And for everyone reading this, please be careful with everyones feelings. And keep loving, with all your heart. It’s hurtful many times, but it’s also really worth it. ahoj martinku, To be honest, I don’t even know if I still have the privilege to call you that. You see... I never wanted to hurt you. I always wanted only the best for you, even if it doesn’t look like that right now. I tried to end this so many times... but I just couldn’t. I couldn't let go. You were willing to do everything for me. You wanted to move to the other side of the world for me, and I know you would have done anything I asked. I know you love me, maybe too much. I don’t even know where to start, how to tell you everything, even though I know you’ll probably never read this. But that’s okay, maybe it’s better this way, though I wish something in this letter would help you understand everything and move on. Recently, I came across the song beautiful by joji, and it describes our entire situation perfectly. I really can’t say anything in my defense, I have no excuses. Everything is my fault and I can’t take it back. If I could, I would do anything to not hurt you like this. Because you were my precious boy. muj martinek. God, I wish I could tell you one more time that I love you and how much I love you. You mean absolutely everything to me. I don’t know how to move on, but I know we both have to. And we will both make it. I always used to say it’s stupid to be sad after a breakup, that we’ll always meet another person who will fulfill us just as much or more. But now I understand. I can’t imagine it. I gave you everything of myself. Even if some parts were a lie, the real me is what I gave you. I gave you my heart, and I don’t think anyone will ever give it back to me. I love you, so much, I dream about you every night. It was never fair to drag you into my chaos, but you always stayed, and I loved you even more for it. Just so you know, I’m sorry. I wish we could both just put a white flag on our walls and sweep up all the shards I caused. But I know that’s not right. But damn baby, you were supposed to be my savior, but I ended up being the one you needed saving from. And for my final act of love, I will let you forget me. I’ll let you place me in the farthest corner of your mind, making sure that nothing I ever did will bother you again. I’ll close my eyes, drift through space, only our memories keeping me afloat. Not because I hate you, not because I want to, but because I care for you. I don’t want to make my regrets your own, or have my problems create yours. I want you to smile, laugh and cry. Feel all the emotions a human should feel, even if not with me. Because I know I cannot give you that gift. My love for you won’t fade, nor will it ever die. But your love for me will. You will become a mere speck in the huge universe lying before you. Yes, it will hurt, and of course it will sting. But in the end, to me, it’s all worth it. I would do anything for you. So for my final act of love, I will fade from your world, putting you first, just so you can be healthy. Even if it hurts. I’m such a full of shit, I speak of god but I sin, I speak about kindness but I’ve hurt people, I speak about growth but I fall back into old habits, I speak of loyalty but I’ve betrayed people, I speak about having a positive mind but sometimes I’m sad, I speak about healing but I’m still broken in places. You are my biggest “what if,” you are my biggest weakness, enemy and fear, and still, I wish I could run into your arms. It is really hard for me to accept that until I leave this earth I’m gonna be always so tangled. I know I have to get myself out of the hole I’m in, because there’s no one else to dig me out. But somehow, not a single day has gone by where you didn’t cross my mind. I miss you in ways I can’t even explain. I miss your laugh, your voice, the way you made everything feel lighter. Even the smallest things about you stayed with me. And no matter how much I try to move forward, there are always moments, quiet, unexpected ones, that bring me right back to you… to us… to what we almost had. I know I hurt you, and that’s something I carry with me every day. It’s a kind of regret that doesn’t fade. You didn’t deserve any of it. But even with that pain, I want you to know how proud I am of you. Watching you become the person you once dreamed of being… it means more to me than you’ll ever know. You deserve every good thing that’s happening in your life right now. And even if I’m no longer part of your world, I’ll always be here, quietly, in the background, rooting for you, praying for you, wishing you happiness in ways I couldn’t give before. I love you… in the quiet, distant, unspoken way that stays even when everything else is gone. And no matter where life takes us, you will always have a place in my heart. I’m not writing this to get back to you, i know i can’t undo things that i’ve done. But i still love you, and that’s the thing that won’t change. I don’t have the courage to send to you. But maybe some of the audience here will, and if. I want you to know that, I’m so sorry for everything. You’ll always deserve the best, i hope one day you find someone amazing, who will be there for you. You’re never too much or too less. You’re always enough and the right person will see that. Please remember that and don’t let anyone hurt you like i did. Ty ses muj martinek proste.. hrozne si preju abych ti mohla rict jeste jednou ‘pocem ke mne’ nebo ze te miluju. pa kocicko moje. Vzdycky budu s tebou.