To my jaan, my love, my shammas ❤💕 happy 4th month anniversary <3 my blacka. it’s our 5th anniversary we are able to celebrate and the 4th month of being together. i don’t even know where to start, because somehow a simple “happy anniversary” feels way too small for everything i feel for you. i’ve been staring at this for so long because nothing feels enough for you. no words ever feel like they can hold everything i feel, everything we are, everything we’ve built together. but i’ll try, because you deserve to hear it. <3 so enjoy your read. sometimes i sit there and think about how strange and crayzyyy it is that you’re not physically here, how can someone who started as just a person on a screen have become my person. like somehow, out of everything and everyone, it was you. and it still is you. every single day. not just someone i love, not just someone i talk to every day. you feel like something that exists in me. like i know where to find you, because in you’re in my world and you’ll probably never realize how much you’ve become part of me. you’re just everywhere in my life. in my thoughts, in the way i smile at nothing, in the way my mood shifts just from hearing you, the way i feel, the way my days are shaped around you being there. you’re the first person i want to tell things to, the one i look for without even thinking, ‘did blacka text?’ and even then the surface wasn’t just enough for you.. was it? you don’t even leave me alone in the quiet parts of me. the parts i don’t want show anyone. the late night thoughts, the overthinking, the rude side i try to hide... and somehow you never made it feel like too much. you just understood it, or at least you tried to, and that means more to me than anything. it’s like you found a place in me that no one else ever reached, and you stayed there without trying. and yeah, we’ve had our moments, like the drama i create, the silence sometimes, the misunderstandings, the small fights, moments where things felt fragile, the times where words didn’t come out right, where emotions got heavy. but even then, there was something underneath those negative things that NEVER broke. . even with everything we’ve been through in these months, something kept pulling me back to you and you back to me every SINGLE time. and bro it’s not even forced, it’s just the heart wanting to be with you again. like no matter what happens, in those moments, we never stop choosing eachother. because everytime we stay & we always work through it. we don’t let go. nd i’m sorry for this sudden break shit, i rlly don’t know whats possessing me saying all that crap to you. even now, i’m still thinking about you. and i really love you, like really, really. i hate that i make it complicated, not me crying rn 💀💀💀pathetic, because i chose it for myself, i still am at loss ☹ i dont even want it anymore ... but guess what there hasn’t been 1 day we didn’t speak to eachother and of course i wouldn’t break that record so yeah here i am writing my heart to you even when you don’t read. i guess it all just happens naturally, because it’s you. overcomplicating everything because i feel everything 50x stringer when you’re involved >:( like even this letter, but i hope you enjoy love <3 but still i love you not just for the good moments, but for all of it. the chaos, the comfort, the silence, the laughs. i love the way you are, the way you talk to me, the way you exist in my life without even trying to be anything other than yourself. i think about all the time we’ve spent together, all those hours that never felt like too much. talking about everything and nothing, staying up way too late, laughing at things no one else would understand. it never felt forced, never felt empty. it was always us, just being us, and somehow that became my favorite place to be. sometimes i wish i could explain to you exactly how much you mean to me, but it’s deeper than words. what we have isn’t loud in the way people expect love to be. it’s not about grand things or perfect moments. it’s in the hours we lose together without noticing. it’s in the way time bends when it’s just us. it’s in the small things that would mean nothing to anyone else but feel like everything to me. it’s in every little habit we have, every inside joke, every moment that’s just ours. no one else would get it, and that’s what makes it so special. you’re not just someone i love. you’re my place, my home, my comfort. my person in a world that feels too big sometimes. like standing under a sky that feels too big but still somehow feels like home. like something i feel in my chest before i can even put it into words. and even with all the distance, even with everything that makes this harder than it should be, though it’s sad i can’t be there with you for this anniversary, but it doesn’t change what this means to me. if anything, it makes me feel it even deeper. because what we have isn’t about being in the same place, it’s about how close you are to me in every way that matters. i still feel you in my days, in my thoughts, in everything i do. distance doesn’t take that away 😊!! even if i can’t stand next to you right now, my heart is still with you, like it always is, like it always will be. so i don’t care about the distance or how things look to anyone else for example some noob friend, nobody can change my mind on how i feel about you and i’ll let anyone know who wants to hear it. what we have is real to me. you are real to me. i’ve never once felt like you weren’t real to me. if anything, you feel more real than things i can touch. this 4th month isn’t just time passing or just a number. it’s a collection of moments that turned into something meaningful. it’s proof. it’s the proof that what we have didn’t just stay a passing feeling, it grew. quietly, deeply, in its own way. and i love that it grew with you. and we didn’t even notice that it’s alrdy 119 DAYS long. i wouldn’t want to miss any anniversary, NEVEREVER. and if i could, and i would choose US & YOU again and again and FOREVER. in every version of ALL the possible WORLDS <3 nd ofc i don’t know exactly what the future looks like for us, but i do know that i want you in it. i want more memories, more conversations, more moments where it’s just us being us. No matter how far apart we are, you still feel one of the closest to my heart. so yeah, happy anniversary my love <3, my blacka, my jaan, my shammas. thank you for being mine, and letting me be yours. you’re the just my forever i didn’t know i could find. thank you for being you. thank you for staying, for caring, for making me feel the way i do, in good and fragile. i’m really, really grateful for you. let’s aim for 690 anniversaries atleast <3