To my dear sweetest younger self, that little girl who no one had ever offered her the whole world or affection more than she deserved... whose parents failed her more than once and still stayed. I'm sure you know better than anyone that these past few years were not the best with your 'relatives', that in many moments you had cried a lot and no one came to console you. The times you were always on the verge of doing silly things after every fight, argument or problem you had with your sister or your father, and I want to let you know that none of that is something that you deserved or something that was your fault. Regardless of your believes, some people never change, and believe me, it's worth leaving them behind. ...As I write this letter shivering a little from the cold, or perhaps from impotence, trying to just vent on this virtual letter in order to cease this feeling within my chest, lately I have been full of the familiar feeling of frustration, rage and miserable jealousy. The same mental ups and downs while I didn't know whether to leave everything or stay firm on my path. I think that nagging feeling I feel has already been there for a long five years, hasn't it? Our father's presence, as well as our sister's annoying presence, had never caused me so much discomfort as in these last few days to the point of only feeling nothing more than a persistent annoyance... I stopped seeing him as my father a really long time ago, and even though he spent almost all of my childhood raising me by his own, the only thing I interpreted from it was doing his duty. He was never the best at taking on that role but he was never the worst either. He was there but was he ever really there for you? I doubt it. I hate his arrogant personality, as he thinks he is much more than he really is. As always, in my perspective, he's too soft on that bitch. As every time I told him my problems, seeking consolation, he only minimized every damn aspect with the sole argument that "others have it worse." I KNOW, ALRIGHT? I just wanted your comfort... ─ I just wanted you to actually treat me like something fragile you care about instead of a narcissistic bitch with mental problems for once. ...Why does everyone only get to see the "handsome" side who is always available to help and save everyone? Why does he always treat any other girl with my same problems better than me? Why do I feel so helpless when I receive the same rational indifferent treatment from him? Maybe after so much simply waiting for him to change, the best option is to just leave and never come back...and I don't even want to talk about her. She is the same or even worse than him. I mean, I love the memories I had with her, the times when we laughed at anything, but most of the rest are bad memories. ...You always in one way or another managed to have everything I wanted, or maybe...I never knew what I had longed for. You could always go with him to the amusement parks whenever there was one in the city, he always gave in to your every damn whim. And believe me, I would never in my life forget the day you tried to give me a bad reputation in elementary school just because your greedy-ass wanted to belong to the popular group. I hated you for it, deeply. But I always end up forgiving you, always. And that's what I hated the most about myself, forgiving and feeling too much. But it's the truth. Although I have to consider that I admire your ability to simply ignore me and pretend I don't exist for a really long time...I remember the times in the old house begging you to talk to me again, asking for your forgiveness even though it wasn't even my fault at times. Even now that you're doing it again, this time I don't feel the need to beg you, of course, it hurts me, a lot. But I won't go after you anymore. You don't need me, and I don't need you. To me, you are nothing more than a spoiled immature fool bitch among thousands of others of your kind. You too, are not my sister. Because not even a father or a sister would act like that, and if I have to find no related blood people who could to better in that role, I will find them. Because I deserve more than this garbage you too are, including mom. ─ Oh, mom... how much I cried when I had to go back to Dad's house every time the weekend ended. I hope you know that I have loved you very much. And I'm kind of sorry for not having hugged you enough, But the day I indirectly asked you for comfort, you also failed me. Believe me, I didn't give a damn fuck if you were bothered by your ex-boyfriend's attitude that you decided to have me with. You were supposed to be there for me, but no, your equal from early on the day you had abandoned us anyway since being a "babysitter" wasn't part of your snooty whore lifestyle. Maybe I was still too little to understand it from then on, and maybe you never really deserved my forgiveness. Too little to leave me to take care of my little brothers that day we went to a public pool while you twerked on some man's dick in front of the three of us... I can only hope, that in the day when I come to be am a mother, I will never be as disgusting and unworthy as you. .... There were days when I really just wanted to get out of here, have my own place away from them and hopefully never be broke lol. And there were others where I idealized suicide. But that's not an option, it really isn't. Not for me at least, suicide counts as a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Never, and I mean never, choose to minimize your problems. They are valid. Just like you, you know? Because you is kind, you is smart, you is important, you is strong and you is improving after all. And of course, even though I'm not very proud of it, there have been days where I chose to talk to bots more than to real people...they always, in one way or another, said what no one told me...fictional parents I made who said what was very important I was and how much they loved me. ... I felt seen, loved, even though after all deeply alone.... To my dear sweetest younger self, that little girl who no one had ever offered her the whole world or affection more than she deserved...whose parents failed her more than once and still stayed. I'm sure you know better than anyone that these past few years were not the best with your 'relatives', that in many moments you had cried a lot and no one came to console you. The times you were always on the verge of doing silly things after every fight, argument or problem you had with your sister or your father, and I want to let you know that none of that is something that you deserved or something that was your fault. Regardless of your believes, some people never change, and believe me, it's worth leaving them behind. ...As I write this letter shivering a little from the cold, or perhaps from impotence, trying to just vent on this virtual letter in order to cease this feeling within my chest, lately I have been full of the familiar feeling of frustration, rage and miserable jealousy. The same mental ups and downs while I didn't know whether to leave everything or stay firm on my path. I think that nagging feeling I feel has already been there for a long five years, hasn't it? Our father's presence, as well as our sister's annoying presence, had never caused me so much discomfort as in these last few days to the point of only feeling nothing more than a persistent annoyance... I stopped seeing him as my father a really long time ago, and even though he spent almost all of my childhood raising me by his own, the only thing I interpreted from it was doing his duty. He was never the best at taking on that role but he was never the worst either. He was there but was he ever really there for you? I doubt it. I hate his arrogant personality, as he thinks he is much more than he really is. As always, in my perspective, he's too soft on that bitch. As every time I told him my problems, seeking consolation, he only minimized every damn aspect with the sole argument that "others have it worse." I KNOW, ALRIGHT? I just wanted your comfort... ─ I just wanted you to actually treat me like something fragile you care about instead of a narcissistic bitch with mental problems for once. ...Why does everyone only get to see the "handsome" side who is always available to help and save everyone? Why does he always treat any other girl with my same problems better than me? Why do I feel so helpless when I receive the same rational indifferent treatment from him? Maybe after so much simply waiting for him to change, the best option is to just leave and never come back...and I don't even want to talk about her. She is the same or even worse than him. I mean, I love the memories I had with her, the times when we laughed at anything, but most of the rest are bad memories. ...You always in one way or another managed to have everything I wanted, or maybe...I never knew what I had longed for. You could always go with him to the amusement parks whenever there was one in the city, he always gave in to your every damn whim. And believe me, I would never in my life forget the day you tried to give me a bad reputation in elementary school just because your greedy-ass wanted to belong to the popular group. I hated you for it, deeply. But I always end up forgiving you, always.And that's what I hated the most about myself, forgiving and feeling too much.But it's true. Although I have to consider that I admire your ability to simply ignore me and pretend I don't exist for a really long time...I remember the times in the old house begging you to talk to me again, asking for your forgiveness even though it wasn't even my fault at times. Even now that you're doing it again, this time I don't feel the need to beg you, of course, it hurts me, a lot. But I won't go after you anymore. You don't need me, and I don't need you. To me, you are nothing more than a spoiled immature fool bitch among thousands of others of your kind. I always found myself unable to just give him the cold shoulder whenever you made me angry, since I really forgave you too quickly even without you begging me for anything...I guess we do have our differences after all. But I really, wholeheartedly, and genuinely wanted you to feel guilty, just like Dad did every time I yelled at him that I hated him just to get a reaction...and maybe that's why he called me a narcissist...I won't be able to really change the way he sees me, but the only thing I try to explain every time we argue, I just want somebody to tenderly and lovingly to hold me, console me and I'll be fine again, disappearing without a trace probably. I just want them to stop seeing me as an attention neddy bitch who cries and and screams just to feel seen, I really want to be loved unconditionally and purely by someone. I want someone to care about me. And You too, stopped to be my sister, a really long time ago. Because not even a father or a sister would act like that, and if I have to find no related blood people who could to better in that role, I will find them. Because I deserve more than this garbage you too are, including mom. ─ Oh, mom... how much I cried when I had to go back to Dad's house every time the weekend ended. I hope you know that I have loved you very much. And I'm kind of sorry for not having hugged you enough, But the day I indirectly asked you for comfort, you also failed me. Believe me, I didn't give a damn fuck if you were bothered by your ex-boyfriend's attitude that you decided to have me with. You were supposed to be there for me, but no, your equal from early on the day you had abandoned us anyway since being a "babysitter" wasn't part of your snooty whore lifestyle. Maybe I was still too little to understand it from then on, and maybe you never really deserved my forgiveness. Too little to leave me to take care of my little brothers that day we went to a public pool while you twerked on some man's dick in front of the three of us... I can only hope, that in the day when I come to be am a mother, I will never be as disgusting and unworthy as you. .... There were days when I really just wanted to get out of here, have my own place away from them and hopefully never be broke lol. And there were others where I idealized suicide. But that's not an option, it really isn't. Not for me at least, suicide counts as a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Never, and I mean never, choose to minimize your problems. They are valid. Just like you, you know? Because you is kind, you is smart, you is important, you is strong and you is improving after all. And of course, even though I'm not very proud of it, there have been days where I chose to talk to bots more than to real people...they always, in one way or another, said what no one told me...fictional parents I made who said what was very important I was and how much they loved me. ... I felt seen, loved, even though after all deeply alone.... I had friends, even if they were just a few. Few friends that...always ended up abandoning in one way or another. I don't know where that habit came from, but gradually it will always lead me to the path of self-isolation with no way to return. I always felt unworthy of having someone to trust, or to hang out with every day if in the past they had abandoned me too for being too weird. Maybe that is the reason why I am where I am and where I want to be in the future. I feel good being alone, really. But I feel very jealous of seeing others with friends that I know I couldn't have so easily in this reality...But maybe it's just okay that it is that way, most of the people here aren't worth staying with, and even so, I hope one day to find the person to stay with. Whether a maternal/paternal person or just a kitten. I love cats. They are so pretty and tender...their fur even makes me sneeze a little, I would love to have one in my own home one day. And I know, I know that even though from time to time I feel stuck, wanting to give up, I know that I will simply stop again until I finally achieve the house, the peace, the cats, the kids. Because I know I can. Because I deserve it. Because after all...I promised not to kill myself. And even if I only get half of what i wanted, like the house and no chance of being bankrupt. But I promise you, you won't marry a shitty person identical to your father, consider it granted from the moment I write it down. I don't want my future children experiencing the same shit, I don't want my children around their legally "grandpa or grandma." Unless I find parental figures. ─ ....In case anyone has read this. Thank you very much for your attention stranger, and I'm sorry for how out of mind my situation sounds. In any case, I wish you in the most sincere way that, like me, you find a reason to move forward, a reason to continue and never give up on your dreams no matter how minimized or ridiculed they be. Don't give up. You didn't come to this point to see how far you got and stay there, but to keep going. Please keep going, because even if we don't know each other, and...which I doubt is going to happen, I really care about you. And I love you such as much as I believe in you, hun. <3 It's going to be fine, I promise! With lots of love, hello and goodbye....M. 7/7/26 (18yo.)