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Something about you keeps me around, even though I've wanted to throw everything we have away on many occasions. My love for you these days is what I can say, the only thread keeping me striving for life, and now that I'm having a hard time living. I'm distant right now, yes, but you're all I think about. Probably the essence of my living. My love for you is love beyond what my body could comprehend, and yes, we are close friends, but I'm willing to risk it all for you, whether we end up married, old and grey, or we remain each other's biggest cheerleaders separately. I want to see the best happen to you until six feet under. I wish so desperately to talk again, but I fear that I might bring up everything's that's gone wrong since we last spoke. Just know, however you'll always be my favourite, regardless of where life places us. Lots of love, The weary artist.

Te amo mi amor con toda el alma. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, I love you so much and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you so so much my princess

I don't know how to write this, my love. Words are concise, but they do not convey the ache of my heart for you. I can write pretty phrases, heart emojis and whatnot, but will they really tell you the sound of my heartbeat when I hear your name, will they justify the blush on my cheeks and the smile upon my lips, my bright eyes and my heart in bliss when you finally said "I love you"? No, they will not. Enough beating around the bush. I love you. Not "I loved you" or shit like that. "I love you." No amount of "moving on" will change the fact that my heart has only belonged to one boy and it always will, and that boy has always been you. I don't think it will ever be anyone else. You own the key to my heart. How sad that you threw it away. I set your nickname as "Babyy (づ￣ 3￣)づ💗✨🎀". Did it arise feelings in your chest? Did they make your heart flutter the way mine did? You set my name as "Darlingg 🎀💗" Ohh, how cruel you are. How you have taken my heart out of my ribcage and instead of taking care of it like I hoped you would, you have played with it like an object and ditched it into the river called heartbreak. And it has sailed there ever since, and it will continue to sail there until you pick it up, which I know you have no intention of doing. You could have stabbed me in the chest with a blade laced with poison, and it would have hurt several times less, baby. Ohh what have I not done? Made playlists for you, sung songs, wrote love letters, I am such a fool. Now I listen to those playlists, sing those songs once more, read those letters, but instead of red rising through my cheeks, why do tears stain my cheeks? Nothing should have changed. I should have felt the same pang of love as I did back then, and I do. The only thing that changed is that your nickname has gone from "Babyy (づ￣ 3￣)づ💗🎀✨" to "Instagram User" and that when you hear my name, you walk away quickly. I want to drown in you. Your fluffy cloudlike hair, your cute glasses framing eyes so lovely a thousand poets would be put to shame failing to describe such beauty. Because like I said, words are always insufficient when you are the topic. Most people wish they forgot their "ex". Wish they "never met their ex". But the thing is, I don't. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I will never forget you. I would write several paragraphs more, but the thing is, I cry very easily. Even right now, I'm crying. I don't want you to love me back, because that would be wanting the impossible. I only want you. And I know I will have you in my heart until the end of time, until I cease to live. Until then, Yours truly, A <3

Hi. we wont be able to see each other again like ever, but im glad that you had become my friend before things fall apart. I wanna say youre such a mess and red flag but i guess we all have our own flaws and chaos. youre still a dick btw.

i’m sorry i really just need to get this off my chest. i know you’ll probably never see this, but i have to send it nonetheless. i think it all comes down to the fact that i was scared. it wasn’t that i never loved you, i did. i know i did. but i was just scared. i wish that we would’ve said what we said later on. i wish that when we confessed, it would’ve been not then but now. now i’m much more mature, much more comfortable with what i can call myself and what i can be. but even knowing that, i know it would’ve been futile regardless. i was the one who started crushing on you first. you were the first girl i’d ever had a crush on, and it confused me. but you were always so open about yourself that it made me feel a little better, like i wasn’t doing anything wrong because you were doing it too. melody i know that you would’ve given me everything, and the fact is, you have. you’ve given me all of yourself the way that i never could for you. i was scared. i’m still scared now. i can entertain myself with guys as much as i want, but it’s always been you. i can see myself dating you and being happy. it’s such a clear vision in my mind. no boy would’ve remembered the things you remembered about me. no boy would’ve given me the gifts full of time, thought, and effort the way you did. i would’ve been so happy with you. you would’ve made me so happy and i know it. beyond a shadow of a doubt, i know you would’ve made me the happiest girl alive. i imagine myself dating you, getting to kiss you and hug you and go out on dates. but i’m afraid. i was and i still am. i’m just a little more comfortable with myself. but i know that i will never be truly comfortable with myself. because while i can very clearly see myself dating you and doing all these things with you, i can’t imagine the future. it’s so weird to me. i can imagine myself dating any girl and being happy while i have trouble imagining myself having a boyfriend. but when i think on the future, i can hardly see myself marrying and having a family with anyone at all, but when i do, it’s with a man. i don’t know what i’m afraid of, but i’m so, so afraid. everything i did to you was so unfair. i was our downfall. i was the cause of our death. it was all me. you weren’t just an experience, you were everything. you are everything. no one makes me laugh the way you do, no one does the things you do for me, no one is like you. i could talk to you, watch movies with you, share secrets, talk about my feelings, my fears, all with you. it’s nearly impossible for me to be able to have that with anyone else. there was never anybody else. you were always my person, my second half, my twin flame, my soul. i reminisce about you, about us, and think about how lucky i was to have met you. i never said it, but it hurt me too. losing you hurt like nothing had ever hurt before. i know that i never really lost you, but god did it feel like i did. it felt like a part of me was gone forever. my best friend, my girl. and i’m sorry, i’m so sorry because j know it’s my fault. every time you say it’s not i stay quiet because i know it’s not true. had i not led you on the way i did, maybe right now we’d still be calling every day from the moment we woke up or got home from school to the moment i had to leave first. we’d be watching movies together, we’d be talking, laughing, sitting in comfortable silences, still saying i love you. every day since things ended i’ve felt this regret, and it keeps getting stronger. if hurt to leave you but i couldn’t stay. no matter how much i wanted to, i couldn’t. i will never be fully comfortable with who i am. i know i love you, i know that i really do. j know that in the deepest part of heart, i love you and i will always love you. but we can’t be anything. sometimes i wish i could be selfish and date you. i wish i could feel your kisses and hear your voices telling me all the sweet nothings you used to say. i miss you every day. every day without fail i miss you more than the last. i think about you late at night, i think about you when i hear songs, i think about you when there’s nothing to keep me distracted, i think about you while i watch the water boil. i fantasize about you innocently. getting to kiss you, hug you, have you hold me, have us go on dates, smile at each other, sleep in each others arms. i think about that. i get jealous over you, i cry over you, i get nostalgic over you. all to this day. but as much as i wanted to be selfish, i wont. i can’t. all i’ll do is hurt you even more. i’m so afraid and i don’t know what for. my parents would be supportive, i’d have you, i wouldn’t care about anyone else. but i’m still so afraid. i can’t see myself getting married with anyone but a blurry face of a man. i know that on the day j get married, i’ll think of you. when i get a home, i’ll think of you. when i get that pet cat, i’ll think of you. i could be with anyone and somehow, my thoughts will always lead back to you. i miss you as my best friend and my lover. i try not to show it, i try to keep it hidden, but i still check your accounts sometimes, stare at you when your videos come on my feed, look at every single thing you’ve ever given me, still look for our initials, our months, our signs, all of it. i don’t ever want you to go thinking that after everything that happened, that after everything we said, did, and went through, that i’m fine. that this doesn’t matter to me. because it does. it matters to me more than anything. i love you. i love you, i love you, i love you. you would’ve made me so happy. but i refuse to hurt you more than i already have by selfishly asking you for a chance knowing that it will lead no where. maybe if we date, maybe i’ll get over my fears. but what if i don’t? i’ll leave you heartbroken again. i’ve already lost you once, i don’t think i could live with myself if i lost you again. it was never your fault. it was never about what you were or who you were. it was me, solely me. it was my fault because i will never be able to be who i really am. like i said, i’m much more comfortable now than back then, but my fears are still there. and i’m sorry. i’m sorry we never had what we talked about. i’m sorry i couldn’t give you what we dreamed of. i’m sorry that i have to be so unaccepting of myself. if i wasn’t, we’d years into a relationship. i miss you. i love you. i sound like a broken record but it’s true. you may not have known it, but my world revolved around you too. and it still does. i search for you in everyone. i can’t find you again. and it breaks my heart that we can’t be together the way we both want to be. you would never have to be a boy for me to love you. i love you as you are now, a girl just like me. but things might’ve been easier that way, wouldn’t they? nonetheless, i’d never change a single thing about you. i fell in love with the incredible girl that you are and it will always stay that way. i hope that there’s someone out there who isn’t afraid of what they are and that they can give you what my subconscious has only hoped to. time will pass, but my feelings will never change. even if we don’t talk anymore, even if we’re not as close as we were before, even if i’m not your best friend anymore, i’ll always be here. you’ll always be my best friend no matter what. quite literally the girl of my dreams. i hate that this is the way things have to be. you loved so openly and all i could ever do was keep you at an arms length. you are both my biggest blessing and my biggest regret. my biggest blessing because without you, i don’t know who i would’ve been. you will always be my everything no matter how much time passes. but you are also my biggest regret, because i fell for something that i couldn’t have and i hurt you. i know i hurt you. i hurt you so much. i’m sorry. i know that you’d forgive me, i know that i am forgiven, but take my sorries anyway because you deserve them. i didn’t realize the good i had until i had to let you go. i always appreciated you and everything you did. i’m sorry that i’m this way. there are so many parallels between us and my heart aches. it aches knowing that i truly do love you, and that all my feelings are real and i felt you, i did, but i could never act on it because of my cowardice. i feel like it will never be over. i’ll never stop feeling this way and regretting why i could never be braver. i wish i could say “i do”. i want to reach out, but the thought of that scares me motionless. i want to ask you to never leave me, but that’s disgustingly selfish of me. maybe in a different world, in a different life, we could be together without the weight of anything holding us back. a life where i could be free and love you the way i want to and the way you deserve. i know this isn’t the most comforting closure i could’ve given you, and i know it’ll hurt, but it has to be said, and if i never do, how could i ever expect you to know? sweet girl, i love you. i just can’t keep living like this, with this guilt. tragic, isn’t it? the mystery of love. —K.

Why won't you reply? (I can see that you were online 28 minutes ago.) I know we're back to our old lives now and those 5 perfect days are over, but I thought we were close. Playing card games late into the hours of early morning? Sleeping over at their hotel room together and ordering McDonald's (Macca's in honor of Aussie) at 4am? Telling me to climb up into your bed on the high-speed train at 5 in the morning? All of that was barely over a week ago. I suppose it didn't matter to you nearly as much. I suppose you don't miss that trip nearly as much. But I thought you wouldn't completely forget the way we talked like we'd known each other for years. I won't hold it against you. And don't worry, I won't reach out again. Miss you, love you, thank you! This might be a real goodbye now!

To the person who been through all my storms. From being a complete stranger to being my HOME and my GO TO PERSON. you are my SAFE PLACE. thank you for staying for understanding me in ways I never even had to explain You mean more to me than words could ever hold.......In a world that feels heavy sometimes you became the place I breathe easy.....I find myself deeply missing us............. the way we felt the way we held onto each other like nothing else mattered...I miss the way you used to feel like peace like safety like everything I needed without asking. I don’t miss you…I miss us...YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH U MEAN TO ME . YOU MEAN SO MUCH MORE THAN WORDS WOUL EVER EXPLAIN You once promised me little things that meant the world to me like making me parota...teaching me how to drive a car....clicking pictures when I finally get my dream bike…And I promised you things too.... a ride when I get my car... a Lego set...standing by you... supporting you through everything.... They were just small words…but they felt like a whole future to me. Now I sit here wondering.. are they just words to you? Or did they mean something once? Because I’m still here…still holding onto every little things we said to each other...I MISS YOUUU SOOO DAMN MUCH...CAN WE FIND OUR WAY BACK?...........🫶🏼🧿SARAH🫶🏻🩷🎀MJ

you starve and you don't talk. you drink and you don't talk. you smoke and you don't talk. you never say anything at all

though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light; i have loved the stars too truly to be fearful of the night.

It's been 10 days since we completely cut off contact, but it's already been 7 months since we separated. Instead of lessening, the pain only grows, and I feel such a void, such great anguish that I don't know how to put it into words. I miss you all the time; the pain of longing is so intense that I can even see you during the day, with my eyes open. I wonder how you are, if you're well and happy, if you're smiling with someone or doing what you love most, which is singing. I think I've never taken so long to write a letter because with each word written, the urge to cry hits me so hard, but not enough to make this pain go away. I will always be here, waiting for your return.

I still am waiting for your answer, it’s so pathetic you’d probably never see this confessions right? I still like you. Sincerely so and it pains me on a daily basis to think you’d give no shits about me haha funny right? Cause who am I to be talking.

hi this is me, Muhammad Firdaus Hakimi or for those who know me online might know me as Yori/Kiro. I'm writing this letter as a thanks to everyone who have been parts of my life throughout my journey, the up and down. I believe that I haven't took my time to properly thank everyone, so this would be this letter's purpose. First, my mom. Thanks alot for raising me as your youngest son, you raised me to become a strong boy in this world, but it has come to me that your strong boy is getting weak by bottling everything inside his heart. Little by little he tried to take it out without relying on anyone to prove that he's strong, but he didn't notice that it became overwhelming day by day inside his heart. I would like to apologize for every second that I've isolated myself from the place called "home". You never failed to raise me ma, I just failed to become the son that you wanted. Orang mintak maaf sangat mama. Sayang mama To my dad, even though we only get to live together for 5 years. I really appreciate you as my dad, you played a crucial role even while being far away from me and that is heaven. I would've love to grow with you, but fate is quiet cruel for you, the day that you let out your last breath is the day that I hate the world the most, and now? I still do. How is it up there ayah? May I ask if you reserved a place for me? I would love to be your little son again. Saya rindu ayah sangat. Sayang ayah To my brother, I hope that your marriage stay blessed till the end. I hope that your son Ayden will grow up to be a stronger men than both of us. But if I could ask for one thing, please help our mom once in a while. She's really struggling to help the family all on her own, would you lend your hand for her again? Thank you abang. To my sisters, this might be a really long one since I have 4 sisters. To my eldest sister, thank you for supporting mama every day. I can't help but feel in debt for everything you've done for the family. And fyi, I never asked for anything so that you can help mama more. But you can also give gifts to other siblings to, just not for me. Our mom needs it the most. Thank you isya. ------------ To my second sister, I know your struggling alot with life. But I could never reach out because I was drowning too. I would never blame you for how you act, I know how hard has it been for you and I could be the witness. I hope you stay strong and keep living life till it starts getting better. Thank you Sarah. --------- To my third sister, thanks for always having my back. Even though sometimes we might've quarrel a lot, but there's far more of your great deeds to me more than those quarrel. Thank you for always accompanying mom when no one couldn't, thank you for listening to her stories. Thank you awin. ---------- To my fourth sister, we relate a lot don't we? Everytime I heard your playlist playing I realized most of it is in mine too, it feels like we have a lot of matching stuffs in life. Your food taste, your style and sort of your life style too. It's hard to find someone to relate with, thank you Manda. ---- To my friends, I've written a separate letter for you guys. And to those who are extra special, you might be lucky enough to have my own letter to you. ----

Dear M, Im in the train heading to Txxxxxg for my driving lessons and all I can think of is you.. I dnt know what is happening with me but I am constantly thinking of you. I sometimes have to avoid you at work as I feel awkward and gets jealous of other girls around you.. What should I do?

I've received the anonymous letter you submitted here.. thank you for thinking about me, I'll be alright and I hope you'll be alright too, I'll love you always too but loving someone doesn't always mean staying with them, I'll always be by your side even after years apart.. thank you for making my life so special.. I hope you'll soon find the girl who will be patient for you and love you more than I ever did, all the best for everything in your life dear, I'll always be grateful for this part of my life.. Yours truly ~your Nilu

I am writing this because I am certain you will never see it. I love you and with all that we’ve been through I have to say it, because I’ll probably never be able to tell you in person. I want to hear your voice, your sweet laugh, and the jokes that would always make me smile. I miss your support and our facetime’s. I’m pretty sure I just miss you. I hope football is going well and praying you have a great upcoming season for your senior year. I’ll be at every game. Anyways I’m one TEXT away. If you do ever see this Im hoping you’ll put the pieces together with the spotify link and finally talk to me, just joking, maybe Ill work up the courage. Love, 8/18 (Ps, if you do find this dont tell anyone, I want to keep us a secret and make sure we take it slow next time.)

Hope this letter finds you in good health and spirit. we are not together anymore, and the reason is me, well, i'm happy that you got rid of the worst human ever, but am sad for not being able to be the best partner. idk if you'll ever come across this msg or not, but if u do, ik you'll know who i am : ) you are the best person i met in my life, and will be so, i will love you forever and will secretly be your well wisher. you're my idol, my inspiration, my dream, my aspiration, my love, my everything <3 . but i think this was our fate, yet, i'll say this was the best part of my life, thank you for everything, i'm truly grateful to you. i want to say a lot of things more but i think somethings should be kept private...just in case...i get to meet you again...or if u start loving me again....we may share...hehe....i love you dear....wish you all the best for your future : ) From, SG

i don’t remember when i stopped hating you. i don’t remember when you became someone i didn’t ever want to lose. i don’t remember when i fell in love with you. i know you think i hated you when you called me ‘jimmy’ but i didn’t. i thought you were cool then, not because you figured out my gender years ahead of me, but because you actually paid attention to me. we had a running joke, sure it led to me getting pissed of a few times but i never hated you for it. what i did hate you for was taking her away. 13 years old and you were the worst thing to ever happen to me. she stopped talking to me as much, she would only ever talk to you, she got so visibly depressed it was hard to watch. i’ve never admitted this but when she said you were planning to kill yourself, i had a tiny part of me celebrate. i knew it was wrong but the thought of having her back was intoxicating. looking back i can see why people thought me and her were in love. but you didn’t die that night, or the week after, after a month or so i got over myself and realized you weren’t going anywhere. whatever, i guess life really does go on. then you started dating her. fuck this. there was no getting rid of you now that you were her boyfriend. when i started to sit with you and her more i would fight you every single fucking day. you always won because your teeth were sharper and my stupid eating disorder i still can’t shake made me too weak to realistically do anything. but then she would start skipping. she would start getting sick every week. we would be left alone together. and we started to talk, like really talk. the first bits were odd at best and boring at worst, you would ask me about cats, fruit, my sister. i would answer and ask back. nothing hard. but then we would start to be alone more. we would run out of easy topics we would talk about being trans, being neurodivergent, our family life. we would sneak off to the out of bounds bushes with two cigarettes, a dollar lighter, and a bottle of her perfume. meet in public bathrooms but instead of her perfume it would be a stolen bottle from any chemist we could find. we would sit on hills with a henna cone while we talked about how similar we really are. i wonder if that had anything to do with my hatred for you. we just grew closer. she found a new friend for the group and they worked together like bread and wine in church. so naturally we became a pair. it was weird. i had spent my whole life with almost no friends aside from her. and even when i had friends, they would always prefer someone over me. i think that was when i stopped calling her my best friend too. but this, us, we felt good really good. maybe a started to see him as someone i wouldn’t mind dating after they broke up but stayed friends. but really who cares if i put on lipgloss before i saw you because you said you liked it once. it was no ones business but mine. then came new years. we swam in the river and you were so cold i gave you my jersey, you wore it for so much longer than you needed to. we smoked the last of my pack on the beach, and drunk a couple vodka sodas with the others. the res is a bit o a blur. we broke into the cleaning closet to cover up the smokey smell, i left my phone on the beach and at some point while we were walking back to the beach you told me that was your best friend because ‘who else would it be?’ you cut my hair short and i had a lot of transgender thoughts, then there were the shots, the other two left because one of them is performative about her drinking and didn’t actually want to get drunk, while the other is to good of a friend. so we were alone. we drank and drank and kissed a lot on the way. i don’t think i was in love with you then but my god am i now.

Ada pertemuan yang hadir hanya sekadar singgah, namun cukup memberi ketenangan yang indah. Kerap berkongsi rasa dan cerita, mengisi waktu dengan sederhana tetapi sangat bermakna. Meski jalan tidak lagi sehala, terima kasih pinjamkan bahagia walau hanya sementara

hope you're doing well in ur dream college ,i will always love u no matter what ..ilysmmm

I don't know why I'm writing this. You won't read it. Maybe that's exactly why I can. I'm not angry anymore. I'm not even sad in the way I used to be. It's something quieter now... like standing in a room where music used to play. We could have been so good. We could have been so many things. And yet we ended up being this. I need to tell you something. I'm not Al anymore. I'm not your Alex. That version of me... she ceased to exist the moment we did. I spent years slowly disappearing inside the relationship, wearing strength like armor, holding everyone up because I told myself you weren't ready yet. That you were still learning how to carry yourself, let alone the world. So I carried it for both of us. I carried it until my arms gave out and I didn't even recognize them as mine anymore. But she's gone now. And I don't mourn her. I'm Ro. Just Ro. The real one, the one that was always underneath all that weight, waiting for someone to finally put it down. I'm learning her. I'm learning that I don't have to bleed to prove I love someone. That love isn't supposed to leave marks. And you, my little girl... my Stepi. My unexpected rain. You came into my life like weather I didn't check the forecast for. My storm. My deep, dark ocean that I kept diving into even when I couldn't breathe underwater. You are cold to the bone, my love, cold in a way that goes deeper than skin... and yet you look like a ray of sunshine. You fool everyone. You almost fooled me. Almost. Your cold is so constant, so patient, that it stops feeling like cold after a while. It starts to feel like fire. It burns. It marks. It stays. And I think that was always your most dangerous gift... making people confuse your frost for warmth, your distance for depth, your wounds for walls that were just waiting to come down. And those eyes. God, those eyes. Blue like the ocean I drowned in, blue like the sky I looked at every morning when I woke up and thought of you before I even thought of myself. I will never forget your eyes as long as I live. I don't want to. They're mine to keep, even if you aren't. You grew up in a place where toxicity was the language everyone spoke. And you learned it fluently, not because you're cruel, but because it was the only tongue that ever made sense to you. That's what breaks my heart the most. Not what you did. But why. You don't know another way to love because no one ever showed you one. And I tried. God, I tried. I gave you everything that was in my hands, in my mind, in my body. Everything that lived in my heart. And none of it was enough, not because I was insufficient, but because you can't fill a wound from the outside. I can't save someone who doesn't know they need saving. I can't show someone their toxicity when that toxicity feels like home to them. I can't make you see the fog when you've lived in it so long you think it's just the air. My poor girl. So lost. So confused. Living in a cold, humid, rainy climate, longing for the warmth of summer but flinching every time the sun gets too close. From strangers to lovers. From lovers to something dangerous and sweet. From danger to war. From war to enemies. From enemies to something like death. And from death... to this. To grief. To a letter you'll never read. Our story was always twisted. Always melancholic. Beautiful the way storms are beautiful. From a distance. I can't do anything for you anymore. I've done everything within my power and more. And now I have to carry my life for myself. Not for you, not for anyone else. Just me. Just Ro. I hope one day the fog lifts for you. I hope one day you find your summer. But I can't wait in the cold anymore. I loved you. Entirely. Recklessly. In a way I hadn't even learned yet. And I'm finally, finally letting that be enough