I am sorry for letting this happen. Who knew all these years we had, just to end up becoming a lazy person who...now slowly giving up on life. You were given so many chances to change, yet we did nothing but be stuck in our little bubble where we think everything is doing alright for us..in reality, we're failing college so badly. Why did I even take Nursing as a person with Social anxiety? Why did I just nod like the good child I am to my parents who said I should take Nursing because of my white skin? Just that? I can't believe I was too dumb to even realize. With how many times I've failed those classes because of my anxiety, I became known at school for failing so much. And I failed my classmates as well, who slowly hated me, and now I'm even scared to go to college because of it. I'm failing everything mama I'm sorry I failed you and I really don't know what to do with my future anymore, my heart says to stop and just get a job but my brain said to finish this college. It's hard to choose whether I should keep up the charades that I've been attending classes so you can "finally have a private nurse in the home"...that sentence is what made me hate nursing. I hate it I just wanna kill myself...but I'm shackled to continue living because of my lover and my friends. Not my family, I do not deserve them anymore. I already made myself useless around them and made sure to stay quiet and use less food/water/electricity so I'm mostly just laying in my bed, slowly rotting. May I burn in hell for being lazy pero atleast alam ko sa ginastos sakin para mag-aral, mga damit na binili, pagkain, bahay, tubig, kuryente wala akong kwenta sa huli. If you know me and you read this, please, if I ever did end it all. Have them sell my whole body (organs and bones, literal everything) so I can atleast return money wasted on this low-life to them as my last good deed Love, C