Dear Ethan, I still remember the day we met. It was the beginning of something that would become both magical and painful. When I met you, I was going through a rough patch. I never thought one person could make such a difference in my life, but you proved me wrong. I developed feelings for you after only a few conversations. Every time I was around you, I felt happier. You always knew how to make me smile, even on my worst days. I remember one day I had a terrible day at school and was in such an irritable mood. Then I saw you. We said hi, and somehow, just seeing you made everything feel lighter. I smiled without even thinking about it. It was those little moments—ones you probably never even realized—that slowly made me fall for you. When we had our first deep conversation after two months, that's when everything became real. Sparks turned into fire. It was something I had never felt before. It wasn't admiration from a distance anymore. My feelings grew the more I got to know you—your struggles, your insecurities, your family life. I wasn't falling for some perfect version of you that I had imagined in my head. I was falling for the real you. Those conversations also made me realize how much we had in common. Knowing that we had gone through similar things and understood certain feelings in the same way only made me feel closer to you. You made me feel understood in a way no one else ever had. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I had someone who truly got me, and that changed more than you'll probably ever know. You never made me feel crazy for the things I told you. Somehow, you always knew exactly what to say. Even after you found out I liked you, nothing changed. You never treated me differently, and I'm so grateful for that because having someone like you is so rare. I was terrified that you knowing would cost me our friendship, but it didn't, and I'll always be thankful for that. That still didn't change the fact that I liked you. I tried so hard to convince myself not to because I knew I never had a chance. But feelings don't disappear just because they're inconvenient. Somewhere along the way, you became everything I had been looking for, and no one else ever seemed to compare. I kept telling myself it was just another crush. Then weeks turned into months. Every time I thought the feelings had faded, I'd talk to you again, and they would come back even stronger. That's when I realized it wasn't a crush anymore. I love you. Not because you were the first person to show me kindness. Not because you happened to be there during one of the hardest times in my life. I love you because the more I got to know you, the more there was to love. Every conversation made me admire you more. Every little thing I learned about you made me want to know you better. Somehow, instead of the mystery fading, my feelings only became stronger. Loving you never felt like a choice. It just happened so naturally that one day I woke up and realized my heart had already made its decision long before my mind ever caught up. When I found out someone else liked me, I tried to put my feelings for you on pause. I convinced myself—and everyone else—that I was finally over you. But I was lying. By the time I realized that, I had gotten myself into a situation that had become far too complicated to untangle. I remember hanging out with someone else. It was kind of a date. But the entire time, I couldn't stop thinking about you. I wished they were your eyes I was looking into. I wished it was your voice I was listening to. I wished it was you sitting next to me. It wasn't anything he did wrong. He was genuinely sweet and kind. He just wasn't you. I think that's what hurt the most. I wasn't comparing him to some impossible fantasy—I was comparing him to someone real. Someone who had already shown me what it felt like to laugh until my face hurt, to feel understood without having to explain myself over and over again, and to feel safe just by being around them. Once I knew what that felt like with you, I couldn't pretend it didn't exist. My chest hurts knowing that we'll never be together. Knowing that I'll never get to hold your hand, fall asleep in your arms, or spend quiet nights watching movies with you. Sometimes I catch myself replaying our conversations or rereading our texts because I miss your presence whenever you're not around. Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if things had been different. I imagine the little things more than the big ones—walking together without needing to say anything, sending each other videos, laughing over something only we would understand, or simply sitting next to you knowing I was exactly where I wanted to be. Those are the moments I'll never have, and somehow they're the ones that hurt the most. I knew you only saw me as a friend, and I tried so hard to stop loving you. But you make it impossible. It's not even anything you do. It's simply because you exist, and because you're you. I wish it were easy. But I can't look at anyone else the way I look at you. I can't even bring myself to truly get to know someone else because, somehow, knowing you has always felt like enough. I'd honestly rather love you painfully from a distance than force myself to love someone else, because I know the moment I look back at you, every feeling will come rushing back. I don't think I'll ever truly get over you. No matter how much time passes, I think a part of me will always belong to the person who unknowingly changed my life just by being himself. I wish I could tell you all of this. I wish I could hand you this letter and let you know exactly what has been in my heart all this time. I wish you knew how deeply you've been loved without ever asking for it. But actions have consequences, and I can't do that. This isn't some fairytale love story. Maybe it never will be. Maybe one day these feelings will fade, and maybe they won't. I honestly don't know. What I do know is that loving you changed me. You showed me the kind of person I hope to find someday, even if that person can never be you. A part of me will always be grateful that I met you, even if another part of me will always wonder what could have been. So even if you never feel the same way, I hope that one day you'll know just how deeply I loved you.