i haven’t really been able to look at the world the same ever since the day we cut each other off. on the occasion that i come across places we used to hang out at, the memories immediately rush back into my mind. like whenever i drive past that starbucks up on 17th, i can only think of you and how we’d always sit in the same spot by the window every time we went there and talk about god knows what. i don’t think i can ever go inside that place again. i actually haven’t stepped foot in there since the last time we went together November of last year. it’s March now, soon to be April. yet i still can’t walk in there knowing that that used to be our spot, where’d we sit in those uncomfortable chairs for hours and be the loudest, most insufferable people in the coffee shop. we never cared. all we cared about was whatever stupid joke the other one would make and we’d die of laughter every time, even if our jokes weren’t that funny. and every 3rd period i’ll go to that huge storage closet in the band room, and that same rusty old trumpet you picked up on the first (and last) day of music club still sits there, in the exact same spot you left it after we both saw a bug crawl out of it and we ran out screaming and laughing. i’m not sure if you remember that day, but i do. that’s one of my favourite memories of ours. you know, besides the countless night market side quests we’d go on. i can’t ever go back to any of these places without the thought of you coming into my mind. it frustrates me, a lot. but at the same time i look back at those memories because that’s really all i have left of us (besides our photos and texts that i forced myself to put into my hidden camera roll). i’ll admit that i look back at our texts every so often, same with our photos and all our saved in chats on snap. it’s stupid, i know. but that’s all i can cling onto now that we aren’t friends anymore. no memories i make in the future with someone else are going to replace the ones we share that now live in the past. nothing will replace that boost of serotonin i had whenever i was with you, or the dozens of inside jokes we had. it’s a weird feeling. knowing that our friendship is something i now have to say in past tense form. i’ve never really had a fallout like this with someone before, i hate it. it’s so hard pretending like i don’t miss you, and to act like putting this distance between us is something i’m okay with, when it’s very much the opposite. but i have to understand it’s what’s best for you and i. plus, you seem fine, if not better, ever since we broke things off. granted i don’t know everything that goes on in your mind, and i mean, who knows? i could be completely wrong. i could be absolutely right, but i’ll never know. that’ll just stay as something i can think to myself. but what i do know is that where we are right now is for the sake of both of us, and that the distance is more than needed. at the end of the day, i just hope you miss me as much as i miss you.