I know you’ll never see this which is exactly why I’m typing it. It’s stupid honestly because I’m doing this on an app that’ll probably crash in a year from now. I love you Rickki. I’ve always loved you. I’ll never be able to tell you the truth because we’re supposed to be best friends. I’m. It supposed to feel the things that I do for you. I’m not supposed to love you the way I do or think about you the way I do. I’m not supposed to mourn over your body against mine or your hands in my hair. I’m not supposed to look into your eyes and feel the sparks around me. You’re supposed to be my best friend, and you are, but I’m not supposed to want more. The first night we kissed, I remember it like it was yesterday. It was supposed to be a joke, a silly little flirty joke for everyone in the car to laugh at. We let it go too far. We drug it out and we did things. Things that best friends don’t do. I know you have to feel something. A little bit of something. We talk and all I can think about if your lips on mine, or your heart beating against my chest or the way you spoke to me on those late nights we would stay up for hours talking. There is so many things I want to tell you but simply cannot because I will never risk losing you. I would be your friend and hurt till the day I die then tell you how k really feel and never have you again. I love you, all of you. I hear you talk about other people and I get jealous and trust me when I say I k ke I’m not supposed to. I act like I love jt and I do but because it makes you happy. But I hate it for me because I wish I was that person that wa snaking you feel things and making you smile and laugh and giving you THE feelings. I talk to you everyday but never will I ever mention how I feel. Part of me hopes you’ll one day ask but even then I don’t think I could. I say you have to feel it too but the truth is I don’t think that you do and that’s why I can never speak on it. I’ve thought about you every single day since the day you left. I’ve cried over you. I’ve prayed to have you. But I’m so scared of losing you I can’t tell you. Sometimes I’ll bring you things or offer to do things just to be able to see you. I mourn for you. If I could go back and do tho he differently I would but doing what I did with you would not be anytbing I would change. You were the best thing that has ever happened to me and I know it’s not that way for you because you’ve experienced so much and so much better with other people but the feeling you gave me I have not been able to find it again. Maybe it’s not that “we” took it too far maybe it’s that I did. I read to into it and hear I am, in love with my best friend. I tell you everything and one of the things I told you was how I’ve tried talking to so many people but none of them give me the feeling I was looking for. That’s because the feeling I was looking for was the feeling you gave me. I look for you in everyone. Down to the looks and the personality and the lifestyle, i try to find you in everyone. I’ve heard the saying “I look for you in everyone” before but I never understood it until you. You’re always on my mind even when we’re talking you’re on my mind. You get me and you get me so good but you get me as k am your best friend. And I get you as you are the love of my life. I will never do anything to lose you as my best friend, even if that means never getting to have you as my love.