me too. But I’m helpless right now. My mind feels like a room full of noise, and I need time to sit with myself and understand who I am becoming before I hold someone else’s heart properly again. Please don’t think your love went unnoticed. You stayed beside me even when I was difficult to understand, even when I pushed you away without meaning to. And no matter what happens between us, I will always carry gratitude for that. Thank you for loving me with patience when all I did was push you away. Thank you for staying on days I felt impossible to stay for. I’m sorry…but I can’t date you right now. And trust me, if love alone was enough, I would’ve chosen you in every lifetime without hesitation. I love you more than my words know how to hold, and maybe that’s exactly why this hurts so much. I don’t want to lose you. The thought of you slowly fading into someone I used to know terrifies me more than I can explain. But I’m standing at a cruel place in my life where every choice feels like betrayal. If I choose you now, I betray myself. But if I choose myself, then it feels like I’m betraying you…and the love we built with trembling hands. And maybe that’s the tragedy of this. Not that I stopped loving you—but that I love you while still not knowing how to keep you without losing myself in the process. -A

For two years, I’ve been admiring you quietly from afar. It’s strange how time passes so fast, yet my feelings for you never faded. In these two years, I learned that admiration is not always about having someone, sometimes it’s simply about appreciating their existence and the happiness they bring without even trying. Maybe you never noticed how much you inspired me, but honestly, you became one of the reasons why my days felt brighter. Two years may sound long, but for me, it still feels like yesterday when I first started liking you. And even now, after all this time, a part of me still looks at you with the same admiration, the same excitement, and the same quiet hope.Just like the moon and the sunset, I've started liking and admiring you for the past 2 years. Admiring you secretly HAHAHA I'm shyyyyyy. Sometimes, I wonder if you ever noticed me at all. It feels like I've been standing in the same place for so long, watching you from a distance while you look right through me, as if I was never there. BUT it’s okay if you never noticed me, because loving you quietly was already enough to make my heart happy. Maybe I was never someone important in your eyes, maybe I was just another person passing by in your life, but for me, you were someone special for the past two years. I kept hoping that one day you would finally see me the way I see you, but if that day never comes, it’s alright. Some feelings are meant to stay silent, yet still sincere. And even if you never looked my way, I’ll always be grateful because admiring you taught me how beautiful it is to care about someone so deeply. Thank you >3

For two years, I’ve been admiring you quietly from afar. It’s strange how time passes so fast, yet my feelings for you never faded. In these two years, I learned that admiration is not always about having someone, sometimes it’s simply about appreciating their existence and the happiness they bring without even trying. Maybe you never noticed how much you inspired me, but honestly, you became one of the reasons why my days felt brighter. Two years may sound long, but for me, it still feels like yesterday when I first started liking you. And even now, after all this time, a part of me still looks at you with the same admiration, the same excitement, and the same quiet hope.Just like the moon and the sunset, I've started liking and admiring you for the past 2 years. Admiring you secretly HAHAHA I'm shyyyyyy. Sometimes, I wonder if you ever noticed me at all. It feels like I've been standing in the same place for so long, watching you from a distance while you look right through me, as if I was never there. BUT it’s okay if you never noticed me, because loving you quietly was already enough to make my heart happy. Maybe I was never someone important in your eyes, maybe I was just another person passing by in your life, but for me, you were someone special for the past two years. I kept hoping that one day you would finally see me the way I see you, but if that day never comes, it’s alright. Some feelings are meant to stay silent, yet still sincere. And even if you never looked my way, I’ll always be grateful because admiring you taught me how beautiful it is to care about someone so deeply. Thank you >3

i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you please come back i will do anything for you i will worship you i will treat you like a fucking god come back my love please please please come back i beg you i will never find anyone like you i will never see anyone the same way as you i'd do anything please come back please please please you're my first thought in the morning and the last thought as i go to bed you're everything to me and it hurts it hurts nothing feels good without you i want you so bad anything for you

the Nana to my Hachi was a Trans guy from another continent I guess you could say we ended up like them, huh? Would you rather forget those times, R? I won’t. I snatched this song from you back when I was working on that project too large for me to do alone. I’ve stopped listening to it since. There’s a lot to be grateful for and a lot to keep me faithful. It simply lives in the back of my mind.