hi, ai! hindi ko alam kung paano and kung saan ko dapat simulan ‘to. i wrote these words for me to express every single thought that i kept in myself for a very long time. weird siguro ‘to para sa'yo, but not for me. Anyway, kumusta ka? i believe you're doing well naman siguro hahahaha. first things first muna, i want to thank you, for making me feel extra special everyday before. ikaw yung naging human diary ko and a listener sa yapper side ko. you also know my favorites and hates towards every single matter. you always have your efforts para lang makausap ako even though hindi ako mahilig sa video call or voice call that time, and i really did appreciate those. pero madalas nga lang na nag-aaway tayo sa hindi malamang dahilan. that time, i was immature kasi parang wala sa vocabulary ko yung salitang “me time” or “personal space”, and that made me realize na sobrang mali ko sa part na yon. i should've been more considerate regarding with your own personal time and be more responsible pagdating sa boundaries kasi ako sa sarili ko before kailangan ko rin pala ng gano'n. i also realized why some people prefer an older partner or the one who has romantic experience, it's because they have more capability to nurture a relationship with someone. and that was a huge slap on my face, because I actually don't know how to act one before. sobrang magkaiba tayo sa maraming bagay kaya mas okay din siguro na natapos ‘yon. pero hindi mo maaalis sa'kin na mag-isip kung may bagay ba na that reminds you of me kasi kung ako yung tatanungin, marami. you may not bought me any fancy things (except for those keychains but i already thrown it away kasi wala naman na akong reason for me to still keep it), but the care and respect you had for me while having those moments made me feel so loved and cherished. we never saw nor touched each other, but the fulfillment you gave to me was enough reason for you to be unforgettable. i never wanted to leave you. it was just i was so young and innocent when it comes to love that time. i was weak and fragile that is why i gave up easily. then later on, it made me realize that cutting you off was actually a better option than still keeping you in touch with me while having the same cycle over and over again. last year, i was aware that you were stalking me sa old tiktok dump acc ko, that's why i decided na i-delete ‘yon—even my rp accs. hindi sa galit o ayaw ko na sa'yo that time, yun lang kasi yung naisip kong best way para hindi ka na rin mahirapan sa akin kasi alam kong you deserve more than i could give. alam ko sa sarili ko na masakit lang kapag nasa akin ka, naisip ko rin that na baka tiniis mo lang din ako kasi kahit sabihin mong months lang yun, naging part na yon pagkatao ko. hindi ko rin itatanggi na totoo pala yung sinabi nila na hindi madaling umusad kapag first love mo and that is where exactly i am up until now. the thought of “mourning something that never had the chance to exist” started to lingers on my mind everytime the realizations hits me so hard. ang daming potential sana if i was capable to handle relationship during that time. sa almost 2 years, hindi naman ako nawala. tbh, kapag may naririnig akong kanta lalo na ng Ben&Ben, ikaw yung unang naalala ko. I often check your socials eveytime i think about you, but then i stopped when i saw a familiar pic (‘cause how am i supposed to forget something that i was once carrying every day) pero ibang account naman ‘yon. do'n na nag-sink in sa'kin na you were finally okay. just remember that i am always rooting for you especially sa pangarap mong maging engineer someday. may all the good things in life reach you in every possible way they could. i may not have the courage to send it directly to you, but at least in this way magawa ko man lang yung bagay na kung saan mahina ako noon which is expressing myself. i hope that this letter would only stay between us. kasi besides sa articles lang ako gunagawa ng paragraphs hindi rin kasi tayo nagkaroon ng proper closure, we just left each other clueless about everything. again sorry, thank you, and adios! —🐣