I love you. I've sat with my thought quite too many times in why do I love you. I remember the first time I saw you.When I heard your mother passed away. Although I never knew you, I felt sad thinking that must be hard to lose your mother. I remember asking you how you were doing after your session. I don't remember a lot of things after that. but I remember I was in pain due to love. I remember you took me to the this beautiful cliff and we both sat in silence. I did not expect anything out of it. but I remember you telling me about your mom and shedding a tear. I didn't know what to say. but I could see you feeling it and sit beside you. I remember you telling me you were married.Although I did not feel anything more I wanted to see you again.Perhaps I was lonely in a new country. I realized slowly I wanted to see you more often. When things moved too fast. I felt guilty and ashamed to be liking someone who was married. I was questioning my self worth when I was waiting for you to reach out to me while you only saw me as an escape and a secret. For someone as sensitive as me, I knew the repurcussions of this how much it would weigh on me later. BUt to me I wanted to see you as much as I can while I was still there. I do not quite know how to explain what I feel for you. Its a contradictory feeling of earlier knowing and also sense of happiness that I feel when I'm with you. I am very secure in myself and have no intentions to ruin a marriage. A lot of times I felt selfish for liking you. However it took me sometime to realize, heart wants what it wants as it can not really understand reason, logic, sociatal expectations and responsibilities. It felt like my soul, heart and body knew you from before. I know this sounds stupid and illogical and selfish and society frowns upon this... but I have tears in my eyes while I write this. I truely love you.I have spent a long time denying it can't be love. I remember kissing the guy I was dating and wishing it was. I hated being touched by him. I knew I loved you. I did not quite know how to tell you I love you. I truely wish you all the happiness in the world for you and your family.....but this weight of being in love with you and not have you is eating me alive. I wish I could see you again, hold you ... kiss you and I would probably trade my rest of the life for that. On the other hand..... I know I deserve better. I know I deserve someone who chooses me... someone who doesn't keep me as a secret. I want to walk along the beach with someone I'm in love with.... not just at night when the city is asleep. My heart is sometimes filled with so much anger towards you because you should've left me alone from the beginning. I have immesurable sadness that I can not see you again.I also have so much love for you that I don't know where to put. I can not help but ask myself am I too desperate for love that I accepting it from wrong places??? not really.... I am a decently secure person. I live quite contently by myself... are there no better suitors , connection with whom it is realistically possible?? there are... somehow I don't feel anything towards them. Am I idealising this connections or love simply because its unrealistic or due to my childhood trauma of trying to gain difficult love? I don't know..... Is this destiny? why would god want me to love an already married man... I just want you to know I love you with all my heart.