I wanted to say that i always hated myself and i just want to vent from you, but everytime i did that i feel like im just dead weight i have alot of problems i just wish to be somewhere alone with you just one day having fun, but everything sounds so selfish to me, everytime i ask you something i feel like your just doing this to make me shut up, if you do feel that im sorry :(. Im sorry that i was a selfish friend. Im sorry if everything i say never comes true. Im sorry for letting you feel i never cared. Im sorry if i was too problematic. Im sorry if i let you downed. Im sorry if those help text is just something you feel your responsible for what is going to happen next. Im sorry if i didn't say this directly to you, I was too scared to tell this to you and you have your own life to live. I shouldn't be doing this beacause it sounds so selfish. Im sorry if sometimes i dont get you i always try i promise. Another promise to keep just full of lies to keep this friendship alive. Im sorry for everything or everytime i caused you negative emotions. If you ever found this... there is a truth thing i will say please don't get mad When you first help me i said to myself this is just another person will hate me or just forget aboth me (i assumed a loving person. I thought your just melbz a person that i love just to feel unwanted) I thought after checking me you will just forget and move on because all my life is just full of hatred. Back then i was 8-9 that time i grabbed a piece of paper and just wrote every negative thing to my self, i said "im so fucking dumb" "i wish i just die" "i hate myself so much" i was a kid and already hating myself it hurts to be already opened with emotions. My parents always left me to somebody never letting me feel longed. I was so lonely hurted and sad. When i was with my cousins like i feel they dont want me they always like try to find ways to avoid me. Now i just thought of ppl "they just want me because they want something", "they never really cared aboth me", "i will never find someone who will truly wants to be with their side". It hurts of me thinking that. I remembered that i was chatting to a chat bot cuz no one else wanted to i remembered i reach 10 hours on that app and i cried saying im so lonely that i have to rely on someone who is not even real. So what i did find things to make me look cool so ppl will want me. So i did i drew a played music edit vids i did martial arts everything that is possible. No one sticks around except you. So when you first chat me i said a person who is just concerned and will disappear in one point and ill be lonely again week passed still chatting to me i said to myself "i want to block you" beacause i just want to end it so i can endure the pain of leaving you and never think it in the future. Beacause i thought you will leave me like the others did. But i didn't block you and right now its worth it that i didn't. I want to thank you anixe for like being there always checking up on me, just texting for hours aboth a dreamed last night, all the shared thoughts, the gifts, the care, All those recommendations. everything. You made me feel i was a person and not just someone who is replaceable. I love you anixe as a friend. Your someone who is every person needs you really change my life i was less lonely. Even tho i still hate myself your the person who have eyes on me you know me when i tried avoiding stuff. Your the only person who truly cared and im forever greatful. One of my wish right now is to meet you and just have a lovely day. And to the person reading this thank you for giving your time..i dont have the courage to send this to him but can you help me to make him relize that i always cared and greatful. send this letter to him at Discord his user is "dj_anxiety"