i was about to sleep na sana pero super heavy la gihap ha pakiramdan an nangyari kagab-e, that was the first time i cried that much bc of something between us. aram koma bb na i made mistakes, and kaya ko it panindigan tak mga sala ngan dire ak mag d-deny hit mga sugad hit nga bagay kay gusto ko mag kaintindihay la kita, i still want to learn from every mistake i made and i really want to prove to you nga kaya ko mag bag-o and i can do much better pa. gusto ko patunayan haim nga kaya ko bumawi not just by saying "im sorry jolnu, dire na mauulit" but by actually showing na im willing to change everything para hit ikaka-upay haat. gusto ko pa ig reassure ikaw through chat pero at the same time, gusto ko daman ig ikaw reassure in person, i want you to see for yourself nga nag-sisi talaga ak for everything i put you through and how genuinely sorry i am, parang kasi dire pa enough it mga yakan through chat, so gusto ko personally it yakan haim pero everytime kasi nga nag uupod kita, permi la kita nag titinawa tas parang waray nangyari haat hahaha sugad la hin nag p-pretend kita nga okay kita bisan dire, asya it nga na dire nala ak mag sumat kay na dire ak masira it at moment ngan gi kakaruyagi kola kitaon ka nga happy whenever you are with me. tas bb, i didn’t even realize na you were already bothered by those things, hooo haha gagalingi kasi ikaw mag tago tim naf-feel, and sometimes i don't even notice that something is bothering you dahil hit ngaim gi gagalingi nala hin ura-ura nga nag titinago la permi hit nararamdaman but just like what i told you before, bisan sugad ka hit, i will never get tired of trying to understand you pero ayaw gad daman pag abusoha it ak pag iinintindi haim. i don’t want us to reach a point where i get tired of always trying to figure out what’s bothering you or kun okay la ba ikaw, na dire ak mangyari it haak bb ha, i really don't want to reach a point where we are both tired na tas dire na kita maaram kun ano it at bubuhaton para ma fix it at problems. gusto ko patunayan haim nga im the kind of girl who can love you through your mistakes, tim mga flaws, tim insecurities, tim bad days, and even the parts of yourself that you think nga makuri ka mahalon or intindihon. gusto ko maging comfortable and safe enough ka to tell me everything, even the things you are scared i might not understand. i saw your reposts daman, tas nasiring ikaw nga nai-insecure ka dahil tak mga guy friends (dire koma talaga it hira sangkay talaga nga sangkay, mga demonyo ma it) pero yk what bb? you really don’t have to be insecure about yourself kun nakikita la nim it mga bagay nga nakikita ko haim, ma i-inlove nga ngani. i love the way you smile, i love the way you make me laugh, tas tim mata nga nawawara ngin na smileeee ikawwww, and the way you laugh, especially ngin ako it reason kun kay-ano ka nag titinawa tas happy, those things might seem normal la haim, pero haak dire it bb, i promiseeeeee. i noticed more about you than u probably realize. taaas kun aram la nim nga you are the man i always dreamed of having, dire ko in gin yayakan just to make yoh feel better, naawod laak hin danay pag susumat haim kay bangin ka ma cringe HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, pero seryoso ak bb ha. i really wish you could see yourself the way i see you para ma realize nim kun gaano ikaw ka special haak, then you'd probably understand why i love you this much. nah-hurt daman ak bb han na realized ko nga nai-insecure na ikaw bc that's already showing nga nagiging bad gf naak haim and it made me question myself daman, tas iniisip ko nga im not doing enough to make you feel comfortable around me, gi souli gad bb kay na dire ak ma feel nim nga dire ikaw enough para haak. pero aram nim it nakakasoul haak hin sobra? this is actually the first time im telling you this bc i've never experienced this kind of feeling before tas dire dama ak maaram kun paano ko in ig sisiring in a proper way, nahadlok daman ak mag sumat haim kay aram ko iisipon nanaman nim nag nakiki-sabay ak tim mood or im saying this para ka malouy haak, pero intindiha ak bb ha? please la hahahaha tas maiha kona gad in udog gusto ig sumat haim, dire laak nakaka timing tas pag mag uupod na kita kunta in person then mag susumat na kunta ak nagiging masaya nala kita bigla tas nag titinawa kita, so gin k-keep ko nala in kay na dire ak masira it at moment and like what i said in the second paragraph nga gi karuyagi kola permi ikaw nakikita nga happy pag upod ak nim. so here it is na, i really get insecure daman bb. naalala pa nim an nag walking kita tas nag tambay kita ha rawis? and out of nowhere, nag yakan ka nga "yadi ngani hatag in nga shoes han ak ex" hahahaha ambot kun naalala panim, i just smileed at you that time and stayed quiet. i even acted it was nothing, uhm i did feel insecure and jealous, yes dire ko ig d-deny. i just didn’t know how to tell you without you thinking nga gin c-control ko ikaw kay bb, that came from someone mga minahal nim hin sobra sobraaaaa han im past, and im not saying this bc i want you to stop using or wearing the things your ex gave to you tas dire ma it basta-basta ma e-erase an mga nangyari before me. gusto kola maintindihan nim kun ano it nakakasoul haak. tas dire ko daman mapigilang mag hinunahuna nga "what if naalala niya an ira mga memories whenever he sees those things?" or "what if those things still remind him of her?” and sometimes, i even ask myself if you see her in me, if there’s something about me that reminds you of her, if i’m actually the kind of person you wanted, or if i’m just someone who came after her and somehow became the replacement of what you lost, aram ko tanga isipon it mga bagay nga sugad hit, pero di ko kasi maiwasan it mag hinuna-huna hit sugad hit. tas usa pa, i also get insecure pag nagiging part ta nala bigla hit at conversation tim past, sugad hat nga kan kobi & divina, omfg hwhahaha an siniring ka nga "bulag nama it hira" haha wara koma ngani hit pake haira so why do have you to tell me those things? ngan how did you even know nga wara na hira? but nvm, respeto nala daman bb haha. na dire ak bb nga ma guilty ka for having a past, na dire laak nga gin t-topic it nim, pero okay mala at haak han first nim nga pag storya haira kay naiintindihan koma lugod at an iyo situation that time, pero gi iibahi na yana. and i’m really trying, bb. i am. i’m trying to be more patient and understanding kay na dire talaga ak maging insecure ngan selosa hit sugad hit nga mga bagay tas na dire ak nga ig c-carry it nim nga problema, i know you have your own feelings and your own things you’re trying to deal with, asya nga gin t-try ko permi tak best para maging less heavy it imo gin c-carry nga mga problema. gusto kola nga maintindihan ak nim ngan ma gets ak nim, kay habang gin t-try kona tanan ngan tak best para maintindihan tim feelings, i realized that i was always carrying my own insecurities tas it masoul pa kay we both have things that we are scared to say to each other, i don't want us to keep hurting each other dara la kay parehas kita nahadlok maging honest, i want us to be comfortable enough to tell everything that's bothering us instead nga ig sisinarali la, edi mas mas-sul an la kita and i hope you know that behind all my mistakes and for everything nga at pinagdadaan, aadi la gihap ak nag mamahal haim and still trying my best to learn how to love you better. but don't worry bb ha, okay na po ak hiheuhehehe, kay nasiring kona gihap an ak gusto ig yakan bisan kun through notes la in, i hope we can become better for each other. i love youuuu so much, jolnu. thank you for everything bb.